-);<-:67:-/768):-6<)XZQT
Coping when parenting threatens your self-esteem
tŚĞŶLJŽƵĂƌĞƌĞĂƌŝŶŐĐŚŝůĚƌĞŶ͕
ŵĂŶLJŐƵŝĚĂŶĐĞƚŽŽůƐLJŽƵƚƌLJǁŝůů
ĨĂŝůŽƌďĂĐŬĮƌĞ͖ŚŽǁĞǀĞƌ͕ƚŚŝƐĚŽĞƐ
ŶŽƚŵĂŬĞLJŽƵƵŶůŽǀĂďůĞŽƌŝŶĐĂ-
ƉĂďůĞĂƐĂƉĂƌĞŶƚ͘
There are days that exhaust your
ŝŶŐĞŶƵŝƚLJĂŶĚƉĂƟĞŶĐĞ͘zŽƵŬŶŽǁ͕
ůŝŬĞƚŚĞŽŶĞǁŚĞƌĞLJŽƵ͛ǀĞƐƉĞŶƚ
ŚŽƵƌƐǁŝƚŚLJŽƵƌϯͲLJĞĂƌͲŽůĚ͕ďĂƚŚŝŶŐ
ŚĞƌ͕ĐŽŶǀŝŶĐŝŶŐŚĞƌƚŽǁĞĂƌůŽŶŐ
ƉĂŶƚƐŝŶƐƚĞĂĚŽĨŚĞƌďĂƚŚŝŶŐƐƵŝƚ
;ŝƚ͛Ɛ:ĂŶƵĂƌLJ͊Ϳ͕ĨĞĞĚŝŶŐŚĞƌ͕ŚĞůƉŝŶŐ
ŚĞƌƉƵƚƚŽŐĞƚŚĞƌƉƵnjnjůĞƐ͕ĨĂĐŝůŝƚĂƚ-
ŝŶŐĂƉůĂLJĚĂƚĞͶŐĞŶĞƌĂůůLJĚŽŝŶŐ
LJŽƵƌďĞƐƚƚŽƉƌŽǀŝĚĞĂŐŽŽĚůŝĨĞĨŽƌ
ŚĞƌ͘ŶĚǁŚĂƚĚŽLJŽƵŚĞĂƌďĂĐŬ͍
DĂLJďĞŝƚ͛Ɛ͞EŽ͊͟Žƌ͞'ŽĂǁĂLJ͊͟Žƌ
ĞǀĞŶ͞/ŚĂƚĞLJŽƵ͊͟
DŽŵĞŶƚƐůŝŬĞƚŚŝƐĐŚĂůůĞŶŐĞĂ
ƉĞƌƐŽŶ͛ƐƐĞůĨͲĞƐƚĞĞŵ͕ƐĂLJƐůŝnjĂďĞƚŚ
Crary, parent educator and author
ŽĨ͞ĞĂůŝŶŐǁŝƚŚŝƐĂƉƉŽŝŶƚŵĞŶƚ͗
,ĞůƉŝŶŐ<ŝĚƐŽƉĞtŚĞŶdŚŝŶŐƐ
ŽŶ͛ƚ'ŽdŚĞŝƌtĂLJ͘͟WĂƌĞŶƚƐŵĂLJ
ŐĞƚĂŶŐƌLJŽƌƵƉƐĞƚǁŚĞŶƚŚĞŝƌ
ƐĞůĨͲĞƐƚĞĞŵŝƐƚŚƌĞĂƚĞŶĞĚͶƚŚĂƚ
ŝƐ͕ǁŚĞŶƚŚĞLJĚŽŶ͛ƚĨĞĞůůŽǀĂďůĞ͕ĐĂ-
ƉĂďůĞŽƌ;ĂƐŝŶƚŚĞƐŝƚƵĂƟŽŶĂďŽǀĞͿ
appreciated or even respected.
&ĞĞůŝŶŐŝŶĐĂƉĂďůĞŽƌŚĞůƉůĞƐƐĐĂŶ
ĂůƐŽƉƌŽǀŽŬĞƐƚƌŽŶŐĞŵŽƟŽŶƐŝŶ
ƉĂƌĞŶƚƐ͘dŚŝƐĐŽŵŵŽŶůLJŚĂƉƉĞŶƐ
ǁŚĞŶĂĐŚŝůĚŵŝƐďĞŚĂǀĞƐƌĞƉĞĂƚ-
ĞĚůLJĂŶĚŶŽƚŚŝŶŐƚŚĞƉĂƌĞŶƚƚƌŝĞƐ
ǁŽƌŬƐƚŽĐŚĂŶŐĞŝƚ͘dŚĞƚŚƌĞĂƚ
ƚŽLJŽƵƌƐĞůĨͲĞƐƚĞĞŵŝƐƚŚĞƐĂŵĞ
ǁŚĞƚŚĞƌLJŽƵĂƌĞĚĞĂůŝŶŐǁŝƚŚĂ
ĚĞĮĂŶƚƉƌĞƐĐŚŽŽůĞƌǁŚŽǁŽŶ͛ƚƐƚĂLJ
ŝŶďĞĚŽƌĂƌĞĐĂůĐŝƚƌĂŶƚƚĞĞŶǁŚŽ
ǁŽŶ͛ƚŐŽƚŽƐĐŚŽŽů͘
^ŽŵĞŽĨƵƐĐƌLJ͘DĂŶLJŽĨƵƐŐĞƚ
ĂŶŐƌLJ͘ƌĂƌLJƐĂLJƐǁŚĂƚ͛ƐƌĞĂůůLJ
ŶĞĞĚĞĚŝƐƉĞƌƐƉĞĐƟǀĞ͘
tŚĞŶLJŽƵŐĞƚĂŶŐƌLJͶ
ŽƌǀĞƌLJŚƵƌƚďLJƐŽŵĞƚŚŝŶŐ
your child does or says
ͶĐŚĞĐŬƚŽƐĞĞŝĨLJŽƵ
ĂƌĞĨĞĞůŝŶŐƵŶůŽǀĞĚŽƌ
ŝŶĐĂƉĂďůĞ͘ZĞŵĞŵ-
ďĞƌ͕ŝƚŝƐƚŚĞŶĂ-
ƚƵƌĞŽĨŶŽƌŵĂů
ƉĂƌĞŶƟŶŐ
to have
ĞīŽƌƚƐ
fail. This
does
not
ŵĞĂŶLJŽƵĂƌĞƵŶůŽǀĂďůĞŽƌŝŶĞīĞĐ-
ƟǀĞ͘
ƌĂƌLJƌĞĐŽŵŵĞŶĚƐƐĞǀĞƌĂůƚŽŽůƐ
ĨŽƌƚĂŬŝŶŐĐĂƌĞŽĨLJŽƵƌƐĞůĨǁŚĞŶ
LJŽƵƌƐĞůĨͲĞƐƚĞĞŵŝƐĐŚĂůůĞŶŐĞĚ
ǁŚŝůĞƉĂƌĞŶƟŶŐ͘ĨĞǁŝĚĞĂƐĚƌĂǁŶ
ĨƌŽŵŚĞƌŬĂƌĞŽƵƚůŝŶĞĚďĞůŽǁ͘
dĂůŬƚŽƐŽŵĞŽŶĞ͘^ŝƫŶŐ
ĚŽǁŶǁŝƚŚĂĨƌŝĞŶĚ͕ĂƐLJŵ-
ƉĂƚŚĞƟĐƌĞůĂƟǀĞ͕ĂƉĂƐƚŽƌ
or a counselor can help you
to clarify what the parent-
ŝŶŐƉƌŽďůĞŵŝƐ͕ĂĐŬŶŽǁůĞĚŐĞ
LJŽƵƌĨĞĞůŝŶŐƐ͕ĂŶĚůŽŽŬĂƚ
your choices.
hƐĞƉŽƐŝƟǀĞƐĞůĨͲƚĂůŬ͘tŚĂƚ
you say to yourself really
ŵĂƩĞƌƐͶƚƌƵĞŽƌŶŽƚ͕LJŽƵ
ƐƚĂƌƚƚŽďĞůŝĞǀĞŝƚ͘^ƚĂƌƚŵŽŶŝ-
ƚŽƌŝŶŐƚŚĞǀŽŝĐĞŝŶƐŝĚĞLJŽƵ
ĂŶĚĐŚĂŶŐĞƚŚĞŶĞŐĂƟǀĞ
ƐƚĂƚĞŵĞŶƚƐƚŽƉŽƐŝ-
ƟǀĞŽŶĞƐ͘ŽŶƐŝĚĞƌ
ƚŚĞĨŽůůŽǁŝŶŐ
ƐƚĂƚĞŵĞŶƚ͕͞/͛ŵ
a lousy parent.
ůĞdžƐƟůůŚĂƐ
ƚĂŶƚƌƵŵƐĂůů
ƚŚĞƟŵĞ͘͟
Below
are four
ĚŝīĞƌĞŶƚ
ways to re-
phrase the situa-
ƟŽŶƉŽƐŝƟǀĞůLJ͘
Strategies
>ŽǀĂďůĞĂĸƌŵĂƟŽŶ͗͞/ĂŵůŽǀ-
ĂďůĞĞǀĞŶƚŚŽƵŐŚ/͛ŵŶŽƚƉĞƌĨĞĐƚ
ĂŶĚůĞdžLJĞůůƐĂƚŵĞ͘͟
'ƌŽǁŝŶŐĂĸƌŵĂƟŽŶ͞/ĂŵůĞĂƌŶ-
ŝŶŐĚŝīĞƌĞŶƚǁĂLJƐƚŽŚĞůƉůĞdžƐŽ
ŚĞĐĂŶĚŽƚŚŝŶŐƐŚŝŵƐĞůĨ͘͟
ĂƉĂďůĞĂĸƌŵĂƟŽŶ͗͞ůĞdžŚĂƐ
ĨĞǁĞƌƚĂŶƚƌƵŵƐĞĂĐŚĚĂLJƚŚĂŶŚĞ
ŚĂĚƐŝdžŵŽŶƚŚƐĂŐŽ͘͟
WŽƐŝƟǀĞĞdžĂŵƉůĞ͗͞ůĞdžǁĞŶƚ
ĨŽƌĂŶŚŽƵƌǁŝƚŚŽƵƚŐĞƫŶŐƵƉƐĞƚ
once.”
________
Story reprinted with permission
ĨƌŽŵWĂƌĞŶƟŶŐWƌĞƐƐ͕ΞϮϬϭϲ͘
HEATHER A. BACON, PH.D. &
JENNIFER K. COOPER, PSY.D.
Licensed Clinical Psychologists
Early Childhood Education Classes: Preparing our youngest learners.
Helping parents discover new ways to shape
behavior and reconnect with children.
The Early Childhood Education Program
equips students with the tools needed
to work with young children from birth
to eight years of age.
GET STARTED ON YOUR NEW CAREER: 541-278-5941 | getinfo@bluecc.edu | www.bluecc.edu
Currently accepting new patients.
Most insurance and private pay accepted.
860 W. Elm Ave., Suite 204, Hermiston, OR 97838
541-289-7777 • hermistonpsych.com