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The Sandwich Generation can get spread too thin
By SUZANNE KENNEDY
Are you a part of the “Sandwich
Genera on?” If you are in your 30s
or 40s and have children at home
as well as parents who currently
need or may soon need care, you
are. If you’re really lucky, you are a
grandparent yourself, taking care
of elderly parents. That makes you
a “club sandwich,” in case you’re
wondering.
At the beginning of the 20th
century, the average life expectancy
was less than 50. Today, the aver-
age is in the upper 70s for men and
in the low 80s for women, and it
has con nued to rise.
By the me today’s young ones
reach their 30s, U.S. life expectancy
is predicted to increase by about
10 years. Advances in care, disease
control and medicine will vastly
increase the number of elderly
people. In fact, most babies born
today may well live to be 100.
The economic impact will be
staggering. Finances, educa on,
re rement, transporta on, all will
have to change. We have to start
planning for this now in order not
to be blindsided later on.
Being a part of the sandwich
genera on can be incredibly stress-
ful. You may be juggling a job, two
parents with demen a, and middle
school drama all at the same me.
O en, private care for the older
genera on is just too expensive
($3,000 to $5,000 per month or
more). Not many of us have that
much extra cash lying around.
At a me when your life should
fi nally be falling into place, car-
ing for parents and children at the
same me can have you
feeling overwhelmed,
out of control, and even
cheated. Don’t forget
the added guilt for feel-
ing all those things.
This can be a real
burden on families, and
especially marriages.
To make ma ers worse,
children o en act out
during these stressful
mes, and you may
be the only adult child
near enough to physi-
cally be there. If you
are feeling like you are
constantly in crisis mode, it’s me
to step back, take a deep breath,
and regain control.
Social worker and care manager
Paula Banks recommends crea ng
a plan:
Breathe. Our fi rst reac on to
crises is o en fi ght or fl ight. Slow-
ing down, breathing, and taking
“Assisting people to become
independent, healthy and safe.”
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a few moments before you react
can help. Is someone in imminent
danger of death or injury? If not,
give yourself some me to think
through your op ons before you
rush into anything.
Let go of the guilt. You probably
feel like you can’t please anyone,
but are trying to take care of all of
them … at the same me. Guess
what? You’re right. You can only do
your best. Assess your responsibili-
es and see where you could use
some help.
Speaking of help, you know
when those nice people ask if
there’s anything they can do? Say
yes. And don’t be afraid to ask for
help when you need it, either. Try
reaching out. The Area Agencies
on Aging in nearly all communi es
can help with resources as well.
Go to www.n4a.org to fi nd one in
your area (in Uma lla and Morrow
coun es, CAPECO is the primary re-
source). Have another parent drive
your son to prac ce or ask your
pastor to visit with your mom.
Involve your children. Have your
18-year-old take Papa to his doc-
tor’s appointment. Tell your fi h
Strategies
grader to learn a new card game
with Grandma. Age-appropriate
help will give your children the
opportunity to get to know their
grandparents on a new
level, develop respect
for the older genera-
on, and grow a sense
of pride. S ll, it’s not
always as easy as that.
Karen Moore of Pendle-
ton has fi ve children and
takes care of her mother
with Alzheimer’s. She
contends that balancing
quality me with both
genera ons provides
some diffi cul es. She
doesn’t want spending
me with Grandma to
become a chore, espe-
cially when the children don’t re-
member when Grandma was really
herself.
Finally, don’t forget about
yourself. Connect with your friends,
con nue your ac vi es, and take
some me to be alone. This will
sustain you during the crazy mes
when everything falls apart on the
same day.
Crea ng a plan will help you
bring the chaos under control. You
owe it to yourself (and your fam-
ily) to stay physically and mentally
healthy in this stressful and emo-
onal me.
________
Suzanne Kennedy is a former middle
school teacher who lives in Pend-
leton with her husband and three
children.