February 2020 - EASTERN OREGON PARENT - 7
Building connections at home and in the classroom
By MADELYNE MOORE
“I’m dropping out of
school!” My heart dropped.
Can you imagine your first
grader yelling this at you?
Especially being an elemen-
tary educator myself. See-
ing the hurt and confusion
all over his little face, I took
a deep breath and calmed
my voice.
“Why do you want to
drop out of school?” I
asked, still trying to coax
him out of his warm bed.
This was only November
and I could not imagine
continuing down this path
the remainder of the school
year.
With his little eyes filled with
tears he said, “Mommy, my teacher
doesn’t like me.” WHAT? Why
would my first-grader believe some-
thing like that? “Mommy, she never
smiles at me. She must not like me
because she never smiles at me.”
Children notice. Children are
intuitive. They pick up on body
language signals like a simple
smile. The first thing children
notice is your smile, your bright
eyes, or perhaps the lack of a
smile. Children look to us to
build a relationship with them
Strategies
and to help them learn how to
build relationships with those
around them. It is how our brains
are wired. We are searching for
meaningful relationships and it can
start with just a smile.
Through connections we create
compassion and a feeling of safety.
This helps a child be more willing
to engage in healthy relationships.
To truly connect to a child we
need to let them know that we
love them, truly care for them and
see them as important people. By
building connections, children will
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be ready to learn and grow in a
safe environment. Further, it helps
our children develop a positive
inward response to conflicts. They
learn skills such as how to be kind
and make the right decisions. All
of which will then help them be
more successful academically
and socially. So how do you build
connections? What kinds of
activities are we talking about?
Sing a fun song or recite a poem
together with hand motions. If you
have a teenager, listen to a favorite
song together on the way to school.
Seeing you smiling and having fun
can ease their fears and worries.
Maybe try to do breathing in the
car on the way to school. Whatever
you do, keep a calm voice, stay
present with your child: look at
them and listen to what they are
saying. Make it part of your daily
routine, be playful with your child
and stay connected. If things do not
go as planned, then make sure to
show empathy and help them feel
heard and understood.
As a classroom teacher the very
first connection I make with the
students at the beginning of the
day is my greeting to them individu-
ally. They chose from a menu and
it can either be a hug, high five, fist
bump, wave or a dance move. The
student is allowed to choose what
makes them feel welcomed.
We sing a good morning song
to help them get the wiggles out,
have a little fun and enjoy the start
to our morning. I do the songs,
dancing and motions right along
side of them. Students like it when
they have a teacher (or parent)
willing to be fun and silly, part of
the playful presence. After we sing
our good morning song, we make
commitments to ourselves, our
friends and ourselves that we will
be safe, keep our friends safe and
be the best learner we can be. As
a teacher, I never want one of my
students to feel like my son did in
first grade.
So what happened with my son?
Well, it did not go as we had hoped,
the teacher never did smile at him.
But the story doesn’t end sadly.
He got the very best second-grade
teacher ever, he loved her and he
knew that she loved him. Thank
you, Mrs. Bones!
________
Madelyne L. Moore is a teacher
with the Hermiston School
District, a partner of the Blue
Mountain Early Learning Hub,
which works to bridge early
childhood resources and prepare
children for kindergarten. For
more information visit www.
bluemountainearlylearninghub.org.