December 2017 - EASTERN OREGON PARENT - 5
Empowering children to problem-solve in five steps
top!” I heard six-
year-old Alan tell
a couple of three-
year-old girls. “I think
you’ve got a problem.”
Lila and Susan, the three-
year-olds, were tugging and
grunting to see who would
get possession of a puzzle.
Alan continued, “I think you
both want to do this puzzle
by yourself. Do you want to
work this out?”
Lila and Susan stopped,
looked at Alan, and nod-
ded in agreement. “You can
either take turns or choose
something else. What do you think
is best?” Alan politely asked them.
I watched this classroom scene
unfold as Susan decided to choose
another puzzle and Lila promised
to let Susan know when she was
finished using the puzzle. No tears.
No hitting. I witnessed peaceful
problem-solving with no adult
intervention.
“No way!” you are probably
thinking. “That’s just not real.” As
a friend of mine said, “Alan sure
doesn’t sound like any six-year-old
I know.” It can be a typical scenario
if we will show young children a
simple five-step problem-solving
technique. By the time they are
six, they will sound older than their
years.
A basic ground rule in conflict
resolution with children is that they
must use their words to solve their
problems. There is to be no hitting,
biting, kicking, or name-calling; in
short, no action intended to harm
others may be used. The adult’s
initial role is to step the children
through the process, acting as
facilitator. Like Alan, at some point,
the child will step into the facilita-
“
S
tor’s role. Let’s look at this five-step
problem solving method.
Step 1: Recognizing a problem.
In my example, six-year-old Alan
saw two children struggling with
a puzzle. So, he said “Stop. I think
you’ve got a problem.” This state-
ment helps those in conflict disen-
gage and shift their focus. Some-
times just stopping will help us see
our actions and change our behav-
ior without any other intervention.
If the behavior does continue, we
need to make sure the children in
conflict stop before we move to the
next step in problem solving.
Step 2: Identifying the prob-
lem. Alan at this point said, “I think
you both want to use the puzzle
at the same time.” Susan or Lila
might have said, “No, that’s not the
problem. She’s putting the puzzle
in the wrong place.” As facilitators,
we have to listen to make sure the
problem is clearly stated and that
everyone agrees to work on the
problem before we move on to the
next step.
Step 3: Brainstorming for solu-
tions. As adults, we’ll see solutions
to the problem before the children.
State these and
ask if they can
think of any more
suggestions. It’s
easy as an adult
to want to quickly
resolve a situa-
tion and force our
solution. We’re
trying to teach
the process, so
give the children
time to think of
other solutions
and evaluate all
suggestions be-
fore moving on to
the next step.
Step 4: Choosing the best solu-
tion. After the group agrees that
they have looked at all the possible
solutions, it will be time to pick the
best one. Restate all the solutions
and have them choose the best
one. State the selected solution
clearly, as in our example: Susan
will choose another puzzle, and Lila
promises to let Susan know when
she is finished.
Step 5: Checking back to make
sure it’s working. This is the step
that is easy to forget. It is important
to check back with each person to
make sure the solution is working.
If not, call back the children and
restart the problem-solving process
again.
The first few times as a facilita-
tor with children, this process may
seem very long and formal. I used
to have a hand-made poster in my
classroom to remind everyone of
each step. Amazingly, using these
five steps consistently, children
realize the process works and will
begin to problem-solve on their
own. Even after children are in-
dependently problem-solving, we
Maren
Schmidt
_______________
Kids Talk™
may have to step in every once in
a while to get the process back on
track.
Remember, we all forget once in
a while! Be kind if you or the chil-
dren do the steps less than perfect-
ly. Children are resilient. One of my
favorite parenting sayings is this:
It’s hard to remember the objective
is to drain the swamp, when you’re
up to your eyeballs in alligators.
Parenting is tough. We’re all just
trying to do the best we can.
Begin using this problem-solving
method with your three- to six-
year-olds to create a foundation for
a lifetime of effective problem-solv-
ing. What you might get in return is
a teenager who, instead of slam-
ming a door, comes to you saying,
“Mom, Dad, I have a problem. Here
are some possible solutions. Can
you help me think of anymore?”
Stranger things have happened.
Consider using this problem-
solving tool today, whatever your
children’s ages. Count to ten when
the squabbling begins and use this
five-step method to help your chil-
dren learn to solve disputes.
________
Kids Talk™ is an award-winning
column dealing with childhood de-
velopment issues written by Maren
Stark Schmidt, M.Ed. She has more
than 25 years experience working
with young children and is the au-
thor of Understanding Montessori:
A Guide for Parents. Contact her via
e-mail at maren@kidstalknews.