April 2017 - EASTERN OREGON PARENT - 7
Build relationships with frequent goodwill deposits
R
elationship building is work,
and our relationships and the
trust in those relationships
are in constant
change. We main-
tain and deepen
our relationships
with regular acts of
kindness, consider-
ation, appreciation
and service.
Every act of
building relation-
ship is as if we are
making a deposit
into a savings ac-
count. We increase
our balance by
giving a person a
compliment, a kind
word, or doing a
thoughtful deed.
We deplete our relationship
accruals by trying to manipulate
others, being unkind or discourte-
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ous, breaking promises, being self-
serving, lying, and holding grudges,
to name a few types of “withdraw-
als.” When we
let our ego,
arrogance, pride,
impatience,
need for control,
self-centered-
ness, and need
be right become
more important
than the other
person, we’ll
find ourselves
confronted with
a severely over-
drawn relation-
ship balance.
We can bankrupt
the relationship
by taking more
out of the rela-
tionship than we put in.
To maintain a healthy relation-
ship we need to make regular and
frequent deposits, preferably daily
(that daily interest adds up quickly)
into our relationship accounts.
How can we make deposits?
ASK. Appreciation. Service. Kind-
ness. Ask yourself, and the other
person in the relationship, these
questions: What can I do to show
you that I appreciate you? How
can I serve to enrich your life? How
can I show you kindness?
Children might have a hard time
telling us how they want to be
appreciated, how to enrich their
lives, and how to show them kind-
nesses, but ask anyway. You might
get some interesting and valuable
feedback.
A preschool class discussion
about acts of kindness yielded
some of these responses:
A five-year-old student said she
Maren
Schmidt
_______________
Kids Talk™
knew her father loved her because
he always put the peanut butter up
to the very edge of her sandwich.
A three-year-old said his night-
light from his grandmother made
him feel loved.
A four-year-old girl said going to
get an ice cream cone with her dad,
by herself, was her favorite thing to
do.
When asked what they did to
make others feel loved, some an-
swers follow:
I eat my spaghetti without cry-
ing.
I put my pajamas on by myself.
I kiss my momma.
I help my sister when she falls
down.
I say “peas” and “tank you”.
It is in our daily acts of apprecia-
tion, service and kindness that our
relationships grow and the divi-
dends multiply.
Ask your children two questions:
What do I do that makes you feel
loved? What do you do to make me
feel loved?
Expect accelerated compound
interest in a terrific investment.
________
Kids Talk™ is an award-winning
column dealing with childhood de-
velopment issues written by Maren
Stark Schmidt, M.Ed. She has more
than 25 years experience working
with young children and is the au-
thor of Understanding Montessori:
A Guide for Parents. Contact her via
e-mail at maren@kidstalknews.