July 2018 - EASTERN OREGON PARENT - 5
Raising a military family (without creating brats)
By VIRGINIA JUSTICE
“Where are you from?“
This is a complex question for
someone like me: I was raised as a
military brat, sometimes referred to
as a career-dependent. My mother
and father met while serving in the
U.S. Army in Germany. They mar-
ried and had my older brother and
me before returning to the States.
Though Mom fulfilled her commit-
ment to the military and elected to
leave the Army, Dad did not, so we
became a military family. My dad
was medically retired when I was
18, so I truly spent all my non-adult
years in military life.
What exactly does it mean to
be a military family? Certainly, it
means you travel at the very least
throughout the United States, and
often the world. As a military brat
I had the opportunity to visit and/
or live in places some only dream
of. I have been to every state in
the Union including living in Alaska
and Hawaii. My experiences with
military family life were wonderful;
however, not all share that experi-
ence. Moving every year or three
means changing schools, leaving
old friends, making new friends,
and adjusting to a new location
and new cultures, even within the
United States.
Pendleton resident Jenifer
Groves served in the U.S. Navy. She
and her now ex-husband were both
active duty Navy, raising their chil-
dren during a time of peace. When
that suddenly became wartime,
things changed overnight for her
military family. Immediate deploy-
ment with drastic work schedule
changes also meant changes for
their children. Fortunately in their
case, family members were willing
and able to step up and care for the
children while their parents served
our country. Jenifer explains that
there was also an upside. “Your kids
understand what true sacrifice is,
what it means to be a part of some-
thing more.”
Nita Westfall’s husband Steven,
now retired from the Army, was
deployed during military conflict.
She recalls that dealing with de-
ployments was an adjustment.
First, explaining to the children
that their dad is going to be far
away and unable to come home
to Pendleton for months. She kept
things positive always, ensuring
the children understood their dad
had an important job to do helping
others. She says one of the most
challenging aspects of deployment
was “doing all the things I was used
to my husband doing.” When a
spouse is deployed, often stationed
at a military base/post far away
from family, the remaining spouse
becomes a single parent. It’s diffi-
cult, but Nita says, “This helped me
become the strong, can-do person I
am today.”
In the not too distant past, com-
municating with deployed or TDY
(temporary duty station) parent(s)
was not easy. The internet, though
available, was not widely used in
the civilian world, so it was let-
ters and phone calls instead of
Snapchat and Skype. Children not
seeing their parent(s) in person for
weeks, months, a year at a time
is not easy; however, those lucky
enough to remain at their parents’
duty post or base have others going
through the same thing with them.
The military typically provides sup-
port on the bases and posts for de-
pendents and spouses of deployed
service members. They provide
community service offices staffed
to assist families in relocating,
securing housing and other issues
that face military families.
Military posts and bases are like
small towns, except for fencing
around the perimeter and guard
posts that limit entry. Most have
a commissary (grocery store), the
exchange (shopping center), movie
theaters, craft shops, parks, pools,
athletic fields, etc. offering a variety
of activities for youth and adults.
Though living on base/post is not
required, many families elect to
live there because of all they offer.
Quarters (housing) on base/post
must be applied for and is not al-
ways available at the time of reloca-
tion.
The situation may be quite
different for families of deployed
reservists or National Guard, as
they would not be living on a base/
post; however, the military does aid
through their Family Readiness Pro-
gram. This program was designed
to ensure families of deployed
service members have the support
necessary during a challenging time
for both the service member and
the family.
Though military life has advan-
tages and disadvantages, depen-
dents understand that their service
member (and every service mem-
ber) is part of something greater
than themselves. It is often said
that freedom is not free – this is
quite true for those in the military
and for the spouses and depen-
dents left behind or moving away
from family and friends. The no-
madic military life is an experience
this dependent would live again be-
cause I know that my dad’s service
to our country made a difference in
the lives of others.
________
Pendleton home economist Virginia
Justice and her husband have two
college-aged daughters.