BANDON RECORDER.
None nt Hla Uiialnexa.
While waiting for the tralu the bride
and bridegroom walked slowly up and
down the platform.
“I don't know what this joking and
guying may have been to you,” he
remarked, “but it's death to me. i
never experienced such an ordeal.”
"It's perfectly dreadful,” she an
swered. "I shall be so glad when we
get away from everybody we know.”
"They're actually Impertinent,” he
went on. "Why, the very natives”—
At this unpropltious moment the
wbeez.v old station muster walked up
to them.
“Be you goln to take this train?” he
asked.
“It's none of your business!” retorted
the bridegroom indignantly as be guid
ed the bride up the platform, where
they condoled with each other over tlie
impertinence of the natives.
Onward came the train, its vapor
curling from afar. It was the last to
their destination that day, an express.
Nearer, nearer it came at full speed.
Then lu a moment it whizzed past and
was gone.
“Why in thunder didn’t that tralu
stop?” yelled the bridegroom.
"Cos you sed 'twarn’t none of my
blzness. I lias to signal If that train's
to stop.”
And as tbe old station master softly
stroked bls beard there was a wicked
twinkle in bls eye.—London Spare Mo
ments.
Of all the dainty, captivating, as well
as tantalizing little booklets that have
been gotten out to woo |>eople—men,
women and children—from the hum
drum of city life into the cool and shady
retreats of country life, it is the dainty
booklet gotten out by the California
Northwestern Hailway Company, and
very appropriately called “Vacation.'1
From start to finish it is a gem, giving
you a full list of all the summer resorts
and mineral springs, where the broken
down In health people can partake of
the sparkling waters and enjoy a new
lease on life, and a full list of the sub
urban town and country homes that
are desirous of varying the monotony of
their quiet life by taking summer board-
era, as well as all necessary information
for those who nothing short of real
camp life and an out and out outdoor
life will satisfy. It gives you over two
hundred places from which jo select
your summer abiding place, with the
various attractions of each place, the
terms, and full directions how to reach
it and the cost of transportation, be
sides a long list of the various hotels in
the towns and their rates per week and
month. In fact this little book, "Va
cation,” does all of your thinking and
planning for you. You have only to
glance over it and make your selection.
Did I say glance over it? Well, you
can’t do it, for it is gotten up so attract-
ively and so lieautifully illustrated with
scenes pertaining to the various sec-
tions that before you know it tlie sec
onds that you had taken to glance
over “Vacation” have slipped into
minutes, and the minutes into some
thing like an hour. 11 is such a fascin-
ating little book for pleasure seekers,
and seems to anticipate what you de
sire most. It takes you all through the
Isautiful Mendocino, Sonoma, Russian
River and Marin valleys into the very
her.rt of the redwtxxls and the shady
trout steams teeming with speckled
beauties, and what enhances the latter
to the angler who would rather flsh
than eat, these same trout streams
have been replenished by thousands of
little fry from the California North
western Railway Company’s own flsh
hatchery near Ukiah. But for the
company’s etl'orts the streams would
have long since been robbed of their
tinny tribe. As it is, however, there is
still rare sport for the disciples of Isaac-
Walton. A friend who picked up my
little Ixxiklet, “Vacation,” said: “It’s
almost as good as taking a trip, to read
this Ixxik, l’olly. You can almost im
agine you were already there in some of
the places, and the pictures are so love
ly of the many resorts and recreations
that these places hold in store for the
summer guests. It makes one long to
pack their trunk and get out of the
city on short order.” "Vacation” is a
good b<x)k to keep for future reference.
whether it Is* in word or deed. It is
these little acts of kindness that help
us to bear the disappointments and dis
couragements with a brave heart. It
does not always require money to cre
ate happiness for people. I have known
of more than one little body who had
such a bright, encouraging way of talk
ing to discouraged and dsspondeut peo
ple that in a short time their fears were
dispelled, their heavy heart was as light
as thistle-down and they could see the
silver lining to the black elouds of
gloomy forebodings that had obscured
all hope. They were ready to gather
their forces together again and hurl de
fiance at the little black demons of ad
versity that had succeeded in making
them believe fate had ordained that
their lives should be failures and they
might just as well surrender to the in
evitable and rest upon their oars in
stead of pulling against the stream,
knowing that they were but expending
their strength and making no head
way. There is sure to be a turn In the
tide some time, reasons the encouraging
little body, and the sullen undertow of
Hie curret called discontent and hope
lessness must give way before the fret
ful river will spring into new life and
go singing and rippling on the way.
BRIEF REVIEW.
Unique Way of Booming a Town.
ALL IS SELFISHNESS.
The V hv Mnn'i Theory nud How It
Wan Hi ploded.
“After nil.'-' said the wise man. “what
is It but selfishness? The optimist who
goes through fife whistling and singing
•ongs of cheer Is not entitled to any
special credit, because It Is a pleasure
to him to be happy. If It didn't make
him glad to be happy, he wouldn't be
that way. So you see selfishness Iles
at the bottom of bls good cheer.
"Then there Is the pessimist. Is he
discouraged because he thinks it Is ills
duty to mankind to paint dark pic
tures? N'ot at all. Ills Is another clear
case of selfishness. lie gratifies him
self by being unhappy and trying to
make others so. Love, too. Is selfish
ness. The maiden doesn't love the man
to make him glad. It’s her own happi
ness that she promotes In looking upon
him as tlie noblest work of God. Man’s
love for woman has back of It the same
selfish motive.
“So, too, tlie philanthropist's love of
the world. He loves It and loves to do
great things for It because it gives him
a satisfaction to know that he is doing
well.
“Consider it from whatever stand
point you please, and you must always
arrive at the name conclusion. Every
thing that man does he does selfishly.
It Is always a case of gratifying his
own Inclinations. It”—
Just then the wise man turned a som
ersault and skinned his nose against a
water plug. When he got up aud look
ed around, with the look of one who
was beginning to remember things that
had long been forgotten, bls pupil
asked:
“Was It selfishness that Impelled you
to stub your toe? Did you do it be
cause It brought a sense of gratification
to your”—
"Say, you confounded Idiot,” the wise
man replied, “you ought to have that
grin photographed. It would make a
good frontispiece to Darwin's works.”—
Chicago Herald.
CHOICE MISCELLAHV NEW SHOR i STORIES
h >
She 1« Perverted.
Sentiment nnd Dividend«.
Chari«-« K. Lush’s uew novel, “The
Autocrats,” may be considered a study
ut practical politics aud business con
ditions lu < hleago, says The Record-
Herald. Bidwell Is the typical "boss,”
and nere is a characteristic conversa
tion between him aud tbe banker Led-
low:
“I see you have been reading,” ob
served Bldwell, glancing at the book
that I.edlow had laid aside. “I fimi
no time to read myself and did uot
suppose you did.”
"It Is simply a part of my exercise,”
explained I.edlow. “The doctor pre
scribed it. and I read half ail hour ev
ery evening. Then I go to work."
"What Is the book?” asked Bidwell.
"It Is called ‘Treasure Island,’ wrlt-
t ^i by that fellow named Stevenson.”
"Some relative of Ike's, I guess," ob
served Bidwell. "Wliat is it about? I
like the title."
“Oh, It’s all about a couple of men, a
doctor aud a business man, who fitted
up a ship aud weht to an island to dig
up a lot of gold! They got It, too; made
a big return upon the investment.”
"llow much did they declare?” asked
Bidwell.
"Several hundred thousands, I should
judge,” answered the banker.
"Pooh, a mere trifle!” observed Bid-
well.
"The original Investment wasn't
Rode (he Pony to Drink.
A correspondent of the Chicago Hoc- large.” explained the banker apolo
ord-Iierald tells this story about Car getically.
ter's Grove, au old manor house near
No tons Sleep There.
Yorktown, Ya.: "It is one of the cus A good story Is told of oil experience
toms of Carter's Grove, as old as the that
once befell Joseph Jefferson. A
mansion Itself, to have a bowl of mint number
of years ago he played an en
jul' P always standing upon the side gagement
In a small one night stand,
hoard, and people from Williamsburg
In “Rip Van Winkle.” lu tlie
or Yorktown ami the neighboring appearing
hotel at which he stopped was an Irish
planters who passed'-that way never porter
recently landed. Judged by the
failed to stop for refreshment. Dr. deep ami
serious interest he took In tlie
Booth, the present owner, says of one house, lie mlglit have been clerk, man
of the former proprietors who hail the ager and proprietor rolled into one. At
gout so badly that he couhl not walk about 6 o’clock In tlie morning Mr. Jef
and used to lie all day long on a couch ferson was awakened by a violent
In the corner of the dining room and
growl about the pain he suffered: 'He
bad a Shetland pony trained to lie
down on tbe floor beside him. When he
felt thirsty, he climbed upon the pony’s
back, rode over to the punch bowl,
drank freely of the beverage that al
ways could be found there and then
returned to his corner and rolled upon
bis couch, while the patient pony
would lie dowu beside him until his
services were needed again.' ”
The boast of Americans has been
that no matter where you may go lu
any part of the United States there Is
very little difficulty In understanding
the dialect.
Oregon may talk with Florida or
Maine with Arizona without the con
fusion that arises in tbe various coun
ties of England. But if a New York
woman Is to be believed a new lan
guage Is springing up In the metropolis
which promises to develop tbe worst
phases of Anglumanla.
When site answered a summons to
tbe front door, she encountered a small
boy who briefly remarked that he had
tome for “de foyndlsh.”
"Tbe what?”
"De foyndlsh.”
“Well,” she said lu desperation, "I
don't know what you want, but I am
quite sure I haven’t got it. Who sent
you ?”
"De tlogst. De flogst sent me fur de
foyndlsh."
This did not mend matters, aud tbe
boy was going down tbe steps when a
light suddenly burst upon the woman's
mind, and she remembered that she
had asked the florist to send for her
fern dish. Tlie boy was recalled, tbe
dish was brought, and the amenities
were restored.
There is nothing more interesting in
the present-day rivalry for wealth and
power than the methods by which both
Wlint n 'Inner Mn«t Know.
individuals and communities seek to
For a singer to succeed It Is necessa
ry that be should have more than a
exploit their own interests. If a man
.
voice or be a vocalist. Wagner has set
has an enterprise to promote he must
a higher standard, and to him we owe ,
advertise it. If a town wants to grow
It. Not only tbe cultivation of the ,
it must be boomed. In this age of
voice, but the higher education Is nec •
hustling competition the race is almost
essary. The voice alone is not suffi
invariably- to the swift and the battle to
cient, even in the concert room. Sing ’
tlie strong. When, therefore, the only
ing has grown to be quite another art.
industry of any consequence in Central
The singer must be an Impersonator.
I myself studied for live years at the
village, Conn., suspended operations,
GOT A SENATOR’S HAT.
university. But that, as a rule, holds !
the leading citizens of the place saw
one too long. But at least a good gen
that something must be done. With Actor Crane Appropriated the llead-
Kcnr of a Kama« Statesman.
eral knowledge of literature ami of sci
out some effort to prevent it, the town
ence is necessary.
Among the stories that are retailed
would move backward. The Inhabit In the cloakroom of tbe senate when
Tbe day is past when a fiacre driver,
ants would seek employment else that body Is In session at Washington
because he has a beautiful voice, is ac
where and things would go to smash. Is one of how William II. Crane, tbe
cepted as a singer; so also is tbe day
A public meeting was held, therefore, actor, put the finishing touches upon
when a concert in costume Is regarded
as an opera. The standard of imper
to discuss ways and means of booming his great character study, "Tbe Sen
sonation has been Immeasurably raised
the town, attracting newcomers and ator.”
by Wagner. History, literature, knowl
keeping Central village in line with the "As you well know,” said one of the
edge of the plastic arts, are all neces
procession. Various plans were sub group, “Crane took bls character al
sary to the singer.
Wliot Otir College« Cost.
directly from Senator Plumb of
mitted, a long discussion ensued, and it most
American women have, many of
Kansas. Crane bad just started out
In
this
of big things It is inter
was finally decided that the wisest with ’The Senator’ and had opened In esting to era
them, beautiful voices. Again, many
consider the cost of college
thing
to
do
would
lx>
to
build
a
monu
of them go abroad to study. That Is a
Washington. We had all seen tbe per Instruction. That may enable us to
ment in honor of Eve. It was agreed, formance and liked It immensely. But make up our minds as to whether or
mistake. It Is at home that they should
lay the foundation. Build by degrees.
and we think with reason, that a me I thought I saw one defect. Crane not It pays. Tbe grounds and buildings
Do not aim to be a star, but a good art
morial of that character would attract wore a high silk hat. which was not at are appraised at $133,000,000. the pro
ist. Study always, be content with
newcomers to Central village and make all, according to my tblnkiug. lu keep ductive funds at $138.000.(X)0. the scien
small roles. The rest will come of It
life in the place worth living. The idea, ing with tbe Imitation of Plumb, who tific apparatus at $14,000,000. tlie bene
self.—Ernest Van Dyck In Saturday
however, is not absolutely original. It always wore the characteristic broad factions at $21,000,000. wlille tlie total
Evening Post.
has its analogy in the action recently brimmed hat of the southerner. One income of them all Is $21,000,000. That
evening when Crane, Iugalls, Plumb
taken by the residentsofa shipbuilding and myself happened to be dining to Is a great Income, even greater than
ISnKlIsh Ideas of Lynching.
the $1(1.000.000 the poor people of the
town on the coast of Maine. • After gether 1 remarked to Crane about the city of New York annually pay Into the
At a recent dinner In Ixindou the
carefully considering various methods mutter of the high hat.
conversation turned on the subject of
policy shops of the metropolis In a
lynchings in the United States. It was
of booming the place, it was unani
" 'You really ought not to wear IL game in which they have no chance to
the general opinion that a rope was
mously resolved that the best way to for it Is not In keeping with tbe char win. Here is an Illuminating contrast.
the chief end of man in America.
do it would be to erect a monument in acter,' said I. 'You ought to wear one The whole country pays $21.000.000 an
Finally the hostess turned to an Amer
nually for Its highest education. The
honor of Noah, whom the preamble like Plumb's.'
ican, who had taken no part In the
"Crane did not say much In answer, metropolitan city alone puts $16,000.000
Justly
described
as
the
pioneer
ship
conversation, and said:
but when he arose from the table be yearly in a game that only preys on tlie
builder, and as such, entitled to the reached
“You, sir, must have often seen these
out for Plumb's hat and calm Ignorant. 1 fancy no college man ever
grateful
recognition
of
all
persons
en
affairs.”
ly put It on. Leaving his own bat for played policy except In tlie pursuit of
Now
conies
Jules
Henrivaux,
till
gaged in marine architecture.
“Yes," he replied, “we take a kind
Plumb, Crane went off down tbe street knowledge and by way of experiment.
of municipal pride in seeing which city lately director of a glass manufactory
with the old felt affair jammed down When Ignorance is so costly, higher ed
at
St.
Gobain,
who
predicts
that
the
can show the greatest number of
Twenty-tour Messages Over a Single Wire. over bls forehead. Tbe senator was ucation cannot be very dear at twice
coming or new age is to be glass. Mr.
lynchings yearly.”
too surprised to offer objection. Tbe
Some important experiments in con next night Crane appeared on the wlint Is now spent on It.—John Gilmer
“Oh, do tell us about a lynching you Henrivaux holds that glass is the best
Speed In Ainslle's.
have seen yourself,” broke in half a substance known to use for every kind nection with tlie new telegraph system, stage with Plumb's bat ou bls head
dozen voices at once.
which
is
said
to
cheapen
considerably
and thereafter wore It at every per
of structural purpose, and is especially
Support of I’hyalclnn«.
“The night before I sailed for Eng adapted for dwelling houses. As there the cost of telegrams, have recently formance.”—Chicago Chronicle.
Eacli
physician in tlie United States
land.” said the American, “I was giv is an inexhaustible supply of materials been conducted by postal engineers be
has 655 persons to look to for Ills sup
ing a dinner to a party of Intimate
Tnrklab
Kbubarb.
tween London and Glasgow. The new
port. for 1 to 655 Is the proportion, ac
friends when a colored waiter spilled a from which glass is made, in its adap apparatus is the invention of a French
Possessing a savor all Its own, we cording to the latest governmental sta
tability
to
all
shapes
and
forms
and
its
plate of soup over the gown of a lady
come on scores of large cases full of
ut an adjoining table. The gown was durability as w-ell as its cleanliness, and engineer named Mercadier, and by its big. Irregular blocks of a bright yel tistics. California stands at the bottom
or top. depending on the view—of the
means
it
is
possible
to
send
twelve
sep
utterly ruined, and the gentlemen of that itcan lx; shaped, colored and deco
low colored root. “Rhubarb,” says our
her party nt once seized the waiter, rated to an extent of which no other arate messages over one wire at the guide. Indicating It. “Ah! Then it list, for there there are only 416 actual
tied a rope around his neck and, at a material is capable, and it is upon this same time. The system is also capable comes from Turkey?” we cry joyfully, and prospective patients for each M.
signal from the injured lady, swung aspect of the idea that Mr. Henrivaux of being duplexed by which means glad to display our learning for once, D.. while In Alaska 2,349 persons have
to depend on or take chances with one
him into tlie air.”
allows his imagination to dwell and twenty-four separate messages can be but our friend smiles contemptuously.
"Horrible!” said the hostess, with a builds his castles in the air and fur sent at one time over a single wire. “There Is no such thing as Turkey doctor. New York Is near the average,
with 6<>3 persons for each physician to
shudder. "And did you actunily see
nishes them with chairs and tables all When a message is sent, or when twelve rhubarb,” be says, "and, what Is more, look after, and Pennsylvania comes
tills yourself?”
there never I uib beea.” All the rhu
"Well, no,” said the American apolo made of glass, or in other words, vitri separate messages are sent, what hap barb of commerce hails from China, nearer tlie average than any other
state, with 662. Lying partially be
pens
is
this:
Twelve
currents
enter
the
getically. “Just at that time I was fied materials toughened to the strength
reaching us through Russia for the
down stairs killing tlie chef for putting of teak and mahogany. He does not wire, each impressed with a distinct most part, but because in olden days It tween these great states comes New
mustard in the blancmange.”—Modern stop here, however, but cooking uten vibration rate. At tbe receiving sta- made Its Journey by way of Turkey Jersey, where the number of medical
practitioners falls off until one has to
Society.
sils, plates, cups and saucers will be tion they pass through a microphonic It became known as Turkey rhubarb, care for 856 persons.
which
gives
them
added
receiver,
and
Turkey
rhubarb
It
will
remain
be
made of the same substance. This
Kind Ilenrtedne»«.
strength, They are theu discharged cause of the conservative tendencies
Marvel« of the Arc Light.
Tlie gingham shirted boy had made a house of glass will be absolutely clean through twelve receivers. As each of of tbe British public.—Good Words.
The arc light, the most brilliant of
break to pass the ticket seller at the and can be kept clean from horrid these receivers only respond to vibra
artificial lights, followed as a natural
circus entrance, but that gentleman microbes. You can turn the hose on
Husineaa >■ Husineam.
bad caught him and rudely thrust him this glass house and wash it from garret tions of a certain rate, they select eacli
lie liad obtained a place In a real es result of the generation of electricity
back.
to cellar without leaving a trace of hu current belonging to its own particular tate office and was doing everything he by the dynamo, and each light absorbs
“Poor little devil!” said a seedy look midity. Dust will have to seek some message, but are impervious to all could for the Interests of bls employers. nearly one horsepower. There are more
ing man In tlie crowd. “If I bad the other alxxle, and the industrious spider others. By this means the messages The other evening be was at a social than 30.000 arc lamps burning at night
money. I'd buy him a ticket myself.”
will not be able to spin his dainty lacy are accurately sorted out and kept dis gathering and was asked to sing. He In Greater New York, and fully 42 tons
The crowd looked sympathetic, but cobwebs, for the polished surface gives tinct.
responded with "Home. Sweet Home.” of coni every hour are consumed. One
said nothing, while the boy sobbed as
Ills friends were a little surprised at horsepower can furnish current enough
him
no
chance
of
swinging
his
little
If his heart would dissolve.
Ship Bounties in Canada.
the selection, but he was heartily ap-. to keep about 12 Incandescent electric
“I've only got a nickel, little feller,” hammocks in some convenient corner
plauded. Stepping forward, be said: lamps lighted, and In Greater New
an
The
Canadian
Government
has
York there are now In use over 1.000,-
went on the seedy looking one, “and that out of reach of the thorough house
oiler .of $750,000 a year standing as a "1 am glad you liked the song. There ooo of these lamps. The total power re
won't do you no good. Say,” he con keeper’s broom.
is nothing like 'Home, Sweet Home,’
bonus
for
a
fleet
of
fast
steamers
for
the
tinued. turning suddenly to the crowd,
and let me say that the company I rep quired for the electric lighting of this
“let's do one good act in our lives. Let's
No more can we quote, when that Atlantic service, built in Canada of resent is selling homes on terms to suit great city Is certainly not less than
buy him a ticket.”
day conies, “people who live in glass < 'anadian material. In addition to this, within 12 minutes’ ride of the city. Ev 200.000 horsepower, or more than tbe
It looked for a minute as If a collec houses shouldn’t throw atones,” for it Finance Minister Fielding has an- erybody ought to have a home If you combined power equipments of all the
tion was to he started, but a benevo- will lie such an every day occurrence nounced in Parliament that he has don't want to live there, It’s the chance ships of tlie United States navy.—Les
lent looking old gentleman nipped It in
lie's Weekly.
offered a numlier of British shipbuild- of your life for an investment.”
*
the bud by slipping a half dollar Into that the old adage will lose its charm ing Arms a substantial bonus to trans
Peaceful Mlaalun For Cannon Balli.
Dnnehlns the lilts.
tlie hand of the boy. who promptly dis and will be relegated to the musty fer their plants to Canada and build
arehieves of the things that have been.
Case and Comment tells a story of an The authorities at one of the British
appeared Into the tent.
"I thank you a thousand times for These glass houses, however, will be ships at Sydney from iron made by a Illinois attorney who argued to the naval arsenals were rather surprised
Canadian
company.
The
subsidy
for
court one after another of a series of recently by an Inquiry ns to whether
that kind act. sir,” said the seedy look simply a boon to the householder who
ing man.
rents his property to artistic tenants operation of the steamers be proposes very weak points, none of which seem they had any old cannon bnlls for sale,
ed to the court to have any merit until 14 and 28 pounders, such ns Nelson
"You seem to take quite nn Interest who are almost compelled to stick pins to increase also to $1,000,000 a year.
the court finally said, “Mr.---- , do you used at Trafalgar. It turned out tha'
In the little fellow,” remarked the be in the wall to carry out the effect of
Shadow of the Earth.
nevolent one
think there Is anything in these they were required by the owner of f
some
dainty
ornament
that
can
only
points?” To which the attorney re Welsh slate quarry. When a large
“Well," I should think 1 ought to.”
The
earth
has
a
shadow,
but
few
answered the seedy looking man proud successfully lx* made use of by means ever observe it, or, if they do, have no plied, "Well. Judge, perhaps there Isn’t slab of stone has to be detached, a
ly "That's the only son 1 got!”—In of the ever handy little pins that are a knowledge of what they are looking at. much in any one of them alone, but I slit Is opened behind it and small can
terror to the property-owner, who sei’s
dianapolis Sun.
didn’t know but your houor would kind noli balls dropped In. The workmen
then “Jobble" the partly loosened block
the finely papered walls mutilated by Home of us have seen on Ix^autifnl sum of bunch them.”
to and fro with their crowbars, and
pins and nails to the extent that they mer evening! Just before sunset a rose
Two Xnrrow Irish l-:«cape«.
nt every movement the cannon balls
Touched n Sore Spot.
An Irishman, seeing a vessel very require repapering for the next tenant. ate arc on the horizon opposite the sun,
benvjy laden and »xarcely above the Polly wonders how these glass houses with a bluish gray under it. This is “Do you find It difficult, senator,” she drop deeper. Very soon larger balls
asked, "to keep lu touch with your con can be inserted, and then the whole
water's edge eXclaWted, "Upon my would stand tlie throes of a great earth the shadow of the earth.
block falls forward completely severed.
stituents?”
■owl. if the river was but a little high quake or even a moderately sized one.
The recent census of India shows that ”1 beg your pardon, ma’am,” he re —Cardiff Western Mall.
er the ship would go to the Ixtttom!”
Wouldn’t there lie a shattering of glass, Bengal, which lias an area of 203,473 plied. with a scared look, “but really
"Six- there!” exclaimed the returned
The Talking Macnnlay.
Irish soldier to the gaping crowd as he though? Glass houses and glass furni square miles- -one-quarter less than the I must ask you not to use that expres
Macaulay I* an (almost) never cens
ture
may
lie
all
right,
but
Polly
prefers
sion
witli
reference
to
my
affairs.
area of Texas -has a |x>pulation of 74,-
exhibited with some pride Ills tall lint
Ing talker and pours out tbe prodigious
with a bullet hole In it. “Look nt that the popular materials of today when 713,000, which is equal nearly to that Touch Is a word that I can't stand stores of learnliig. wit ami eloquence
since the papers used It in explaining
bole, will you? Ye see. If It had been a it comes to building my castle In the of the United States.
why I voted for that street railroad with such nit absorption In his subject
low crowned hat I should have been air, or In other words, my dream home.
I doubted when 1 heard him If lie
bill
four years ago."—Chicago Herald. that
killed outright.”
Three hundred Mediterranean lem
I know just how I want it, even as
would not go on Just the name If every
others before me have done, and all the ons yield only ten ounces of citric acid,
hotly left tbe room Somebody asked
Improtlni (he Old llomeatend.
Two Too«.
against twenty-seven ounces by the
tbe Duchess of Sutherland (after din
Farmer Wbiffletree—Since yew got accessories that go to make up the little
Three Irishmen had four guineas to tier nt Stafford House) If he liked tbe
back frum college yew don't seem to nook I want to go to make up this California fruit.
be equally divided among them. After society of women and whom be seeiu
Ingleside of my dreams.
take no Interest in tbe old farm.
Apple cider is now given in the treat several unsuccessful efforts by two of ed to prefer She answered. “Oh. he
Son — No Interest, dsdl Haven’t I
ment
of smallpox pat tents and with them tbe third settled tbe business only looks iqx>n us all lu the light of In
Life
would
not
l»e
worth
the
living
if
spent nearly two weeks laying out golf
thus: “There are two for you two, aud tcrruptlon«.”-ljidy Granville's Rec
links?—Judge.
we could not help tboxe around us, excellent resulta.
here are two for me too.”
ords.
thumping at his door. When he strug
gled into consciousness and realised
that lie had left no call at the office, be
was naturally very indignant. But as
Ills sleep was spoiled for that morning
lie arose and. dressing himself, appear
ed before the clerk.
"See here." he demanded, “why was I
called at this unearthly hour?”
“1 don’t know, sir,” answered the
clerk. “I'll ask Mike.”
Tlie Irishman was summoned.
“Why did you call Mr. Jefferson?”
Inquired the clerk. "There was no call
left at tlie office for him.”
Taking tlie clerk by the coat, tlie
Irishman led him to one side and said
In a voice mysterious with information
to Impart:
“He was shnoring lolke a horse, sir,
and Oi heerd one of the byes say as
how he war shlaping onct fer twlnty
years, so 1 sez to ineself, says OI,
'Molke, It’s corniti en to him ag'ln, and
It's yer Juty to get tbe craythur out o’
the house ImmedJIt.’ ’’—Washington
Post.
Paid For HI« Time.
Tom Brown, the cashier of the Bank
of California, was pestered the other
day by a promoter who persisted la
explaining to him au iuventiou which
he claimed would bring fame and for
tune to him If be could only enlist the
aid of some one to assist him in Intro
ducing It. But Brown had heard such
fairy tales before, and so he got snap
py and brought matters to a business
basis. "My time Is very valuable." be
said, “aud I cannot allow you to take
up any more of It.” “IIow valuable?"
asked the promoter. “A dollar a min
ute,” said Brown, with an air of dis
missal. as be turned to his desk and
rustled the papers in a farewell to you
sort of way. "Then I’ll take 20 mln
utes," said tlie promoter as lie laid a
large piece of glitter on the banker’s
desk. lie took tbe full time and rat
tled aloug uutll he had quite finished,
devoting his last few seconds to an
earnest promise to call again. Then
tbe cashier sat back iu Ills chair anil
wondered on which side tie should en
ter bls $20.—San Francisco Argonaut.
ONE OF BROOKS’ PUPILS.
Hr Wa« I njaatly Pnalihed, bat He
Forgave the Offen»«.
After his graduation from Harvard
college Phillips Brooks became a
teacher In the Boston Latin school.
And here, on tbe very threshold of bis
career, be met with failure. So much
had been exjiected of him that bls
want of success was naturally a sub
ject of touch comment at tbe time, and
after he bad become a great preacher
bls early failure was still referred to
and sometimes was used to point a
moral.
It was a turbulent class that Phillips
Brooks had to teach. Before he took
charge of It three teachers had been
driven away. The man who followed
Mr. Brooks, to till out the year, con
fessed himself so wearied by the fre
quent resort to cor|xjral punishment
that lie was obliged to betake himself
to tbe mountains for the summer to
recuperate his strength. Tbe boys
were certainly In fault, but tbe bln me
was not wholly theirs, and long since
they tuny lx- supposed to have repented
of their mischief.
Phillips Brooks was then uot yet 20
years old. little more than a boy. Nat
urally. perhaps, be made mistakes. On
one occasion, says his biographer, be
punished a boy who had committed
no fault.
After Mr. Brooks bad become bishop
of Massachusetts, as be was moving
In his majestic dignity across Boston
Common, be met this boy. then a ma
ture man occupying a post of trust and
Influence. Neither man had forgotten
the Incident.
Looking down upon bls old pupil, the
bishop made a certain appeal for for
giveness. "Tell me, now," be said,
"that I did not make a mistake and
punish tbe wrong boy.”
"Yes. you did make a mistake. You
punished the wroug boy." was tbe an
swer, "but I have missed so many pun
ishments that I deserved that I ought
to be grateful for that one. which 1 did
not deserve."—Youth’s Companion.
Alvary Finished the Kisa.
“A beautiful scene,” said an old thea
ter goer, “may be utterly ruined by
some trifling mistake, and an error of
seemingly infinitesimal dimensions
throw out an entire company. Often
times, however, tbe ready wit and pres
ence of mind of an actor or actress may
save the day and turn what might oth
erwise have lx-en disaster into triumph.
One of the most difficult of all scenes to
carry off successfully occurs in the op
era of ‘Siegfried.’ Y’ou will remember
that Siegfried awakens Brunnhiide
from her long sleep with a kiss. Wag
ner has so arranged It that the kiss
seems as long to the audience as the
Immortal slumber itself. In reality it
lasts about 70 seconds, but it seems uu-
ending. It is a most trying situation
for tlie singers, for the audience Is ex
tremely likely to grow restless.
“Some years ago at a performance of
‘Siegfried’ In St. Louis Alvary—poor
chap!-was singing Siegfried to Mme.
Sticher’s Brunnhiide. He had got about
half way through his lengthy oscula
tion when the gallery began a succes
sion of smacks, constantly increasing
in volume. It was a critical moment;
but. as the event proved, one that was
to add to Alvery's already large wreath
of laurels.
"Slowly lie raised his magnificently
handsome head and turned toward the
audience and silently looked the galler
ies Into silence. In ten seconds he had
completely mastered them, and you
could have heard a pin drop In tbe
great house. Then lie dropped his face
ou that of Brunnhiide. nnd that kiss
went on to Its appointed and Sapbolike
finish without further Interruption
front the audience. It was as fine an
exhibition of the control a great per
sonality can exercise over a»i audience
as I have ever witnessed.”—New York
Tribune.
A l.e«»on In Polltene««.
Tlie Philadelphia Record says that a
railroad contractor who rt'cently re
turned front abroad tells of an experi
ence that befell him In Munich illustra
tive of tlie difference in prevailing cus
toms. Armed with a number of letters
of Introduction to European railroad
officials, be made it a point to Inquire
Into the worklugs of tbe various sys
tems nnd was treated with unlfortn_
courtesy.
At Munich he thought be had acquir
ed till the Information lie was after,
at: I as lie passed out of tbe office of the
man with whom be had t>een talking
he put on bls hat. He had scarcely
been ushered out when It occurred to
him that there was one matter about
which be had forgotten to luquire.
“I immediately retraced my steps,”
said the Philadelphian, “and again en
tered tbe office, neglecting to remove
my hat. I saw tbe same official with
whom 1 had been talking, and. apolo
gizing for tnklng up so much of his
lime. I put the question to him. With
out a word he reached up. look off my
hat and placed It In nty hand. Then be
answered my query nnd bowed me out.
It made me feel rather cheap.”
On n Online«« Baal«.
Railway Anecdote«.
A case reported in South Africa of a
train being pushed up a steep Incline
by soldiers lias recalled tbe Irish story
of a guard calling through the railway
ear windows. “Third class passengers,
get out and push behind!” In the
West Australian bush a gigantic uatlve
was once said to have put Ills back
against a locomotive which lie had pri
vate reasons for detaining and kept It
at the station for souie time. Flocks
of sheep have sometimes done tlie
same, hut only the other day near t'er-
nay, in Alsace, au Immense swarm of
caterpillars “held up" a train, lu a
recent Indian flood a train was stop
ped dead by a largo trout, and on one
of the new railways In Ireland a por
ter was heard calling. “Any one there
for here get out!”
Fnongh tn Retire On.
"That great Italian lenor told tne lit
bad a mattress stufied full of tbe laurel
wreaths that had been given him.”
"A mattress full! Then lie ought to
retire on them.”—Cleveland Plain Deal
Gerald developed a journalistic In
stinct at the early age of 14 With tbs
consent of bls father nnd some assist
ance from the same source he bought
ttu "amateur printing outfit" and start
ed the Elmhurst Monthly Journal, sub
scription price 25 cents a year, payable
In advance.
“I suppost* you call yourself tbe ed
itor and proprietor of this office,” re
marked an envious young associate
who dropped in at Ills "sanctum” In
the basement of the paternal dwelling
one day.
"Of course I do,” responded tbe youth
ful Journalist. “I don’t owe a cent on
It”
“Proprietor! Humph! Everybody
knows you got $25 from your father to
start It with.”
"Yes, sir,” stoutly rejoined Gerald,
"and his subscription for The Journal
Is marked paid 100 years ahead on my
books!”—Youth’s Companion.
A Cold Snob.
11 os teas—Are you a musician. Mr
er.
Jones?
Jones (who I; dying to give an exhi
Made tlie Application.
“How are things?" the barber asked bition of bls powers)—Well-er-yes. 1
pleasantly of the shrinking man in th» think I can lay claim to some knowl
edge of music.
chair.
"Dull, very dull!“
Hostess—I am delighted to know it.
And the knight ot the razor looketl My daughttT Is about to play, and I
for a moment as if he thought the re should be very glad If you would kind
ly turn over the music for her.”
mark was persouul.