December 2017 - EASTERN OREGON PARENT - 15
Talking with children about national tragedies
By VIRGINIA JUSTICE
With our televisions and
computer screens filled with
stories about mass shootings
and terrorist attacks, parents
often wonder what to tell their
children. How much information
is too much? What’s the best
way to help our children under-
stand these terrible events? Can
we teach them how to protect
themselves emotionally?
For insight, I turned to Dr.
Erica Pierce-Zapata, a clinical
psychologist raised in Pendleton
and mother of seven children
ages 1 to 17. She currently lives
in California, where she is com-
pleting post-doctoral work in
neuropsychology.
Regarding what to tell chil-
dren about tragic events, Dr.
Zapata makes four key points:
• Tell the truth.
• Be age-appropriate for your
child.
• Provide children the ability to
discuss such events with you.
• Teach them to be prepared and
help them feel safe.
Children should not be shel-
tered from the reality of the world
around them but rather taught
that good and bad both exist in
the world. According to Dr. Zapata,
“The sensationalizing that happens
with social media can also lead to
de-sensitization and general ac-
ceptance that such tragedies are a
normal occurrence to be accepted.”
This is why she feels it is im-
portant to have open and honest
conversation with your children.
Discussion should always be age-
appropriate dependent upon the
age and maturity of your child;
you wouldn’t tell a five-year-old
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the same things you would a
twelve-year-old. Often, the best
approach is just to open the
discussion and allow the child to
dictate how in-depth the conver-
sation will be. By talking casually,
provide opportunities for chil-
dren to express their thoughts
and explore the realities of each
situation. It is most important to
help them feel safe.
Ensure they understand that
these are not ordinary events
and that they really do not have
to fear being in that type of
situation. Explain that we are
all vulnerable to accidents and
tragedy sometimes – that is part
of life – yet we are more likely to
be involved in a car accident than
a mass shooting.
This provides a teaching
moment to show our children
how to be aware and prepared,
and let them know it’s critical to be
aware of their surroundings when
something doesn’t feel right. Teach
them that intuition is important
and that if they overhear or sense
something they need to bring it to
the attention of someone who can
investigate. This is the best way to
prevent tragedies from happening.
The key is to empower our children,
not make them fearful.
Strategies
Talking about tragedies should
also include discussion regarding
how such events affect the people
involved, their families, communi-
ties and our society as a whole.
Rather than avoiding a discussion,
use the child’s questions and feel-
ings to help them become more
secure in their own ability to influ-
ence their environment. Confidence
will encourage them to speak up
when they need to. According to Dr.
Zapata, discussion offers an oppor-
tunity to teach your children to be
socially responsive and proactive
members of our communities, ef-
fecting positive social change.
As parents, we have many op-
portunities for teaching moments,
chances to help our children
strengthen their own resolve and
live a full life without unnecessary
fears. The biggest hurdle may be the
struggle we adults face in trying un-
derstand these tragedies ourselves.
________
Pendleton home economist Virginia
Justice and her husband have two
college-aged daughters.
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