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Keep an eye on teens
and online relationships
By NATALIE KOLLROSS, Psy.D.
A large number of adults use
online da ng websites now. People
also connect and reconnect via
Facebook and other social media
pla orms. While teens may not
be able to u lize a da ng website,
they are increasingly turning to the
Internet to fi nd or foster ro-
man c rela onships.
While a lot of
teens s ll prefer to
date someone with
whom they can have
physical contact, some
teens have found exclusively
online rela onships. They o en use
the Internet to connect with others
and fi nd like-minded individuals.
They want to connect with those
who they believe best understand
them. O en mes, teens may feel
excluded or isolated at their school
or in their community, so they turn
to the Internet for solace and con-
nec on. However, this obviously
creates fear in the minds of their
parents who understand the real
dangers of online predators.
Teens may not always have the
best decision-making skills or fore-
thought and can leave themselves
vulnerable. On the other hand, they
crave social connec on and are try-
ing to form their own iden es. If
a teen is seeking an online rela on-
ship, likely they are trying to fi nd a
same-aged peer who shares their
interests. They connect with the
person via diff erent social media
pla orms, text and video chat. It is
not unlike what used to be referred
to as a “long distance rela onship.”
It can defi nitely be scary if your
teen has formed an online rela on-
ship, but the best thing you can do
as a parent is stay open-minded
and open up lines of communica-
on. Teens shut down if confronted
and chas sed, so if you go to your
teen with genuine interest in this
new person in their life, they are
more likely to open up about them.
This allows you to gather
more informa on
about the person
and the rela on-
ship to be er
assess if there is
poten al for danger.
If you can, “meet”
the person via the Internet, such
as on video chat. This would be a
great way to ascertain if they are
who they say they are. Most teens
feel capable and comfortable in the
world of FaceTime, Skype, etc. A big
red fl ag would be if a person is not
willing to video chat or even speak
over the phone.
It is also important to talk to
your teen about the dangers of on-
line predators and how to stay safe.
They need to know what to look
out for in online rela onships and
how to know if someone is not be-
ing truthful or has bad inten ons.
Most likely your teens’ rela onship
will come to an end as most teen
rela onships do. Remember that if
you keep the lines of communica-
on open and stay interested, you
will stay be er informed about
what your teen is doing and help
them to stay safe.
________
SMART is celebrating 25 years
of sparking a love of reading
in Oregon kids.
Since 1992, SMART (Start Making A
Reader Today) has been pairing adult
volunteers with PreK through
third-grade students across Oregon to
get them excited about books and
reading.
Join SMART’s statewide 25th
anniversary celebration by:
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t.BLJOHBEPOBUJPOUPTVQQPSU4."35
in your local community
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Oregon Reads Aloud
Students served
Volunteers
Hours spent reading
Books given
www.getSMARToregon.org/25years
Dr. Kollross is a psychologist at
Psychological Services of Pendleton This message presented in partnership with the Oregon Newspaper Publishers Association.
and mother of two.