Spilyay tymoo., September 28, 2006, Page 7, Image 11

Together Our Resources
H elp
Tke Lesbian Qay, Bisexual,
Trajugemter Communities
While LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender) domestic violence is becoming the focus of
increasing research attention, it has so far not been examined with anything near the thoroughness
afforded to heterosexual domestic violence. Still, the patterns of abusive behavior observed in
many other kinds of relationships, including but not limited to ones in which partners share the
same gender, are very often the same as those practiced by abusive men in relationships with het­
erosexual women. These behaviors include:
• Calling a partner names, or engaging in other verbal abuse.
• Limiting or prohibiting a partner’s contact with family or friends.
• Confiscating, limiting access to or destroying a partner’s property.
• Withholding money, shelter, food, clothing and/or medication from a partner.
• Limiting or prohibiting a partner from obtaining or keeping employment, housing or any
other station, benefit or service.
• Harming or attempting to harm a partner physically, or threatening to do so. Threats of
harm may also extend to a partner’s family, friends, children and/or pets.
• Sexually assaulting or raping a partner.
• Threatening suicide or harm to self, if a partner tries to end a relationship or does not com­
ply with an abuser’s demands.
• Stalking or harassing a partner.
• Intimidating a partner in any other way.
In addition, the general development of these patterns over time, and more significantly, their out­
comes for many victims, are also indistinguishable from the ones observed in abusive relationships
between heterosexual men and women.
Beliefs that may contribute to violence
in our LGBTcommunity...
“Homosexuality is a sin/can be cured.”
“It must be mutual combat.”
“I don’t care what they do behind closed doors, but
I don’t want to know.”
An Inclusive Definition of
Domestic Violence
The National Coalition of Anti-Violence
Programs (NCAVP) subscribes to the view
that domestic violence encompasses a set of
behaviors used by one person in a relation­
ship to control the other. Nothing specific is
implied by this definition about the marital
status, sexual orientation, gender or gender
identity, cohabitation, sexual behavior or
other attributes of the partners and/or their
relationship. Nor does the definition suggest
anything about the specific nature of the con­
trolling behaviors, other than their purpose to
limit the freedom of action or expression of
another.
Every year, 1,510,455 women and 834,732 men are victims of physical violence by an intimate partner.
This is according to a Nov. 2000 Department of Justice report on the National Violence Against Women Survey. What does that
mean? Every 37.8 seconds a man is battered and every 20.9 seconds a woman is battered.
Some Reasons Why Men Might Stay in an Abusive Relationship
• Shame - “What will people think if they knew I let a woman beat up on me?” “I don’t want to be laughed at; no one would believe me.”
• Self-Worth - “I probably deserved it.”
• Denial - “I can handle it, it’s not that bad” or “All I have to do is leave the house until she cools down.”
• Reluctance to Give Up the Good - “She is really a creative, loving and/or wonderful person most of the time” or “She doesn’t mean to be this
way; she only gets this way a few times a month so it’s not that bad; the kids are giving her a hard time, etc.” “Even though she is abusive to me,
she is still a good mother.”
• Inertia -«“It’s too hard to do anything” or “I’m not ready for that much change in my life” or “I’ll do it tomorrow, or later, when I’m not so
busy.”
• Financial - “I am disabled and on a limited income and she controls the household finances. I will have nowhere to go and no money to live on
if I leave.” “She keeps the checkbook and gives me a small allowance every week so if I try to keep out any money she will blow up at me.”
• Love - But I really love her.” “When I got married it was for life.” “I don’t want to break up my family.”
Why Men Don’t Tell
Many men cope with being abused by taking on a macho “I can handle it” attitude. Even if you have been hurt much worse on an athletic playing
field, that is not the same thing as being physically attacked by your intimate partner, which hurts emotionally as well as physically. Allowing this pat­
tern to continue can result in depression, substance abuse, and loss of confidence, even suicide. Men typically face a greater degree of disbelief and
ridicule than do most women in this situation, which helps enforce the silence. Domestic violence victims make excuses for injuries that show (“It was
an accident” or “it happened while playing sports”) when friends or medical personnel ask about them. Abusers are expert at making victims feel no
one is on their side, which is a self-fulfilling prophecy - the more you withdraw from friends and family to protect your partner, the less other people
will be able to help you by confirming your experiences.
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