cmrmiFE wwe
Copyright, 1900, by CutrUffe Hyne.
The ex-flreman spluttered, but be did
nut continue tbe contest. lie recog­
nized that lie had to deal with a master
in the cheerful art of Insult, and so lie
came back sulkily to business.
“Will you give Rad dem rifles, you
low white fellow?"
“No, 1 won't, daddy.”
“Very well Den we shall spiflicate
you till you do." said the man. and aft­
er that Kettle, heard his slippers shuf
fling away
“I wonder what splflicatlng is?" tuns
ed Kettle, but tie did not remain cudgel­
ing bls brain over this for long. It re
curred to him that If tbls negro could
come ano go so handily to tlie outside
of this underground prison there must
be n_j)11fTrwiiy somewhere near. and.
though he could not enlarge tbe slit to
get at It that way. It might be possible
to burrow a passage under the wall It­
self. For a tool be had spied a broken
crock lying on the floor, and. with tlx1
Idea once In Ills head, he was not long
in putting It to practical effect. He
squatted Just underneath the slit and
began to quarry the earth at the four
of the wall with skill and determina­
tion.
But If Kettle was prompt Ids captors
were by no means dilatory. Betweeu
Kettle’s prison and the mate's was an­
other of those bottle shaped oubliettes,
and in that there was presently a bus-
th of movement. There came the
noises of some one lighting a Are and
coughing ns lie fanned smoldering cm
bers Into a glow with his breath, and
then more coughing and some curses as
the Are lighter took bls departure. The
door above clapped down Into place,
and then there was the sound of some
one dragging over that and over the
doors of t^| other two prisons what
seemed to be carpets or heavy rugs.
There was something mysterious in
this maneuver at first, but the secret of
It was not kept for long. An acrid
smell stole out into the air, which
thickened every minute In Intensity.
Kettle seemed dimly to recognize It.
but could not put a name to it definite­
ly. Besides he was working with all
his might at scraping away the earth
from the foot of the wall and had little
leisure to th^nk of other things. _’£Ug.
heat was stiff,ing, and tbe sweat drip­
ped from him,’ but he toiled on with a
savage glee at'.bls success. The foun­
dations had nJ>t been duy out; they
were “floatlng'Supon the <arth surface,
and the labor olf undermYulug would, it
appeared, be small.
But Murray. In tbe other prison, liad
smelled the reek liefore and was able
to put a name to It promptly. “By
Jove, captain,” he shouted lustily from
the distance, “they're going to smoke
us to death; that's the game.”
“Looks like trying It,” panted the lit­
tle sailor, from his work.
“That's dried camel's dung they’re
burning. Tlien.'s no wood in Arabia
here, and that's tlielr only fuel. When
the smoke gets into your lungs, it Just
tears you all to lilts. I say, skipper,
can't you come to some agreement with
Rad over those blessed rifles? It’s a
beastly death to die, this."
“You aren’t dead—by a long cluilk—
yet. More’n 1. I'd bate to be—smoke
dried like a bam—but I don't start In­
to scoff the cargo—on my own shii>—at
any bally price.”
There was a sound of distant cough­
ing, and then tbe misty question,
“What are you working at?”
"Taking — exercise!” Kettle gasped,
and after that communication between
the*Two -was limited to incessant stac­
cato coughs.
More and more acrid grew tbe air as
the burning camel's dung saturated It
further and further with smoke, and
more and more frenzied grew Kettle’s
efforts. He felt that the hacking coughs
were gnawing away bls strength, and
Just now the utmost output of bls
thews was needed. He bad given up
bls original idea of mining a passage­
way under the wall. Indeed tbls would
have been a labor of weeks with the
poor broken crock which was his only
tool, for tbe weight of the building
above bad turned the earth to some­
thing very near akin to the hardness of
stone. But he had managed to scrape
out a space underneath one brick and
found that It was loosened and, with
trouble, could be dislodged, and so he
was burrowing away the earth from
beneath others to drop more bricks
down from their places and so make a
gangway through the solid wall itself.
But, simple though this may be In
theory. It was tediously difficult work
In practice. The bricks Jammed even
when they were undermined, and the
wall was four bricks thick to Its far­
ther side. Moreover, every alternate
course was crosspinned, and the work­
man was rnpldly becoming asphyxiat­
ed by the terrible reek which came bil­
lowing In from tlie chamber beyond.
Still, with aching chest nnd bleeding
Angers and smarting eyes Kettle work­
ed doggedly on nnd at last got a hole
made completely through. What lay
In tbe blackness beyond be did not
know. Either Rad el Moussa or tbe
fireman might be waiting to give blm a
coup de grace the moment his head ap­
peared. But he was ready to accept
every risk. He felt that If be staid in
the reek of that burning camel's dung
any longer I
- < -dd be strangled.
The hole In the brickwork was not
large, but he was a slightly built mnu,
and with a hard struggle lie managed
to press bls way through. No one op­
posed him. He found and scraped bls
only remaining match nnd snw that he
was In another bottle shaped chnmber,
similar to th» one he bad left, but In
this there wns n doorway. There was
pnngent smoke reck here also, nnd,
though Its slenderness came to blm as
a blessed relief nfter what be had been
enduring, he lusted desperately for a
ttaste of tbe pure air outside.
KTho door gnve way to bis touch, and
be found a stair. He ran tip tbls and
stepped out Into tbe corridor, where
Rad bad lured him to < apture. and then
walking cautiously by the wall so as
not to step Into auy more Isioby traps
be came to the place wbere he calcu
lated, from their conversation, Murray
would be Jailed. A large, thick carpet
had been spread over tbe door so as
to prevent any egress of tbe stinging
smoke or any Ingress of air, and this
be pulled away and lifted the trap.
There was no sound from below.
“Great heavens!” he thought. “Ia tbe
mate dead?” He balled sharply, and
a husky voice answered. Seeing noth­
ing else at hand that would serve,
he lowered an end of the carpet, keep­
ing a grip on the other, and presently
Murray got hold and clambered up
beside him.
In a dozen whispered words Kettle
told his plans, and they were on the
point of starting off to carry them out
when the slop, slop of slippers made
Itself heard advancing down the cor­
ridors. Promptly the pair of them
sank Into the shadows, and presently
the ex-flreman came up, whistling
cheerfully an air from some English
music hall. He did not see them until
they were almost within hand grips,
and then the tune froze upon his lips
In a manner that was ludicrous.
Rut neither Kettle uor his mnte had
any eye for the humors of the situa­
tion just then. Murray plucked the
man's legs artistically from beneath
him. and Kettle gripped his hands and
throat.
He thrust Ids savage little
face close down to the black man's.
“Now.” he said, “where’s Rad? Tell
me truly, or I’ll make you into dog’s
meat, and speak quietly. If you make
a row. I’ll gouge your eyes out!”
“Rad, he in divan,” the fellow stut­
tered In a seared whisper. “Sort of
front shop, you savy, sar? Don’t kill
me."
“I can recommend my late state­
room.” said Murray.
“Just the ticket,” said Kettle. So
Into the oubliette they toppled him,
clapping down the door In Its place
above.
“There you may stay, you
black beast.” said tbe Judge, “to stew
In tlie smoke your raised yourself. If
any of your numerous wives are suffi­
ciently Interested to get you out, they
may do so. If not, you pig, you may
stay aud cure Into bacon. I'm sure I
shan't miss you. Come along, Mr.
Mnte.”
They fell upon llnd el Moussa placid
ly resting among the cushions of the
divan, with the stem of the water pipe
between uls teeth, and Ills mind (prob­
ably) figuring out plans of campaign
In which the captured rifles would do
astonishing work.
Kettle had no revolver In open view,
but Rad had already learned how read­
ily that Instrument could be produced
on occasion, nnd had the wit to make
no show of resistance. The sailor went
up to 1dm, delicately extracted the
poignard from his sasli and broke the
blade beneath Ills feet. Then lie said
■¿s-' Tfluii, “Stand there/! fiaWff.C~.i,7
middle of the floor, nnd seated himself
ou the divan. In an attitude of a Judge.
“Now, Mr. Rad el Moussa, I advise
you to understand what’s going to be
said to you now. so that it'll be a les­
son to you In the future.
“1 came to you not very long agq,
asking for your card to tlie cadi. 1
tohi you my business was about tlie
mate here, and you said you were cadi
yourself. Whether you are or not 1
don’t know, and I don’t vastly care,
but anyway I paid for Justice In hard
money, and you said you’d give up tlie
mate. You didn't do that; you played
a trick on me, which I'll own up I was
a fool to get caught by. and I make no
doubt that you've been laughing at me
behind my back with tlint nasty nigger
partner of yours. Well, prisoner at
the bar. let me tell you 1 don’t stand
either being swindled out of Justice
when I've paid for It or being played
tricks ou afterward. So you are here­
by sentenced to the flue of one bag of
pearls, to be paid on the spot, and, fur­
thermore. to be incarcerated in one of
those smoke boxes down the alleyway
yonder till you can And your own way
out. Now. prisouer, don't move during
tlie next operation or I'll shoot you.
Mr. Mate, you'll And a small bag inside
the top part of his nightgown, on the
left hand side. Got ’em?"
“Here they are, sir.” said Murray.
"Yes; I appoint you acting mate for
three days, and Mr Murray goes to Ids
room for that time for getting Into
trouble ashore Now. put some burry
Into things. Mr. Grain I don't want to
stay here longer tliau's needful "
Grain went forward about Ids busi­
ness, but Murray, who looked some­
what disconsolate. Kettle beckoned In
to the charthouse. He pulled out the
pearl bag and emptied Its conteuts on
to tbe chart table. “Now, look here,
my lad.” said he, “I have to send you
to your room because I said 1 would
and because that's discipline. But you
cau pocket a thimbleful of these seed
pearls, just to patch up your wounded
feelings, as your share of old Rad cl
Moussa’s fine. They are only seed
pearls, as I say. aud aren't worth much.
We were due to have more as a sheer
matter of justice, but it wasn't to be
got. So we must make tlie best of
what there Is. You'll bag £20 out of
your lot if you sell them In tlie right
place ashore. 1 reckoned my damages
nt £500. I guess I've got here £200.”
“Thank you, sir,” said Murray. “But
it's rather hard being sent to my room
tor a thing I could no more help than
you could."
"Discipline, my lad. This will prob­
ably teach you to leave photographing
to your Inferiors in the future. Therg's
no persuading me that it Isn't that pho­
tograph box that's not at the bottom of
the whole mischief. Hello! There’s the
windlass going already! I'll just lock
up these pearls hi the drawer, and then
1 must go on the bridge. Er—aud about
going to your room, my lad as long as
I don't see you for three days you can
AN INDIAN CIGAR SIGN.
A CULINARY GENIUS.
Pie Fate That Overtook Oae Aggres­
sive Wooden Savage.
Cooked Dinner In III. Home White
at Uusl lie an Iu llflat ottice.
The city of Little Muddy, on tbe up­
per Yellowstone, was au exceedingly
wl<le awake towu In 1887. When It
had reached the mature age of 3
months, every kind of business man
was represented except tbe cigar deal­
er, and the next week a man from Chi­
cago named Stark opened a tobacco
store, with a large, gaudy and aggres­
sive wooden Indlau In front, holding a
tomahawk savagely In one hand and a
bunch of cigars In the other. It would
take a chapter to tell of all the trouble
Stark had with that wooden aborigine.
This variety of sign was rare In that
region, mid gentlemen not unconnected
with the stock growing industry who
came in from the ranges wearing spurs
and weapons would resent his threat­
ening attitude—for that matter, no In­
dian, even the most peaceably dispos­
ed, was popular. lie was knocked off
his pedestal half a dozen times a day.
Stark learned to know what had hap­
pened whenever he heard a dull crash
iu front mid would step outside and re­
store his fallen warrior.
But the red man did not meet bls
Waterloo till Tobe Hartley and a
friend, preserved to us under the name
of Long Isaac, came In from the Light­
ning's Nest neighborhood. A close
friendship existed between these two
worthies. It was their first vacation
from the ranch for several months.
They wandered about town In a re­
ceptive mood and sought to enjoy their
visit. No facts- are extant concerning
their condition after some hours, but
we may perhaps be allowed our suspi­
cions.
Finally they separated, and
Tobe, coming along to the Indian and
not noticing his upraised hatchet, sat
down at his feet to rest. He soon fell
asleep and sank lower. At this junc­
ture Isaac came around the corner and
took In tbe tragic situation at a glance.
“Killed my partner for a simple
bunch of cigars, did you?” he cried.
“Well, we’ll see about It!” and he pro­
duced his firearms mid began shooting
accurately ami rapidly. At the end of
ten minutes Stark gathered up his no­
ble savage In a basket, while the resus­
citated Tobe and the avenging Isaac
moved off arm in arm.—Harper’s Mag­
azine.
The ordinary man Is nowhere more
out of place than In the kitchen. All
rules have tlielr exceptions, however,
and a correspondent sends a story of
a man wlio might have led armies per­
haps, but was certainly equal to culi­
nary emergencies.
In the absence of Ills wife and family
It became necessary, as he thought, for
him to cook his own dinuer. and In
view of the fact that be was a man of
business his presence was also needed
down towu at Ids office.
Now, the same body cannot be in two
places ut once, and this well known
consideration would have settled the
question for an average man. He
would have either spent his forenoon
in the kitchen or gone to his office and
lunched out. This, however, was a
man to whom physical laws do not
courtesy even ns custom to great kings.
The case stood thus:
lie was to have a boiled dinner and
would have It done to a turn, piping
hot nnd ready to serve at his home
coming. The meat, turnips aud beets,
therefore, which require a longer time,
he put on before leaving the house.
The potatoes and cabbage, needing less
time for cooking, were put on the cov­
er of the pot.
Then he dropped a string through a
hole In the edge of the cover, ran It
through a loop suspended from the
ceiling and thence down to the sluk.
In the sink hole he firmly stuck a can­
dle, to which, two inches below the
top, he tied the string.
Last of all he lighted the candle and
went to his business. In two hours, or
about half an hour before he was to
return, when It was time for the vege­
tables on the cover to go to their ap­
pointed [dace, the slowly descending
flame burned the string, which releas­
ed the otherwise unsupported edge of
the cover, which dropped its burden
Into the pot and fell back where it be­
longed.
When the genius reached home, his
dinner was ready.—Youth's Compan­
ion.
VISITORS NOT WANTED.
People Who Want to See
i-enland
Muul Get n Royal l’ei mit,
BATTLES OF NATURE.
“Here they are, eir,” sold Murray.
do much as you like. I don’t want to
be too bard. But. as I said to old_JA^
el Moussa. Justice Is Justice,
disci­
pline's got tn
*'
lit about the rilles, sir?"
Captain Kettle winked pleasantly. "I
dou’t know that they are rifles. You
see, the cases are down on the mani­
fest ns 'machinery.' and I'm going to
put them ashore as such, but 1 don’t
mind owning to you. Mr. Mate, that I
hope old Rad finds out he was right
about his information. I suppose his
neighbors will let him know within the
next week or so whether they are rifles
really or whether they are not."
A Lesson In Politeness.
When Alonzo B. Cornell was govern­
or of New York, he bad a clerk so tin
gracious In manner that lie frequently
remained seated while callers at the
capitol were obliged to remain stand
ing as they attempted to transact busi­
ness with him. Due day a delegation
came from a city In the western part
of the state Io [dead for the life of a
condemned man. The governor was
seldom known to grant a pardou. but
the visitors Imped, at least, that they
would be accorded a proper hearing.
After the clerk had kept them wait.ng
for two hours in the outer hallway lie
admitted them and accorded them per­
mission to state their case to the gov­
ernor, all standing. The executive re­
fused to Interfere and told his visitors
so.
The spokesman of the little party
was Grover Cleveland, then a Buffalo
attorney. In one year after the trip re­
ferred to he was himself elected gov­
ernor of the state. When he visited the
executive chamber a few days there­
after. Governor Cornell showed blm
over the apartments and Inquired If
there was anything he wished to have
done In advance of his inauguration.
“There is just one tiling you enu do
for me, If you will," said Mr. Cleve­
land. "and t.iat Is to remove the clerk
who kept me waiting outside so long
when I was last here. It may teach
him a lesson In politeness.” The clerk
was removed. Success.
Georae III und tlie WlamakerE.
When George III ascended the throne
of England. Ills wealthy subjects wen
beginning to leave off wigs and to np
pear In tlielr own hair. "If they had
any." As the sovereign was hitnsell
one of the offenders, the peruke niak
era. who feared a serious loss of trade
prepared a petition, In which they pray
ed his majesty Io be graciously pleased
to "shave his head” for the good of dis
tressed workmen nnd wear a wig. as
his father bail done before him.
When the petitioners walked to tht
royal palace, however. It was noticed
that they wore no wigs themselves. At
tills seemed unfair to the onlookers
they seized several of tbe lending pro
ccsslotilsts and cut tlielr hair with any
Implement that came most readily tc
band
From tills Incident arose a host ot
curious caricatures. The wooden leg
makers were said to have especial
claims on the king's consideration, In
nsmueh ns the conclusion of pence line
deprived them of n profitable source ol
employment; hence the suggestion that
bls majesty should not only wear s
wooden leg himself, but enjoin the pFo
pie to follow his laudable example.
“Thanks,” said Kettle, aniitie put tbe
bag in Ids pocket. "And now. if you
please, Mr. Mate, we'll Just put Ills
whiskers Into that cellar with the nig­
ger and leave him there to get smoked
Into a better nnd we’ll hope a more
penitent frame of mind."
They completed this pious act to tlielr
entire satisfaction and left tlie house
without further Interruption.
The
townspeople were Just beginning to
move about again after the violence of
the midday heat, but except for curi­
ous stares they passed through the
narrow streets between the whitewash­
ed houses quite without Interruption,
nnd In due time they came to the tieach
and hired a shore boat, which took
A Xie« Enmity Mix tp.
them off to the steamer.
A widower with a number of small
But here Kettle was not Inclined to
linger unnecessarily. He saw Grain, children married n widow who was
In due time the
the second mnte. nnd nsked him how similarly blessed
much more cargo there was to come i newly married couple added to the
number. Ilenring a voice In the yai’il
off.
"The last lighter load is alongside one day, the father went out to see
what was the matter.
tbls minute, sir.”
"Well, whnt was It?” asked his wife
"Then hustle It on deck as quick ns
you can nnd then call the cnr|>enter as be returned out of breath
“Your children nnd m.v children were
and go forward and heave up."
Grain looked meaningly at Murray quarreling with our children.” was the
rcnly.—London Answers.
"Am I to take tbe fore deck, sir?"
Greenland is governed in a grand­
motherly way by Denmark; but, as it
I nceasinic StruualcE Which End In consists of a group of colonics which
Survival of Fittest.
would not under any circumstances at­
We read the tablets of long ago tract many tourists or traders, no out­
which the geologist has deciphered for sider complains of the exclusiveness of
us. and we find them an endless story the Danish authorities. Trade always
of battles.
The successful species has been and still is monopolized by
which occupy the great geological the state, and only government vessels
horizons have coinp^t"^T4|1WMt!Ult. WTftUMiwaL.b» sai
Greenland wa-
latlon. The.X^A'Hjltes and stone lilies ters. For foreign trav ers also Green-
ess the trav-
of tlutjfiurlan period, the gigantic club land Is a closed country
ffioss and fluted sigillarlans of the coal eler In question has befori
age. tbe enormous ammonites of the tallied the rare distinction of galnln
Jurassic mid chalk epochs, the mighty the permission of tbe Danish govern­
elephants and majestic deer forms of ment.
the tertiary era are magnates of the
The monopoly of tbe trade Is said to
times and masterpieces of the struggle. protect the Greenlander from being de­
They have been redeemed at great ceived by unscrupulous merchants. The
price, even of a thousand species and administration settles a fixed price both
tens of thousands of Individuals who for the goods tlie Greenlanders pur­
fell short of the typical fitness and chase and for the products they sell.
were killed out. These magnates, each In tills way all are treated in the same
In Its turn, were pioneers of progress, manner, and the business being car­
like tbe scouts of a great army and ried on by the state Is a guarantee
were caught iu a physiological am­ that the natives are not Imposed upon.
bush.
Furthermore, the members of the ad­
The pedigree of tbe horse in tlie most ministration are enjoined to take care
recent past has been made out, traced that the natives do not leave them­
shall we say, for a hundred thousand selves short of produce by selling more
years before man came on tbe scene than they can dispense with, so that
(for Lord Kelvin asked the geologist they are destitute of needful food and
to hurry up and not be too lavish with clothing when the slack time arrives.
time or we should have said 250,000 The uatlve Greenlander never has been,
years before man). Tbe fleetness, grace neither is he now, ablo to purchase a
and strength of the horse are owing to single drop of spirits from the admin­
bls ability to walk on one toe, to which istration.
have been correlated the wonderful
The exchange of goods between
Instincts by which he lias become the Greenland and Denmark Is, ns a rule,
partner of man In Ills Industries and carried on exclusively by means of the
struggles.
He has been derived in nine vessels belonging to tbe Green­
almost a strict gradation from tbe two land company — viz, five brigs, three
toed, three toed, four toed and five barks and a small steamer having a
toed ancestors which flourished in tbe total register of about 2,000 tons net.
ages which preceded man. Myriads of Several of these vessels, which are
Individuals and all the species and suitable for sailing through tbe drift
varieties died out to make room for tbe Ice, make two voyages a year and the
one toed selection to enable this favor­ steamer, as a rule, three voyages.—
ite to occupy the ground untliwarted Montreal Herald.
by crossing or by recurrence to average
forms. He was redeemed at a great
Womanly “Tenderness.”
price and lias come through a great
“Don’t talk to me of tbe tenderness
tribulation.—Contemporary Review.
of woman’s heart,” said the man who
hates women, though be has never
Only n Lawyer.
been married. “She hasn't any. 1
When Justice Bookstaver was on the was traveling recently on a through
supreme court bench, he bad sb special train to New York from the west, and
officer or attendant a punctilious old In the morning, Just after most of us
German, who always stood guard at had dressed and were sitting in the
the door leading to the Justice’s private end of the car. the conductor came and
chambers when the justice was within. called two men away. One of them
One day a prominent lawyer and two belonged to an Intelligent and well
of his clients called and asked If the dressed woman sitting opposite me,
and when be came back she asked him
Justice would receive them.
The officer threw open the door and whnt the conductor wanted.
“ ‘Why,’ said tbe man seriously, ‘the
called out loudly to the Justice:
"Slmdge! Two shentlemans und a man In lower 8 has been found dead.’
"Tbe woman’s eyes widened, nnd 1
lawyer rants to speak mit you.”
thought she was going to say some­
Tlie three gentlemen laughed.
thing sweet and sympathetic, but she
“Vor vbat you laff, eh?”
“Don't yon count me a gentleman?” didn’t. What she said was:
“ 'Why, how thoughtless of him, in
asked the lawyer.
"Acli, you’re a lawyer only; dat’s dif­ a car with all these women too!’
"Don’t talk to me about women.”—
ferent.”—New York Mail and Express.
Washington Post.
Vans« at Tailerrand'. Lameness.
Cooked I'nder Water.
The cause of Talleyrand's lameness
has long been a matter of dispute.
Some stories have It that the defect
was cougenitnl; others that It was oc­
casioned by an accident which befell
him In his Infancy. The most curious
explanation of all Is that offered by a
writer In The Quarterly Review. “To
quote tbe very words of our Informant,
nn eminently distinguished diplomat,"
says the writer, “Talleyrand’s Vienna
colleague, Baron Wessenberg, told me
years ago that bls lameness was owing
to carelessness of Ills nurse, who laid
him down In a Held while she flirted
with her sweethenrt and on coming
back to her charge found some pigs
dining on the Infant's legs. I am sure
that Wessenberg told me this as an
established fact, and I am all but sure
that tils authority was Talleyrand him­
self.”
An Englishman made a wager that
he could cook n plum pudding ten feet
beneath the surface of the Thames and
won the bet by placing the pudding In
n tin case and putting the whole in a
sack of lime. The beat of the lime,
slaking when It came In contact with
tlie water, was sufficient to cook the
pudding In two hours.
Until 1(527 the Chinese wore their
hair long and coiled on the top of the
head, where It was fastened with an
ornamental pin. Tbe Mantcboo edict
making the pigtail a sign of loyalty
changed tbls style.
There are no big words in the Ber-
mon on tbe mount
Frozen Ia.
The making of postboles Is au easy
matter in Alaska. A mass of powder
blasts out tbe hole In an instant, a tele­
Very Meek.
"Did you trump my ace, dear?” asked graph pole Is Inserted, water Is poured
Mr. Meekton. who was his wife’s part­ In, and the Intense cold holds the pole
secure In an Incasement of Ice.
ner at whist.
“1 did.” she rejoined sternly. “What
Merlin* Remedy.
of It?”
Cholly Cityfeller (In country, wlth
“I merely Inquired to relieve my
mind,” he answered, with a gentli tinlky livery horse)—Beg pardon, sir,
smile. "It Is a great comfort to know but what do you do when yottab horse
you trumped It. If any one else bad balks?
The Farmer—Trade him. Git up,
trumped It. you know, we should hav(
Bill! Puck.
lost tbe trick."—Exchange.
I
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TWO CARLOADS
♦ UVV 1 11 V
READY FOR DELIVERY
♦
Full Line of Beekeepers* Supplies. Prices
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Low. Write for List.
♦
Ynnrcplf nn Prime by sending for our April Catalogue; io
♦ Pnct
rubl IUUlbffll Oil ri ILtJb pHgt.s Fleetoeveryone. Much valuable
information,
whether you buy from us or not. It’sthe most accu­
♦ rate and reliable
list of groceries, etc., published.
♦
Want Vnnr Rucinacc “>id make it worth vour while. Mail
♦ U/o
rve Yiaiii
DUbinebb ortlerMlu.eourspet.jaitv We,)riginntwl
♦ selling by catalogue twenty years ago. Increased yearly business
proves satisfaction. Don't pay over profits to credit mer­
♦ since
chants. Buy for spot cash. No credit given anyone here.
♦
Rates
♦ Wholestile
Smith’s Gash Store,
to Individuals.
♦
25 Market St.. Sun pruneisvo, Cui
♦
iuui
MENTION THIS PARER
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1 oiporiers soil Dealers tn
Boek, News,
Wrltlng and
Wrapping...
CARD STOCK
BLftKE,
MOFFITT
& TOWNE
PAPERS
STRAW AND BINDERS' BOARD
BS-»7-ru-n , First St.
Tat. main «»9. l!S SAN FRANCISCO.
Uext
legal
vari-
SAM MARTIN
For 23 year» with
C. E. Whitney & Co.
CHAS
CAMM
For 3 yours with
C. E. Whitney Jk Co.
NtW COMMISSION HOIJSt
MARTIN, CAMM & CO.
121-123
1» h vls^st.,
Sun Francine«
General Commission an
Produce.
Specialty, Butter, Eggs and Cheese.
Your consignments solicited.
<
\
I
Most
Healthful Coffee
In the World.
All the world knows that coffee in
excessive use is injurious. And yet
the coffee lover cannot stand taste­
less cereals. There lias to this time
Iss-n no happy medium lie tween
<'a 1'6 Bland fills the void with the
Tlie Golfer's Pun.
liest elements of both. It is
At a recent auction sale one of the
than straight coffee, and
y will
not be easily conviijj
paintings had lor a subject a gayly at
that it is
tired golf girl making a long drive. The
not all cotlee.
we guarantee
that < afe lUiy^ contains less than
bidding on this opened very brisk $lki.
titty peim^ifff coffee, which is scien-
$<15, $70 and finally ¥72.
tificjU^y blended with nutritious
“Seventy-two, two, two. two!” cried
'UAts and grains, thus not only
the auctioneer.
,
“Fore!" shouted some one in tljj^,- displacing over fifty per cent of the
calk-in, but neutralizing that which
remains and still retaining the rich
coffee flavor. To those who suffer
with the heart, to dyspeptics and
to nervous people Cafe Bland is
especially recommended as a health­
ful and delicious beverage, so satis­
I
fying that only the member of the
family making the change in the
coffee knows there lias been one.
More healthful, richer and less ex­
pensive than straight coffee. Better
in every respect. 25 cents per Hi.
Your grocer will get it for you.
Ask for
l'or thè benefit of those wlio do not
Pronounced cut fuj—accent on last syllable
play golf a dlagrnm of thè pun Is fur
ulslied. "Fori*" Is thè wiirning shouted
by thè player when about to drive.—
The Mayor Who Couldn't Spell “Ig."
New York Mail and Express.
During tbe several terms that Tim
Ilo tv AcchlenÌR lìecome Habita.
Campbell served in congress he was al­
As to our mannerisms, says a writer ways prominent before the house. Que
In the Baltimore Sun, at first they arc of his colleagues from Manhattan was
accidents, and afterward they become Colonel Jack Adams, who, a lawyer,
habits. It is singular how easy it Is while lie and Mr. Campbell were In
to convince a credulous pultlic that a congress together spent most of bls
misfortune Is a gift. Jiist as nn eccen­ time working off practical Jokes at the
tricity Is a mark of genius.
Your expense of tbe east side statesman.
correspondent knows a lady who was Tim had been in and out of Tammany
asked In marriage by several gentle Hall several times, those change de­
men (for where one pastures others pending on whether Ills claims wee
will follow), although she was neither recognized or repudiated.
beautiful nor clever nor rich, but
A very hot political canvass 1
because she was affected with a treni Tim one of the stanchest ailhei
bling of the lids. In her inmost heart the Hall. Colonel Jack liad I.
she who addresses you believes the ing out with the powers i
trembling began with nervousness, but as strong on the other sid
It was universal, and nfter a little this very much to heart, as uib uuuura
wlnit was curious began to be regarded tlon for Ills fellow congressman was
as fascinating. At any rate 1 know a very strong. He concluded that, when
well established, portly lady, married all others had failed to bring Colonel
to a mnu who secured her. not without Jack back into tbe fold, he (Tim) could
difficulty, whose only sorrow Is the succeed.
"Now. Jack,” Tim said insinuatingly,
necessity of keeping up the girlish
habit which procured her a spouse. He "whnt do you want to go and fight the
is not a sentimentalist, but he wants mayor for? Sure, he's a tine young fel­
whnt he paid for.
He married her low, bright mid enterprising and one
because her eyelids trembled, and not of the best educated men in America.”
"Educated!” exclaimed Colonel Jack
unnaturally he wishes to be possessed
contemptuously. "Educated, did you
of tbe same treasure.
say?”
Not Entirely Alone.
“Sure, he's one of the very best <-du
As be entered the car he saw at a rated young fellows in tbls city.”
glance that there was one seat with n
"Educated!” reiterated Adams, put
young lady in it. and lie marched ting an extra dose of contempt hit
straight down the aisle, deposited his voice. "What would you say, Tim
overcoat, sat down and famlliiirly ob told you that he was so little eilm
served:
that lie spells ‘if with only one ‘f?’
“I entirely forgot to ask your per
"Does he do that ?” responded Tl
mission.”
a heartbroken tone.
"That’s of no consequence." she re­
"lie does.”
plied.
"Well, then, I have nothing fui'tin .
"Thanks. Just arrived In the city, I to say. 1 don't blame you.”—Saturday
presume,” he ventured to remark ns Evening Post.
be glanced nt tlie bundles and grips
on tlie floor near by.
Buylnw Molasses.
“Not exactly.”
She was newly arrived from the old
"You’re nil alone, eh?”
country, and she went to the store for
"Almost, but not quite. My husband sirup.
Is the conductor on tbls car, the motor
"(¡ive me n pound of
mnu Is my cousin nnd my father and said to the grocer.
“Treacle!" repeat' 1 I I grocer. ' ? on
n brother are In the seat back of us.”
“Aw! Aw! I see,” gasped the man mean molassi s
“Possibly."
and the floor of the car suddenly be­
“We don't sell it by lire | k > iiw . but uy
came so redhot that he lit out without
tbe measure."
another word.—Salt Lake Herald.
"Oh. then give me a yard!"- Pitts
A Crotvnless Coronation.
burg Chronicle-Ti'i--" -ipb
A coronation without a erowu sounds |
distinctly Irish, yet such was in effect
JHimnenc Story Tellers.
tbe ceremony in which Henry III took
Pn fessiomil story tellers roam frotr
the most prominent part at Gloucester i bouse to house In Japan to spin tlieit
on Oct. 28. 121(5.
On this occasion yarns In the city of Tokyo there art
a plain circle was used Instead of a about GOO of these professional ro
crown, which had been lost with the mancera. Their pay averages 20 cent!
Jewels nnd other baggage of King an hour. When the story teller dlscov
John In passing the marshes of Lynn ers that bis romances are becomini
or the Wash nenr Wlsbeacb.- London doll from frequent repetition, he morel
Telegraph.
It to a new district.
z