Smoked Skipper
By W. W. JAOOB8,
Author of “Mung Carvoct" and "Til« Shimtr'i
IPooCiU."
(Copyright, WOO, by W. W. J, cobs. 1
The master of tlie Susan Jane watch
ed him blankly for some time and then
looked around at the mate.
“You won't get much change out of
’Im,” said the latter, with a nod, "in
sultin little devil.”
The other made no reply, but as soon
as his potatoes were finished set bls
youug friend to clean the brasswork
and nfter that to tidy the cabin up and
help tlie cook clean Ills pots and pans.
Meantime the mate went below and
overhauled bls chest.
"This Is where be gets all them Ideas
from,” be said, coming aft with a big
bundle of penny papers. “Look nt the
titles of ’em, 'The Lion of the Pacific,’
‘The One Armed Buccaneer,’ ‘Captain
Kidd's Last Voyage.’ ”
He sat down on the cabin skylight
and began turning them over and pick
ing out certain gems of phraseology
read them aloud to the skipper. The
latter listened at first with scorn and
then with impatience.
“1 can’t make head or tail out of
wliat you’re reading, George,” he Baid
snappishly. "Who was Rudolph? Read
straight ahead.”
Thus urged, the mate, leaning for
ward so that his listener might hear
better, read steadily through a serial in
the first three minutes. The third in
stallment left Rudolph swimming in a
race with three sharks and a boatload
of cannibals, and the joint efforts of
both -men failed to discover the other
numbers.
"Just wot 1 should ’ave expected of
’lm,” said the skipper after the mate
returned from a fruitless search in the
hoy’s chest. “1’11 make 'iiu a bit more
orderly ou this ship. Go an lock them
Other things up in your drawer, George.
He’s not to ’ave ’em again.”
The schooner was getting into open
water now and began to feel it. In
front of them was the blue sea, dotted
with white sails and funnels belching
smoke speeding from England to
worlds of romance and adventure.
Something of the kind the cook said to
Ralph and urged hint to get up aud
look for himself. He also, with the
best intentions, discussed the restora
tive properties of fat pork from a medi
cal point of view.
The next few days the boy divided
between seasickness and work, the lat
ter being the skipper’s great remedy
for piratical yearnings. Three or four
limes he received a mild drubbing and,
what was worse than tlie drubbing,
tiad to give an answer in the affirma
tive to the skipper’s Inquiry as to
whether lie felt In a more wholesome
frame of mind. On the fifth morning
they stood in toward Fairhaven, and to
his great joy he saw trees and houses
again.
They staid at Fairhaven just long
enough to put out a small portion of
their cargo, Ralph, stripped to his shirt
and trousers, having to work In the
hold with the rest, and proceeded to
Lowport, a little place some 30 miles
distant, to put out their powder. It
was evening before they arrived and,
the tide being out, anchored In the
mouth of the river on which the town
stands.
“Git in about 4 o’clock,” said the
skipper to the mate as lie looked over
the side toward the little cluster of
bouses on the shore. “Do you feel bet
ter, now I’ve knocked some o’ the non
sense out o’ you, boy?”
“Much better, sir,” said Ralph re
spectfully.
“Be a good boy,” said the skipper,
pausing on the companion ladder, “and
you can stay with us if you like. Bet
ter turn In now, as you'll have to make
yourself useful again in the morning
working out the cargo.”
He went below, leaving the boy on
deck. The crew were In the forecastle
smoking with the exception of the
cook, who was in the galley over a lit
tle private business of his own.
An hour later the cook went below to
prepare for sleep. The other two men
were already in bed, and lie was Just
about to get into bls when he noticed
that Ralph’s bunk, which was under
fils own, was empty. He went up on
deck and looked round and returning
below scratched his nose in thought.
“Where’s the boy?” lie demanded,
taking Jem by tbe arm and shaking
him.
“Eh?" said Jem, rousing. “Whose
boy ?”
“Our boy. Ralph.” said the cook. “1
can’t see 'Im nowhere. I 'ope 'e ain’t
gone overboard, poor little chap.”
Jem refusing to discuss the matter,
the cook awoke Dobbs. Dobbs swore at
him peacefully and resumed bls slum
bers. The cook went up again and
prowled round tlie deck, looking in all
sorts of unlikely places for the boy.
He even climbed a little way Into tbe
rigging and. finding no traces of him,
wns reluctantly forced to the conclu
sion that be had gone overboard.
"Poor little chap!” he said, solemnly
looking over the ship's side at the still
water.
He walked slowly aft, shaking Ills
head and, looking over the stern,
brought up suddenly with a cry of dis
may and rubbed his eyeB. The ship’s
boat bad also disappeared.
“Wot?” said tlie two seamen as he
ran below and communicated tlie news.
“Well, If It’s gone. It’s gone.”
“Hadn’t I better go and tell tbe skip
per?” said the cook.
“Let 'lm find it out hlsself,” said
Jem, purring contentedly In the blan
kets. “It’s 'is boat Go’ night."
“Time we ’ad a noo un, too,” said
Dobbs, yawning. “Don’t you worry
your ’ed, cook, about wot don’t consarn
you.”
Tbe cook took tbe advice and having
made bis few simple preparations for
tbe night blew out tbe lamp and sprang
into bls bunk. Then be uttered a sharp
exclamation and getting out ngaln fum
bled for tbe matches and relit the
lamp. A minute later be awoke his ex-
ssperated friends for tbe third time.
“S’elp me, cook!” began Jem fiercely.
"If you don’t, I will,” said Dobbs, sit
ting up and trying to reneb the cook
with bls clinched fist.
“It's a letter pinned to my pillow,”
said the cook lu trembling tones as he
held It to tbe lamp.
“Well, we don’t want to 'ear It,” said
Jem. “Shut up, d’ye hear!”
But there was that In the cook’s man
ner which awed them.
"Dear cook. Uv read feverishly. “I
have made an infernal machine with
clockwork nml bld It Iq ihc hold uenr
the gunpowder when we were at Fair
haven. I think It will go off between
10 and II tonight, hut I am not quite
sure about the time. Don’t tell those
other beasts. but jump overboard and
swim ashore. I have takeu the boat. I
would have taken you, too, but you told
me you swam seven miles once, so you
can easy”—
The reading came to an abrupt termi
nation as his listeners sprang out of
their bunks aud, bolting on deck, burst
wildly iuto tbe cabin and breathlessly
reeled off the letter to Its astonished
occupants.
"Stuck a wot tn the hold?” gasped tbe
skipper.
"Infernal machine," said the mate.
"One o' them things wot you blow up
the '«uses of parliament with.”
“Wot's the time now?” interrupted
Jem anxiously.
" 'Bout ba’ past 10," said the cook,
trembling.
"Let’s give 'em a bail
ashore.”
They leaned over the side aud sent a
mighty shout across tbe water. Most of
Lowport had gone to bed, but the win
dows lu tbe iun were bright, uud lights
showed iu the upper windows of two
or three of the cottages.
Again they shouted iu deafening cho
rus. casting fearful looks lieblud them,
and iu the silence a faint answering
"hail” came from the shore. They
shouted again like madmen aud then,
listening intently, beard a boat's keel
grate on the beach and then the wel
come click of oars iu tbe rowlocks.
“Make haste,” bawled Dobbs vocifer
ously as the boat came creeping out of
the darkness. “W’y don’t you make
baste?"
"Wot’s tlie row?” cried n voice from
the boat.
"Gunpowder!” yelled the cook franti
cally. "There's ten tons of It aboard
Just going to explode. Hurry up.”
Tlie sound of the oars ceased, ami a
startled murmur was heard from the
boat, then an oar was pulled Jerkily.
"They're putting back.” said Jem
suddenly. “I'm going to swim for it.
Stand by to pick me up, mates," he
shouted and, lowering himself with a
splash into the water, struck out
strongly toward them. Dobbs, a poor
swimmer, after a moment's hesitation,
followed his example.
"1 can’t swim a stroke." cried tlie
cook. Ills teeth chattering.
Tbe others who were in the same pre
dicament leaned over the side, listen
ing Tlie swimmers were Invisible in
the darkness, but their progress was
easily followed by the noise they made.
Jem was the first to be hauled on
board, and a minute or two later tlie
listeners ou the schooner beard him
assisting Dobbs. Then the sound of
strife, of thumps and wicked words
broke on their delighted ears.
"They're coming back for us,” said
tlie mate, taking a deep breath. "Well
done, Jem."
Tbe boat came toward them, impel
led by powerful strokes, and was soon
alongside. The three men tumbled In
hurriedly, their fall belug modified by
the original crew, who were lying
crouched up in tlie bottom of the boat.
Jem and Dobbs gave way with hearty
good will, and the doomed ship receded
into tbe darkness. A little knot of peo
ple had gathered on the shore and. re
ceiving the tidings, became anxious for
the safety of the town. It wns felt
that tbe windows, at least, were in im
minent peril, and messengers were has
tily sent round to have them opened.
Still the deserted Susan Jane made
no sign. Twelve o’clock struck from the
little cburcli at tlie back of the town,
and she was still intact.
“Something's gone wrong.” said an
old fisherman with a had way of put
ting things. "Now's the time for some
body to go aud tow her out to sea."
There was no response.
“To save Lowport" said the speaker
feelingly.
"If 1 was ouly 20 years
younger"
“It’s old men's work.” said a voice.
The skipper, straining ills eyes
through the gloom in the direction of
bls craft, said nothing. lie liegan to
think that she had escaped after all.
Two o’clock struck, and the crowd
began to disperse. Some of the bolder
inhabitants who were fidgety about
drafts closed their windows, and chil
dren who had been routed out of their
beiis io take a nocturnal walk inland
were led slowly back. By 3 o'clock
tlie danger was felt to lie over, and day
broke and revealed the forlorn Susan
Jane still riding at anchor.
“I'm going aboard.” said the skipper
suddenly “Who's coming with me?”
Jem and the mate and tlie town po
liceman volunteered and. borrowing
the boat which had served them before,
pulled swiftly out to their vessel and,
taklbg tbe hatches off with unusual
gentleness, commenced their search. It
was nervous work at first, but they lie-
came Inured to it. and moreover a cer
tain suspicion, slight at first, hut In
creasing In Interest as the search pro
ceeded. gave them some sense of se
curity. I-ater still they began to eye
each other shamefacedly.
"I don't believe there’s anything
there.” said tbe policeman, sitting
down and laughing boisterously. “That
boy’s been making a fool of you.”
“That’s about tbe size of It.” gronned
the mate. “We’ll be the laughing stock
o’ the town.”
Tbe skipper, who was standing with
bis back toward him, said nothing; but,
peering about, stooped suddenly and
with a sharp exclamation picked up
something from behind a damaged
case.
"I've got It," lie yelled suddenly.
"Stand dear.”
He scrambled hastily on deck and
bolding Ids find at arm's length, with
blH head averted, (lung It far iuto the
water. A loud cheer from a couple of
isints which were watching greeted his
action, ami a distant response came
from tbe shore.
"Was that a Infernal machine?"
whispered tbe bewildered Jem to the
mate. "Why, It looked to me like one
o’ them tins o’ corned beef.”
The mute glanced at the constable,
who was standing gazing longingly
over the side. “Weil, I've 'card of peo
pie being killed by them sometimes,"
be said, with a grin.
Why She Doesn’t Borrow Troohlo.
Miss Talky—Mrs. Spunge, your new
neighbor, seems to tie such a cheotfiil
lady. She would not borrow trouble.
Miss Gabby—She would If sbe could
cook or wear It.—Baltimore American.
TIRED OF THE TRIP. PEOPLE Of THE DAY after the battle .
Itostnnd One of the Immortals.
SO HE GOT OUT OF THE BALLOON
BY THE JUMP ROUTE.
Aud Then
When
He Told the
l.UK-
llabmeu He Mel W hut He Hud Done
They Considerately Curried Hint
Edmond Rosta nd Iris been elected a
member of that ex> loslve circle, the
Acadetuy. He had a close call; but, It
Is said, the friendship aud active sup
port of Mme. Sarah Bernhardt won for
tbe famous dramatist the coveted
Rea.llr.ed Ilin Own Mndnean.
“Now you are tired of me and abuse
me,” sobbed tbe young wife whose bus
band refused to hire nnother tnald to
take care of her pet dog. “Yet,” she
continued, “not two years ago you
were just crazy to marry me.”
“Yes,” answered the complacent man
brute; "my friends told me so nt the
time, but I didn’t realize It until after
we were married.”—Kansas City Star.
It Is said that some early Chinese
coins were made In tbe form of keys,
probably because money unlocks the
heart of tbe high official. — Atlanta
News.
All Embracing.
“I see that somebody says Edmund
Kean, the most famous of English ac
tors, lived to adapt the kind of meat
he ate to tbe part he bad to play, choos
ing pork for tyrants, beef for murder
ers and mutton for lovers.”
“That's a great Idea.
I suppose
when he had to play several parts In
one evening lie ate hash.’’—Cleveland
The Urewsome Incldeul tn Which He
Participated at the Seeoad Hattie
of Mauaeeae—A Urave Hoy aad Hie
Dying Keenest.
oil to un In-aue Asylum.
“I went up in a balloon once, and I
never want to make such a trip again,”
«aid Colonel A. Noel Blakeman. "My
experience as an aeronaut was In Lon
don," he continued, "and it would
never have occurred but for a friend 1
chanced to meet there. He was going
to make an ascent, and he persuaded
tne to accompany hint.
“The balloon wns a feature of some
big exhibition, mid every day it was
Inflated and made an ascent, witli four
or five passengers, in charge of an ex
perienced aeronaut. There were about
five In the party the day I took the trip.
We got Into the basket, which was
boxed in quite high, then let the rope
go, and we shot tip about 3.000 feet. It
was Interesting to look down on the
world and hear tbe noises of London
streets coming from so far below The
bnlloon sailed along smoothly, ami we
drifted for about eight miles.
“It was when we tried to descend
that the trouble began. The method
was to throw out anchors ns tlie bal
loon settled toward tbe earth.
Tlie
aeronaut said that when one of tlnse
anchors caught firmly he would haul
tbe balloon down to tlie tree In which
the anchor was expected to become
fastened. This would be done by wind
Ing in the rope or a winch lu the car.
We would be expected to climb out of
the balloon Into the tree, he said, and
he would then take bold of the valve
rope mid. standing a safe distance
away, open the valve, let the gas es
cape. and the big affair would collapse
and sink.
He Informed us that we
must get clear of the sinking folds, as
they would come down fast, ami If
they caught and covered us we would
be In an atmosphere of most poisonous
gas.
“All this was very Interesting, but
we dl<l not seem to be making very
much progress toward the point where
we would have to look out for tlie de
scending folds of the collapsing bal
loon. Tbe anchors caught lu a whole
lot of trees, but they did not hold. One
would get tangled In n tree, and then
the balloon would sway far over, tilt
ing the basket In which we were until
It seemed that we would lie spilled out.
Titan tlie anchor would break loose,
and we would shoot up again.
"I became very tired of this and told
tlie aeronaut that I thought It was time
to bring the voyage to a conclusion.
He told me If I did not like It I could
Jump out. At first 1 thought he was
simply resentful of my remark, but he
said be meant what be said.
"•When tbe car tilts over again, you
climb out on the edge,’ he said, 'and let
go. It will probably be a plowed field
underneath us. mid you won't get hurt.’
"Well, I did as he suggested. When
the anchor caught again, I climbed out
and hung to tlie edge of tbe car. When
I saw that the car was as low as It was
likely to get. I let go. I dropped about
12 feet. and. as he expected, a plowed
field was below us.
“As soon as I dropped out the bnl-
loon, relieved of my weight, shot up in
the air again and soared off. 1 walked
to the nearest road and continued along
It until I came to an Inn.
"I asked the landlord how far it was
to London, and he told me It wns eight
miles. 1 ordered a carriage to take me
there, and while I was wniting the
landlord asked me where I had come
from.
“1 took him to the door of the inn,
and, pointing to the balloon, which was
then sailing along about a quarter of a
mile above tbe ground. I snld. ‘1 jump
ed out of that.’
“Tbe man looked at me iu alarmed
fashion, and after 1 had returned to the
sitting room I noticed that several peo
ple peered through tbe window at me.
"Finally my four wheeler was ready,
Hnd I set off for London. After we had
driven along for half an hour or so the
coachman suddenly turned tbe borse In
through a gate, and we drove Into a big
courtyard. I yelled to biin and asked
him wbat be meant, that 1 wanted to
go straight to London, but be paid no
attention and slowly circled the court.
When he stopped on the other side, a
man wearing glasses stuck bls head In
tbe carriage, scrutinizing me closely,
pulled back, said something to the
coachman, and we drove on to London.
"Finally we reached my lodgings,
and wbeD we did so tbe coachman
jumped off the box, ran up tbe steps
and as soon as his knock was answered
asked If Mr. Blakeman lived there.
The maid was just answering that 1
did when I reached tbe top of the stops
and collared tlie fellow.
“ ‘Wbat was that place you drove me
Into on our way to London?’ I asked
bim.
" ‘It was a hlneane basylum, sir,’ he
replied. ‘When you said you bad Jump-
•d out o’ that balloon, we thought you
was crazy and maybe you was a es
caped patient from the basylum.’ ’’—
Washington Post
A VETERAN’S STORY OF A TASSELEO
TURKISH FEZ.
EDMOND KOSTAND.
place. Rostand needs no introduction
to the American reader. We have all
either seen, read or heard of ills “Cyra
no de Bergerac" and “L'Alglon.”
Though still in tlie early thirties, when
he gave it to the world Rostand's “Cy
rano” made him famous. He hail writ
ten plays before and was regarded
with favor In France, but it was his
many sided hero with the abnormal
nose that gave him worldwide fame.
Sarah Bernhardt lias for years been an
admirer of and firm believer In Ros
tand, and the tie which bound them
was made strongei when lie gave her
"L'Alglon," a part nfter her own heart,
lie Is writing another play for “the
divine Sarah."
Anecdote« Aliont J. J. Hill.
Mr. Hill was one day walking down
Third street, once a flourishing thor
oughfare. but now deserted by tlie gen
eral public. He stepped into a little to
bacco shop kept by a German wlio bad
known him iu tlie village days of 1800.
"Hello, Joe!" exclaimed the railroad
president. "How's business?” “Bnt,
ferry bat. 1 haf der chop, but vere is
dor beepies?" Mr. Hill glanced over the
shop. There was no assistant tobac
conist whose discharge could be recom
mended. But Mr. Hill asked for a blauk
cheek, and the following week the old
tobacconist was besieged l>y “beepies”
in a modern well stocked shop on the
principal retail thoroughfare.
Some months ago Mr.-Jllll visited the
office of a railroad In the stock of which
he had just obtained nil influential In
terest. Glancing through the doorway
of one large office room, he asked curt
ly. "How many men here?” “About
85.” was the auswer. “Can’t you get
along with less?” "No, we never could.”
"Well, 1'11 get a man who can.”—
World’s Work.
Ile-elertcd by Acclnmatlon.
The Confederate Veterans’ reunion
recently held in Memphis was the most
successful meeting ever held by that
organization. There were more than
2,300 delegates present. General John
B. Gordon of Georgia was re-elected
commander In chief without opposi
tion. and the way it was done must
have warmed the old warrior’s heart.
When the order of election of officers
OENEBAL JOHN B. OOBDO.N.
came, the name of John B. Gordon was
placed before the convention, and In
stantly some one shouted, "Ixtt's make
his re-election unanimous.”
With a
mighty burst of voices "Aye!” thunder
ed through tbe hall. “Let’s rise and do
It again,” came a voice, and with ac
cord the convention rose, and, with hats
swinging In tlie air, "Aye!” again thun
dered forth.
.Mr. Carnegie's High Price.
Mr. Carnegie Is fond of telling how
he was once asked by tbe editor of a
popular magazine for an article on or
ganization In business.
“Well,” said he, “I think I could
write that article, but 1 am afraid the
price I'd have to ask you would be too
high.”
“Oh, no,” said the delighted editor,
with a vision of a magnificent “fea
ture” in an early number. “I'm
we could arrange that satisfactorily.
Name your own figure.'’
“Well," replied Mr. Carnegie, "I
could hardly afford to do It for less
than $5,000,000.” He smiled a little at
sight of the editor’s face and then went
on; “No; I must withdraw that. What
I should put into It has cost me much
more than that, and of course you
would not expect me to sell It to you nt
less than cost.”
As the diplomatist puts It, “tbe nego
tiations fell through.”
Rlsniarck's Philosophy of Lite.
“Whenever I see a tasseled Turkish
fea,” said a Confederate veteran whose
attention bad been attracted by a
smoking cap of that pattern lu a Canal
street window. “1 atn reminded of a
curious and rather grewsome Incident
of my campaigning days. It was on
the morning after the second battle of
Manassas," he continued lu res|>onse to
u request for the story, "and several of
us from my company had gone over to
tlie field In tlie hope of picking up a
few tilings that we badly needed aud
for which the dead hnd no further use
— waterproofs, for Instance, and sound
canteens.
“During tbe previous day's engage
ment you may remember that a regi
ment of freshly recruited New York
zouaves held the crest of a hill and
were charged and almost annihilated
by Hood’s brigade. They were mowed
down like ripened grain and fell so
thickly that their corpses literally car-
peted the earth. I dare say It was as
awful a slaughter, considering tbe
number engaged, ns occurred anywhere
In the course of the war.
“Well, we hadn’t gone very far when
we came to this hill and began to get
among tbe dead men. The poor fellows
hud been mustered Into service less
than a week before, and they were said
to be tlie most gorgeously uniformed
military troop ever organized. They
wore scarlet Turkish trousers, blue
Jackets embroidered with gold bullion
braid and purple fezes with long pend
ent tassels.
“Being just from tbe outfitters, all
this fine regalia was perfectly fresh
and new, nml somehow or other it
added to the ghastliness of the specta
cle on tbe hillside. The corpses were
in all sorts of strange postures, aud
their fantastic costumes gave them an
air of horrible grotesqueness that I
couldn’t begin to describe In words.
"However, to. come to my point, I
had picked up a fez to carry away as a
relic and was about to leave the spot
when I bapiiened to notice a much
handsomer specimen on the head of a
little zouave stretched out, stiff and
stark, a few yards awny, with a hand
kerchief over bis face. I stepperl up to
make a •swap,’ but had barely touched
the tassel when a low, sweet toned
voice under tbe handkerchief said.
Please don’t!’
"For a moment,” continued tbe veter-
in, "that unpleasant protest, coming
from wlint I hnd supposed to lie a
corpse, made my linlr bristle ou my
bead. Then I lifted tlie handkerchief
and was shocked to see the delicate,
refined features of a boy not over 15.
lie was pale an death and evidently
desperately wounded, but he looked at
me calmly. 'My God,’ I exclaimed,
what a lad you are to be here!’ ‘I'm
afraid I'm dying unless I have help.'
tie replied 'Do you tblnk the surgeous
will be around pretty soon?' The Lord
knows!' 1 groaned, for tlie boy’s cour
age touched me to the heart. 'Your
surgeons have all run away, and we
■ inly have a few. with more wounded
than they can attend to.’ 'Then I guess
all I can do Is to lie here quietly and
die,’ he said in tbe same gentle voice.
'Can yon get me a little water before
you go?'
"I took Ills canteen ami hurried down
to a branch nt tbe foot of the bill.
^Iiere the first thing I snw, by the
wn.v, was the corpse of n zouave float
ing In a pool. I went up the stream far
enough to get out of tbe horrible death
zone, tilled the canteen with pure wa
ter and was soon back nt the boy’s side.
I gave him a drink, nnd be thanked me.
Is there nothing else I can do?’ I asked
awkwardly, because I knew our com
pany wns under early marching orders
that morning nnd Hint It would be Im
possible for me to linger much longer.
Nothing at nil. thank you,’ be replied.
•No message to anybody? ‘No; noth
ing, thanks.'
"I turned away most reluctantly and
find gone only n few yards when I
heard his thin voice calllug me back.
'Excuse me.’ he snld. ‘but I want you
to nccept this ns a present.' nnd be
banded me Ills fine purple fez. 'No. no,’
I exclaimed, grently embarrassed; ‘I
couldn’t think of tnking IL When I
started to a little while ago. I thought
you-you’— ‘Thought I was dead, of
course,’ he Interrupted. 'Well, I soon
will be. nnd that other fez will do me
Just as well. 1‘lense put It on my bead
nnd take mine.’ I saw that he would
be hurt unless I did ns he desired, so I
took the fez and went away.
“In less than half nn hour our com
pany was on tbe march, and. needless
to say, I never heard anything more of
the little child zouave. He wns badly
wounded nnd undoubtedly died where
I left him. I kept the fez a long time,”
idded the veteran, "but It was finally
lost, with other odds nnd ends. In the
general confusion following the war.
I'd give some money for it today.”—
New Orleans Times-Democrat.
The Good Effects of Apple Kalina.
The npplc Is such common fruit that
few are familiar with Its remarkable
efficacious properties. Every body ought
to know that the very best thing they
enn do Is to cat apples just before re
tiring for the night. Tbe apple is nn
excellent brain food, because it tins
more phosphoric acid In easily dig'-tcd
shape than any other vegetable known
It excites the action of tbe liver, pro
motes sound nnd healthy sleep and
thoroughly disinfects the mouth That
Is not all. Tbe apple agglutinates the
surplus acids of the stomach, helps tbe
kidney secretions and la one of tbe best
preventives known of diseases of the
tliront.—Journal of Agriculture.
Hue Still Nicer.
Capital Wanted.
I
To extend certain Department», purchase Fall Stock, and develop
to fullest extent one of the oldest «nd
und lur¿cat
hi r ¿cat Mail Order
H ousch on the Coaat, so it can supply every demand equal to
Eastern Department Stores.
'
w
........ ,•....
.... . ....
.
We otter,
for ...
tin- tirst
time, ...
an -------
inter«st ......
in the business, through
the purchase of sharcsot preferred stock, and which are guaranteed
by the largest owner in the store to pay 10 percent per annum.
It is a good investment. Holders obtain 10 per cent co-operative
reliate on good-. purchased, lieaides monthly dividend. Otter gisxl
for a limited time only. No speculation simply an investment in a
legitimate and increasing business conducted on a strictly cash Basis
and careful methods. Write or call for particulars.
• Smiths’ Cush Store (Incorporated).
Owned and operated by B ai « i . av J. and H. A. S mith , the
original founders of the store in 1870.
I
I lupo riera and Dealers in
ÖLAKt,
MOFFITT
& TOWNt
A Hook llniiter’« Worry.
The worry of finding tliat a book is
Incomplete Is often tn be expected.
Often most rei»|>evl;<ble looking books
have a page missing somewhere. One
cannot trust even a folio that has been
connected with religious houses nil its
life. It muy be invincibly Island lu the
strongest calf; It may have ilissisl all
its quiet, unread days behind glass and
be as clean as on the day on which It
wns Issued, uud yet page 341 may have
vanished.
We once kue« a man who had a firm
belief in the devil ami for this reason:
lie said tlint he could hardly count the
Imperfect books by w lilch lie had been
misled In his time, and In nearly every
ease these books had a highly respect
able past. They had grown mellow In
monasteries or had been carefully toml
ed lu great libraries, where they «ere
never touched except to be dusted, it
seemed morally impossible tliat harm
could have come to these books, aud
yet each one had a page missing some
where. Therefore he was reluctantly
forced to the conclusion that tlie devil
was In it. He supposed tliat when the
devil was In need of more quotations
he abstracted a page from Home little
read book, choosing It both In order
that lie might obtain a reputation for
wisdom and also that he might not be
found out.
We do not uphold this theory, bnt we
do recommend tlie book limiter, so far
as possible, to collate every book of
any Importance which he may con
template buying. -Macmillan's Maga
zine.
Book, Newe,
Writing and
Wrapping...
8TOOK
CARD
STRAW AND BINDERS' BOARD
. Fl mt St.
T« l . main 199. Kt SAN FRANCISCO.
THE CUSTER
rates. Country
patronage solicited, and no pains will be spared
to make them comfortable during their visit
90(1 Market St., San Francisco«
Telephone Red 304 M RS. RANFT, Prop
• AM MARTIN
For 28 year« with
C, E. Whitney & Co.
CHAS
CAMM
For 3 years with
C E. Whitney & Co.
NEW COMMISSION HOUSE
MARTIN, CAMM & CO.
121-123 ItavlB St., San Francisco.
General Commission and
Produce.
.Specialty, Butler, Eggs and Cheese.
»
Donhled tlie Fee.
A clergyman who used to be a pastor
of a church 111 Kansas City says that
on one occasion he hail rather an amus
ing experience In marrying a young
couple in that city.
"The gentleman,” said the clergy
man, "was a handsome, noble looking
young man and the brldi« to be more
than usually beautiful. It was plain to
be seen that the prospective groom
thought lie had secured the one prize In
all the matrimonial market and was
correspondingly elated.
"Just before the ceremony the gen
tleman handed me tlie marriage license
to see that It was nil right. Inside the
license there was a crisp $5 note, plac
ed Hiere as the fee. Tlie couple stood
up before tlie few witnesses lit tlie par
lor, the ceremony was gone through
with, and they were pronounced hus
band and wife. The first tiling the new
husband did was to draw bis wife to
him and Imprint a fond kiss on her
sweet lips.
It seemed to thrill him
with unexpected Joy, for, Immediately
turning to me, he said, 'Parton, 1’11 be
■witched If I paid you enough for tills
job,’ and. pulling from bls pocket an
other $5 note, he thrust It Into my
hands.”—Baltimore Sun.
Your consignments solicited.
Must
Healthful Coffee
In the World.
All the world knows that coffee in
exeeasive use is injurious. And yet
the cotlee lover cannot stand taste
less cereals. There has to this time
Is-eti no happy medium between
Café Bland tills the void with the
Is-st elements of both. It is richer
than straight coffee, and many will
not be easily convinced that it is
not all cotice. But we guarantee
that Café Bland contains less than
fifty per cent coffee, which is scien-
tifically blended with nutritious
fruits and grains, thus not only
displacing over fifty tier cent of the
caffein, but neutralizing that which
remains and still retaining the rich
cotlias flavor. To those who slitter
with the heart, to dyspeptics and
to nervous people Cafe Bland is
especially recommended as a health
ful and delicious beverage, so satis
fying that only tlie member of tlie
family making the change in tlie
codee knows there lias been one.
More healthful, richer and less ex
pensive than straight coffee. Better
In every respect. 25 cents per lb.
Your grocer will get it for you.
Ask for
Jefffriou a* an Inventor.
Mr, Jefferson Invented the copy lug
press. He writes to Mr. Madison In
1787: “Having a great desire to bare a
portable copying machine and having
studied over some experiments with
tbe principle of large machines made
to apply In the smaller one, I planned
one in England ami had it made. It
answers perfectly. I have set a work
man to making them, and they are of
such demand that he has bls hands
full. I send you one. You must ex
pect to make many essays before you
succeed perfectly. A soft brush, like
a shaving brush. Is more successful
thau a s|H)nge.” He also sent a copy
ing press to the Marquis tie Lafayette
as a present. He Invented the revolv
ing chair, uow n familiar and neces
sary article of furniture lu all offices
and counting rooms. Tbe Federalist
newspapers used to call It “Mr. Jeffer
son's whirligig" and declared that he
had devised It "so os to look all ways
at once.”—Chicago Herald.
WoiJertal Maslcal Memory.
Sir John Stainer hnd a wonderful
musical memory. It was put to the
test once at tbe Crystal palace when
he had to play tbe organ In tlie “Mes
siah" and a folio copy, on which alone
he could see the score, was not forth
coming. The conductor was iu despair.
Sir John cut the knot by n wonderful
tour de force, playing the part fnult
lessly right through nnd entirely from
memory, probably tbe only time the
I
“Messiah” lias been so rendered.
I
Tbe Toothpick Habit.
"I'd like to know what my custom
ers do with all the toothpicks they car
ry away," remarked a restaurant pro
prletor the other dny. "Few men tnke
a single toothpick. Most of them tnke
half a dozen and many n whole band
ful. aud wbeu they come In here again
for the next meal they take as many
over again. They don't need them. It's i
all due to the toothpick chewing habit.
Which seems to be growiug. There
Isn't anything particularly pleasant
about chewing a wooden toothpick, and
It may be Injurious If a piece of the
wood lodges in the throat or gets down
into tbe stomach, as it Is very apt to.
But tlie toothpick chewing habit is be
coming n rival to the gum nnd tobacco
habits. The only reason I can give for
It Is that tbe toothpicks are free aud
gum and tobacco are not.”—New York
8un.
Pronounced cut-tuy—accent on last syllable
“Henry IX."
It is interesting to recall that. Just
ns Edward VII of England chose bis
second baptismal name as tbe one by
which he « isbed to be designated
when he mounted the throne, so like
wise Ids great-uncle, William Henry,
would have preferred to be known as
Henry IX. One of the reasons for this
preference was the desire to establish
lawful right to a title which bad al
ready been arrogated by tlie cardinal
of York, tbe last of tlie Stuart pre
tenders. When tlie question, however,
cauie up for discussion in the privy
council, the latter decided in favor of
King William IV. This story was told
by the king himself to Miss Helen
Lloyd, the governess of his children.
He nddisl Hint the privy council was
moved to this choice partly by fear of
exciting the superstitions fears of the
populace, «lm still bore in their mem
ory a prophecy dating from the seven
teenth century, which runs ns follows;
Henry the Eighth pulled clown monks .nd their
cells;
Henrv the Ninth shall pull down blabops and
' bell«.
—Literary Era.
When Matches Were Introduced.
The Atlas, a London newspaper, pub-
llsbetl on Jan. 10, 1830, tbe following
paragraph uudur tbe head of “Instan
taneous Light: “Among tbe different
methods Invented for obtaining light
instantaneously ought certainly to be
recorded that of Mr. Walker, chemist.
Stockton-on-Tees. He supplies tbe pur
chaser with prepared matches, which
are put Into boxes, but are not Hable
to change In tlie atmosphere, and also
with a piece of fine glass paper folded
in two. Even a strong blow will not
inflame tbe matches, because of tbe
softness of tbe wood underneath, nor
does rubbing upon wood or any com
mon substance produce any effect ex-
rept that of spoiling tbe match. But
when one Is pinched between tbe folds
of the glass paper and suddenly drawn
out it Is Instantly Inflamed. Mr. Walk
er does not make them for extensive
sale, but only to supply tbe small de
mand In his own neighborhood.”—New
castle (England) Chronicle.
With dutiful trust In God, dig In the
Mrs. Newma- Oh. I wish you could
spurs and let life, like a wild horse, see Mrs. Winkler's baby. It’s perfect
tnke you flying over hedge nml ditch, ly lovely! Such a delicate, sweet little
resolved to break your neck, and yet creature ns it Is! It’s a perfect little
fearless, Inasmuch ns you must some cherub, with the loveliest eyes, tbe
The historic plains of Abraliam, uear
Snnffed Out.
time part from all that is dear to you sweetest little mouth, th» cunningest
Friend-Wlmt became of your poem 1 Montreal, have been nppralsed by an
on earth, though not forever. If grief little nose and eyes of heavenly blue.
■‘Xpert In the pay of the Dominion gov
Is nenr. well, let him come on, but until It looks as If It hail just dropped from called “Light. Beautiful Light?”
(
Poet (sadly»-The editor turned It ernment. He declares the land to lie
he arrives do not merely look bright heaven and every tiny feature had
Plain Dealer.
worth 1137.000 as real estate. Tlie
dawn. — Philadelphia Record.
and blessed, bnt lie It. too, and when been fashioned by tbe angels.
Ursuline nuns, who own the land, offer
Mr. Newma Is It as nice as our
It’s not tbe fellows who don’t know sorrow comes you lienr It with dignity
Don't wait until your friends are to sell for *30,000 If tbe government
things who make existence wearisome. —that Is to say, with submission and baby?
Mrs. Newma Mercy! No; not half dead to give them flowers.—Atchison will give them another piece of prop
It’s tbe fellows who think they da- hope.—Love letters of Prince Bis
' irty worth *30,000.
marck.
as nice. 1’earson’s Weekly.
Globe.
Sioux City Journal.