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How to deal with your teen’s outrageous opinions
Louise Tracy, in her book
͞'ƌŽƵŶĚĞĚĨŽƌ>ŝĨĞ͍͕͊͟ƚĞůůƐƚŚĞ
story of an occurrence when
Della, her college-age
daughter, was home
ĨŽƌsĂůĞŶƟŶĞ͛ƐĂLJ
weekend. Two hours
ĂŌĞƌƐŚĞĂƌƌŝǀĞĚ͕Ă
large box of candy
given to the family
disappeared. When
asked about it,
she answered,
“It’s too much
sugar! I’ve
put it away
and I’ll bring
it out again
as soon as
everyone
reads this
paper on the
ĚĂŶŐĞƌƐŽĨƐƵŐĂƌ͘͟
Tracy fought down the urge to
ďĂƩůĞ͕ĐůĞŶĐŚĞĚŚĞƌƚĞĞƚŚ͕ĐĂŵĞ
up with a smile, and said, “All right,
we’ll read it and maybe
we’ll learn some-
ƚŚŝŶŐ͘͟
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3DUHQWLQJ
Tip
Tracy and her husband read
Della’s paper and listened to her
back-up arguments. They para-
phrased her thoughts and con-
ĐĞĚĞĚƌĞƐĞĂƌĐŚĞƌƐǁĞƌĞĮŶĚŝŶŐŽƵƚ
new things everyday about nutri-
or her to move away from it. You
ƟŽŶ͕ďůŽŽĚƐƵŐĂƌ͕ĂŶĚŚĞĂůƚŚ͘
may also free yourself to move
They listened as Della talked
ĨƌŽŵLJŽƵƌŽǁŶƉŽƐŝƟŽŶ͘
about topics ranging from red
Tracy summarizes her book’s
ŵĞĂƚĂŶĚĂĚĚŝƟǀĞƐ͘
chapter on Resistance and Accep-
Through the
whole weekend,
Resist the temptation to
ƚŚĞLJĚŝĚŶŽƚĂƩĞŵƉƚ
to refute anything
their daughter said,
oppose your teen’s position
and a strange
feeling of
even when it seems extreme.
benevolence
developed
among the three
tance with the following steps for
of them. It was
change:
as if she were a
ͻ Recognize the power of words
friend, one they
and beliefs. A person arguing for
cared for deeply
his ideas soon comes to believe
but whose opinions, beliefs, and
them.
values were hers to speak and own.
dŚĞĚĂLJĞůůĂůĞŌ͕dƌĂĐLJĂŶĚŚĞƌ ͻ ĞĐŝĚĞƚŽƌĞĚƵĐĞĨĂŵŝůLJĐŽŶŇŝĐƚ
and resistance. Listen for points
husband found a note on the table
of agreement. If you don’t have
ƚĞůůŝŶŐƚŚĞŵǁĞƌĞƚŽĮŶĚĂďŽdžŽĨ
ƚŽďĞ͞ƌŝŐŚƚ͕͟ƚŚĞƌĞǁŽŶ͛ƚďĞĂŶ
canned and packaged goods Della
argument.
had removed from the kitchen
shelves. “Please, just read the
ͻ ĞĂůĞƌƚƚŽŶĞŐĂƟǀĞƌĞƐƉŽŶƐĞƐ͘
ůĂďĞůƐĂŶĚŶŽƟĐĞƚŚĞƉůĂĐĞŵĞŶƚŽĨ
Words that blame, judge, or con-
sugar in the list of ingredients. I’m
trol encourgage your teen to be
not trying to make you stop using
on the defensive and exaggerate
sugar. I just want you to know how
his or her needs, feelings, and
much is unnecessarily being put
ůŝŵŝƚĂƟŽŶƐ͘
ŝŶƚŽƐƵƉƉŽƐĞĚůLJŚĞĂůƚŚLJĨŽŽĚ͘͟
ͻ dĂŬĞĂƉŽƐŝƟǀĞƐƚĂŶĐĞ͘EŽƚĞ
The next week Della sent a lov-
your child’s knowledge, thinking
ŝŶŐĨŽůůŽǁͲƵƉůĞƩĞƌƐƵŐŐĞƐƟŶŐƚŚĞLJ
and concern about the subject.
read a book she was sending on the
ĞǀĞůŽƉĂŶŝŶƚĞƌĞƐƚŝŶĚŝīĞƌŝŶŐ
large amounts of sugar the average
opinions. Save your other view-
American now consumes compared
ƉŽŝŶƚƐƵŶƟůĂůĂƚĞƌƟŵĞ͘
ƚŽĞĂƌůŝĞƌLJĞĂƌƐ͘LJƚŚĞƟŵĞƚŚĞLJ
________
ĮŶŝƐŚĞĚƚŚĞŬ͕ƚŚĞŝƌŝĚĞĂƐŚĂĚ
changed, not their daughter’s.
^ƚŽƌLJƌĞƉƌŝŶƚĞĚǁŝƚŚƉĞƌŵŝƐƐŝŽŶ
When you listen openly to your
ĨƌŽŵWĂƌĞŶƟŶŐWƌĞƐƐ͕ΞϮϬϭϲ͘
ƚĞĞŶ͛ƐƉŽƐŝƟŽŶ͕LJŽƵŵĂLJĨƌĞĞŚŝŵ