HAMKIN RECORDER.
| POLLY LARKIN. [
FREAK ADORNMENTS.
Strana* Household Oruunieul« 'I'hnl
May He Seen I
Knslaud.
Kellie people have a queer sense of
Maliy are the strange household and
garden adornments scattered u|> and justice, it Meui» to Polly, and without
down the English countryside. In a stopping to think what a colt flag i at Ion
Sussex village Is part of a garden pal they can fan from a tiny spark they
ing made wholly out of the swords of rush blindly ahead and do not come to
swordfishes. The lady who owns the their senses until aftei the mischief is
gurden got the strange paling from her done. We hadau instance of this kind
brother, who hail originally sported It
a few days ago when two young men,
in the tropics.
Near Leeds is a summer house made prominent in society and s|M>rting cir
wholly of buttous of every Imaginable cles, undertook to puuish a certain ed
kind, and in the same county Is a itor In ihiscity for publishiugan article
room the walls of which are adorned in his weekly pa|>er referring in an un
entirely by the ribbons of cigars, near complimentary maimer to a young soci
ly 20,000 of these being represented. ety lady who was a friend of one of the
From garret to basement in the large avengers of her good name. He was
bouse of a Leeds mineral water manu
not related to her and not a suitor for
facturer Is a gigantic scrapbook, ev
ery notable theutrleal poster of the lust her hand, but the young lady's father
twenty years being pasted on the being away, he t<s>k upon himself after
conferring with his friend, to avenge
walls.
A north country banker living near the young lady by punishing the ed
Waketteld lias a great dining room the itor. The whole thing was cowardly,
whole of the walls of which are the as cowardly as the article which did
wooden and Iron doors of eminent cas uqt mention any mimes but made the
tles and historic buildings, uud nt Lis
lilt of unsavory news so plain that “all
card, In Cheshire, Is a loom that con
tains hundreds of plrture frames made who ran could read” and know to whom
of every imaginable substituée, from the item referred. These two coura
leather to tigers’ bones, one frame be geous ('.') men telephoned to ihie editor
ing placed within anol lier according to and arranged to meet him in his own
size so that the whole surface is cov house, where his wife and little ones,
ered with frames.
who believed him ali that w as good and
lu Liverpool Is a room that of a lovely, were there to witness the terri
dentist whose grandfather occupied
the same premises that contains many ble scene. When he had received them
mirrors and pictures the frames of graciously and turned his back to hang
which are made entirely of sharks' up their hats he received a cowardly
teeth. Near Birmingham a mannfiie blow from liehhid, and the heavy blows
turer has a study that Is lined, even to came thick and fast; then when the
the roof, with nothing but chains of assaulted man turned and ran blindly
vurlous thicknesses and padlocks of up the stairs they tired shot after shot
different sizes, rearson's.
at him, mangling his hand and finally
bringing him to his knees while his
DON’T GET TOO FULL.
wife stisid at the head of the stairs a
witness to the terrible scene. Then the
A Leaaon That May Be Learned From
cowardly avengers tied. The wounded
the Habit** of the Bees.
man was carried to his room without
"Don’t stir up a beehive unless ..
know It Is a rich one,” said an apiarist knowing the reason for the punishment
to a visitor at his bee farm.
he had received, and the men gave
"1 think that 1 would leave them themselves up to the law, which deals
alone altogether,” w as tile reply. "They gently with culprits in their station in
have too angry a buzz about them to life and were at once released on hail.
win my confidence."
« « « «
"You are not used to them, that's
What have these hot headed men
all.” said the beeimiu. “For example,
these ldves are full of honey, and if 1 succeeded in doing on is-half of the
puff u little smoke into the floors so ns young lady? They have fanned the
to sort of suffocate the sentries I can tiny spark of unsavory gossip into a con
topple a hive over, handle the bees flagration that cal) never lie quenched.
like so many beans, clean the honey
Ninety-nine out of a hundred 'would
combs ami carry them off. The bees
won't barm me.” And. to prove Ids have never seen the article referred to
words, the speaker performed Ids ex in this weekly paper. Its circulation
periment and came back to Ids friend is not so extensive, and liesides, no mime
with a smile and several heavy combs was mentioned; and while some few
of honey.
readers might have known who the
“If those ldves had been nearly article referred to, the majority would
empty,” said the apiarist, "I would not have given it a second thought. It
have been lucky to have esca|ied with
would have been far better to have let
my life. The tenants of a poor hive
it
pass, and while it would have been
sting to kill.’’
“That’s strange,” said the visitor. humiliating to the young lady and her
“1 should tliink that they would de friends, the effect of the insulting arti
fend their hoards with especial Jeal cle would have stsin died out. It would
ousy, and the more they have the hot have been u nine days' wonder, proba
ter they would tight.”
bly, to some who could read between
"The reason Is,” said the beeman, the lines, but comparatively few would
"that when alarmed the bees tty to
Inive known who the objectionable arti
their storehouse and gorge themselves.
When full of honey, a bee can't bend cle referred to. Now the world knows
of it. Every city, every little town,
Its body and sting.”
"Which should lie a lesson to us," hamlet ami village where the news is
said the other. “Don't get too full.”— devoured in newspaper form, knows of
New York Tribune.
the whole proceeding from A to Z. They
will read of the complete vindication of
A Piinctiml Bird.
the young lady referred to in the scur
What tempts the little humming rilous article, but that does not stop the
bird that we see in our gardens to
wagging of ever-ready gossipers’ nimble
travel every spring from near the
equator to as far north as the arctic tongues. In place of doing a kindness
circle, leaving behind 1dm, ns lie does, the young lady’s defenders have man
for a season, many tropical delights? aged to do the greatest injury. They
He Is the only one of many liiimndng have fanned the spark that would have
birds that plucklly leaves the land of soon smouldered away into a raging
gayly colored birds to go into volun furnace sending its smoke and rain of
tary exile In the north, cast of the Mis dirty cinder» to tlie tour points of the
slsslppl. How it stirs the imagination
compass. They have advertised the
to picture tlie solitary, tiny migrant, a
mere atom of bird life, moving above offending paper to the extent that per
the range of human sight through the sons w ho were nev r interested enough
vast dome of the sky! Borne swiftly to glance at it liefore have not rested
onward by rapidly vibrating little until they secured a copy. They are
wings, he covers the thousands of wondering who the next unfortunate
miles between his winter home and Ids will lie to lie attacked. They have suc
summer one by easy stages and ar ceeded in getting themselves into |a
rives at his chosen destination, weath
most unenviable predicament. They
er permitting, at approximately the
same date year after year. -Country have almost wrecked a home. The man
might have richly deserved punish
Life In America.
ment, but his family, who were not re
sponsible, should have lieeli shielded.
The Woman and Iler Face.
Once upon a time a woman had a Of what shall it prolit them?
quarrel with tier features because they
» » » »
made ugly faces at her when she
Polly
does
not
for n moment justify
looked in the glass. Site scolded and
the editor of this paper, or any other for
Scolded, but it all did no good
Finiilly she sat In front of tier mir that matter, in publishing these un
ror, and with rouge, jsiwder and black pleasant little scandals, particularly
pencil went deliberately to work to when they are made out of the fantastic
show her face how wrong it was and weavings of a deceased brain that loves
succeeded.
evil rather than good. But there should
After a time she smiled a smile of
intense satisfaction, and her face Is*, ami is, a lietter way of dealing with
such people than by Inking the law
smiled pleasantly back at her.
Moral.—It Is better to make up than into your own hands and giving world
to continue differences.—New York wide publicity to affairs which the less
Herald.
said the lietter. If the avenger feels
that he must make the ugly and un
The Worm In the Cheat n ut.
A physician explains how the worm called for offense a personal matter, let
gets into tlie chestnut. When the nut him Is- manly alsiut it and not seek a
is still green, an Insect comes along mini's own home that at least should
and, hunting a warm place In which Is* sacred from intrusion from the out
to have its eggs hatched, lights upon side world, and let him rain his blows,
the green chestnut and stings It. At not on an unsuspecting man's bend
the same time It deposits some of Its from the rear, but make the attack
eggs In the o|>enlng tints made. The
Isildly and let him know wlint has
chestnut begins to ripen, and at the
same time the eggs are hatching. Tlie culled forth the punishment. Editors
insect selects chestnuts as a place for who allow news reflecting on any
depositing its eggs ns being tlie best one's character, particularly a Indy, to
adapted place by Instinct. The floury appear in their paper, should lie in
matter In the nut turns to sugar, and cluded ill the list of stri-et lepers, those
augur contains cnrlion, which produces me.i who stand on the street corners
heat.
killing time by making uncomplimen
tary remarks when a lady is so unfor
Smnll In u Double Sense.
“Afterall,”remarked Smithers,yawn tunate as to have to pass in their
vicinity. All richly deserve punish
Ing, “It is a small world.”
"It has to be,” snapped Smuthers, ment, but the problem of how to d< ill
“to match some of the people In it.”-
with them ciinnot lie solved by one or
t'lnilnnntl Commercial Tribune.
two angry men trying to sweep them
ofl the face of the earth by a shower of
Accounted For.
leaden pellets. It can Is* done without
Dime Museum Manager — What Is the unpleasant notoriety and just as
that peculiar smell?
effectively.
The Living Skeleton — The rubber
« « « «
skin burned his Anger lighting a ciga
For weeks past the fences ami bulle
rette.—fudge.
tin Isiards have been gayly decorated
with the attractive show bills of Buf
Every man should profit by his own falo Bill's Wil<l West Klmw. Polly
mistakes, but most of us would prefer
got a good Imffglit into the small Imy’s
to profit by the mistakes of others.--
character
from tlw~e highly colored
Philadelphia Record.
and very interesting pictures. On the
same fence or bulletin ls>ard were adver
tisements of the ditleielit theaters and
tine pictures of Henry Miller, Margaret
Anglin, Florence Roberts and other
actorsand actresses, and thrilling scenes
from "A Mormon's Wife,” “Camille,”
and other plays which were lieing given
at the theaters. Every one of them
was more or less mutilated by the small
isiy so as to make them unsightly, but
Buffalo Bill’s posters were without a
blemish or a scar. “How do you ac
count for that?” asked a friend, |Miint-
iug to the mutilated pictures and then
to the Wild West Show’s advertise
ments. “That is easy enough,” I re
plied. “The pictures of Buffalo Bill’s
show are simply works of art to the
boys, bigaml little. It appeals to them
and arouses a Ixiyish enthusiasm that
cannot lie quenched until he goes to
the big show himself. He is in full
sympathy with every scene and he
makes a study of every beautiful horse,
every rider depicted in the pictures,
and to them Colonel Cody, or “Buffalo
Bill,” as he is called, is the biggest and
most important man in the United
States, lie is their hero, and if these
posters remain where they are for weeks,
they may lie defaced by the elements,
but by the small boy, never.
» » » *
“Young Housekeeper” wants a gisid
recipe for apple jelly. Well, Polly is
not much of a jelly-maker, but 1 be
lieve u pint of juice to a pint of sugar is
considered a gissl rule by one of the
best housekeepers in the land, and then
Isnl until it stands tlie test when drip
ping from the spoon.
HUMOR OF THE HOUR
Fuinilliia Sacred Vow«.
Tnffold Knutt went around to the
kitchen door of the farmhouse and
knocked.
A large framed, rawboned woman
eaiue to the door, w-lptng her hands on
her blue gingham apron.
“Ma’am,” be said plaintively, “kin
ye give a pore man a bite of sometlilu'
to eat?”
“I reckon so,” she replied, eying him
keenly, "if you want to ’arn It. My
Imslian’ Is over in that field, harvestin’,
anil lie’s payin' a dollar and a half a
day fur hands. You go ami ast him,
and you'll git work quick enough.”
"Ma’am,” he rejoined, with a look of
pain In bis face, “me gran’father
worked hisself to death farmin', an' I
promised me dyiu’ mother I’d never
work on no farm as long ns 1 lived. I
don’t durst to go back on that promise.
But If there's anything else”—
"Can you split wood?”
"Yes'm, I kin split wood 'nougli fur
a tire If you’ve got a ax.”
“Split it up right size fur kindlin’?”
"Yes'm.”
"Break it up about so long, so’s to
make It tit the kitchen stove?”
"Yes’ m.”
"And carry it in?”
“Yes'm.”
“Well, 1 ain't got no wood I want
split, and I promised my dyln’ grnn’-
niother I’d never feed no dirty, lazy,
good fur nutliin’ tramp nohow. If you
ain't out o’ this yard in fourteen sec
onds, I'll set the dog on you. Are you
goin’?”
“Yes’m,” meekly replied Tnffold
Knutt. backing out.—Chicago Tribune.
Smoked Ont.
BRIEF REVIEW.
Bird Dogs.
Rending denotes that a dog is follow
ing» trail toward the birds by their fcot-
scent, as a man, in an analogous man
ner, might follow a flock of sheep by
watching their tracks. Drawing de
notes that a dog is approaching birds by
tlie scent in the air as a man might fol
low a flock of sheep by the long line of
dust hovering over and around the trail.
Drawing is consider« <1 u much superior
manner to reading. It is commonly
marked by greater accuracy, quickness
of execution and dash of manner.
Pointing is the stop which the dog
makes when he has definitely located
the birds, or when he thinks he has
done so. It is the preliminary pause
to accurately determine the where-
alsiuts of the hidden birds before he
springs to capture. If he misjudges
and springs in tlie wrong direction all
his ipains and labor come to nothing.
In his training, he is encouraged to
point, lint is prohibited springing, so
that after a time he makes his point ami
holds it stanehly. If by any act, will
ful or otherwise, he alarms the birds and
they take wing, it is culled a Hush.. If
the dog, when going up wind on the
game, Hushes the birds he commits an
error. If under certain circumstances
he Hushes when going down wind the
error may he excused oil the ground
that lieing up wind of them it was im
possible to scent them and therefore im
possible to know of their presence.
Dealer—How did you like the last ci
gars that I furnished you?
Customer — First rate. After three
days my mother-in-law packed up and
left.
At tlie Circus.
"And now, ladies and gentlemen;”
said tlie lecturer, "you are about to
witness the most thrilling spectacle
ever presented in the arena. 1 would
request that you kindly maintain si
lence and refrain from applauding un
til the act is concluded. Seuor Reek-
lesslo will now ride the man eating au
tomobile three times around the hip
podrome track!”—Baltimore American.
A Green Caddie.
Madge —You went over the links
with Hurry Huggard. He plays an ex
cellent game, doesn’t he?
Blanche—Doesn't he, though? Why, 1
Negro Population.
actually believe that we'd have been
The rapid increaseof theslaves under engaged If the stupid caddie bad only
the excellent hygienic surroundings of known Ills business.—Judge.
the old plantations produced quite
Mini»- Returns.
enough of them and to spare, without
"Are your sou's literary efforts pro
bringing in any more. It is an estab
ductive of returns?” asked the Inter
lished fact, owing to the hygienic con ested visitor.
dition of the old plantation», that if the
"(Hi. yes, Indeed,” replied the proud
rate of increase of the negro for the lirst mother. "Scarcely a day passes that
hundred years of slavery hail been something does not come back.”—In
maintained up to the present time, we dianapolis News.
should now have a population of 26,-
Too Much Risk.
OOff.tXX), and yet there are now barely
"That boy next door said he’d het he
!»,IMM),(XMI in this country, with an equal could lick me with one baud tied be
number in our newly acquired territory. hind bls back."
At present there is no Southern city
"Of course you took him up?”
where the negro birth rate equals their
"Naw, 1 didn’t. He said he’d have to
Jo the tying.”—Cleveland Plain Dealer.
death rate.
Feed of Cattle in Hawaii.
Hundreds of horses and thousand» of
cattle in the Hawaiian islands never
takea drink ot water. They live on the
lipper altitudes of the mountain», where
thecattle run wild from the time they
are liorn until they are sent to the
slaughter house. Except possibly for
two or three luonthsiu the rainy season
there are no streamsor poolsof water tn
any part where the cattle reach, but
everywhere there grows a recut,ent,
jointed grass known by the native name
of maninin. This is both food and drink.
An EncliHiitreNN,
“Oh, my!” exclaimed the pretty type
writer. "I’m afraid I’m a wretched
speller.”
"Ah. no!” sighed her enamored em
ployer. "You are mistress of all sorts
of spells.”—Ohio State Journal.
HI* Plaint.
Brown — What was Jones kicking
about? You’d tliink he never got what
lie wanted.
Smith It's worse than that. He says
he never gets even what lie doesn't
want.—Detroit Free Press.
A nt Id put Ion.
Dr. Zellia, a professor at tlie Vienna
University, who is exploring Pale tine
in behalf of the Imperial Academy of
Sciences, has discovered the walls ami
gateway of the ancient temple of Solis
mon in the neighlsirhood of Janohaha,
In Samaria.
Maybelle—Did you know that there
Is a “.lack the Kisser” at large in this
neighborhood?
Maude—Ob. Isn’t that lovely! I must
Bid out liis haunts.—Ohio State Jour-
Ml.
Another Yenr.
Hurry — Don't you remember that
when we were engaged last summer
The oldest piece of writing in the
we cut our Initials on that tree?
world is on a fragment of a vase found
Marjorie oil. Hint's a cbes nut.— In
at.Nippur. It is an inscription in pic dianapolis Sun.
ture writing and dates +51)0 years lie-
Tbonuhta of Winter.
fore ('hirst. The University of Penn-
Winter time a-comln';
»ylvunia has obtained it.
Oh, dal snow en sleet!
The Japanese eat more fish than any
o her people iii the world. With them
meat eating is a foreign innovation,
confined to the rich, or, rather, to those
rich people who prefer it to the nation
al diet.
The lower class of the Japanese em
ploy hardly any other material than
paper for theirclothing. Where wages
are excel diugly low clot h is all inqsis-
silile extravagance.
Hoecake In de ashes,
En hoeeake hard ter beat I
Col' win' crecpln’ cross de hill;
Eros' soon tailin' gray;
Heah dem dogs a-barkln’;
Ketch dat coon 'to' day!
Winter time a-comln';
Oh. dat snow en sleet!
Possum In de oven,
En posium hard ter bent!
-Atlanta Constitution.
Willing to Help.
"You hate wounded me.” lie sadly
»aid as he rose from his knees—
“wounded me bo deeply that I »hull
The Jericho of to-day is a collection never”—
“Walt.” »be said, picking a book off
of w retched cabins inhabited by a pecu
the table. "Let me see what 'First Aid
liar people, unlike any others ill Pales to the Injured* says to do In such a
tine.
________________
case ns yours.”
man who Is not »1 rung enough Io
A Fault Finder.
thdil should I»1 allowed to go Scott fri-e.
"You were always a fault tinder.”
growled the wife.
"Yes. dear.", responded the liusbaud
A man who shows nervousness in w ar
meekly. "I found you."
should not Is* interfered with.
NEW SHORT STORIES QUICK WORK WITH A SHARK
THE WOODCOCK.
Where Does It Hide llitrina the Molt«
Seaxou f
Mr. CarucKie aud the Slick Due.
Philanthropy, that darling of his
heart, lately played a pretty trick on
Andrew Carnegie. A few mornings
ago, says the New York Times, he and
another gentleman his secretary, pre
sumably — left the Carnegie house In
Fifty fourth street mid stepped to
ward a carriage st ¡ding at the curb.
They had mo ed but a few paces
when, coming from nowhere In par
ticular, a wretched, ragged woman In
terrupted their advance.
"God bless you, gentlemen,” she said,
holding forth her hand. Iler voice was
irresistibly pathetic.
Unbuttoning his coat. Mr. Carnegie
drew a coin from liis waistcoat pocket
mill, without glancing at It, handed It
to the woman. The carriage door was
Opened, mm Mr. Carnegie placed one
foot on tlie step. Then he drew back
In deep thought apparently, lie turned
quickly to the woman.
"Here, my g<s«l woman,” lie said,
fumbling In another pocket, "let me
have tlie money I Just gave you.".
For a moment tlie woman regarded
him with eyes anything hut pathetic.
Tlii'ii. opening her hand, she glanced
at the coin which he hail given to her.
“Oh. it's a keepsake, is it?” she ex
claimed boldly.
“Yes. It is nothing to you."
"It's nothing to me, but it’s every
thing to you. What’ll you give me for
it?”
Mr. Carnegie surrendered to ills un
dignified predicament. "Very well,"
lie answered, though visibly annoyed.
So. handing the woman a bill, he re
ceived tlie keepsake in exchange.
“She's a slick one, that,” said a Uni
MILITARY. DISPLAY.
versity cluli cilbby, wlio had observed
An Ainnsinic Hit of Routine In ■■ Sew the incident. “She hangs round here
Y ork Hotel.
every day, and I'll bet she knew who
There Is no better place to mark the she was up against.”
increasing line of military display ami
maneuvers than tlie lobby of a large
Wnuted Full Credit.
hotel. Tin- colored help in particular
Questionable escapades of diplomatic
are great soldiers. In one of the Broad fortune rest lightly upon tlie shoulders
way hotels uptown the colored hall of South American presidents and gen
men are changed al noon. Tilings were erals, according to a story recently re
quiet in the lobby ut that hotel today, lated by Dr. David J. Hill, first assist
for the clerks and bookkeepers were ant secretary of the state department.
deep In their books, and the loungers The revolution in Venezuela had been
were nil sitting peacefully on the so
fas when the steady tramp, tramp of
what sounded like a regiment of infan
try broke the stillness.
The regiment consisted of six col
ored hallmen in blue and brass, with
an especially resplendent mulatto in a
more gorgeous uniform walking ut the
head of the procession, says the New
York correspondent of the Pittsburg
Gazette, lie lined Ills six Ulen in trout
of u bench liefore the desk, looked
them over sharply to see that they
were "■ yes front” and hissed ’Atten
tion!” Then as In- clapped his lumds
once the six men hinged their legs si
multaneously mid drooped into their
seats like a row of wooden soldiers.
The mulatto wiped his brow with u
highly perfumed handkerchief, glanced
at the head clerk for approval mid as
the first man responded with n jerk to
tlie cry of "Front!" went to the main
doorway to look ut the sunlight of
Broadway with the air of u successful
major general. The whole perform
ance was excruciatingly funny, but 1
mu sure that mulatto would have com
mitted assault ami battery on any one
who dilred to laugh.
It Is during the months of August
and September that the mystery of
the woodcock's life begins. This Is
the molting season, when the bird
changes its plumage before begiunlug
its Journey southward. At this time it
leaves the »wiil|)ps. Where does it
go? That is a question widt h 1ms nev
er yet received a satisfactory answer,
ultImugh each s|sirtsman and natural
ist has his own opinion, anil many tine
spun theories have been advanced.
Some say that tlie birds move toward
the north, some that they seek the
mountain tops, coming Into the swamps
to feed only after nightfall; some that
tiny seek tlie cornfields. and there
have been many other such theories.
Probably the truth lies in a mean of
nil these statements. I think it prob
able Hint the birds know the loss of
their feathers renders them to a eer
tain i xtent helpless and more exposed
to the attacks of their natural enemies,
and they therefore Lave the more open
swamps and hide in the densest and
most tangled thickets. It is certain
that they scatter, for nt this season
single birds lire found in the most un
usual and unexpected places.
Years ago when shooting In Dutch
ess county, N. Y., I knew one or two
swamps, which we called molting
swamps, where in August we were
sure to find a limited number of birds.
These swamps were overgrown with
rank marsh grass and were full of
patches of wild rose and sweetbrier.
If we killed Hi» birds which we found
there, we were sure In a week or ten
days to find their places tilled by about
the same nnnila r. Outing.
Tlie Wax Insect.
Trees afford the birthplace and cra
dle of the wax insect, scientifically
culled fossils pela. In the early spring
the bark of the boughs and twigs be
comes covered with brown pea shaped
scales, which cun be easily detached
mid which, when opened, reveal the
flowery looking mass of minute ani
mals, whose movements can Just be
detected by the miked eye. Ill May
mid June, however, tlie scales are
found to contain a swarm of brown
creatures with six legs mid two an-
teniae each. Some of the scales also
contain the white bag or cocoon of a
small black beetle, which, if left undis
turbed, burrows Into and consumes
the scales. The Chinese say that this
beetle eats the little wax insects, and it
appears certainly the case that where
the intrasite is most abundant the
scales fetch a lower price in the mar
ket.- < 'ha m Iiers’ Journii 1.
All In the Family.
They were discussing the factors
which make for success in the world,
when the knowing young man said:
“There's nothing like force of char
ncter, old man. Now, there’s Jones.
Sure to make bis way in the world.
Has a will of his own, you know.”
"But Brown lias something better in
his favor.”
“What's that?”
"A will of Ills uncle.”-Stray Stories.
Where He Ml»«e*l It.
"All,” lie said as they were exploring
among the rocks back of the hotel,
“here is 'Lovers’ lane.’
Let's go
through.”
"That deep place there, where it Is
Mo dark, with the steep, rocky sides?”
“Yes. Come on.”
"I’m afraid you would kiss me if we
were down there alone together.''
“No, honest!”
"Well, then we may as well remain
up here.”—Chicago Ileeord-Herald.
More Tlinn He Could Stand.
"After you have taken this medi
cine,” said the physician, “give your
self n hot water hut!’ and go to bed at
once.”
"Gosh, doc!” exclaimed the shaggy
lialrcd patient. “Can’t you make it a
mustard plaster or something like
that? 1 always kiteli cold when I
take n bath! ’—Chicago Tribune.
SiicceNM.
Success, like a trolley cur. Is liable to
strike ns unexpectedly. When It does,
we want no fender and guarantee
there'll be no suit against the couipn
ny.- Ida Young Cliff.
"The Kanakas of the Hawaiian Is
lands have about as much fear of the
huge sharks that infest the Hawaiian
waters as we have of one-month-old
fox terrier pups,” said a naval officer
who recently returned from the Asiatic
station by way of the islands. “One
morning a couple of months ago, when
our ship was lying in Honolulu harhor,
a big banana barge, propelled by three
muscular, tine looking, nearly nude
Kanakas, puffed akfligside of uh to
peddle the fruit among the men for
ward. Just ns they got the barge close
to the ship the three Kanakas began t
jabber excitedly In their igueer, musical
language and to feel of the edges of
the knives suspended by lanyards
around their necks.
"The eyes of those Kanakas were
keener than ours, and they had seen a
big shark asleep directly beneath the
lighter, the water being so clear dowu
that way that objects can be seen
through It to a great depth. It didn't
take those three giant muscled Kana
kas more than ten seconds toj^ ultle
out of their few clot lies. TliW»tliey
removed the strings from their long
kulves, grns[H‘d the knives In tlielr
right hands, stepped gently over the
side of the lighter, hung to the gun
wales of the lighter with tlielr left
hand» for a inoincnt or so, and then,
altogether, they gave that queer diving
wriggle to their legs in which they are
so expert and disappeared from the
surface. We couldn’t see them going
down oil account of the commotion
and consequent bubbles they made in
the water.
"Within about ten seconds after they
disappeared the bubbles that came to
the surface began to take on the hue
of blood.
“ ‘That about settles one Kanaka, If
not the whole three of them,’ said we
oil the gangway. The next thing we
saw was a gigantic shark thrashing
tlie water crazily on the port side of
the lighter and incarnadining the sea
within a radius of fifty feet with Ita
blood. Then tlie three Kanakas came
up. all In a bunch, like a trio of Jacks-
In tlie-box, with contented smiles en
their faces. The shark thrashed around
for live or ten minutes, and at the end
of that time he was as dead as any,
salted mackerel in n barrel, the entire
length <>f him. The three Kanakas bad
tackled him altogether as he slept, had
driven their knives into his vulnerable
parts, and liefore lie had a chance to
puff himself together he was ns good
ns dead. It was as workmanlike a Job
of going after big sea game as ever I
saw.”- Philadelphia Times.
Soelely nnd Coiiipnnion*hl|>.
The privilege of having some one
with whom we may exchange a few
rational words every day, as Emerson
phrases it, is the choicest gift in life.
We are rich In soi'let.v and yet poor In
companionship.
In the overflow of
chatter we are starved for conversa
tion. Social life is so largely an affair
of representation, it inclines so largely
to tlie spectacular and to what its
chroniclers designate as “social func
tions.” tlmt the element of conversa
tional intercourse is almost eliminated.
Vet. primarily, Is not that tlie supreme
object of all friendly meeting? When
we reduce to first principles tjiis com
plex thing called living, do we not go
to our friend solely to talk with him?
Do we not Invite him solely that we
may exchange ideas and compare
views on subjects of mutual Interest?
Still, ns things go, people meet all
“BEG PARDON, Sill,” HE SAID 1CII.Y, “llt’T
through a season in the midst of groups
IT WAS $5,000,(Kill.”
and throngs at dinners, receptions, en
under discussion. Speculation was at
tertainments of all kinds—without ex
that time rife as to whether or not changing one word Hi tlie way of true
Castro would be driven out of Vene
intercourse.—Exchange.
zuela.
Dr. Illll cited the cnse of former
Sn-lft AV a* a Dunce at School.
President Blanco, whose adininis ra
Not only philosophers and divines,
tion was overturned after he had. ac but some of tlie most trenchant satir
cording to common report, richly feath ists and brilliant humorists were dull
ered ids nest. Blanco was strolling on enough as boys. It has been said of
a boulevard in Paris. A passing pe Swift in Ills best days that “lie dis
destrian arrested the pace of ids coin played either tlie blasting lightning of
pa n ion.
satire or tlie lambent and meteorllke
"See that man? lie stole $3.000.000 caricatures of frolicsome humor.” And
when his government was over yet tills vigorous disputant was consid
thrown.”
ered a fit subject for a fool’s cap at
Quick as a flash Blanco turned.
school. Afterward at tlie Dublin uni
"Beg pardon, sir,” lie said icily, “but versity “he was by scholars esteemed
it was $5.000.1MH».”—St. Louis Repub a blockhead,” who was denied liis de
lie.
gree on his first application and ob
tained it with great difficulty on the
Wliy the Boys l.amdied.
second.—London Standard. .
The late Frank 11. Peavy, the so
called "elevator king" of Mi linen pel Is.
A I.arue Department.
on whose life an insurance cuinpany
Mr. McBride was showing bis wife
paid a policy of $1.IMK».O(IO, was a great tlie workings of our national congress.
friend of tlie Minneapolis news! oys Tlie Detroit Free Press represents her
and never missed a elm nee to aid them. as putting to her spouse this intelli
One Sunday afternoon he arranged to gent question:
address them in St. Mark's church,
"But where is the framing depart
and one section of the edifice was well ment?”
tilled with the little fellows who had
“Tlie what?”
responded to his Invitation. He spoke
"I read in tlie papers that laws were
on thrift and dwelt long ami earnestly framed In Washington,” she explained.
on the evils of gambling. To einplui
size liis remarks he wound up with an
The Reni Test.
anecdote and pointed his moral with:
Ilardup —I tried to sell those dia
“I'll bet a dollar none of you fellows’ monds I bought of you uud was told
would do like that, would yon. boys?" they were not genuine.
He was quite at a loss for a inouient
Jeweler—Did you sell them?
to account for the roar of laughter I lint
Ilardup Yes. for almost nothing.
greeted this remark, but win n liglr
Jeweler Wi ll, you go back and try
came he joined in tlie laugh ns liearilly to buy them, and you will find out that
| ns the rest.
they are genuine.—New York Weekly.
One lloy'a Worth.
When Horace Mann made a famous
speech for the dedication of a building
that had cost many thousand dollars
devoted to the reformation of bad boys,
he said, “L* all this which lias been
spent upon tills building results in the
reformation of one Imy, it Is tnorey
well spent.” Somebody said to him,
“Mr. Mann, do you tliink one boy Is
worth nil tlmt money?" He replied,
“Yes, if it Is my boy or your boy.”—
Primary Education.
Three Kanaka* Wenl Down aad Got
Him While He W a* Asleep.
i
:
I
I
I
Took Him I.lternlly.
Aii IiiipoMNlble Condition.
A short time ago a printer brought to
Dan Daly for Inspection n proof of n
new poster, which, after tlie nuiiin r
of Its kind, announced tlie actor a
“the distinctively original e .inei! an.
Dan Duly.”
Mr. Daly did not fully approve of it
“I wish you'd leave out that 'dis
tinctively original’ business. I'd much
rather have It simple 'Dan Duly.'” iv
said.
“Very good, sir.”
The next week Daly saw tin1 tir t of
Ids new bills In position. Ills reqir t
had been carried out to the letter. I 'le
poster announced the coming engnf o
ment of “Simple Dan Dale."
“You say you can't afford to hire a
clerk. Why don’t you get your wife to
do your typewriting?”
“Iinpossllili'! Sli<> wouldn’t submit
to any dictation.”—Richmond Dispatch.
An Indication.
Fenr* I.onK Drawn Out.
Diggs Rounder Is quite ill.
Biggs Indeed! His wife naturally
Ims grave fears about him, 1 suppose?
Diggs Yes. hi fact. I tliink her fears
extend lieyond the grave.— Exchange.
A woman Is not real old fashioned
unless she makes a salve for neighbor
hood use for cuts, bruises and burns.- -
Atchison Globe.
Looking Abend.
Doseleigh Why do you insist upon
Bertha —I guess it's going to be ii
the new pastor being a fat man?
match between Maude and Charley
Deacon Broadnlsle—Because fat men
Constance—So?
Bertha—Yes. Maude today spoke o> are generally winded.
his stuttering as a slight hesitancy In
the enunciation of words. — Boston
Speaking of perfect linppiness, ever
Transcript.
notice a boy carrying a pup?—Atchison
Globe.
Grew Too Fant.
Little Tommy when told that he was
growing fast answered:
"Yes; too fast. I think they water
tne too much. Why. I have to take a
bath every morning!”—Exchange.
The man who loudly announces be
fore marriage tlmt he Is going to be
master is the »nine who after marriage
pulls carpet tacks with bls teeth.—
Baltimore News.