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Self Quiz
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The Eight Steps
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By Anthony Gagliardo,
MSW, CSWA, ICWA Investigator & Mental Health Specialist
Conflict resolution, just as other behaviors, are learned. Chances are very
likely that your mode of conflict resolution is similar if not identical to the way
you observed it while you were growing up. If you believe change is possible
and change is something you strive for then read on.
Answer the questions below as a way of gaining insight to your mode of
conflict resolution. Use the 8 steps to conflict resolution as a way to improve
on your current means of resolution. If you are interested in getting a copy of
the grading matrix please feel free to call me at 879-2077.
The survey was designed by members of Jock McClellan 's 1993 class on
Conflict Resolution.
1 . I feel that conflict is a negative experience.
2. When I resolve a conflict, it improves my relationship.
3. I am afraid to enter into confrontations.
4. I feel that in conflicts someone will get hurt.
5. When I prepare to meet to discuss a conflict, I try to arrange for a
mutually acceptable time and setting.
6. I feel it is important where a conflict takes place.
7. I try to make people feel comfortable when meeting with them
about a conflict.
8. When I start to discuss a conflict with the other party, I choose my
opening statement carefully to establish positive realistic expectations.
9. I state my true feelings when dealing with conflict. .
10. During a conflict I ask questions to clarify a statement that I'm not
sure of.
11. I try to be aware of how my negative and positive self-perceptions
: influence the way I deal with a conflict.
12. In conflict my reactions are based on "how I think the other party
perceives me.
13. I feel that only my needs are important. ,,.:,.:..:.., .,
14. I feel for a relationship to last, the neds of both parties must be
considered. V' ; . .
15. In a conflict I strive to distinguish between real needs and desires.
16. In order not to harm the relationship 1 may temporarily put aside
some of my own less important personal wants.
17. I share my positive attitude, hoping they will do the same.
18. I find it necessary to overpower others to get my own way.
19. I am aware that the other person may need to feel in control of
the conflict.
20. In a conflict, I believe there should be no upper-hand.
21. I find it easy to forgive.
22. I bring up old issues from the past during a new conflict.
23. When dealing with a conflict, I consider the future of the long-term
relationship.
24. In conflict I try to dominate the other party.
25. I listen with an open mind to alternative options.
26. I feel there is just one way to solve a problem.
27. When dealing with a conflict, I have preconceived notions about
the other party that I am unwilling to let go of.
28. I can accept criticism from others.
29. I feel that winning the war is more important than winning the
battle.
30. I strive for a complete and genuine resolution of a conflict rather
than settling for a temporary agreement.
31. When dealing with a conflict I have a pre-determined solution to
the outcome.
32. I feel the need to control an argument.
33. If I had my way, I win, you lose.
34. When in a conflict with someone, I ask them to explain their
position.
35. I bargain to resolve conflict.
36. At the end of a conflict, it matters to me that the other person's ...
needs have been met as well as my own.
37. I express anger constructively.
38. In difficult conflicts, I would consider requesting a third party
facilitator.
39. I overlook my partner's anger in order to focus on the real issues
of conflict.
40. I feel that it is okay to agree to disagree on specific issues in a
conflict.
STEP 1 - Create an Effective Atmosphere. Creating an effective atmo
sphere is a very important step in the conflict resolution process. It is more
likely for mutual agreements to be reached when atmosphere is given care
ful consideration. When thinking about atmosphere, remember these ideas:
Personal preparation doing all you can to ready yourself in positive
ways to approach issues honestly and openly. Timing choosing a time
that is best for all parties involved. A time in which no one is feeling pressed
to move on or pressured in other ways. Location where you meet is as
important as when you meet. It is best to pick a place where all parties can
feel comfortable and at ease. Opening statements try to start out on a
good note. Good openings are ones that let others know you are ready and
willing to approach conflict with a team-like attitude that focuses on posi
tive ends. They should also ensure the trust and confidentiality of the par
ties involved.
STEP 2 - Clarify Perceptions. Clarify individual perceptions involved in
the conflict. You can't solve a problem if you don't know what it is about.
1. Sort the parts of the conflict - ask what it is about.
2. Avoid ghost conflicts get to the heart of the matter and avoid side
issues.
3. Clarify what, if any, values are involved.
4. Recognize that the parties involved need each other to be most effec
tive. ' J
Additionally, clarify your perceptions of the other party.
1. Avoid stereotyping.
2. Listen carefully.
3. Recognize the other's needs and values.
4. Empathize - ask why they feel the way they do.
5. Clear up misconceptions you may have of them.
STEP 3 - Focus on Individual and Shared Needs. Expand on shared
needs. Realize that you need one another in order to successfully resolve'
conflicts. Be concerned about meeting others needs as well as your own.,
When you take the time to look, you will recognize that individuals, often
share needs in common. . ,
STEP 4 - Build Shared Positive Power. Positive power promotes building
together and strengthening partnerships. When parties in conflict have
this outlook, they can encourage each other to use shared positive power.
STEP 5 - Look to the Future. Don't dwell on negative past conflicts, or
you won't be able to deal positively in the present or the future. Try to
understand what happened in the past, and avoid repeating me same mis--,
takes over. Don't let past experiences cloud present perceptions and deci
sions. STEP 7 - Develop "Do-ables, " Stepping-Stones to Action. Do-ables are
specific actions that have a good chance at being successful. Do-ables are:
1. the ideas that have the best chance at success;
2. steps that never promote unfair advantages on any sides;
3. the ideas found on shared input and information from all parties;
4. trust builders - they add confidence in working together;
5. actions that meet shared needs.
STEP 8 - Make Mutual Benefit Agreements. Mutual-Benefit Agreements
should give you lasting solutions to specific conflicts.
1. Instead of demands, focus on developing agreements and find shared
goals and needs.
2. Build on "Do-able" things by working on the smaller stepping-stone
solutions.
3. Pay attention to the needs of the other person in addition to your own
interests.
4. Recognize the "givens" - basic things that cannot be altered or compro
mised. 5. Clarify exactly what is expected of you in the agreement - your indi
vidual responsibilities.
6. Keep the conflict partnership process going by using and sharing these
skills with others.