domesticVIOLENCE
A Jefferson County Man Speaks Up About His Violence
"The Lonely Path " - One Man 's Journey
An Invitation:
Domestic violence often seems like something
that happens to other people; so, therefore, it
must be someone else's problem. However,
domestic violence affects us all, either direct
ly, by being a part of our experience as a child
or as an adult, or indirectly, because we know
someone who is in a violent relationship. It's
often simpler to ease the discomfort of vio
lence in our community by saying things like,
"It's not that bad, it's not my responsibility,
it's none of my business, there's nothing I can
do, what's the use?" But other communities
have shown that domestic violence can only
be solved by a communitywide response and
by individuals taking an active interest. By
reading this publication and being open-minded
to the information at your fingertips, you're
making an important step toward eliminating
violence in our community.
A Definition:
Domestic violence is psychological, physical,
and sexual abuse perpetrated against a person
within the abuser's family system or intimate
relationships. Abuse tactics may include coer
cion, threats, intimidation, harassment, con
trol, isolation, minimizing, denying and blam
ing, using children, financial exploitation, or
damage to people, pets, or property. Domestic
violence is a systematic pattern of abuse esca
lating over time in frequency and severity.
Domestic violence may appear to manifest as
a single incident.
continuum of ABUSE
and VIOLENCE
I have learned a lot down this very lonely road. I was arrested, convicted in Court and
placed on probation. I caused all of this.
My "belief window" was violent and abusive. I am an alcoholic. The drinking made
matters worse. The more I drank, the more the violence increased. This finally
stopped when I was arrested, taken to jail, and was prevented from having contact with
my wife and family.
I cringe when I think of the violence that I exposed my family to. My wife even said
that it would have been easier if she was hit rather than deal with the control, manipu
lation and abuse. My children heard everything. Do you know that a daughter raised
in a violent home has a high chance of marrying a violent offender? I cringe. My
teenage daughter finally had the courage to call the police and put an end to this. May
God bless her for confronting me. We now have the strongest and healthiest relation
ship we've ever had.
Today is a different day. I am sober and look at the world differently. My family is
happier with me. The road has been long, tough and very challenging. The changes
have come easier when I stopped drinking. The biggest challenge has been to change
my behavior after years of doing things "my way". I am successful today because I
finally started listening to others. Why did I wait this long?
This is my story. I am still walking down the road alone without my wife and family.
I still have hope, have made a commitment to learn as much as I can, and still believe
that I can make changes in the future.
My life has been changed forever. I encourage other people to support those trying to
make positive changes in their lives. We need to stop exposing children to violence in
the home. I would not be here without many supportive people in our community. My
wish is that people will reach out for help before they lose everything like I did.
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