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LEARNING TO RESPECT
YOURSELF
jVl any people find it difficult to like and respect
themselves. They don't believe they can succeed and be
happy.
Whether they grew up b an unsupportive or negligent
environment or simply were not encouraged to develop
a healthy sense of their own worth and potential, people
with low self-esteem tend to underestimate their
potential for success and happiness b every aspect of
life, bcludbg personal relationships, academic achieve
ment, and occupational and financial success. In many
cases, their low expectations for themselves become self
fulfilling prophecies.
Low self-esteem is often particularly evident in adoles
cence. Then the confusion of being neither child nor
adult, the stress of dealing with physical and emotional
changes, the strain of heightened expectations at school,
and the pressure of peer groups all challenge even the
most confident teenagers.
But for those teenagers who already doubt their value
and abilities, and especially for those who are b un
stable family situations or who have learning problems
or other handicaps, the difficulties of adolescence can
cause them to sink even further b their own estimation.
To interrupt and reverse this negative pattern, someone
must step b and teach these young people that they can
be in charge of their lives and the way they feel about
themselves. '
Thejf must learn to gain respect for themselves, and how
to come to like and believe in themselves. Otherwise,
they may suffer for years, perhaps for their entire
lifetimes, with a diminished sense of self-worth and all
the pain, doubt, and disappointments that a poor self
concept can cause.
While a small percentage of teenagers need professional
help to deal with low self-esteem, most can make
substantial progress on their own once they know how.
VALUING YOURSELF: 22 WAYS TO DEVELOP
SELF ESTEEM
STOP PUTTING YOURSELF DOWN: Don't call
yourself "jerk" or "stupid" or "clumsy". Treat yourself
the way you'd like others to treat you. Give yourself
compliments. Say encouraging things to yourself.
Overlook minor flaws. Forgive your mistakes.
WORK AT CHANGING ONLY YOURSELF:
You can't change the way other people thbk or act, but
you can change yourself. You can look better, feel
happier, and accomplish more. You can decide what
you want to do and say, bstead of just reacting to
others.
BE PATIENT: The way you thbk about yourself is a
habit, just like biting your nails or chewing the end of
your pen. You can't make or break a habit b just a few
days, but with daily practice, feeling good about yourself
will start to feel right and natural,
LIST YOUR GOOD POINTS AND BAD POINTS
-TENOFEACII: Get a piece of paper, draw a line
down the middle. Title one side "Good Pobts" and the
other side "Bad Points". Now think hard and write
down ten of each. Look at your "good" list. You
already have a lot going for you, don't you? Now look at
the "bad". Don't try to fix these all at once, work at
them one at a time.
START WITH TODAY: Don't dwell on the past or
on things you might have done or not done. Don't wish .
you had a different family or lived b a different place.
Put your energy bto the present. Start with who you are
now, where you are now. Make your life better starting
today.
DONT ENVY OTHERS: Do you think other
people's lives are better than yours? You may be wrong.
You don't know what problems others have that they
don't talk about. You don't know what the future holds
for them. Don't compare your life with anyone else's,
just work at improvbg your own.
LET GO OF THAT GRUDGE: Carrying a grudge
is like walking with a backpack filled with cement. You ,
punish only yourself. Free yourself of that burden. .
Drop that old anger or hatred. Forgive what happened;
then forget it. Put your energy to better use.
LOOK FOR THE GOOD NOT FOR THE BAD;
Finding fault and feeling hurt can really drag you down.
Feel better by learning to focus on the pleasant side of
your life. Here's how. Every evening, ask yourself: .
"What good things happened to me today?" See how
many you can remember. Your list will get longer every
day.
DONT TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY: The
teacher who snapped at you may be having problems at
home. The sales clerk who ignored you might have just
gotten a layoff notice or may not have seen you.
Don't let minor incidents get you down. Most of them
have nothing to do with you.
STOP FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF: Self
pity makes you feel you have no control over your life.
When you feel sorry for yourself, you stop trybg to
make your life better. Now when you feel down, thbk,
"How can I make my life better?" Don't count prob
lems, work at findbg solutions.
DONT KNOCK YOURSELF OUT TO WIN AP
PROVAL: You try everything you can to please
someone. You go all out, but nothing you do seems
good enough. Why? Maybe the person doesn't want to
be pleased. Stop trying so hard. Gather your self
respect and just act naturally.
DONT LOSE YOUR HEAD TO DRUGS OR
ALCOHOL: You can do embarrassing, stupid, dan
gerous things when you're drunk or high on drugs.
Later, you'll feel ashamed and humiliated and might
be b serious trouble. Don't hate yourself the next day.
Stay "clean and sober." Stay b control of what you say
and do.
DONT FOLLOW THE CROWD, FOLLOW
YOUR CONSCIENCE: Don't do something wrong
because other people want you to. Don't trade your
self-respect for anybody's friendship or admiration. Do
what you know is right. Trust in your own good judge
ment. It will be hard, but you'll be glad you did.
DONT TAKE THE BLAME FOR OTHER
PEOPLE'S PROBLEMS: Some people try to make
others feel responsible for their troubles. They're hurt
and angry and want to punish someone. Don't accept
the guilt. Everyone "owns" his or her own problems.
You don't cause other people's problems and you can't
solve them.
AVOID PEOPLE AND SITUATIONS THAT :
PUT YOU DOWN: Do you keep spendbg time with
people who treat you badly? Do you go where you are
always put down or ignored? Climb out of that rut.
When you start to go to those people or places, remind
yourself that they will make you unhappy. Then do
something else.
DONT ACCEPT ABUSE, REACH OUT FOR
HELP : Is there physical abuse or alcoholism or drug
use b your home? Are you afraid? Is your life b
turmoil? You can find ways to live more calmly and .
safely. Let a teacher or counselor guide you to people
who are ready to help. You owe it to yourself.
LOOK YOUR BEST: Lookbg good but feelbg bad
is very hard to do. Wear becombg cloths, get a flatter
ing hair style, hold your head up and act confident (even
if you're not). Relax your face and smile. Look good
and you'll start to feel good.
EXPECT TO HAVE A GOOD DAY: ' You often ; c
get what you expect. Expect a good day and minor
problems seem almost funny. Your good spirits help
others feel glad to see you, but expect a bad day and
little annoyances become exaggerated. Your sour mood
affects other people and they act grumpy, too.
MAKE A PLAN FOR THE DAY: First thbg b the
morning, write down two or three things you would like
to do that day. As you go through the day, keep those
goals in mind. You'll feel pleased with yourself as you
accomplish them, and you'll avoid two frustrations: .
indecision and procrastination.
TAKE ON A RESPONSIBILITY: Volunteer to do
a household chore every day. Promise your younger
sister some regular attention. Set up an exercise time
with the dog. Get a part-time job. Give your word to do
something; then see it through. You'll feel terrific.
GET OUTSIDE YOURSELF: Take a break from
your own concerns. Meet hew people by taking a class
or jobbg a club outside of school. Help out at a play
ground or animal rescue center. Give elderly neighbors
a hand. Steppbg back like this helps you see new
possibilities b your life.
DO SOMETHING JUST FOR YOURSELF: What
do you like best? Reading a good book? Roller
skating? Soaking b a bubble bath? Working on a
project or hobby? Make time for your favorite things.
Every day, treat yourself to at least a half hour of doing
what you enjoy.
Try these handy hints on self-esteem building. I know
that you will see a difference in your attitude about
yourself in a very short while.
Mary Ring
Social Services Director