sNok signflz
SEPTEMBER 1, 2021
7
‘I thought I was dying’
RECOVERY continued
from front page
Fentanyl is a highly potent syn-
thetic opioid that is similar to mor-
phine, but is 50 to 100 times more
potent. It is a prescription drug
that is also used illegally. Similar
to morphine, it is a medicine that
is sometimes used to treat patients
with severe pain, especially after a
surgery.
Later on, while giving birth, Mc-
Neel had to have a cesarean section
to deliver her daughter.
“After that I got pills to help with
the pain and realized I also really
liked the opiates at that point, so I
stayed away from them, especially
since I was pumping breast milk
and I didn’t want that in there,”
she says.
Three years later McNeel met a
man through her family that she
dated for a few months before he
ended up going to prison. The two
stayed in contact. When he was
released in 2019, they got back
together and he reintroduced her
to opiates.
“At first he would get me pills,
then they became too expensive
so then it was suboxone, which
made me sick,” she says. “Then,
he brought home some black tar
heroin. Things went downhill from
there. I was hooked from the first
time I used it. Even if you only use
it once or twice, you get withdraw-
als. Then I started using meth on
top of it to stay awake since I was
using so much heroin.”
At the time, McNeel’s children
lived with her full-time and despite
her addiction, she said they didn’t
go without having basic needs met.
“There wasn’t a problem with
them,” she says. “I made sure they
went to school every day, and were
always fed and clothed.”
Her secret lifestyle came to a
screeching halt on June 6, 2020,
after she and her boyfriend were
arrested after stealing 17 guns from
a sporting goods store, which they
sold in Portland in a desperate at-
tempt to buy heroin and keep from
going into withdrawals.
Opioid withdrawal symptoms
include cold sweats, nausea, diar-
rhea, body aches, depression and
anxiety.
“My boyfriend left DNA at the
scene and he was already in the
criminal database because of being
in prison,” McNeel says. “Every po-
lice officer in Tillamook knew him.
LISTEN
TO SMOKE SIGNALS
79 PODCASTS
Still having a hard time deciding?
Smoke Signals
has interviewed all 5 candidates and have
put their interviews on spreaker.com
Cheryle A. Kennedy
Jon A. George
They arrested us at my
house. Thankfully my kids
were not there. I was de-
tained for four hours and
charged with second-de-
gree burglary, 17 counts
of theft, and possession of
heroin and meth.”
It was the first time she
had ever been arrested, let
alone charged with multi-
ple felonies. McNeel then entered
her own personal hell while detox-
ing off heroin in jail with no medical
supervision or even Gatorade to
help ease dehydration caused by
severe vomiting and diarrhea.
“I thought I was dying,” she says.
“I was so sick that all I wanted to
do was smoke a little heroin to
make it go away. But once I got
my brain back in order, I couldn’t
believe it had destroyed my life in
only a year.”
After two weeks in jail, she was
released. Ultimately, her multiple
felonies were reduced to one and
she served 31 days in jail, plus two
years of probation. As part of the
plea agreement, McNeel agreed to
go to treatment upon her release.
“I wanted to come to the Tribe to
get help,” she says. “The turning
point was sitting in my jail cell,
being left with nothing but my
thoughts and being forced to reflect
on everything. I literally lost it all:
My job, my kids and my freedom.”
Sorrow turned to anger at herself
for ever trying drugs in the first
place.
“I was like, ‘What the hell was I
thinking? What possessed me to do
that?’ ” she says. “The only thing I
could tell you was that I just didn’t
want to get sick.”
McNeel’s ex-husband paid her
mortgage while she was incar-
cerated so the house wouldn’t be
foreclosed on.
“He was amazing about that,”
she says. “I just wanted to get my
life back. I knew I needed to have
a job and be productive. I got hired
at the Tillamook Smoker and I am
so grateful to them for giving me a
second chance when many employ-
ers wouldn’t have.”
Something that has kept her on
the road to recovery is making sure
to see her therapist at Behavioral
Health on a regular basis.
“We’re like a family at the Tribe
and we talk about things going on
in our lives,” she says. “We love each
other and care about each other.”
McNeel also enjoys the oppor-
tunity to participate in cultural
activities with others at Behavioral
Health.
“Joe (Martineau) can bead and we
had a one-on-one session where he
taught me to do that,” she says. “It
is almost like meditation and also
was a real confidence builder. We
have also made dream catchers and
medicine bags, and done weaving.
My dad has really been supportive
during this journey. I give all of the
things I make to him.”
After almost 15 months of sobri-
ety, McNeel says she still gets crav-
ings, usually when she is stressed
or upset about something.
“I am a chronic worrier and with
heroin, you don’t worry while you
are using,” she says. “Sometimes I
think it would be nice to use, but
that feeling is just short term and
I need to think long term.”
McNeel says the most challenging
aspect of recovery is dealing with
the judgment that inevitably comes
from other people.
“No matter how long I’ve been
sober, I’ll always be a heroin ad-
dict in (some) people’s eyes,” she
says. “It doesn’t matter that for 39
years before that, I was clean and
sober. I will constantly be defined
and judged for something that so
many people fall into. A lot of people
struggle with addiction, they just
don’t get caught like I did.”
The most rewarding aspect of
sobriety is being sober itself.
“I love having a clear mind and
being able to make decisions, and
to be proud to be myself,” McNeel
says. “The people I have met who
stayed sober are some of the stron-
gest people. We deal with our addic-
tion every day and fight every day.”
She adds that a common miscon-
ception is that if someone struggles
with addiction then they are a bad
or abusive parent.
“That is just not true,” McNeel
says. “I raised my kids for seven
years alone. The love for my kids is
what keeps me in recovery. Heroin
took away my self-esteem and my
will to continue. Recovery has given
it back to me.” 
Steve Bobb Sr.
cultural
education
A re you missing out on what Cultural
Michael Cherry
Perri McDaniel
Education has to offer? Follow us on Facebook
to get detailed class information, photos from
events, and updates.
For more information, contact
Kamiah Koch at 503-879-1461
or kamiah.koch@grandronde.org
Plus, check out the tribal calendar for a quick
glance of upcoming events and classes.
Open to Tribal and Community members.
Join us!
Visit smokesignals.org and click on podcast
Ad by Samuel Briggs III