A6
COMMUNITY
East Oregonian
Staying afloat in an ocean of grief
MATT
HENRY
THE ROAD NOT TAKEN
W
hen I was a child,
I once came very
close to drowning
by trying to capture a turtle
by the side of a lake that was
a little too deep for me. I was
4 and did not yet know how
to swim.
I waded into the water
after the turtle, the bottom
quickly dropped away and I
got my first taste of panic. I
was in an isolated cove, no
one was around and I was
also getting my first taste
of lake water. The nastiness
of it made me almost vomit
while drowning; impending
4-year-old death just doesn’t
get any nastier, I can assure
you.
Screa m i ng, f laili ng
away at the water pulling
me down, my stomach fill-
ing up with the lake, slowly
losing energy, my terror now
brazen and cold as I pulled
myself up to the surface for
the last time, my eye spied
something truly bizarre: two
young boys (in Boy Scout
uniforms, no less!) were in
a rowboat rowing madly
toward me. Under water I
saw two arms reach down,
grab me under the armpits
and haul me into the boat.
They took me back to the
shore, I got out, wandered
back to my parent’s cottage
puking up water and never
stopped crying. My dad
walked me back down to
the cove to thank the boys
for saving my life, but there
was nothing there. No boys
and no boat. The two scouts
vanished back into the
shrouds of mystery with
their boat from which they’d
arrived.
I am drowning once more.
This time, it’s not horrid
lake water coming down my
lungs but tear water pour-
ing from my eyes. My best
friend, my wife Amy, is now
on hospice, disappearing
from the world slowly and
horribly from early-onset
Alzheimer’s disease. To be
truthful, I find myself suffer-
ing from chronic acute grief
that just doesn’t let up or give
an inch.
Writing this column is a
sheer act of will, as is every-
thing I do is these days. The
sadness is grinding and feels
untouchable. After being
married to an angel for 42
years, I’m so God-damned
lonely now. I chase after
anything that I may catch to
keep me wanting to stay alive,
all with varying degrees of
efficacy. And as I drown in
joylessness and soul yuck,
suddenly out of the corner of
my eye here comes my good
friend, Dr. Jill Medicine
Woman, accompanied by a
little pooch standing about 8
inches at the shoulder named
Rascal.
Being owned by a cat, I
am unused to what comes
next. Imagine a Shitzu-Po-
meranian mix with a bad
underbite, bling glued to his
fur, with a grin that busts his
already bustable face from
ear to ear. He sees me, Jill
drops his leash, he comes
pounding down the sidewalk
toward me and proceeds to
happily wash my face of tear
salt. Rascal knows nothing
of my wife or Alzheimer’s,
so he spares me the pain of
asking after her or “how
I’m doing.” He just lives in
that moment, the moment of
sharing love.
And he’s not alone. Often
accompanying Jill are two
6-year old twins, kids that
are lucky enough to have
good parents and a stable
home. Like the dog, they are
sheer, unadulterated joy at its
best and they shower me with
that, as does Rascal. Emma
and Amos, through their
pure, honest joy, help keep
me alive, as does Jill and her
erstwhile furry crony.
And a block away are
Elise and Bradleigh, two
sweet precocious girls who,
like Emma and Amos,
make me feel like it actu-
ally matters that I’m alive
and in their lives. With them
appears a full-grown gray
male poodle named most
appropriately “Knuckles,”
who cuddles right up and
keeps me afloat. Then there’s
Nina, Lucy, Ruby, Cadi,
Max and Maggie — all four-
leggeds. I owe my life to all
of them.
God sends me people and
messages to help me stay in
the ring. My close friends are
doing their best to keep me
up and steady for the next
round of grief blows and I
remain forever thankful.
Composer Jeff Lynne
writes, “Without the friends
and lovers you could never
go on living.” So, so true.
Add kids and dogs to friends
and lovers and you get the
idea.
———
The Rev. Dr. Matt Henry
is a retired American Baptist/
United Methodist pastor,
who pastored the Pendle-
ton First United Church and
now joyfully makes “hippie
food” for the houseless at the
Warming Station.
Thursday, June 3, 2021
Spreading phlox a forest slope standby
BRUCE
BARNES
BLOOMIN’ BLUES
Common name: Spread-
ing phlox
Scientific name: Phlox
diffusa
his plant is one of
11 phlox species in
northeastern Oregon,
most of which would be
in bloom by this time in a
“normal” year in the Blues.
It forms spreading, tangled
mats up to four inches tall
on open slopes in the forest.
T
Bruce Barnes/Contributed Photo
Spreading phlox, Phlox dif-
fusa.
diffusa is not one of those
listed.
———
Bruce Barnes directs
Flora ID, producing plant
ID software, found at http://
flora-id.org. Reach him at
flora.id@wtechlink.us.
COMMUNITY BRIEFING
Scholarships
awarded to
Pendleton women
PENDLETON — Pend-
leton PEO Chapter EM is
pleased to announce the
award of PEO sisterhood
scholarships for 2021-22
to Katelyn Kelm, Aimee
Gunter, Virginia Kerns and
Cristal Ponce-Palomera.
Kelm, an environmental
studies major at the Univer-
sity of Oregon, was awarded
a $2,000 Marguerite Schol-
arship.
Gunter was awarded a
$3,400 scholarship, funded
by the Lois New McElveny
Fund. She is majoring in
elementary education at
Eastern Oregon University.
Kerns, studying occu-
pational therapy at Pacific
University, was awarded a
$1,250 scholarship.
Spanish major Ponce-
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The flowers are single at
the stem tips, each with five
rounded, pink to pale blue or
white petals. As with other
phlox species, the flower
has each petal attached to
a central, somewhat hidden
tube. For this species the
tube is almost twice as long
as the petals. The leaves are
narrowly linear, with nearly
spine-like tips.
Phlox diffusa grows
from Vancouver Island to
the Cascades, and in the
Cascades to California, then
east to the Blues and north-
ern Idaho.
Many species of Phlox
were widely used by north-
west tribes for a number of
purposes. However, Phlox
CAT10284-1
Palomera was awarded
a $1,000 scholarship to
continue at EOU.
Riverside
graduate accepted
to Stanford
BOARDMAN — Jose
Ruiz-Nino, Class of 2021
valedictorian at Riverside
Jr./Sr. High, was recently
accepted to Stanord Univer-
sity. with a full academic
scholarship
David Norton, Riverside
principal, said Ruiz-Nino
is a student who has been
focused and driven to reach
his goals, especially the goal
to become the first person in
his family to attend college.
While at Riverside, Ruiz-
Nino participated in band,
baseball and FBLA, was
an ASB Officer and was
a member of the National
Honor Society. Ruiz-Nino
pushed himself academi-
cally, and graduated with
57 college credits.
Ruiz-
Nino said,
“I wouldn’t
be in this
position,
honestly, if
it wasn’t for
Ruiz-Nuno
the teachers
and staff in Boardman. All
the way from elementary
school to now, all of them
have pushed me to excel
academically and they were
always there to support me.”
Principal Norton said he
is proud of Ruiz-Nino and
what he represents. “Jose ...
has spent countless hours
volunteering in our commu-
nity, and he brightens the
room with his personality.
Jose will be missed at River-
side, and we wish him the
best of luck in his future.”
— EO Media Group