BANDON RECORDER.
T'ie Water Beetle.
The great carnivorous water beetle,
tlie dytlscus, after catching aad eat­
ing other creature s ail day. with two
minute Intervals t > come up, poke the
tips of Its wing ut of lhe water and
Jani' some air <i usa nst Its spiracles he­
fore descending S oi lve more to Its sub­
aqueous hunt!: grounds, will rise by
night from the surface of the Thames,
lift ngnlu those horny wins cases, un­
fold a broad nnd beautiful pair of
gauzy wings mid whirl off on a visit
of love nnd adventure to some distant
pond, on to which It descends like a
bullet from tlie n!r a bo vc.
When people ■e sitting In a green-
house at i '.light witli uo lamp lighted,
talking i or smoking, they sometimes
hear n Ktunsli 11 it:) If a pebble had been
dropped ou t l!:c glnss from above. It
<t'.eu3 beetle whose compound
Is a
eyes have mistaken the shine of tlie
gins: In the moonlight for the gleam
of a paini.
At n ght some of the whirligig bee-
ties. Ill e shiny bennllke creatures seen
whirl!: g in incessant circles lu cor
tiers I tiiv bank, make a quite audible
nnd n most musical sound upon the
water.--Spectator.
S!»c Showed Ilin» Iler Work.
Tlie woman had her arms In the tub
and was fiercely scrubbing one dirty
garment after another. Book agents
don't often penetrate to that part of
Chicago, In t Iks one did. lie knocked
on ilie front door until he was tired,
aud tliea lie went around to tlie back
door. The woman was bobbing up and
down over Hie washboard.
"Good morning, madam.” said the
boo!; agent pleasnntly,
“Good mornlti,” said tlie woman
shortly.
"Pleasant day,” observed the book
agent. sparring reran opening.
"Good enough.” answered the wo­
man,
"Excuse me. madam,” said the book
agent. ”in:t I have here a work tliat I
would like to show you.”
"Have you?” answered the woman.
“Weil. I've got a lot of work Hint I'd
like to show you.” She took one soapy
hand out of the till) und waved it ut a
great pile of dirty clothes.
"That's my work," went on the wo­
man. "If your work can bent that, all
right; if It can't, why. skip out."
Tlie book agent skipped. — Chicago
Tribune.
flo»- to I.earn to Like Plctnrc«.
The following suggestions. If you
please, are not from mt artist nor even
from n connoisseur, tlie writer being
nothing more Hum an ordinary picture
lover. In general tlie principle to lie
followed is to get as tnuc-h In an atmos­
phere of pictures as possible. Always
go to Hie museums when you are trav­
eling, and if you live near enough
make occasional picture visits to Bos­
ton, Chicago or New York. Do not
make the mistake of staying too long
in n gallery. You only tire yourself.
Half an hour is quite long enough But
do not endeavor to look nt every pic­
ture in the gallery in tliat lime. Look
long at a few good ones and let those
you look nt be those you like or at least
those which you prefer above Hie otii
ers. Also ask yourself why you prefer
them. Always get a catalogue. Some­
times tlie pictures arc not marked, and
you as a student wan’ always to know
the painter of your picture.—Frederic
M. Smith in Woman's Home Compan­
ion.
“She stayed by him through every­
thing.” This is what a young man
who had started out witli tlie brightest
prospe<*Is, but who had invited failure
to his hitherto enviable career until ruin
stared him in the face, heard as two
neighbors who had been waiting on his
invalid wife, conversed in low tones on
the vine-clod porch of liis home. “Yes,
stayed by him, but why shouldn’t she?
Didn’t she take him for better, for
worse, for richer, for pixirer, etc.?”
“Yes; but 1 tell you that few women
who made that vow when tlie man
they pledged themselves to be true to,
was all honor and ambition, would
tlml it easy when lie forgot wife, home
and friends as well as his business for
tlie little grocery around the corner and
tlie few men who styled themselves his
friends who congregated there from day
to day and night after night, until the
den of iniijuity was closed and forced
them to go staggering home. But thut
poor little martyr in there, who lias
been far too true to the man who
wrecked her life, and too loyal to ever
breathe one word against him, has
borne everything in silence While I
think everything of her, and will miss
her sadly, still I hope she will die, for
there is nothing but utter misery ahead
of her. Her husband lias long since
ceased to care for her. She lost her hold
on him and she knows it. She knows
that all tlie influence she ever had over
him is gone, and nothing she might
say would have any effect. Poor little
soul! it seems only yesterday since he
brought her here a bride. Her beauty
and lovely manners were the talk of tlie
town Every act, every movement and
word allows her to be the well-brought
up and relined little woman that she is.
No matter liow degraded lie may lie-
come, lie cannot pull her down to his
level, lie may sink lower and lower,
but she will never desert him until a
kind providence says it is enough, and
calls her to her eternal rest.” “Well, I
think that time lias come,” said the
other friend. “She is very low and
does not stand one chance in a hun­
dred of getting well. I am like your­
self und hosts of others. We would
sadly miss her, lint if, through the lift­
ing of my hand I could keep her here,
I would not do it and have her suffer
tlie humiliation site suffers at the hands
of her husband, who lias long since
ceased to cure for her.” “It is time to
give lier tlie medicine. I dread it, too,
for it is so hard for her to swallow. I
tiiiuk every dose will be her last, how­
ever.”
had been the verdict of the physician.
He was thankful for that one chance,
for if love and care would puli her
through they would save her from
Death, which sttsid witli waiting arms
to ie.-eive her. Night and day lie
watched by her side until the crisis
came and the doctor announced that
they had won and Death was defeated.
It was the beginning of a new era. He
lias kept his promise, and to-day there
is not a happier home on tlie Pacific
Coast than the one presided over by
the man who bad been denounced as a
reprobate.
Great is the hue and cry that is going
up against “yellow journalism,’' and it
makes Polly smile. “Toosensational,”
cries one crabbed old fellow. “Not tit
to go into a decent man's household.”
I pick up one after tlie other of our
daily papers, hastily scan the contents
and would feign remark, “the pot called
the kettle black.” One is probably a
little more sensational tliaii the others,
and yet if the people who are denounc­
ing “yellow journalism” in loud, vigor­
ous terms did not buy it and devout its
columns, the paper would soon find’
that the majority of its patrons did not
like that class of rending and it would
soon cease to give us sensational matter.
A young lady said the other day, “I
hate this paper, Polly, for it is so sensa­
tional and is out-and-out the so-called
‘yellow journalism.’ ” “Then why in
the world do you buy it and encourage
‘yellow journalism?’ ” 1 asked. “Peo­
ple are not compelled to buy papers.
They make their own selection, yet
they will not have anything else. Ho
long as people demand it ‘yellow jour­
nalism’ will continue to flourish.”
BRIEF REVIEW.
Big Hotel’s Capacity.
Neither tlie business nor the com­
pleteness of a big hotel is appreciated
by tlie patron who finds his interest
satisfied with tlie accommodations it
furnishes. He knows in a general way
that it might lie a dozen stories high
and several cellars deep, and that the
thousand or more guests are attended
by servants on every hand, and when
he pays his bill he believes that the
charges are exorbitant. One of these
hotels, which differs from tlie others
chiefly in degree, represents an invest­
ment of $15,000,000. The 1400 bedrooms
and 750 bathrooms in it are so con­
structed by a series of inner courts that
each opens to tlie outer air. It has
several concert balls and theaters, three
great ballrooms, and, in addition to its
public dining-room, where, during
Horse Show week, for instance, 10,000
people were served daily, it has a series
of private dining-rooms which are ar­
ranged for from ten to 1000 persons. In
tlie largest ballroom in this hotel was
given one night last winter the charity
ball, attended by 3500 people, to whom
supper was served, and on the same
evening in other parts of tlie hotel were
in progress two concerts, a dinner of an
association of 300 men, and a dozen
smaller dinner parties in privatedining-
rooms, each isolated so completely that
no one of the 1500 regular guests need
know of it.
NEW SHORT STORIES CHOICE MISCELLANY
THE PROLIFIC FLY.
To Leaarn the Pest All Organic Ref.
uate Should Be Burled.
Flies multiply at a prodigious rate,
Given a temperature sufficiently high
to hatch eggs, their numbers are only
limited by the amount of food avail-
aide for them. I.luuaeus is credited
with saying that three meat flies, by
reason of their rapid multiplication,
would consume a dead horse quicker
than would a lion, and the fact that
certain diptera having some outward
semblance to the honeybee lay their
eggs In the dead carcasses of animals
probably led Samson and Virgil to
make erroneous statements with re­
gard to the genesis of honey and the
manufacture of bees. Tlie breeding of
“gentles” for ground bait Is an Indus­
try Hie practices of which could prob-
ubly give much Information as to the
nicety of choice exercised by files in
selecting material for feeding and egg
laying. According to Packard, tlie
house fly makes selection of horse dung
by preference for ovipositing, nnd ns
each female lays about KJO eggs and
the cycle of changes from egg to fly Is
completed In less than three weeks It
seems probable that n female fly might
have some 25.000.000 descendants In
tlie course of a hot summer. Other va­
rieties of files multiply. I believe, still
more rapidly.
As flies multiply upon and in organic
refuse of every kind. It Is obvious that
the sooner such refuse is placed where
It cannot serve for the breeding and
i .Ti liing of tiles the more likely Is the
plague of flies to be lessened. The
most commonly available method for
tlie bestowal of organic refuse is bur­
ial. The egg laying of flies In dead
carcasses commences at the very In­
stant of death or even before death in
the case of enfeebled animals.—Lancet.
MISTAKES TO AVOID.
An English paper gives what It terms
"thirteen mistakes of life:”
It Is a great mistake to set up our
own standard of right and wrong and
Judge people accordingly.
To measure the enjoyment of others
by our own.
To expect uniformity of opinion In
this world.
To look for Judgment and experience
In youth.
To endeavor to meld all dispositions
alike.
To look for perfection In our own so­
tlons.
To worry ourselves and others with
what caunot be remedied.
Not to yield In Immaterial matters.
Not to alleviate all that needs allevia­
tion as fur ns Iles in our power.
Not to make allowances for the Infir­
mities of others.
To consider everything impossible
that we cannot perform.
To believe only what our finite minds
can grasp.
To expect to be able to understand
everything.
The Evolution of Warships.
As they disappeared her husband,
\ man need not be a scholar to be
who had been an unwilling listener,
an Inventor. One of the most success
emerged from the vines where he had
fill aeronauts of old times who had
thrown himself to get out of the way of
made a study of perial ciffrents and tlie
tlie watchers beside his invalid wife.
management of balloons once delivered
He had never for an^nstant before
an address lu which lie referred to
realized that she was dangerously ill.
“tlie anaconda" as “the largest bird
“Sick unto death and I never knew it,”
that ever flew.” and he also remarked
that “tlie mental faculties of a man's
lie whispered. “I know I have neg­
mind Is so constructed ns to bring
lected her, but never as bad as they
tilings down to a pin's point.” He also
have made it out. Now that I recall
referred tc tlie currents of air as
California Fruits in Europe.
everything it is worse, far worse than
meaning strata, and yet he
they have made me out. I’ve been a The latest American “invasion” of stretcliums.
A Vnotlifa! Promoter.
was one of the foremost balloonists of
A horseman bad an amusing experi­ brute. Heaven knows I never realized Europe is the carrying of fresh Califor­ his time.
ence near the speedway a few days tliat I had sunk so low, and yet through nia fruits to London and Paris in the
He was an Inventor also of many
ago. He called to ail Idle newsboy to it all she has stood by me and never face of the competition of the Spanish useful tilings and was the first man
hold Ills horse while lie made n call on uttered a word of censure. She must and Italian fruit-growers. A Valencia, in tlie country to suggest an Ironclad
a client. O:i leaving tlie house lie was not die; she must live so that I can re­ Spain, paper says: “California oranges, man-of-war witli slanting sides. He
surprised to see another boy in charge
trieve the past.” For the first time in peaches, apples and pears reach Paris, I uilt a miniatfire vessel on tiffs plan
of tlie liorse. So lie asked:
of sheet iron, placing It in the water
"How's this? You are not tlie boy I many months he was sober, for the re­ after traveling 6000 miles, in a more ap­ and tired musket balls at It at short
petizing
condition
than
ours,
”
and
adds
alization
of
the
terrible
calamity
that
left my horse with.”
range. Every ball glanced off The
"No. sir. ! Jist spckllated and bought was about to be visited upon him had that her fruit-growers can only com- Merrimac was built on a similar plan,
him of tlie other boy for 10 cents. He torn away the vail that obscured his pete with America by employing Amer­ and from (lint humble beginning the
snld os how you were only worth a mental vision. The unintentional eaves- ica's improved methods of cultivation. evolution or revolution In naval archl
nickel, nnd I says you wore good for a drop|a*r had heard nothing good of him­ California is a natural fruit garden, uml lecture took Its start.—Baltimore Sun.
quarter. Sec?"
self and he shuddered at the word pic­ its crops are far too large to be con­
The boy got Hie quarter and went
Wliat to Head.
around the corner, where the first bey ture they had drawn of him. Not sumed in the home markets. For years
Rend the good old books that have
the
California
orchardist
has
been
seri
­
was wailing under an open window in flattering, to be sure, but an o’er true
lived and held tlieir own by the vital
likeness. Every minute was precious ously considering the foreign demand, ity of matter and style that makes
the home of the horseman's friend.
and
many
wonderful
schemes
have
"That's tlie way ter work the swells," now. He must be beside his wife to aid
them standards, Don't read a lot of
said tlie young speculator to Ills com­ in fighting oil* the dread destroyer. He been devised to ship fresh fruit abroad. new books about the Bible. Read the
panion. "F.f you had staid, lie woulder bathed his face over and over again, California prunes have, generally, taken Bilile. ano then you will understand
coughed up a dime Tlie bluff made t<s>k a drink of cold water, brushed his tlie place of the French article, and what you may afterward read about
him erskann d t-j hand over less than hair and step|>ed into the sick room. California orangeshave lieen cultivated the Bible, Read Shakespeare, n«t con-
the two lilts. Yon gets 12 cents, nnd I
troversles on Shakespeare; read Scott
keep tlie extry cent for permotln dis The watchers were startled by his ap­ until they have reached a state of per­ and Thackeray ami Dickens and George
fection
never
before
attained.
pearance.
"Ladies,
”
he
exclaimed,
“
I
scheme. See?" —New York Times.
Eliot. Do not be content with a short
have just learned that my wife is very
history of literature that tells you their
Huge Sailing Vessels Being Built.
Cl owe to n Fool.
dangerously ill. My place is beside
best works and makes a few discon­
A farmer was working in his field her, and I certainly shall not leave her
Steam does not run all the world— nected extracts and tells you tlieir
wheu a sewing machine man came until all danger is passed. Please tell not quite. Sailing vessels of huge di­ standing and what you should think
along.
me about the medicines, when they mensions are being built by Americans. of them.
"Good morning." said tlie sewing ma­
Rend Intelligently nnd with Interest,
are to be given, etc., and then you la­ They are good for large cargoes and
chine barker.
and every book you read will guide
dies
had
better
lie
down
and
rest
a
little
long
voyages.
They
do
not
require
so
“Mornlu."
you to the next that Is good for you
“Your corn seems to be pretty yel­ while. I will call you if there is any many men, they do not cost so much in personally far better than a strange
change. Words fail to express my ap­ operation, and so they are being im­
low.”
mentor can „ who Is often full of
preciation of what you ladies have al­ proved, developed and run at a profit. theories
"Yn.is: I planted yellow cawn."
nnd prejudices or perhaps lias
"You don't seem to have more than ready done.” He was so persistent in Within a few weeks the keel will be got up a course of study as a “pot boil­
half a crop.”
his efforts to have them seek rest that laid for the first of seven seven-masted er” and has no real love of bls subject.
"Wnnl. I planted it ou the halve*”
they finally consented to do so, and steel schooners, “destined,” to quote
“You reel.i pretty close to a fool.”
alter fully explaining to him how and from the announcement” to lie the larg­
Iloraen’ Snnbonneta.
“Ymis; there's only a fence between when the medicines were to be admin­ est and greatest cargo-carrying craft of
The
wearing
of sunbounets by horses
us.”
n hot weather Is by no means a mod­
When tlir sewing machine man came istered, they finally retired with the that type ever put afloat.
ern invention. In an old Italian print,
to. It required the services of two doc­ understanding that they were to be
New English wordsareconstantly be­ dated 1542. n gentleman Is shown rid­
tors to get him Into such shape tliat he called if the slightest change occurred.
ing made to till the needs of modern in­ ing on horseback witli an umbrella fix­
was aide to make tlie next town.—New
over Ills own head nnd another over
Orleans Times-Democrat.
Then his weary vigil commenced. ventions. To give some idea of this ed
Hint of bis liorse. In Mexico horses are
tremenous
growth
of
the
language,
the
He sat by her side reviewing the post
A Pountl of Swallow«.
words and phrases under the letter A, often protected by a stnnll parasol‘ris
How many live swallows go to a and holding her wasted hand. “Would have increased in fifty years from 7000 Ing over tlie head, and n horse similar­
ly accommodated has lately been seen
pound? Tills question lately formed she live'.'” The spark of life seemed to nearly 60,000.
In Regent street. Unfortunately this
tlie subject of a bet In the little town almost spent. There was no answering
headdress annoyed .the conventional
of N—. In Bilden A swallow was pressure as lie caressed the wasted hand.
caught and Its legs nnd wings tied up What a change since he placed the en­ Samples of coal from Iceland, front “liorse In tlie street,” and It came very
will n piece of silk thread nnd placed gagement ring upon it only a few short which great things were expected, have near causing more than one disaster on
on tlie senles. To everybody's surprise years ago. Then it was dimpled and l>een officially tried on the railways in the way to Langham place.—London
It was found to weigh only ten white. He remembered the diamond Denmark. The trials have not been Chronicle.
grams, so tliat It takes 50 of them to was not a large stone, but she hail said satisfactory; the official report declares
A Toor of the Kscarlal.
make up p pound.—Karlsruher Nadi
It requires about four days to make
it was “a gem as pure as their love.” the coal to be poor fuel.
richten
an Investigation of the Escurlal, tlie
Then later come the broad gold band—
The entire edition of the Callao, Mo., great Spanish palace, there being such
I napprcctniive.
their wedding ring. She still wore it,
“You find spring water a very great but lhe little circlet of gold would hard­ Herald recently was rejected by the a multitude of rooms and apartments
To travel all Hie halls, chambers, eorrl
advantage in dairying. I presume?”
ly stay on the wan little hand now that postal authorities because the pressman dors, lenglhs and depths of the great
"Ob. I don’t know,” raid tlie milk
had
smallpox.
palace would require a tour amounting
man. "Tlienverngc person buying milk had been so dimpled and white and
to over 100 miles.
doesn’t know tlie difference between the inside as pink as a sea-shell and
The
common
measure
of
road
distance
spring water nnd any mtlicr kind.”- velvety ns a rose. “Would she live?”
llrnllhr Tree«.
Over and over again he asked the ques­ in France is the kilometer, or KOO me­
Detroit Journal.
The time In tlie summer at which the
tion and vowed that if her life be spared ters, a littleoverthree-quarters ofa mile.
leaves begin to turn Is a tolerably sure
/. Good klaren In.
he would turn over a new leaf, and his
Itesidents In England have £110,000,- Indication of the soundness of the
Minister (reading wedding service!— devotion would cause her to forget the
. And you. Ilans, lake tills woman for wretchedness of the past. He de­ 000 invested in mortgages in foreign tree. Some trees will keep their foliage
countries.
green until September, while the leaves
•better, for worse?
nounced himself for his cruelty ami
of unhealthy trees will liegln to show
Ilans Frankfurter (conscleutlouslyi-
India does not produce any horses fit signs of turning brown or yellow In
For better, sir! She Imf $40; I got not blindness. “There was one chance in
a thousand of pulling her through,” for military service.
* A ugust
tings!—Brooklyn Eagle.
Major McKinley In Defeat.
American Ideas In Hn*land.
A writer in the London Daily Mall
One day when the late president, thus
pictures the domestic life of the
then Major McKinley, had Just been average
Englishman: “He rises In the
defeated for congress. Major Pearce morning
his New England fold­
met him at the counter of a downtown ing bed, from
shaves with American soap
cigar store. Mr. McKinley was de­ and a Yankee
razor, pulls on
cidedly downeast over his defeat and his Boston boots safety
over
from
did not conceal the fact. He approach­ North Carolina, fastens his his socks
­
ed Major Pearce and said, "Major, cut braces, slips bls Waltham Connecti
or Wa­
you have been most fortunate.”
watch in bls pocket and sits
The St. Louisan looked at the future terbury
to breakfast There be congratu­
president Inquiringly, and Mr. McKin­ down
his wife on the way her Illinois
ley continued: "Yes, you see, when the lates
straight front corset sets off her Mas­
war was over, instead of taking up a sachusetts
blouse, nnd he tackles his
profession, as you have done, I took breakfast, where
eats bread made
the plunge into politics, and you can from prairie flour, he
tinned
oysters from
see where I am now after my defeat, the Pacific coast aud a slice
of Kansas
with little prospect before me. You
took the sensible course by going out City bacon, while his wife plays with
slice of Chicago ox tongue. The
to St. Louis and beginning the prac­ a thlldren
are given American oats. At
tice of law.”
the
same
time be reads his morning
Major Pearce’s reply was prophetic:
printed by American machines
“Never mind, major, Just take another paper
possibly on American paper. He
good start, and ten years from now and
rushes out, catches the electric tram
you won't change places with me if I (New
York) to Shepherd’s Bush, where
offer you a bonus. It’s in you.”
be
gets
In a Yankee elevator to take
It was about this same period that an
on to the American fitted electric
Incident happened which Congressman him
to tlie city. At lunchtime he
Joe Cannon used to tell ou Mr. McKin­ railway
ley, The two met at a Chicago hotel, hastily swallows some cold roast beef
comes from a cow In Iowa and
both having been defeated for re-elee that
flavors
It with the latest New England
tion. They were surrounded by a
nnd then sootlies his tnlnd with
dozen or more friends who were com­ a pickles
couple of Virginia cigarettes. To
miserating them on tlieir defeat. Mr. follow
his course all day would be
McKinleyMuis smiling blandly aud as­
suring
friends tliat everything wearisome. But when evening comes
would come out all right, and he was he seeks relaxation at the latest Amer­
musical comedy nnd finishes up
not in the least disheartened. One by ican
one tlieir friends left them. Caution witli a couple of ‘little liver pills’ ‘made
In America.’ ”
was tlie first to speak.
“Bill?” witli a rising Inflection.
Pat Shot With thr Camera In Battle.
“What Is it, Joe?”
Few photographers In the States re­
“Now tliat we are alone there Is no alize
to what au extent photography
use lying to each other. I am all cut lias been
useful in the work of the
up about my defeat. How about you?” United Stntes
In pacifying the Philip­
"Me, too.” said Mr. McKinley.—St.
pines.
A
very
complete photographic
Lou I s G lol >e-1 temocra t.
department lias been organized, and
its members have performed some real­
Simple I'ni-le 1’aal.
ly heroic feats. Captain O’Keefe per­
Tlie latest about the naivete of Oom formed before Malabon one of the
Paul: A few years ago the French col­ most brilliant pieces of photography
ony in tlie Transvaal, on the occasion ever attempted. He was engaged In
of tlie French national fete on July 14, taking a picture of the enemy's In-
gave a grand ball at Johannesburg, treiicliments some hundred yards with­
which, after much persuasion on the out our lines when a band of Filipinos,
part of M. Aubert, tlie French consul. led by a deserter, attempted to cut him
President Kruger, who hated social off. lie calmly focused his camera on
functions of nil kinds, was Induced to the proper spot, waited until the band
attend. Elaborate costumes had been broke from cover, not fifty yards from
donned by tlie Indies, nil of whom were him, nnd then photographed them,
en grande decollete.
During his subsequent retreat his as-
At tlie hour fixed President Kruger sistant was twlce wounded, he himself
arrived, accompanied by M. Aubert and once, his spare plates were shattered,
a number of prominent TransvaaIlans. but the camera was uninjured, and the
He preceded the party through tlie plaie he took was subsequently the
means of convicting the deserter of
treason, for which he Is now serving a
life sentence.
HUMOR OF THE HOUR
Fowl Flax.
Many amusing stories are told of our
colored fellow citizens of the south by
the racouteurs of that section.
A venerable darky was haled before
a Justice of the peace and charged with
gratifying his appetite for feathered
denizens of a barnyard lu which be
had no ownership. There were no wit­
nesses to the act, but the birds were
missing, and feathers had been found
around Uncle George's cabin. He was
sharply interrogated by the magistrate
in the hope that he would get entan­
gled in the questioning and the truth
come out. Finally he was asked:
"So you say. Uncle George, that you
have not stolen any chickens?”
"Yes, sail. I done stole no chickens.”
"Have you stolen any geese?”
“No, sah.”
"No turkeys?”
"No. sab."
After a brief pause the suspected
culprit was discharged with a sharp
admonition. As he passed out he stop­
ped before the Justice, hat lu hand, bls
Ivories disclosed by a broad grin, and
said:
“Fo’ de Lawd, squire. If you’d said
‘ducks,’ you'd ’a’ had me!”—Lippin­
cott’s.
Duplicity.
"I don’t understand liow Ethel Moth­
wing ever got engaged to such a steady,
matter of fact young man,” said one
girl.
“It was easily managed,” answered
the other. “She got a cookbook, took
the covers off and Inserted the paper
back novel she happened to be reading.
The silly fellow thought she was going
to make a wonderful housewife.”—
Washington Star.
Why They Don't Marry.
Miss Leftover—Y’ou are a woman
hater. I hear.
Mr. Sllmpurse—Thnt is a mistake. I
merely cannot afford to marry.
Miss Leftover—Cannot you support
a wife?
Mr. Sllmpurse—Oh, yes, I could sup­
port a wife easy enough, but I haven’t
income enough to support the two or
three other women she would need to
wait on her!—New York Weekly.
How It Seemed to Tommy.
Great Wealth In Isle of Pines.
Speaking of Cuba's resources. Gov­
ernor General Wood says: “Even the
little Isle of Pines holds millions of
dollars of undeveloped wealth In the
way of marble and iron. Its timber
lias been pretty well cut, merely be­
cause Its small size and the fact that
vessels could easily reach It made
transportation comparatively easy. Be­
tween the Isle of Pines and the main­
land are famous sponge fisheries, nnd
on the island In many places are fine
mineral springs, which, when Investi­
gateti, will doubtless prove to be of
great medicinal value. This makes It
possible that the Island will some day
become an Importaut health resort, al­
though that, of course. Is still a long
way off.”
“OKACtOUs! WHAT HAVE I DONE?”
passage that led to the ballroom and
himself, wit limit ceremony, opened the
door. As lie did so lie turned very red,
and. stammering, “Please excuse me,”
hastily closed the door again. Then,
turning to ills astonished escort, lie ex­
claimed. with great embarrassment:
"Gracious! What have I done? The
ladies are not yet dressed!”
There was a great scurrylug In all
directions to secure fichus and high
necked attire for the ladles, and Oom
Pnal passed the evening apologizing
for Ills supposed Inopportune advent.
Will Not Go to Mexico.
“Standing Yellow, a war chief of the
Cheyenne Indians, has recently return­
ed from a trip to old Mexico,” says tlie
Los Angeles Times, “where be was
sent as a delegate for n number of
tribes In Oklahoma, aggregating about
10,000 Indians. The purpose of tlie old
chief’s trip was to select n new home
for the reservation Indians, who had
always considered Mexico nothing
short of another happy hunting ground,
where they could all live a life of pros­
perity nnd ease, but the report of the
old chief has upset the fancy notion
these Indians held about Mexico and
Edward Did Not Count.
In England unattached good stories will lie the means of retaining the 10,-
are generally, by a kind of prescriptive 000 redskins In this country until they
right, tlie property of the London cab­ die.”
by. From him directly comes a recent
The Spirit of Micawber.
anecdote of the king’s salad days. The
Can It be possible, as a wild rumor
cabby tells that two distinguished from
Constantinople hints, that Tur­
strangers hailed him at Westminster key has
ordered 300 pieces of artillery
palace nnd hade him drive at top speed in Germany?
would be rash
to Marlborough House. After a moment enough In these Who
days to sell tlie Sick
of recollection lie recognized the Prince Man guns on credit?
possible
of Wales ami his friend, tlie king of cliance would there be What
of
collecting
Belgium. An awkward attempt at an the debt? And where can the sublime
obeisance from the box was promptly porte get money to pay cash for can­
rebuked, nnd the cabby settled down non? The spirit of Micawber broods
to his business of driving ills royal over the Ylldiz kiosk, and the Ottoman
guests ns fast ns n handsome may go In government seems to be continually
Loudon streets. They stopped nt Marl­ waiting for something to turn up.—
borough House, and It was time to pay. New York Tribune.
•.
“Well driven, cabby.” said the prince.
“What do I owe you?” The cabby:
Bonun to Workmen.
“Please, sir, I’ve already 'ad a sover­ A bonus system has been established
eign and a 'arf in the ’nnsom,” bowing by the Westinghouse Electric and
to the prince aud the king of Belgium. Manufacturing company at its plant In
"Here’s for the king of Belgium, then, tt ’ East Pittsburg. The bonus Is based
said the prince, handing the driver a on the net earnings of the company,
V»vereign. “I don't count, you know.” tnd its distribution is among the as­
sistant subforemen. It Is paid quar­
Wn at tlie Wrddlna.
terly In addition to their salaries. If
Wu Ting Fung, who was a guest at the system Is a success, it will be ex­
ii recent wedding In Washington, was
tended by the company to take in all
approached after the ceremony by the skilled workmen of the plant.
best man and Jocularly asked to go
over to the young couple and pronounce
Well Bred.
a Chinese parental blessing. The oblig­ Mrs.
—Are those people
ing Wu Immediately complied. Plac­ who have Hatterson
moved uext door to you well
ing his bauds on the blushing bride bred ?
and shaking groom, he said:
Mrs. Callerson—Oh, yes. They an­
"May every new year bless you with
all my questions and never
a man child offspring until they shall swered
number twenty-five in all. May these asked me one about myself.—Life.
twenty-five man children offspring pre­
A Little Leartiln*.
sent you with twenty-five times twen­
Ernestine had learned tlie word “rat”
ty-five grandchildren, and may these
st school. The teacher pointed to the
grandchildren”—
It Is said that the little bride grew word “nt” and asked her what It was.
hysterical about this time, and the She said, “It Is some part of a rat, but
best man made another request to Wu I don’t know which part It I*”—
Youth's Companion_______
—this time to desist.
The Handicap of a Name.
Had Heard Them All.
Mrs. Hennypeck (In the midst of ber
readlngl—Here is an item which says
that there are more than 250,000 words
In the English language
Mr. Hennypeck —Yes. my denr; so
I’ve beard.—Puck
The children of different countries
have different tastes, but tin swords
are wanted all over the .world.
Poppers—No: we haven't christened
the baby yet. My wife wants to give
him a fancy name out of a book, but I
won’t have It.
Ascum—Why not?
Poppers—Been use then he’d grow up
to tie homely ns blue mud and tough ns
nails. I never knew it to fall — Phils
delphla Press.
This Is the size Tommy's catapult
seemed to Tommy when he was en­
deavoring to hide ft from the eagle eye
of the old gentleman whom he had hit
with a stone from It on the head. Have
you ever had that feeling when you
were a boy?
In the Fatare.
“Do yez keep an assistant to the
cook ?”
“Yes.”
"And do be the assistant hnve a
helper?”
“She has.”
“And have yez a kitchen maid to
clane up after the assistant’s helper?”
“We have.”
“Well, I’ll give yez a week’s trial.”—
Brooklyn Life.
Learning the Boalneta.
Strong—I was sorry to bear that you
bad lost your Job. What are you doing
now?
Weeks—Taking lessons in wood carv­
ing.
Strong—Have you a position In view
after learning the art?
Weeks—Yes. My wife Is going to
open a boarding bouse.—Chicago News.
Saw Nothin* Supernatural In It.
Sunday School Teacher — You say De­
lilah cut Samson's hair and took away
bls strength. Can you think of any
reason why it should have had that
effect?
Tommy Tucker—Maybe be saw blm-
self In the glass after she'd done it,
ma’am.—Chicago Tribune.
Short of Alacrity.
“So you lent Harbinger the money,
did you?”
“Yes.”
“What did be say?”
“He promised to pay with alacrity.”
“He did, eh? Well, let me tell you
this: If there's one thing that’s scarcer
with him than money, It’s alacrity.”
Boston Flats.
Ilaney—Miss Stetsan says she doesn’t
like her surroundings where she Is liv­
ing now. There nre too many flats
there, she says.
Ripley—Il'm! Does she refer to the
inhabitants or only to the apartment
houses?—Boston Transcript.
Bobby’« Locle.
Schoolteacher — Now, Bobby, spell
needle.
Bobby—N-e-l-d-l-e, needle.
Teacher—Wrong. There’s no “I” In
needle.
Bobby—Well, 'tnln't a good needle
then.
Naturally Slow.
“You're not looking well,” said the
hardware clerk to bls friend, the
plumber.
“No; I've been very sick,” replied the
pipe hitter, "but I'm mending slowly.”
—Chicago News.
Willie'« Idea.
"Isn’t It awful liow thin Mr. Henpeck
Is now?” remarked Mrs. Gabble to her
husband. “And lie used to be so stout.”
“Perhaps," chimed In little Willie, re­
membering his trouble with bls bicycle
tires—"perhaps his wife forgets to blow
him up regular, like you said she uster.”
Philadelphia Press.
Hl« Sympathy Arsaaed.
Doctor- Well, my good woman, what
She met him at the door, all breath­
do you want ?
less with excitement.
Beggar-A quarter, doctor; give me a “John,” she cried, “baby's cut n tooth.”
The Tartars owe their alphabet to the
Christian missionaries known as the quarter, nnd I'll tell everybody that you “Poor little fellow!" he returned com-
helped me New York Time*
Nestorian*.
mlseratingly. "Is it a bad cut?”