July 2019 - EASTERN OREGON PARENT - 7
Great dads give their children emotional security
By ROB KLENG
I do not spend as much time
with my children as I would like.
I’m a professional father and
my work often keeps me in the
office late hours, and I’m away
from home about one week a
month. The time that I spend
with my children is limited, so
the quality of that time must be
of the highest importance.
My children are young,
neither are school age, but I can
tell you with certainty, based on
my experience as a high school
teacher and now a Head Start
director working primarily with
adults, that the foundations
of connection provided by
Conscious Discipline create
strong connections, which
produce security and lead to
willingness.
Each initial interaction I
have with my children, either in
the morning when I leave for work,
when I return in the evening, or
when I come back from a work trip,
has four components: eye contact,
touch, presence and a playful
situation. When I began to learn
about the power of connections, I
used models from the book “I Love
You Rituals” by Dr. Becky Bailey to
Parenting
Tip
provide a framework. Now these
interactions come naturally to me.
My son was born with a breath-
ing concern and his mom had a
difficult birthing process, which left
me as the only parent able to ac-
company him on a flight to a Neo-
natal Intensive Care Unit. I spent
the first days of his life with him. He
was my first child and really my first
actual experience with a baby. I al-
Affordable Specialt y Care,
For Your Children,
Right Here At Home!
THE
BIG AUTHORITY ON LITTLE TEETH
Call Today!
541-289-5433
1060 W. Elm, Suite #115, Hermiston, OR
(across from Good Shepherd Medical Center)
www.hermistonkidsdentist.com
Offi ce Hours: Mon-Fri 8am-4pm
ways pictured myself raising a self-
sufficient child, who could handle
what life threw at him. This vision
included being a no-nonsense fa-
ther who wasn’t emotional and left
dealing with tears and diapers to
mom. I found myself in a situation
where I needed to provide 100 per-
cent of the emotional support my
young child needed and that reality
did not align with my perception of
what a father is.
My transformation was not im-
mediate and I continue to grow
every day to become an emotion-
ally responsive father. I can say for
certain that my initial perception
of a good father was incomplete.
Children that receive emotional
support from caregivers develop
into more successful adults.
Parents are the first and most
important teachers of their chil-
dren. For dads, this means that
children will not only learn what
is taught directly by you, like how
to tie their shoes or clean a fish,
but also by who you are. Daugh-
ters learn what a good relationship
looks like from her father and will
generally seek a partner of simi-
lar character to her father. A son
models himself after his father’s
character and will be a reflection of
his father’s choices.
Providing security for your chil-
dren means more than just food,
shelter and safety from physical
harm. Dads must foster strong
connections with their children to
create emotional security, which
will lead to strong future connec-
tions. These connections are what
will help you and your children get
through difficult times. If you find
yourself struggling to build a posi-
tive relationship with your child,
connection is what is lacking.
When I ask her pick up her toys,
my three-year-old daughter will
sometimes still look at me with an-
gry eyebrows and say with a deep
raspy voice, “Go away bad daddy.”
However, I can happily report that
by using the four principles of con-
nection, the frequency is increasing
of her randomly hugging my leg
and saying, in a sweet voice, “Good
daddy.”
________
Rob Kleng is the director of Eastern
Oregon University Head Start, a
partner with the Blue Mountain
Early Learning Hub, which works to
bridge early childhood resources and
prepare children for kindergarten.
For more information visit www.
bluemountainearlylearninghub.org.