BANDOX RECORDER. I POLLY LARKIN. | GAVE'HiM rll3 OWN WAY. Aa4 Thea tke ('«»torn«» Bruaaht tbe aba« Clark la Tima. “Now, there," »aid the abua »ale» man, “la Just wliat yon want." •■1» it?’ naked the prospective cue- turner. "I thought I said”— "Just let me put it on," Interrupted the salesman. * "But it 1» my recollection”— "Couldn't have a better fit,” broke la the saleemun. “Everybody in wearing I hem, aud they're a bargain." "Oh!" “Let me put on the other.” Then, after a moment: “There you are, air. Couldn't be better. Tbreefifty, pleaae." “For wliat?’ “For the »hoe»." “But I don't want the shoes. You nuked me to let you put them on, and I was courteous enough to let you do it. I al way» try to be obliging. You »aid they were Just what I wanted, but that was your Judgment, and I’m a. ciiNlomed to back my own. Now, If you've had all the divertIsement In th!» matter that you dealre, will you please trot me out a pair of shoes ac­ cording to the pilaus and specifications 1 gave you when I came In. aud per­ Imps we can do business? I have found by experience that the only way to get what one wants from a shoe clerk Is to let him have his own way for the first fifteen or twenty minutes, and then be limy lieeome tractable.”—Chicago Post. Jonah and the Whale. There Is nothing in the original texts of the Bible to »how that the creature which we are told »wallowed Jonah was really the same animal we call a “whale” in this day and age of the world. The word translated into both the Heptuaglnt and the New Testament was the (¡reek word “Katos,” which means simply a sea monster, and thia word was the one used by our laird In his reference to the account of Jonah's exploit. So fur, therefore, as the He­ brew or Greek words are concerned, the monster may have been a shark, a sea serpent or some other uncanny den­ izen of the deep. Hence there Is nothing iucredible in the statement that JormJi, upon being thrown into the sea, was quickly over­ taken by some water monster aud swallowed without suffering mutila­ tion. To Blblicul students It Is a well known fact that a vessel sailing from Joppa to any Spanish port must puss through a section swarming with a spe­ cies of shark culled a "sea dog.” The sea dog bus a throat large enough to swallow fulr sized men.- St. Iaiuls Re­ public. She Pricked Her Flaser. A maid employed by a prominent New York family came to her mistress with tears in her eyes not many days after she had been lu the household and suid that she bail pricked her fin­ ger with a table fork. “1 am terribly worried, ma'am,” she said, “for fear the fork may have hud some brass In It and liuve poisoned my hand.” “Oh, nonsense, Mary!” replied the lady of the house. “Ilow could the fork poison you when it is made of pure silver? 1 never allow anything else on my table.” The next day Mary aud the fork which had pricked her and all the oth­ er forks and, In fact, the whole table Bervlee, guaranteed by the mistress to be solid silver, had disappeared for parts unknown. The Java Maaaoateea. "The most delicious of all the frulti of Java,” writes a correspondent of tbe Pittsburg Dispatch, “is the mangos­ teen. For years an enormous reward awaited the man who would bring a basket, to tbe court of Holland, but un fortunately the fruit is too |>erlshable, and to taste It you must go to tlie coun­ try where it grows. Incused in a bard purple shell, lined with an exquisite pink gauze, are a number of snow white sections some­ thing like those of un orange, only each one growing smaller us they round the core. Each section contains one seed Incused in a substance like the pulp of tbe grn|>e. To describe the flavor would be Impossible, but If you can imagine a perfect blending of the flavor of tbe grape, orange, pineapple and banami you may have u notion of the delicious flavor of the mangosteen.” Jxnoa Settled It. Two boys in u rural Scotch district were one duy discussing what sign It was when the cuckoo is heard for the first time in the year. One of them said it was a sign of getting married, while the other said it was a sign thut you were going to be rich. A farmer, overhearing them, said, "That cannot lie true, because I have beurd it many times, and I um not married yet, and I am certainly not rich.” Just then a local worthy, known as “Daft Jamie,” was passing by, aud the farmer said, “Jamie, can you tell us what sign it Is when you bear the cuckoo for the first time?” “Yes,” said Jamie as he took his pipe from his mouth, “It’s a sign you're not deaf.” Scotch Thrift. The ferryboat was well on her way wi.en a violent »♦nrrr> rws»_a.,ad fears were entertained for her safety. The ferryman and his mate, both Scotchmen, held a consultation, and after a short debate tbe ferryman turn­ ed >o irU paaiMug«*» and rsuurked anxiously: "We’ll just tak’ yer tuppences noo, for we no ken what might come ower ua.” Loudon Answers. Mistletoe. The prettiest thing aliout mistletoe Is Its milky while opalescent berries. The stems and foliage seem to betray the parasite nature of the plant In their unwholesome shade of green, a pecul­ iarly unwholesome shade characteris­ ing tbe stems. It Is an uncanny sort of plant Most imrasites are. Is there anything more |>oaltlvely ghostlike than the plant wo kuow as Indian pipe (mo- Botropa)? “What makes you dig aud delve and always be trying lu aueotupliah some- thuig when you have lieeu disappointed so many times? Why dou't you lake things easy, be a sort of ’happy-go- lucky’, like I aui .’ Take a nove! some­ thing light that won’t tax your brain throw yourself dowu on a vouch or lu a hammock aud read aud sleep and dream as you fuel like; or take a »trull dowu town aud chat with the ditf'ereut ones you meet aud look iuto tne show win­ dows and, If your couacieuoe will allow you to do It, you are so precise and blessed, unfortunately, with such a great big bump of pity for uufurtuuale bumauily, y»u cau while away time by looking al things lu the stores eveu if you haven't a cent of money iu your punie; just put in some keys and the like to make it Jingle and you’ll have the clerks dancing attendance, pulling dowu tills article aud that uutil tbe counter» are piled with lovely things that you cau ksik over al your leisure, for remember you’re ouly killing time. You are a simpleton to kill yourself with work, woriy aud auxiety, instead of taking thiugs easy. Why can’t yuu remember that you have ouly one life to live, and make up your miud to get the cream and leave tbe skimmed milk (or sometxidy else? What Is that old adage, ‘laugh, dance aud be merry, for to-morrow we die’ ? That’s just what I think, and I'm going to get the brightest and best in life while this merry old world wags on, aud when my time comes (and I hope it will lie a long lime coming) 1’11 answer the sum­ mons reluctantly, for this land 1» fair enough for me. Presto—your time now to express yourself. Didn’t dare let you have the floor before, for I know you cau talk for hours and not let me get iu a word edge-wise. I’ve had my say, uow what have you got to say lu excuse for this humdrum life you are leading, never taking Into consideration that ‘all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.’ ” « « « « have faded iuto tbe dull gray of tbe night, inat«*ad of facing the rising sun with a resolute heart and a determina­ tion io uu uellei. t here i* tuuc'u that is noble and lovable in you, but the trouble Is that you keep your good qualities in the background. Now is a good time to make better resolves, so turn over a new leaf and show your own true self.” “Dear me, in the many years of happy summers that have fallen to my lot I never receive«! a lec­ ture like that. You have made me out in such hideous colors that I am templed to sing: 'There Is a happy land far, far away,’ but I will think seriously of turning over that leaf, as pure as inno- cence, ami tiegin again,” replied the young laiiy, laughing good-humoredly. Did you ever hear tbe expression "Remember, my dear brethren." saic the minister, “that charity coveretli r “clerk-worrying”? This, it seems, is a multitude of sins I hope you’ll lie un common expression used by ladles who usually generous In your offering thb enter a store with t>o intention of buy­ morning ’ -Detroit Free Press. ing, liut merely to kill time. They will CHOICE MISCELLANY NEW SHORT STORIES tANKS O ft AGTS. Thera 1s a MBereeee Betwee« ■anaatlaa aa« Keewlease. la- A great many people uitetake Infur lustluu fur knowledge. Wliat a max most uerd» 1» nut that be may I* I*1* cessed of au accumulation of facta, but that be uiay know where to kiok for the facts when he wants them. We nil know the unpleasant Individual who te continually seeking Information. You »how him about your city and he asks: “How manj miles of »treet railway have you in your city?” “What 1s th« price of ice here this summer?' “How uiauy churches are there b«*re?’ “How long has that building been standing?" etc., ad nauseam. You don’t know aud wonder why be wants to. You know where you can find out. »nd that it enough for you. And then there is that equally die agreeable person who actually seenu to be a tank of facta. Ha Use more in­ formation than anything else and de lights in asking you most extraordinary questions. When you confess your ig- uorauce, be will look upon you with pity and exclaim, "What, don’t you know?’ aud then tell you when you don’t want to know at all For exam­ ple, be is much surprised because you don’t know how long th« Amazon river is. He permits you nay, he Insists - that you should guess, ouly that hs may the better humiliate you. His brain Is so incumbtred with facts that »»as it is almost useless. Life is too short for a man to try to constitute himself To a Flemish artist lielougs tbefcredil a library of universal knowledge when of producing what is »aid to tie the the reservoirs ef such knowledge are smallest paroling lu tbe world. It tea ready to hand when it ia needed.—Man­ picture of a miller mounting the stair» chester Union. of lite mill, and carrying a sack uf grain ou his back. The mill is depicted as ■peakin* Italics. standing near a terrace. (’Jose at haud A piece of parliamentary repartee are the huree aud cart, with a few quite aa good aa tbe famous retorts in groups of )er cent of these cherries He got up for tbe day usually at 8 pickwi or damaged by the birds. If o'clock and would devote from six to every one would make it a point to pul eight hours per diem to his work. He made but few corrections, ills poems in a few extra trees of these early juicy, being thought out complete in his brsln sweet cherries, they would have little before he put pen tu paper. It is a well troutile with their more valuable va­ known fact that be Indulged in tbe ar­ rieties. Rather than kill off the birds, duous task of composition while trav­ 1 would plant cherries and give them ersing the streets of Paris on the top tbe entire crop. It Is one of the great of an omnibus. When working out drawbacks of fruit culture to-day that some great conception, he would spend we have so few birds inhabiting our or­ hours in this way. “What have I got to say In answer to this tirade'.”' laughed her friend who hail *>eeli the target of all of her re­ marks, “Just this, that I'd rather wear out than riistoutauy day. Your butter­ fly existence wouldn’t suit me at all. 1 may be a hopeless failure at my chosen work, but I will die trying. 1 know I have met with failures time and again, but it is a long lane that has no turning, and If pendsteut ettbrt will accomplish what I have set my heart upon, then I can wait patiently for the tide to turn. I will own that there have been days when my heart has lieen tilled with bitterness when one failure was follow« d by another. But there is one thiug I have to lie thankful for, 1 never get so despondent that the 1'ttle star of hope, which is always serenely burning in my heart, will lint presently pierce the gloom with Its cheerful light aud en- ooarage me to go on. I can’t afford to faller, but muit push on, knowing no such woid as fail chards, in consequence of which we are »»»» forced to carry out the expensive pro­ “Your life wouldn’1 suit me at all. It cess of spraying, without which, com­ is entirely Usi frivolous. You never paratively little fruit of value could be read anything that is worth glancing produced. It is a great mistake on the a', lu fact it is so Irasliy that It is not part of fruit-grower» to kdl off Hie birds wortli while remembering, and it is and I And it not ouly ecouoiuieal to iietter so, for such eheap sentimental plant cherry tret* for them, but that It stories should go iu one ear and out tbe brlugB larger numbers to my place, and other. Now, I am going to return the they are very helpful in keeping dowu compliment; why don’t you improve many insects that are not destroyed by your time by reading only the tiest of spraying. books, something that will lift you out of your common every-day selfand tend The Inventor of Champagne. to give you loftier and higher ambitions It may be doubted if |>eople have than parading the streets, Jingling keys in an empty poeket-btsik, staring in ever n fleeted upon their Indebtedness show-windows anil annoying clerks to the monastic orders lu the matter of who have enough without that to try comxM'tiug drinks. Chartreuse liquer their souls every day? Do you kuow a carries its orlgiu in Its title; so, more or Ilf« of this kind makes us selfish aud less, does that other litjuer, Benedictine extremely unthoughtful of others? but of all the thousands who annually Don’t stop me, you started this sermon, quaff champagne and pronounce it and rememlier I listened patiently until good, how many could tell that it is the you got through yours. Why can't you invention of au old Benedictine monk, scatter seeds of kindness that will blos­ who 200 years ago, bad tbe idea of som and bring forth fruit iustead of biendiug all tbe different grapes of the thorns, briers aud nettles? Yourdeeds Champage district iu order to secure the can leave a memory as sweet as the highest delicacy and body. The result fragrance of violets aud as beautiful as was what all the world uow knows as tbe dainty forget-me-nots, wherein are cbanqiague. Of this benefleieut soul it mirrored the azure of Heaveu’a own is related that when old and blind he blue. You can be as true as steel if you mold still distinguish lietween grapes want to, and beloved by all, aud yet of differeut vineyards by the touch. you are as tickle as tbe morning mists. Congreve would prepare a drama for You are not stable enough for your own good. The day will come when you will the stage in a week or ten «lays, though see it all as 1 have pictured it to you, four or flve times this periotment tu auotber, re­ questing Die tired clerks tu cover the oouuteni with au array of good», which they will carelessly handle, throw dowu all tumbled over so that they must all bedaiutily aud neatly arrang« d agaiu, a«k numerous oeediess queeHoiis and walk out, leaving the salesgirte Indig­ nant, but helpless to ward off future altacksuf tbe“time-klllei»”. They mu> t be obliging aud courteous to customers, although they are sometime« tired be­ yond endurance. If yuu should remon­ strate with the “time-killer»”,or,louse their owu expression, “clerk-worrit ra”, they would say calmly: “That’s wliat they are there for, aiu’t it? Its their business to »how good». Theu what are they ctMuplaiulug about?” They don’t stop to think that while the accouMMlat- ing girl» are wasting time on the “fash- ionable deadhead»” (they wouldu't be allowed to waste time ou the partie« with the slander purse, uor would they be so inhuman as to expect it), they are losing cash eualomera; that mean» a good deal tu one who wishes Io »eud iu a good ac. ouut at tbe oloae of the day. “t'lerk-wurriere” is an ugly and unfeeling expression, «juite a» bad as “fashionable deadheads” and “time- klllers”, but they all belong lu the same catalogue. A Mrstvrlens Aanaaalaatiaa Plat. HaS Oh»« Fal4 F«r II. "One of tbe sealed tragédie», which ft now seem» will never ba unsealed. I» the attempted aaeaasluation of Fres- Idvnt Dias of Mexico." »aid Mr. George HaixvM-k of tbe City of Mexico. "Tbe details ot tbe affair were never made public, but I happened to ha in close touch with some Inside officiate at tbe time and got as much of tbe story a» any oue ever knew. A fellow named Arrays tried to stab Dias on tbe plaza lu front of tbe government building one »fternoou. He did not reach the president, but wss captured aud in­ carcerated. Three days later, while be was waiting Investigation and trial, be was bouud to a board aud stabbed to death, by whom it was never discov­ ered. “About three days after his death the superintendent of detectives, whoae name I have forgotten, waa aent for by President Dlax, who desired to see him ou something entirely foreign to tbe attempted aaaaaslnation. Instead of responding tu the summons be blew out bis brains. This led to au investiga­ tion, aud enough was discovered to sat­ isfy Dias Huit Arrays was acting under instructions from the superintendent of detectives aud that tbe superintendent hud had the would be assassin mur­ dered to seal bis lips. This was literal­ ly all that was ever learned of tbe trageily, and to this day Diaz doesn't kuow who was in tbe plot to take bls life.”—Washington Post. Edouard de Resske is telling a story which he seem* to relish mightily, says the New York Time«, even though tbe joke te upou himself aud his dlstiu- gulsbed brother. It was during their test season In Paris together, lu their ■pertinents at a certain hotel the broth era often practiced singing together of mornings. Oue day while thus en­ gaged they were annoyed by a loud hammering ou tbe wall of tbe apart­ ment adjoining theirs. Tbluking their neighbors were hanging pictures, they tried to sing on. When tbe racket bad contlnutd with unabated vigor for about teo minutes, however, it began to grow uuendura hie. Tbe brothers paused to eouslder the quratlon. Theu they notlce«i that tbe noise bad stopped, lustantly th»y recommenced their practice, encour­ aged to hope for peace, in another mouieut, however, tbe sound of batu- meriug agalu broke iu upou tbelr sing lug. this time ou loudly as to seriously interfere with good results. After per­ severing agaluMt the disturbance for M>me minutes louger Jean de«<-end«*d to the office to ask If tbe repair» <*00111 not lie made ut some other time. As be approached the desk be found an irate American who lu all the French he knew wa» astonishing tbe clerk with a tirade which In English would have been someth I ng like this: “It’s an outrage, those fellows liel- lowlng next to u» all day! If you don't stop it, we will. We’ve already used up the »hovel and tbe tongs, and uow we’re beginning with tbe [Hiker. We'll have a hole dear through tbe walls presently." Tbe tenor, standing by unobserv«*el and went quietly up stairs. There was no more pounding on the wall. The “racket" had become musical. Reer»«rlaoam«at." The sentence of two and a quarter years’ Imprisonment in a fortress which has been passed on tbe German officer Lieutenant Thieme, who lately shot dead a student of Jena iu a duel, is by no means so severe as it looks. "Festungs-arrest” in Germany is a comparatively pleasant affair. Tbe of­ fenders have an agreeable barrack room placed at their disposal, from which they can emerge st stated hours and enjoy a pensive walk about tbe confines of tbe fortress, and they may have a servant to wait upon them. There are few officers thus "incarcer­ ated” who do not relish the change from the disciplinary rigor of the bar­ rack yard to the delightful promenade afforded them within the precincts of such picturesquely situated fortresses as Konigstein on tbe Elbe, or Ehren breitstein on the Rhine, where they are deprived of almost no privileges save tbe empty one of wearing their swords. And then, too, In moat cases about five-sevenths of their nominal ‘•time” is always remitted them, espe­ cially in cases of dueling, when they resume their career in a new garrison. —Ixuidon Chronicle. Crlmlaal Jeweler. In accordance with French custom, there has Just been a curious sale by auction in Paris. Tbe objects disposed of consisted mainly ot jewelry colitis- rated by tbe authorities from convicted crlmlnuls and uuclaimed by any person with a legal title to the pro|>erty. In proclaiming tbe virtues of the articles offered to tbe public tbe auctioneer was able to unctuously dwell on the circumstances that a particular ring had encircled tbe finger of au assassin ou tbe day of the commission of his crime and that a necklace hud been habitually worn by au interesting lady aent to penal servitude. It has been found that most of these Jewels, being Imitations merely of precious metals and stones, would fetch next to noth­ ing If sold in tbe ordinary way, but by A Tough Steak. appealing to tbe imagination of tbe “On the other side of the Rio morbid In connection with criminals Binde,” said a traveler, "meat ia and crime they invariably realize fan­ ap, but the best cuts of Mexican cy prlees and add to tbe state ex­ f are tougher than rhinoceros hide. chequer.- Loudon Tatler. When 1 first went to Mexico, I ordered a teuderloin at a hotel iu Durango, but Signal For All Nations. couldn't cut it to save my neck. I told For Borne time a novel alarm signal he waiter it wouldn’t do. and he re­ has been in use on tbe Alps, and so moved it. successful has it proved that several ' “Presently, however, he returned, ac- European Journals are now suggest­ |companled by tbe proprietor of the ing that it be made International in­ hotel, and laid the platter on the table. stead of merely local. .’What’s the matter with the steak? The signal consists of a shout or ¡asked the hotel man in Spanish. whistle or a gunshot, which must be I’Tougb,’ said I. ‘Why, I can hardly repeated six times. A traveler who (Stick a fork into it—much less a knife.’ loses his way on the Alps can also “Mine host flapped it over with the give tbe alarm by brandishing a light­ flat of tbe knife and eyed it dubiously. ed lanteru six times at regular inter­ ‘I'm sorry.’ said, ‘but it's tbe best in vals. Tbe essential feature of the sig­ tbe house. At any rate, I can’t take it nal is that tbe shout or the whistle or back. It's bent’ ” tbe gunshot must be repeated six The Khedive ««I th« Rascal. Even to the adventurers and down­ right swindlers who hung about hie court at Cairo and afterward pursued his wanderings Ismail extended a good natured, half contemptuous patronage. He liked a rogue far better than a fool. Once, when he bad formally forbidden his door to a flagrant offender, the man, who knew his character, got a ladder and climbed into tbe viceroy’s room, re­ marking, "I have obeyed your highness’ commands and have crossed your threshold by tbe window and not by the door.” The humor of the thing at once appealed to Ismail, and the offend­ er was reinstated in his favor—Athe­ naeum. Th« Kadiak Bear. The largest known living carnivorous animal is the Kadiak bear. Although the biggest creature In tbe western continent, the Kadiak liear has tbe moat limited habitat of any animal tn tbe world. The island of Kadiak, just off the western coast of Alaska, is tbe only place where it ia found. The lar­ gest one killed by a white man meas­ The rotation of a waterspout at the ured fifteen feet in length and was six surface of the ses has lieen e»tlniat«*d at feet high at tbe shoulders. Standing MA »iillre an hour, or nearly »lx mile« a ttpon hit Mnd U-gr, this monster wort? minute. tower nearly twenty feet in tLe air.— Philadelphia Inquirer. Photography has eutered so largely ■•via* Bl» Mate. Into railroading that it often takes the On one occasion at a crowded per­ place of a manuscript report. formance at the Royal theater In Syd­ Overworked seaiuslrewes in Berlin ney, N. 8. W., a number of years ago are to tienefl t by a legacy of $25,01)1) left a couple of sailors who had been drink­ ing were seated In the gallery. One by a Herman IxMikseller named Bahn. lost bls balance and fell Into tbe stalls. Tbe other Immediately cried, “Man Bicycles are taxe«i In Vancouver, overboard!” and dived after bls com­ British Columbia, the municipal reve­ panion. With the proverbial lack of nue from that source living X557. drunken sailors tbe first escaped with a broken leg and tbe second without ■ The armies ami navies of Europe scratch. absorb twelve days’ earnings j early of Where the Sb«« Plaeked. the entire population. Valet—Doctor, don’t yoo find that The House of Ixirds contains 590 master is growing terribly thin? Doctor-No harm In that, frieml Ho peers, of whom 32 are Duke«. was getting too fat He will be much better In health when be ia thinner. The chance of two Anger prints lie- Valet (disappointed)—Very likely, only Ing alike te not one In eixty-lour billions. I shan’t be able to wear bis etotbes.” Retarne« Arter Many Day». Irving Baelieller, the author. »|H>ak- ing recently of the surprising maimer in which the faculty of attaching faces aud names occasionally manifests it self, recited an Interesting experience of Ills own. “1 was going down the street a few days ago,” be said, “when I came face times—no more and no less. Before, however, he goes to the as­ sistance of tbe person in need be must let him know that bis appeal for help has been beurd. and this he is to do either by shouting or whistling three times or by firing three shots. To Launder Their Trousers. OI8TRESSING'ASTHMA. Ta Be e of an actual, permanent cure. For tbe young sufferer and for those In the early attacks of asthma tlie writer would emphasize the necessity of a thorough search for and the re­ moval of any aud every error In hy­ gienic living In order to avoid the suf­ fering of the chronic asthmatic and the further dlseoses which it brings In Its train.—Youth's Companion. COMPLETED ^ROVERBS. “I-abor overcometh all things,” even the laborer. “Only that which is honestly got Is gain;’’ the rest Is velvet “Ignorance is tbe mother of Impu­ dence;*’ no father is named. “Let a child have its will, and it will not cry," but its parents will. “Pity is aklu to love," blit kinship does not always siguify friendship. “Wlmte'er is tiest administere«l is best” for the one who administers. “Employment brings enjoyment” when it brings the means to enjoy. “Possession is nine points of tlie law” and frequently all the profits. “A man who will not flee will make his foes flee,” but what if bis fo«*s be made of tbe same metal? "Every man for himself, and the dev­ il take tbe hindmost,” is the cry of those who are well in front “A wise man Is move«! from bls course neither by force uor entreaty,” but the same often applies to a mule. “It is hard to pay for bread that has been eaten,” but not so hard as to get bread to eat that has not b«>en paid for. “In matters of taste there can be no dispute,” for every man is so firmly convinced that there is no standard by which bls taste can be measured.—L. de V. Mattbewmau iu Era. A TaruBolss PaealiarKy. “I HANUX1» HIM A 11OAB." to face with a gentleman who showed no sign of recognising me. “‘Good morning, Mr. Murray,’ 1 said, stopping him. You dou't seem to re­ memlier me.' “ ’No,’ he replied, ‘J don't recall ever having s«*en you liefore.’ “ 'Well, I will tell you where we saw each other. It was one morning nine teen years ago lu Middlebury, Vt.. at the little hotel where, having become stranded on my way down from the north, 1 had taken a Job to tend the billiard room. I rememlier you were so good as to give me a cigar on that occasion, and I now take great pleas­ ure In returning the compliment.’ And therewith I banded him a cigar.”—New York Times. Kl>lla* In Twnly-«eeo«i Ceatary. About one woman in three cannot wear turquoises without turning them green. Some turquoises will turn green after being worn by any woman. Jew­ elers of the first class guarantee to re­ place turquoises If they turn green, and the annual cost of the replace­ ments is stupendous. One Jewel bouse has tried the experiment of having all its employees go around with dozens of turquoises strapped next to their skin to try to detect the green ones, but even when they have passtid this test some of them will be brought back by customers, having turned a hideous green. No reason is known for tbe changing of color. Moodr aad the Qaeatloaable Book. Some one asked the late Dwight L. Moody If be bad read a certain book. He replied: “No; I believe there la poison In It At least 1 have heard so on good authority.” The friend said, "Blit wouldn't it be well for you to read It for yourself?” "No,” said Mr. Moody. “If I take poison In my stum ach. the doctor has to come with a stomach pump to take It out. Why should I take poison in my mind? I might never be able to get it out.”— Margaret Bottome In Ijxllra’ Home Journal. Since Mr. Kipling's now famous at­ tack on “the tlHimeltnl fools at the wickets and muddled oafs at tlie goals” be has lieeu answered In a score of ways, but In none more ef­ fectively than in tbe following adver­ tisement, which appeared without any accompanying comment In the London Spectator recently: “For Sale.—‘I Am tbe Empire,’ by Rudyard Kipling, poet laureate of the Anglo-Saxon empire from 1904 to 1984. On Proper Vaccination. He was author of 113 volumes of pam­ It should lie made clear that proper phlets, treatises on military tactics, vaccination Is the only known method street car advertisements and doggerel of sp«-elflc value In conferring Immuni­ snd is mentioned by contemporary ty from smallpox. Tlie comparatively writers as having written tales of ad­ Short duration of this Immunity shoukl venture. most of which were destroy lie lnsls«rd upon, and a simple, Intel- ed in tbe Irish invasion of 1947. Two It«»u>lu* Las Angele». ilgtblc -description ut liai ordinary "If Ix>s Angeles k«q*pa up Its present copies of the 'Jungle Book’ remain and course of a proper vaccination should lick, in lees than two . “TUe baildlLg puolU 00V ag frank aiimisslon that in the days of Weald«', Toaek a Masterpiece. gregate a weekly construction of $300,- arm to arm vaccination accidental In­ George Ade, who recently submitted 000, and there isn’t enough building oculation with other diseases, although material or men to carry on the work. tbe libretto of a comic opera to th« extremely unlikely, was theoretically The completion of an interoceanic ca­ Castle Square company, was requested poHsIble, but that the modern method bal will make our town tbe metropolis by the manager to make a certain of glycerinated calf lymph has now de­ of tbe coast. We will theu be able to change. Ade drew hack haughtily aud stroyed even tbe remote itosslblllty of •sked: get our fruits through to New York such intrinsic danger. — Saturday Re­ “ Who am I that I should tamper In fourteen days instead of twenty­ view. with a masterpiece?’ eight, as at present" The white trousers of the West Point­ ers are giving the authorities of the Military academy a good deal of trou­ ble. It is found that it will be neces­ sary to make some special provision for tbe means to keep such garments in the best condition. It is proposed to spend, as soon as congress will ap propriate tbe money, about a thousami ■oilers In the purchase of laundry ma chlnery, includiug two ironers, one starch separator and one starch tum­ bling machine. Tbe use of this ma­ chinery will save time and labor In the Ironing of the 2,000 pairs of white trousers which must lie done each week. Aa Buer*«tle R««»rt. Mlsht Bar« Prevented It. "My tastes,” said tbe extravagant Son, “are inherited.” "Yes,” retorted the angry father; “ev­ erything you have la Inherited. You haven’t gumption enough to acquire even a taste by Individual effort.”— Chicago Poet Little Walter was eating lunch when be gave his arm a suddeu above, and splash! down went the glass of milk. “1 knew yon were going to spill that,*' said mamma angrily. “Well, If you knew." queried Walter, “why didn't you tell me?’ —Little ^Chronicle. i **H«*e SBrlaaa Esteem« L'raelty. Employer—Mr. Slack, would you like to bave an Increase In salary? Employee- Would I? I should say I would! Employer—Well, let me tell you, then, that unices you get down here earlier and work ■ great deal barder you'll never get It in this world.—Chicago News. Bteraal." I Many a man who thought yesterday In order to be In perfect health one Bls Fall. that all was lost has a more hopeful must be temperate In eat lug. Tbe Customer—! understand that your view of Ufa thia mornlog. The world meals should be regular. Regularity la chef has been discharged. will ba normal by tomorrow.-St. Punl one of tbe golden rules of a well order Walter—Yea, sir. He has gone to • ed Ufa—Ladles' Home Journal Globa t place where they call him • cook.