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MARCH 9�16, 2022
Robert Pattinson swoops down in this
very dark and long reboot in ‘The Batman’
By Moira Macdonald
The Seattle Times
I
magine, if you will, the pitch
meeting for “The Batman,”
Matt Reeves’ reboot of the
Caped Crusader franchise star-
ring Robert Pattinson.
“Like ‘Joker,’ ” says someone
at a conference table, “but more
depressing.” Someone else
pipes up, “We could save money
on lighting by just, you know, not
lighting it at all.” And another
joins in, “And what if we made it
really, really long?”
Behold “The Batman,” which
is all of these things: depress-
ing, dark and endless. (I think it’s
about seven hours long, to be
precise? But I may have blacked
out toward the end.) I don’t know
about you, but this particular
time in history does not seem
like the moment for a movie
that will leave you a) miserable
and b) wondering why nobody
in Gotham City seems to have
heard of light bulbs. Your mile-
age may vary, but for me — who
loved both the Tim Burton and
the Christopher Nolan “Batman”
universes — this one feels like
an earnest but bloated misfi re.
Pattinson, joining the mer-
cifully sparse brotherhood
of Superheroes Who Are Too
Moody to Wash Their Hair, here
‘THE BATMAN’
2 stars (out of 4)
MPAA rating: PG-13 (for
strong violent and disturbing
content, drug content,
strong language, and some
suggestive material)
Running time: 2:56
Where to watch: In theaters
plays a young, eerily pale and
very intense Bruce Wayne. But
this is no origin story: Bruce is
already Gotham’s vigilante hero,
lurking in the night and swoop-
ing down in his Batsuit to wreak
vengeance on criminals. And
his eff orts are sorely needed;
Your
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Jeff rey Wright, left, as Lt. James Gordon and Robert Pattinson in “The Batman.”
this version of Gotham City is a
hellhole, drenched in constant
sodden downpours (seriously,
and I say this as a Seattleite,
that is a lot of rain), night-lit in
the grim brownish-yellow of to-
bacco stains, fi lled with roaming
criminals who’ve taken makeup
lessons from the Joker. (I kid.
Somebody has to.)
Though Pattinson isn’t given
the opportunity to bring much
to the role other than an im-
pressively chiseled jaw (impor-
tant for a superhero whose up-
per face is frequently covered),
Reeves has at least surrounded
him with an impressive cast
with which to table-set a fran-
chise: Zoe Kravitz as slinky cat
burglar Selina Kyle; Paul Dano
as the fi lm’s chief villain, the
serial killer Riddler; Colin Farrell,
completely unrecognizable
behind a faceful of prosthetics,
as nightclub owner/gangster Oz,
aka Penguin; John Turturro as
Gotham crime kingpin Carmine
Falcone; Jeff rey Wright as Go-
tham cop James Gordon; and
Andy Serkis as faithful Wayne
butler Albert.
All of these performances
are impeccably professional,
some of them more so than
others. Kravitz won’t make you
forget Michelle Pfeiff er, but her
Selina has an appropriately
haunted quality; Dano has a few
completely unhinged moments;
Wright makes you believe,
against all probability, that a
smart cop would take advice
from a random guy in a bat outfi t.
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