mated and buried on the top of the
• i
hill, where his ashes can rest forever In
i*f
the place where be has spent so many
i*l
happy dayB. There will be no mourn
The Bride at
Maid ••Obey.*
î*i
fulness alsjut his last resting place, for
In telling about "Nome People I Have |*L
Married” lu Ladies’ Home Journal the
the merry, innocent sport and the Joy
Rev. D. M. Steele says: “Being an
ous chatter of the children, the music
Episcopalian, I always use the formal
of the birds that will take refuge in the
"Home again, home again, from a
printed service of the prayer book. In
trees of this children’s retreat on “The
thia the greatest stickler Is ’obey.’ One foreign shore.” If there ever was an
day a couple came to me, brtngtng as occasion when that good old song that Heights,” will be his requiem. In
witnesses the parents of both bride and is tuned to ring in every heart could be speaking of his good intentions the
groom. Everything proceeded smooth sung lustily and with intense feeling on other day, the poet said: "The chil
dren want good water, good climate
ly to the [xjint 'love, honor and obey,'
when the bride refused to say the last. the Pacific Coast, that time was on the and a good, big forest. All of these
1 repeated it and waited. Again she 2d of July. Four regiments had been "The Heights” has, and I will, as long
paid and mustered out of Uncle Sam’s
refused, and I shut up my book.
us I live, continue to improve it along
“Then there was a scene. They talk service, and four thousand men were these lines.” Some time ago Poet Mil
ed It over, and the more seriously they free to go when and where they chose. ler placed a deed in the hands of Mayor
argued and discussed the more stub Many of them chose to go to their
bornly she refused. The parents be homes in the East, where loved ones Pierce of Oakland, giving a ¡xirtion of
came angry, the groom excited and the were waiting to welcome them back “The Heights” for a children’s park
bride hysterical. To humor her, be into the b/iily circle that had seemed when enough ad|oining land had been
secured to make a park of a hundred
joined In the request to have me leave
it out. But 1 liked the fellow and de mi emptyTUnce they marched away. acres, when the deed was to be placed
cided that a little sternness from me All of them had more or less money on record, but the owners of the land
In the present might lie n favor to him and comparatively few spent their did not make a mad rush to the May
in the future. Ho I told them 1 had no dimes und dollars in the saloons, but or’s office to deed away their property.
authority to change It and would not they left many a silver dollar in the In fact, not a single acre was donated,
do so. 1 tried to show the foolisliuess stores and received in return ribbons,
so the poet has determined now to give
ot her objection, but It was no use.
dainty little souvenirs, pictures, views
“Finally I said to him: 'Well, this of Kan Francisco and articles of Jewelry, his one hundred acres for use of the
household must have a head some which they stored away in their brand little folks, regardless of what others
may do in the matter. His name will
where. I will leave It out for her If
you will say It.’ Then It wax his lime new grips, baskets and trunks as gifts be enshrined in the hearts of the chil
to refuse, which he did. lie gathered for their relatives and friends in file old dren for generations to come, and to
up bls lint and started for the door home. Polly never saw so many new Polly’s mind it is better than to leave
when, presto change, she sprung after grips and baskets at one time as were his projierty for the endowment of a
him, led him back by the baud, looked packed up at tlie ferry depot by the
college.
meekly up at him and said it.”
anxious soldiers, who jealously guarded
their belongings while they were im
One of my little friends said the other
A Winning Tonch.
patiently waiting for the gates to open. day he would like to blow soap-bubbles
“Darling!”
The strong, manly voice was low ami What a busy scene it was. Nuch hap in San Francisco bay all day long, for
Intense as the handsome face bent piness on their sunburned faces, ami there were such nice “soap-suds.” He
over the fair, bowed head by the tire. nearly all of them were rugged and got his idea from the many whitecaps.
“Darling," be went on eagerly, “I here healthy lisiking in appearance and neat
are others here observing us. I must and clean, it was pell-mell, hustle und
BRIEF REVIEW.
see you a moment alone.”
rush by those who were the last ones
Foran Instant the listener was quiet, coming to the ferry. They had no
and not a curl stirred on the lofty
A Town with a Peculiar Grievance.
brow. Then the blue eyes were raised time to spare. Baggage had to be
The people of the town of Limoges
checked and tlie gisid-byes said to new
to the beseeching dark ones.
whence
in shipped much of the finest
friends
and
acquaintances
tliey
had
“Yes. what Is It?” was the low reply.
met during tHeir short sojourn on the table |sircelain used in the United
“I-well”—
A slight red flush mantled the neck Pacific slope. Two of the regiments States, are up in arms aguinst Mlle, de
and cheeks of the speaker. In striking mustered out were colored, and many Noualhier, one of the most beautiful
contrast to the cool, calm dignity ills of them were going home, too. Tlie aristocrats of France. With the lady
played In every movement of the half ticket agents and baggage masters had charity has become a mania, and she
reclining figure In the big plush chair. their hands full, although tliey had pre sympathizes with consumptives so ac
"Tlie fact Is.” lie went on, mustering
tively that the whole town is imperiled.
up courage, the first embarrassment pared as well as they could for the rush
Hhe
has a chateau in the heart of the
by
having
plenty
of
tickets
ready
and
giving place to n little more self con
fidence, “I have come to ask you some putting on additional men to handle town, and there she takes by hundreds
patients in the last stages of tuberculo
thing I never expected would pass my the great quantity of baggage.
sis. They are cared for and finally
Ups, especially after the last sum I
borrowed from you. Darling, will you
Polly stood and watched them lith buried gratis. Almost daily a funeral
lend me $10?"
a feeling that was just as near akin to procession issues from the great portals.
Jack Darling laid aside his paper.
joy
as though one of those stalwart sol Home days two or even three coffins are
“Ot course, old man." he cried hearti
borne away at the same time. The
ly. “Let’s first get n drink." And the dier Isiys was coming home to our own
two passed out of the clubroom togeth tireside. 1 pictured them going home, neighboring streets have been made
er.—San Francisco News Letter.
the happiness of those who were wait so melancholy that shopkeepers and
ing to receive them. (July a few days’ dwellers have gradually fled. When
A I.MNt IKenoarce.
journey separated them, and yet they about twenty members of the com
A lady was recently rending to In-r would be longer to the anxious soldiers munity have passed away she goes to
young son the story of a lilt)«* fellow
Paris for another batch. In Limoges
whose father was taken ill and died, than the long, tiresome trip from the cemetery, which had to be enlarged
Philippines.
I
wondered
that
if
they
after which he set himself diligently
twice on that account, there are over
to work to assist in supporting himself could all break forth into song at that 3000 graves of ini|>orted consumptives.
and his mother When she had finished moment what the melody would be.
the story, she said:
It would not have Ireen some grand At last iudubitable signs of the general
“Now, Tommy, if pa were to die. autliem. I don’t believe it would have infection of the town by the germs of
wouldn't you work to keep mamma?"
been our national hymn, for their hearts tuberculosis was noticed by physicians.
“Why. uo.” said the little chap, not were tuned to something nearer and The proportion of people attacked in
relishing the idea of work. “What for?
creased by leaps and bounds, and, thor
Ain’t we got a good house to live In?" dearer, and I believe they would have oughly aroused, the people demanded
made
the
welkin
ring
with
“
Home,
"Oh, yes, my dear," said the mother,
that the private hospital be removed.
“but we can't ent the house.you know." Sweet Home’’ and "Home Again.” 1 Mlle.de Noualhier defied the authori
“Well, ain’t we got plenty of things am sure the same thought would have
In the pantry?” continued the young occurred to you if you could have seen ties, and when a crowd of angry people
made a demonstration against her she
hopeful.
those anxious, expectant faces.
demanded police protection, which was
“Certainly, dear,” replied the mother,
granted.
“but they would not last long, and
Polly saw one touching incident in
what then?”
Europe’s Trade in Cheap Labor.
“Well, ma,” said the young incorrigi that busy, bustling scene. One of the
ble after thinking a moment, "ain’t soldiers lay on the ground with a group
“Trade in Men and Women”—such
there enough to last till you get anoth of fellow-soldiers around him. He was is the heading given by some papers to
er busband?”
going home with the boys, but it did the following facts, writes a Berlin cor
Ma gave It up.—London Answers.
not look as though he would ever reach respondent to the Pittsburg Dispatch.
there; he appeared too ill. His com The number of agricultural laborers in
Immediately Suspicion».
“Wby did you terminate your Inter panions were working with a will. Eastern Germany (and in a milder de
view with that professional politician They would not leave him behind and gree all over Germany) being wholly
so abruptly?” asked the confidential they intended to take him on board in insufficient, Russians and Poles are be
man.
“ship-shape” order. Gue young man ing imported. An advertisement in au
"He made me suspicious at the out who looked enough like him to be a Agrarian paper reads ax follows: “Gue
set,” said Senator Sorghum. "I don't brother was holding his head in his thousand Russian Poles, .’MMX) Galicians
care bow much prevarication my as lap and pouring medicine between his
sistants use toward other people, but 1 colorless lips from a bottle with a look (men, women and boys) for field and
brick work, can lie supplied immedi
want them to be frank nnd honest with
me. The first thing that man did wax of anxiety on his face as he proceeded ately, quick delivery, free to border or
to tell me a falsehood. He said lie was to fan him after the bitter dose. An Berlin.” In another place: “One thou
working from disinterested motives other soldier was down on his knees sand Russians and Galicians are offered
and didn't want money.’’—Washington witli a piece of clotl> wiping the dust as horse, cattle, sheep and swine keep
Star.
from his shoes and ]>olishing them up ers.” The “Agricultural Office” offers
witli a liquid he |>our«*l over them, and other servants from Russia.
IlltHcnlt to Treat.
“Well, what Is the matter with your another young man was kneeling down
husband?" the physician asked as lie and rubbing his thin and amaciated
Wheat in Kansas.
laid down bis repair kit and removed hands, while two others stood by ar
Commencing the latter part of May
ranging aliout his baggage and assuring
bis gloves.
and extending far into July the great
“Imaginary insomnia," replied Mrs. him they would see that It was taken
wheat belt of Kansas is, |>erhaps, the
Fosdlck.
aboard. He was going home, but if he
“Imaginary Insomnia?” repented the did not improve it was only for a brief liveliest place in the world. For the
thirty days of harvest season the golden
physician Inquiringly.
season when he would be summoned
“That’s what It is. He thinks lie out of the ranks to join the vast ma- grain is reaped at the rate of $2,(MX),(XX)
doesn't sleep at night, but be gets lots
a day. The fanners are growing rich
more sleep than I do.”—Detroit Free jority. Poor fellow! What a desperate at the rate of $1000 a minute. But they
effort lie was making to keep that little
Press.
forget all this and are pessimistic until
spark of life which was fluttering so
after the grain has been placed behind
The New Itnlihlt.
feebly alive until he could resell home.
"Why, where did you come from. You might assure him that "while granary doors and covered by fire in
Uncle Jasper?” I said to the old darky there was life there was hope,” but in surance. Then they may go into town
and spend $100 as easily as liefore they
who had sent the house girl In to tell
your own heart you would have felt
me that he wanted to see me.
would s|>end 5 cents. Then the wom
"I come f’um Decatur, Miss Alice," that in this case the promise wasalmost en folks may strike for money, and get
be said. “I got to Atlanta 'bout two a mockery.
cheeks that would make a woman of
hours ago, but I didn't 'low you wus
The poet, Joaquin Miller, has the fashion feel satisfied.
ready to see nobody.”
“Did you come on the train?" 1 interests of the children at heart and is
asked.
planning that-even after he has gone
Sports at Glasgow Exhibition.
“No, ma’am; dot I didn't. I come In bench his memory will be kept ever
The
arrangements made for outdoor
on de rabbit.”
green in their hearts. His beautiful s|s>rts at the Glasgow exhibition are
“On what?”
"On de rabbit. You shol.v done heerd home, known as “The Heights,” and excellent, and the authoritk*s have ar
comprising one liunnred acres, he in
er de new rabbit dey's got.”
ranged for a continuous succession of
“Ob,” I said, "you mean the rapid tends to leave as a park for the children high-class fixtures on the specially con
of Oakland. The poet says: “Myplace structed s|s>rts ground, which com-
transit?”
“Yessum, de rabbit transhunt Dot's is not suitable for a general park and is prist's a four-lap cement track for cycles,
wbut I tol’ you. She ain't de color er too rough for a driving park, and my
no rabbit”—bursting Into a laugli—“but idea is that it is only fitted for a chil a cinder track for pedestrians, a capital
she sho do git ober de groun* lak one.” dren's park or playground, and that is football pitch, with ample dressing
rooms anilstand accommodation for 25,-
—Leslie's Weekly.
what I intend it shall lie. In the years IXX) spectators. Yacht races on the
1 have lived here I have seen thousands Clyde, in which Nir Thomas Lipton’s
A Philosopher.
Wife—There’s a burglar down cellar. of children come here and romp and Shamrock II will figure, have also been
Henry.
play.” The poet has had this idea in arranged under exhibition auspices.
Husband—Well, my dear, we ought view for several years, in fact, ever since
to be thankful that we are up stairs.
hf purchased the property. When he
A presidential elector in New York
Wife—But he’ll come up here.
liecame the purchaser of "The Heights” receives the sum of 115 for each day in
Husband—Then we'll go down cellar, they were destitute of timber. Now
attendance at Albany, together with
my dear. Surely a ten room bouse
ought to be big enough to bold three the sunburned hills are covered with a “10 cents per mile each way from his
growth of healthy young trees which place of residence by the most traveled
people without crowding.
he has planted and takes a great deal of route to the place of meeting.”
A Scoop.
pride in. Every improvement he makes
“Wbat did your wife do when she
Auy one can ride prosperity anil a
found those poker chips In your over about the place is done with a thought
coat pocket?" asked the practical Joker for the future happiness of the little camel when they walk, but when they
"8be took the nintter very coolly. folks, who will romp, sing, play and run most people are apt to be hurt.
She found out where they on me from swing in the pretty park when he has
and sent a messenger boy to get them gone to his long rest. When that time
When you can get a hearse at a bar
cashed.”—Washington Star.
comes he wishes his remains to be cre- gain. drive the bargain.
BANDON RECORDER.
PI ZZI.ES FORJUDGES HUMOR OF THE HOUR CHOICE MISCELLANY
SIMPLE WORDS THAT HAVE TANGLED
UP ENGLISH COURTS.
Some
Teri»»
ot
Almoat
Everyday
I ae That Proved to Be Too Pro
found For tlie Intelligence ot the
Learned Bench and Bar.
In n ease that came before a famous
lord Justice some time ago the counsel
for the proHis-uiion lu the evidence bad
to mention n "blouse.”
The judge asked wbat a blouse was,
and it wus explained that this was part
of a lady's dress. But the case came to
■ dead stop for the time, for tbe judge
did not know which part, and after
tome hesitation tbe bnrrister admitted
that he wasn’t sure. Several learned
brothers gave tlieir opinion, some opin
ing a blouse was the upper half of a
lady's costume, while others Insisted it
must be the lower half. The entire
court, filled with learned celebrities
whose heads held all tbe laws of Brit
ain, from pitch and toss to manslaugh
ter, argued It out, but nobody was sure.
The Judge thought It was the lower
half, but a junior barrister who had
lately been married said he thought
that that half was called a skirt, but
did not feel certain. At length a lady
was called, who set the court right.
Another odd dilemma happened not
long ago when In the llobson "horse
faking” case the word "fetlock" arose.
\ fetlock, ns everybody knows. Is the
ankle of a horse. Tbe court asked
what It was. however, and the prose
cuting counsel was nonplused. The
witnesses were out of court save one,
and he knew nothing. The Judge
thought a fetlock was a sort of hind
knee, otherwise “hock,” but one learn
ed brother was quite certain It was the
lock of hair that hangs over a horse’s
forehead. The defendant’s solicitor
opined It was that part of tbe harness
which slips over tbe tall, the crupper,
and another legal celebrity agreed with
the Judge. Finally the court bad to call
a stable groom to clear up tlie mystery.
In a case that was settled some years
since the recorder was brought up
short by a phrase used by the counsel
for defense, who spoke of a transaction
concerning a pound of "blacklead.”
Tills Is a common nnd useful article,
but the counsel ou being asked to ex
plain Its nature said It was a black
substance used for boot polishing. The
recorder thought it was a mineral used
In lend pencils, hut another barrister
asserted It to be a “tough kind of lead
used for rooting houses.” The case was
brought to a standstill, and one lawyer,
unsurpassed In legal knowledge, de
clared that blacklead was a slang term
for pig iron as produced In the north
country. A fourth expounder of the
law vaguely suggested It was tbe op
posite of white lead, and finally a do
mestic servant put the court right, and
the assembly at last learned that It was
used for blacking stoves.
Another dilemma was produced a Ut
ile while ago on the western circuit by
the Introduction of the words “dry
nurse" In an address to the court. Tills
bewildered the Judge, who asked if a
dry nurse was a nurse who dried ba
bies after they bad been washed. That
solution did not occur to the learned
counsel, who, after some hesitation,
said he thought It meant a nurse who
was not addicted to drinking and there
fore most suitable to look after Infants.
Nobody seemed to know what the term
really meant, though several more
guesses were made, tbe last of them
that a dry nurse was one who could
not amuse children.
The court was again nonplused by a
statement made that somebody con
cerned In the case supposed to suffer
from melancholia was really "as Jolly
as a sandboy." Tbe Judge wanted to
know wliat a sandboy was In order to
form some Idea as to the exact degree
of Jollity Involved. The counsel could
not tell him. though one suggested It
was a boy who sanded the roads and
the other thought II might be a lad
building sand castles on the senshore.
The whole court stopped to discuss
what n sandboy was and wby be was
Jolly, but they could not solve the prob
lem.
It is hardly believable that anybody
should not know what a “snaffle” Is.
but n Ixmdon magistrate recently desir
ed to be Informed, and nobody could
tell him wbat a snaffle might be. A
solicitor thought It was the same thing
ns the “curb,” and the clerk bad an
idea It was a kind of cold In the head
which horses caught, causing them to
snttfile a good deal.—London Answers.
A Fameaa Temple.
The most mngnlficent work of archi
tecture In the world is the Taj Mahal,
in Agra. Hindustan. It was erected by
Shah Jeban to the memory of bls fa
vorite queen. It Is octagonal In form,
of pure white marble. Inlaid with Jas
per. carnelian, turquoise, agnte, ante
th.vsts nnd sapphires. The work took
J2.000 men 20 years to compute, and
though there were free gifts and the
labor was free the cost Is estimated at
$10,000,000.
Hrlplna Him.
Mr. Backward-Well—er—yes, since
you ask me. I was thinking of consult
Ing a fortune teller.
Miss Coy-To find out whom you will
marry, eh?
Mr. Backward-Wby—er—yes. I—
Miss Coy Why not ask me and save
the fortune teller's fee toward tbe price
of the ring?—Philadelphia Press.
An Order Could Be Filled.
Customer (In Boston restaurant>-
Walter, have yon any fried eels?
Walter-We have eels, sir, ami they
arc susceptlbh- of being fried.-Les
lie's Weekly.
The first mention of stamps Is In the
letters of the old Bishop Syneslus of
Cyrene. on tbe Greek coast of Africa,
400 years nftcr the Christian era.
In order to obviate the frequent dis
putes ns to the ages of children tbe
steamboat authorities In Switzerland
have decided that In every case where
doubt arises the child must be meas
ured. All children under two feet are
to have free passage, while those be
tween two feet nnd four feet are to pay
hnlf fares
Watted For the Appropriation.
“Yes, lie lias cut loose the dogs of
war.”
“Wliat was holding them back?”
“Tbe sinews.”—Cleveland Plain Deal
er.
He Pelt Claeap.
“Excuse me. sir,” »aid the disagree
able man, "but that opeu window is
very annoying. ’
“I'm sorry, but I'm afraid you’ll have
to grin and bear it."
“I wish you would close It, sir.’’
“Would like to accommodate you. but
I can't.”
“Do you refuse to close that window.
Sir?”
“I certainly do.”
“If you dou't close It. 1 will.”
“I’ll bet you won’t.”
“If I go over there, I will."
“I’ll give you odds you won’t.”
“I’ll ask you once more, sir, will you
»lose that window?”
“No, sir: I will not.”
“Then I will, sir.”
“I would like to see you do It.”
“I’ll show you whether I will or not,
sir."
"Why don't you close it?”
“It—appears to be stuck.”
“Of course it is. I tried to close ft be
fore you came In.”
And then the disagreeable passenger
felt childish, and the other passengers
chuckled audibly.—Tit-Bits.
Summer Fiction.
In a frenzy of self depreciation Ber
trand fell upon Ills knees.
“Oh. why.” cried he. "should you. a
Indy born, love me, the mere hired man
upon a New Jersey truck farm?"
"Silly boy!" exclaimed Helene archly.
“If you bad been a character In sum
mer novels ns long as I have, you’d
know that it takes amazing stunts to
keep people from thinking of the ther
mometer.”
Here she lighted a fresh black cigar.
—Detroit Journal.
One Short.
“Well.” asked tbe professor, “did you
Stem! our commencement and meet
ir graduates?"
"No." answered tbe editor; "1 didn't
attend, but I’ve met them all, I guess.
How many young men did you gradu
ate this year?"
"Two hundred and twelve." answer
ed the professor.
"Then one of them must be III.” said
the editor. "Up to date only 211 have
been around to strike me for a Job.”—
Indianapolis Sun.
Iterile'» I. unì Jokf.
Bert Loonpot—See here, chappies, I'm
Just a-going to collar that chap’s leg
and then hark like a dog. Bet It fright
ens him nearly out of his senses. Just
you watch.
A True Horae Story.
A remarkable Instance of equine sa
gacity was exhibited recently which
comes to us testified to by several re
liable witnesses. Thomas Drummond,
a teamster in our city, owns a horse
which lias beeu afflicted with lame
ness for two or three weeks. One
morning Mr. Drummond turned him
out upou the common, hoping that
fresh air and exercise would benefit
tbe animal. Upon gaining his liberty
the crippled horse bobbled along on
three legs direct to the blacksmith
shop of William Eager, entered the
shoeing department and stood there
holding up tils injure«! foot, with bls
bead turned and bls eyes intelligently
fixed upou Mr. Eager.
This peculiar act upon the part ot
a brute attracted Mr. Eager's attention
aud induced him to examine tbe foot
held Invitingly up for Inspection. The
result of that examination was tbe
discovery of a long nail driven Into the
frog, which was the cause of the larne-
luesx. Of course Mr. Eager removed
the nail. Mr. Drummond generally
had his horses shod at Mr. Eager’s
shop, and the suffering brute undoubt
edly reason«*«! that this was tbe place
for him to go for relief.
Equlue Intelligence, according to tjie
common acceptation of tbe term, is not
so rare, but when a horse deliberately
concocts and executes a plan for re
lieving his luJ ur«*d foot of a rusty nail
be certainly can lay claim to a small
portion of the reasoning faculties
which are supposed to elevate the hu
man race above the level of brutes.—
Janesville (Wis.) Gazette.
No More Tips to Croupiers.
The tip question bothers Monte Car
lo. too, and as a result of tbe laxity due
to giving and taking tips eight croupi
ers have been dlsmlsse«l and other em
ployees of tbe gambling establishment
have been disciplined. It nil came
aliout through the dispute which Inva
riably arises when winnings are made
by persons other than those connected
with I he "house.”
When the wheel stops on a winning
number, argument begins as to who
really put his money on that number,
and the croupiers naturally have been
disinclined to side against those who
have tipped them liberally. Tbe same
lx the case when the dispute Is left
with th«' presiding croupier. Of course
the aggrieved player could go up higher
ami appeal to officers superior to the
croupier, but this course usually Is dis
tasteful to gamblers.
Th«' spirit of dissatisfaction grew so
strong that something radical bad to be
done, for tbe bank wins from $4,000,000
to $o,000,000 a year from the players
besides what the players win from one
another. N.viurally enough, the mana
gers of the bank have decided to allow
the «-couplers to take no tips whatever
from any of the customers.
A Parallel to Aladdln’a Lamp.
We may breakfast on f<x»d cooked by
electricity, we ride In the morning to
our offices, which are cooled nnd venti
lated by electric fans, In a car warmed,
light«'«! nnd propelled by electricity,
rending a newspaper printed by elee-
tl-le power and from type sent up by a
mnclilm* driven by nil electric motor.
The white paper itself is made from
wood by electrically manufactured
sodn. Its news received by electric tele
graph and some of It during the South
African wnr flushed by electric search
lights from a town 12,000 miles away,
And that chap was frightened. “Ya sent by electric cables to us, coming so
rah! Hellup!” lie howled; but, unfortu fast that It outstripped the sun in his
nately for Bert, it made him upset that dally progress nnd arrived here several
melted lead, and some of It dropped hours before it started. Is there any
story of Aladdin’s Imnp that can paral
down poor Bert’s neck, and —
lel such a marvel?—Leslie's Weekly.
Iler Doable Mlaalon.
Well, you look In tbe picture. He act
ed like a raving lunatic. Ob, Lor’, bow
be did screech and howl! But he's
given up practical joking now.
All That la Needful.
“Yes, sir," remarked tbe Impecunious
man; “If It were not for one thing I
could square up with everybody and
start a real nice Imuk account.”
“What’s the one thing?”
“I can't stop living long enough. ADy
minute I can figure what's due me and
what I owe and see a tidy balance to
my credit, and If I could only stop liv
ing while 1 mnde tbe collections I
would be In a position shortly to start
out on a firm financial basis.”—Chicago
Post
A young woman schoolteacher of
Kansas on her way to the Philippines,
where sin1 Is to teach, writes thus to a
friend: “Dear Mazie—Yes; It Is true
that I have signed a contract to tench
three years In the Philippines, nnd that
contract looks very big ami horrid to
in«' now, for papa says the government
will hold me to It whatever happens.
But I don’t believe the government
would force a girl to keep on teaching
If one of those brave, noble colonels or
erptninx asked It to let her off so he
could—oh. you sly thing! You know
what we talked about. Anyway, I am
going, ami If 1 come back with a mili
tary title to my naftie won’t you poky
things envy me? Your own. Gaily.”
Fro*a Do Not Swallow Water.
A REMARKABLE DUEL
BOTH OF THE PARTICIPANTS WERE
QUICK ON THE TRIGGER.
An
Enforced
Parada
Preceded
the
Gun Play. Which Waa on the Pull
■ nd Shoot Order—Why Bratton Waa
Glad He Last Hie Hight Hand.
"The most affectionate looking two
handed gun play that I ever saw,” said
* Colorado gentleman lu one of tbe
house committee rooms, “was the one
that happened at La Junta, In my
state, between ’Big Divide Jim’ Brat
ton and George Gannon, as plzenlsh a
pair of real bad men of the type that
has now passed away as ever fanned a
.45 or twisted a Bowie.
"Gannon wv the proprietor of tbe
Ollt Edge bonkatonk In La Junta, and
It was at this place that be bad some
trouble with Bratton. The argument
ended by Bratton backing out of the
door with his hands up, Gannon having
the drop. Gannou didn’t shoot then be
cause Ills gun waxu’t loaded. He had
been cleaning It and had forgotten to
replace the cartridges. He’d have killed
Bratton otherwise as a matter of
course.
“That same night Bratton sent word
to Gannon that be meditated shooting
him up some on tbe following day.
Gannon wasn’t a man to -take to the
cliffs or the cactus, having plenty of
notches on his gun barrel himself, and
lie walked around the next afternoon
like a light battery of artillery. ’Big
Divide Jim’ Bratton bulged him, how
ever, by turning a corner suddenly as
Gannou paraded down the main street,
and then it was Gannon’s hands that
went up for a change. Bratton had
two guns covering him, and Gannon
knew his gait.
“ ‘This,’ said Bratton, ’is where 1 get
an even break for my coin. Now, you
like me so much, Gannon, that I want
you to sort of show your appreciation
of me by walkln around town linked
arms with me for awhile.’
“It was up to Gannon to comply with
this peculiar request. ‘Big Divide Jim’
Bratton jabbed his guns back Into his
belt, and then he clutched Gannon’s
left arm and passed It through his
right. Tbe disadvantage of this ar
rangement accrued to Bratton. It left
Gannon’s gun arm free, while In case
of argument Bratton would have to use
bls left gun. But ’Big Divide Jim’
wasn’t selfish.
“The population of La Junta was
amazed to see ‘Big Divide Jim’ Brat
ton and George Gannon, who had al
ways been more or less sore on each
other and who bad had a quarrel that
meant the death of one or both of them
on tbe night before, walking arm in
arm up and dowu tbe main street of
the town. It looked like a peripatetic
love feast between the two of ’em. But
they were watching each other like
cats. At tie end of the street Bratton,
still with bls right arm linked to Gan
non’s left, stopped suddenly and said:
“ ‘George, I ain’t much on the blow
about any gun suddenness that I may
possess, but 1 sure want to give you a
chance. You thrung it into me last
night In a way that’s eat up so much of
the atmosphere around here that
there’s not enough air left In this
neighborhood for both of us to breathe
at one and the same time. I’m a-goin
to count three, and when I say “three”
It’s a breakaway and a finish. You’ve
got a loose right arm, but I ain’t no
bog. One—two—three!’
"The event proved ‘Big Divide Jim’
Bratton the quicker man and the better
marksmpn. ne got Gannon through
the heart, whereas Gannon’s ball lodg
ed In Bratton’s right wrist. Bratton
bad to suffer his right hand to be cut
off that same night.
“The last time I saw him was In
Creede. He was sitting on the edge of
a bunk In his own cabin, close to a
claim he was working. I hadn’t seen
him since he’d lost his band.
“ ’Jim,’ said I, ‘It’s too bad you
should have lost that right band. If
the fellow that plugged you bad only
got the left hand, why’—
“ ’Ob, I don’t know,’ said Bratton
philosophically. ’If I’d ba’ lost my left,
I wouldn’t have been able to play the
fiddle any more.’
“He reached under his bunk and
brought forth an old violin. Then he
rigged up an attachment he had for
holding tbe bow In bls right stump,
and he played the Instrument real
sweetly for me for half an hour or so.
“ ‘I couldn’t have done no flngerln If
I’d ba’ lost my left book, you know,’ he
said simply when be put tbe old fiddle
away.”—Washington Post
At a recent meeting of naturalists at
Chicago Mr. II. H. Donaldson describ
ed experiments with frogs tending to
The Result of Hla Study.
show that those animals rapidly ab
”1 suppose you have made a study of
sorb water through the pores of the
skin. He emphasized the fact that human nature,” remarked tbe friend.
“I attribute my success in life to thst
frogs never take water by the mouth.
On being exposed for several hours to fact,” answered Senator Sorghum.
“Were you ever tempted to give the
dry air the frogs experimented with
lost 14 per cent of their weight, but world tbe benefit of your observations,
Impatient.
this wus nearly all regained within 24 to put them into book form as a human
"Politics Is mighty quiet,” said tbe hours when they were replaced In a comedy or something of that sort?”
"My dear sir. It wouldn't lake a book
veteran colored voter. “De only thing dish containing water only one centi
to do It I have figured on tbe problem
ilat 'pears ter be runnln now Is de riv meter in depth.
of human nature until I know the an
er, en flshin In hot weather don't pay.
swer. I should Just say, ’Human ua-
Oar Indian»' Ration*.
I got a mortgage on my house en mule,
etl de res’ er my family Is In need, so I
Gradually the government Is dolnj ture loves money.’ and let It go at
does wish dat [lolitlca would start up away with the distribution of rations that.”—Exchange.
en give a man a chance ter make a to Indians. In live years tbe system
Button*.
hones’ llvln.”—Atlanta Constitution.
will be practically abolished. There are
Towne— For goodness’ sake, what are
now In the United Static 2(18,(XX) In
A Fund la Sight.
dians. Of this number 42.250 draw ra you so crauky about?
Browne-Oh. I asked my wife to sew
“Harriet, let's give each other a dime tions regularly, while 12,(XX) more are
every time we grumble about tbe provided for at various times when a button on my coat.
Towne— And wouldn’t she do It?
beat.”
they are unable to work or do not fee
Browne- Yea. but I've just discover
“No. Harry. You give me a dime like It. In the latter class are Include«
every time you say you never grumble most of the Indians who have grown ed that tbe button she sewe«) on my
al«>ut the beat.”—Chicago Record-Her old and are deserted by tlieir young eoat she cut from my veut.—Exchange.
aid.
relatives.
Wliat Waa Needed.
A Sure Thin*.
When Doctor* Agreed.
“There Is Just one way for us to
meet success In this venture," said tbe
first schemer.
"And that?” queried his partner.
"Is to avoid meeting our creditors
• Philadelphia J‘rexs.__
Frosts are unknown In the orange
belt of southern California, and the
growers are constantly experimenting,
with the result that the fruit has been
brought to a stnte of perfection scarce
ly dreamed of 15 years ago, when It
wns coarse and stringy, with more pulp
than Juice.
There has been a marked decrease In
the population of French India of Into.
In five settlements, with a total of 273,-
1K5 Inhabitants, there has been a de
crease of more than 11,000 in the last
ten year», though they have been free
from famine and plague.
"He was threatened at one time, as I
understand the case, with a complica
tion of disorders.”
"Good land! What saved him?"
“Professional courtesy, they say.’’—
Detroit Journal.
QaleU and Effective.
nenry Ward B«>echer used to tell a
story about a priest In tbe olden time
who was called to bless tbe field of a
poor farmei prior to tbe planting. He
came and after surveying tbe soil re
marked to tbe agriculturist, “Praying
won’t do here; wbat you want Is ma
nure.”
An Ineorrl*lble.
Willie—How did you break your wife
“If there ever was a terrible child In
of tbe "advanced woman” craze?
Wise—Told her everyliody thought It this world,” remarked the worried
meant “advanced" In years. Kansas mother, “he's one.”
“What’s hfs particular fault?”
City Independent.
“Do what I will, I can’t break him of
Owing to the ravages of the peronos- tbe habit of telling the truth right out
pora, the larva of a small moth, lu the when we have company.”—Phlladel-
wine growing provinces of Greece, Dhla Times.
great distress exists. In some districts
Officers who lose arms or legs In the
the people being absolutely starving. service of the British army will In fu
Whole families are leaving their homes, ture be supplied with artificial limbs at
most of them migrating to America. the cost of tbe government. No provi
2,000 people having left lately.
sion, It seems, Is made for tbe private.