8
JULY 15, 2021
Smoke Signals
‘I knew I was going down the wrong path’
RECOVERY continued
from front page
changes,” she says. “Meth is what
got me.”
A family history of addiction
led Clark to choosing partners
with drug and alcohol issues. One
abused prescription medication.
Another was an alcoholic.
“The guy after that, he was ad-
dicted to meth,” she says. “I was
always trying to fix people, not
realizing that I couldn’t fix him.”
A combination of a child custody
fight with her ex-husband, domes-
tic violence and family tragedies
created the perfect storm.
“All of these stressors just added
up,” Clark says. “My boyfriend at
the time used meth and always
said I never would do anything he
wanted. … So, I decided to try it.”
This led to a two-year downward
spiral that began in 2015. Urged
on by her boyfriend, who promised
to take care of her, Clark quit her
job. Two weeks later, he moved out.
She asked her ex-husband to care
for their four children and began
living in her vehicle.
“I had to figure myself out,” she
says. “It wasn’t my ex’s fault that
I did this. It was my fault and my
fault alone. … I knew I was going
down the wrong path.”
Living in her car and using drugs
made Clark feel “like I was in a
matrix. I wasn’t sure what was real
and what was not real. … Mental
health was also a huge part of my
drug addiction.”
During this time, court proceed-
ings involving her children were
ongoing. To help deal with the
stress, Clark took Zanax while
she was using meth. This came to
a head when she was drug tested
after court officials suspected she
was high.
“I thought they would just take
a urine sample and I would pass,”
Clark says. “But they took hair
samples. I was bitter and had so
much resentment about being
called out for it.”
Hair samples can detect if some-
one has used methamphetamines
for up to 90 days, whereas a urine
sample only covers up to four
days.
“That wasn’t even the turning
point for me to get clean,” she says.
“I just couldn’t forgive myself for
the choices I was making.”
Looking back, Clark realizes that
many of her decisions to use drugs
were a way to self-medicate and
escape from early life traumas.
“I do a Facebook Live every Tues-
day at 11 a.m. and a lot of things
come from childhood trauma,” she
says. “People have to realize that it
is not their fault and they are wor-
thy of love. Society is very quick to
judge people who use drugs without
knowing the entire story.”
One of the ways people who battle
addictions cope is through sobriety
meetings such as Narcotics Anon-
ymous or Alcoholics Anonymous.
Due to the COVID-19 pandemic,
those services switched to a mostly
virtual formats in March 2020. A
Smoke Signals seeking
recovery stories
Have you struggled with alcohol or drug dependency? Have
you been able to find help through abstinence-based programs,
medication-assisted treatment, behavior modification therapy, or a
combination of things?
If so, Smoke Signals would like to hear your story. Reporter
Danielle Harrison is writing a series on addiction and recovery,
and she would like to talk to Tribal members who are in various
stages of the recovery process.
What has worked for you and why? What services do you wish
were more readily available? What are misconceptions people
have about those who struggle with drug and alcohol misuse?
Your story is important and we would like to hear from you, no
matter where you are in your recovery journey.
Please contact Danielle Harrison for more information at dan-
ielle.harrison@grandronde.org or call 503-879-4663. We also
have a private Recovery Stories subgroup on the Smoke Signals
Facebook page if you would like to join and share your story
there. 
combination of pandemic-related
isolation, stress, financial problems
and loneliness has led to many
relapses during this time. Prelim-
inary data from the Centers for
Disease Control and Prevention
project an increase of almost 30
percent in drug overdoses nation-
wide, from approximately 70,000
in 2019 to 100,000 in 2020, the
highest number of overdose deaths
ever recorded.
This is why Clark has been very
grateful to be attending in-person
Narcotics Anonymous meetings
at Lighthouse Church in Grand
Ronde, which are held Tuesday,
Thursday and Sunday at 6 p.m.
“You really need that in-person
interaction and accountability,”
she says.
Clark’s first attempt to quit using
meth came in 2016 after she called
the police after an attempted break-
in at her home.
“That was the kick start of look-
ing at what I was going through,”
she says.
Although the first attempt re-
sulted in relapse, which is very
common, she didn’t give up.
In May 2017, Clark was involved
in a car crash in Sheridan. She
hadn’t used meth for a day, was
dehydrated and exhausted, and fell
asleep at the wheel.
“I was arrested and spent three
days in jail,” she says. “Quitting
wasn’t easy. I went through a lot
of emotions and told a lot of people
off.”
She has been sober for four years
now and says that continuing to be
so requires a lifetime effort.
“You fight with it, to some degree
or another, for the rest of your life,”
Clark says. “I don’t have the urge
now, but that doesn’t mean it won’t
ever be there. Now I am on the road
to recovery of my physical health as
well. I take every day as ‘just for
today.’ Sometimes I have to take it
second by second. I don’t want that
lifestyle back ever again.”
After being released from jail,
Clark told the guard on duty,
“You’re not going to see me here
again.” She remembers the woman
replying, somewhat unconvinced,
“We’ll see.”
A year later, Clark ran into the
guard while shopping at Wal-Mart.
“I said, ‘Remember me?’ She said,
‘No, should I?’ I replied, ‘I told you
that you weren’t going to see me in
jail again.’ I felt good being able to
say that.”
The road to recovery hasn’t been
an easy one. At one point, Clark
lived at the Women’s Transition
House in Grand Ronde, which helps
house women and women with chil-
dren, and assists with their tran-
sition back into the community. It
includes behavioral health, alcohol
and drug counseling, post-treat-
ment services and cultural support.
However, that living arrangement
didn’t work out.
“I had a lot of times where I
wondered why I was bothering,”
she says.
Ultimately undeterred, Clark
kept plugging away at her recovery.
She began working for the Tribal
Employment Rights Office, moved
in with a friend and secured a full-
time position with the Tribal Facil-
ities Department as a housekeeper.
She encourages Tribal members
who are struggling with addiction
to be willing to forgive themselves
and move forward.
“Don’t be upset with people who
won’t enable you,” she says. “Those
who helped me the most were the
ones who pushed me to make my
way out of addiction. Helping peo-
ple and not enabling them can be
a fine line.”
Clark adds that society in gen-
eral can be extremely judgmental
of anyone who struggles with ad-
diction or mental health issues,
especially if they are homeless.
“If you haven’t eaten for days, you
get the same hallucinations as you
would if you were on meth,” she
says. “So just because you see some-
one out there yelling at something
that isn’t there, it doesn’t mean that
they are high or mentally ill. They
could just be hungry. … We should
be here to build people up, not tear
them down and judge them. We
should want them to know that
they have value.”
Clark adds that being able to
talk with an addiction counselor
she trusted was very helpful in her
recovery.
“If you’re a Grand Ronde Tribal
member, call your insurance person
and ask who is in your network, and
look for the counselors who have
been open for years,” she says.
Substance misuse and abuse
have long been prevalent in rural
areas, especially with alcohol,
cigarettes and meth, according to
the 2014 survey on drug use and
health conducted by the Rural
Health Reform Policy Research
Center. Contributing factors in
rural communities include pov-
erty, unemployment, isolation
and lack of access to treatment
options.
The lack of treatment options is
why Clark hopes that one day there
will be a center close to home so
Tribal members can get assistance
close by instead of traveling more
than 30 miles each way to do so.
“I hope that one day, I can plant
the seed to help with recovery,” she
says. “Having someone you know
who has gone through it helps a lot.
That is what I would like to do, be in
community outreach for sobriety.”
The thing she enjoys most about
being sober is having her children,
ages 13 to 18, in her life more.
“I’m looking forward to the first
summer with my children,” she
says. “The other thing I enjoy about
sobriety is my own personal growth.
I’ve learned to listen to my body and
take a break when I’m tired.”
Clark says as a Tribal member,
there are an abundance of services
to help those who want to stop
abusing drugs or alcohol. However,
when someone is in crisis, it can
be challenging trying to navigate
through these.
“We have a lot of services, but I
would love to see a rehabilitation
center out here for our people and
those in the surrounding areas,”
she says. “Let it be culture based
through Native ways.”
She connected with Wellbriety
while at the Women’s Transition
House, and says the concept of
providing culturally based healing
is one that resonates.
The mission of Wellbriety is to
utilize culturally based principles,
values and teachings to support
healthy community development
and leadership, and to support
healing from alcohol, substance
abuse, co-occurring disorders and
intergenerational trauma.
She encourages those who are
suffering not to be afraid of judg-
ment, as most of it is comes from
within.
“You are worth sobriety,” Clark
says. “People say they would die for
their kids. Ask yourself if you will
also live for your children. You can
go to a NA meeting even if you’re
high. They will still accept you. I
also recommend doing a lot of jour-
naling. Try to build yourself up, not
knock yourself down.” 