COFFEE BREAK
Saturday, February 6, 2016
PARENTS TALK BACK
How to
survive your
child’s middle
school years
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surprise her at all.
After all, professor Suniya Luthar
remembers when her children were
middle-schoolers.
“Just horrible, those years,” said
Luthar, professor of psychology at
Arizona State University. “And I say
this as a mother and a scientist.”
She’s referring to the results of her
recently co-authored
study, which found that
mothers of middle-
schoolers reported
the highest levels of
stress and loneliness
and lowest levels of
life satisfaction and
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research has also shown
Aisha
marital satisfaction to
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be lower, and strife
Parents talk back
higher, when children
are in their teenage
years.
“Middle school is just chaos,”
Luthar said — both for the children
in that period of rapid growth, and for
their parents. There’s no other time
that brings such dramatic changes in a
child’s cognitive, physical and social
development all at once, affecting
school, friends and family life.
Luthar and postdoctoral scholar
Lucia Ciocolla studied more than 2,200
mothers, most of them well-educated,
with children ranging from infants to
adults. They looked at several aspects
of the mothers’ personal well-being,
parenting and perceptions of their
children. Moms of middle school
children, between 12 and 14 years old,
were far more stressed and depressed
than those rearing toddlers.
Many adults can remember the ways
middle school was challenging for
them.
Bodies are changing. Emotions are
turbulent. You encounter rejection and
being left out. Old friends might leave
you. You feel awkward, and people
around you are also awkward, or acting
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Peers compete on so many levels,
academic and social.
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accept that these same struggles may be
hard for their child.
It’s not a time for parents to
disengage, even when children start
to push away and pull back. But
parenting at this age requires a new
diplomacy. Caring for infants and
toddlers is physically exhausting, but
the complexities of child-rearing during
adolescence can be emotionally and
mentally exhausting. Parents are trying
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guide and discipline a child, and the
stakes feel much greater than they did in
elementary school.
So, what’s the best way for parents
to cope during their kids’ turbulent
years? Luthar says mothers, in
particular, need to seek out other
women who will nurture them: Mothers
need to be given what they routinely
give out, she said. Lean on your
relationships with other women you
respect and trust, and who care about
you and your children.
“Go to other moms who share your
values, who are kind people,” she
said. “Be able to share your hurts and
vulnerabilities.”
These relationships need to go
beyond the occasional girls’ night out.
During the middle school years,
more than ever, moms need “tenderness
and gentleness and support.”
She remembers her own wise
council of women, an ad hoc advisory
committee she could turn to when she
felt heartbroken, angry or bewildered.
These were women who could tell her
how they navigated similar challenges,
or say, “Yeah, me too.”
Don’t wait until your child is in sixth
grade to nurture these relationships,
she said. “You need to have systems in
place.”
Michelle Icard, author of “Middle
School Makeover: Improving the Way
You and Your Child Experience the
Middle School Years,” writes that it’s
important to keep in mind that children
need to form their own identities so
they can have healthy relationships
throughout their lives. It’s also vital for
parents to nurture their own interests,
hobbies and passions outside of child-
rearing during this time.
For me, just reading this study — the
validation that yes, this is an especially
trying period — was reassuring.
While we may know intellectually
that our social supports and personal
pursuits are important, we may not
realize how much we need to prioritize
them given the demands of other people
in our lives.
It’s how we build our shelter to
weather a storm.
Ŷ
Aisha Sultan is a St. Louis-based
journalist who studies parenting in the
digital age while trying to keep up with
her tech-savvy children. Find her on
Twitter: @AishaS.
I
East Oregonian
Page 9C
Korean woman raises 200 dogs
saved from streets, restaurants
By HYUNG-JIN KIM
Associated Press
ASAN, South Korea —
Puppies bark and wag their tails as
they follow a gray-haired woman
through a hillside compound that
shelters more than 200 dogs.
“Hey, my babies. Give your
mom a kiss,” says Jung Myoung
Sook, 61. She lowers her face and
one puppy near a snow-covered
kennel licks her lips; another
gently paws her cheek.
In South Korea, where dogs
are considered a traditional
delicacy and have only recently
become popular as pets, Jung’s
love for her canine friends is
viewed by some as odd. But
others see her as a champion of
animal rights.
Rescuing and caring for dogs
for 26 years, Jung has moved
seven times because of neighbors’
complaints about noise. She often
stops to pick up dogs roaming the
streets, and has bought others in
danger of being sold to dog meat
farms or restaurants.
Some question whether
someone as poor as Jung, who
ekes out a living cleaning a store
and collecting recyclable boxes,
can feed and care for so many
dogs. While Jung’s dogs looked
healthy and well-fed during a
recent visit by The Associated
Press, their condition couldn’t be
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Authorities in the central
city of Asan know about Jung’s
current shelter, which she opened
in 2014, but have no legal respon-
sibility to inspect it, according to
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his name because he wasn’t
authorized to speak to media on
AP Photo/Lee Jin-man
In this Jan. 27 photo, Jung Myoung Sook, 61, holds her puppies she rescued at a shelter in
Asan, South Korea.
the matter.
Pets are growing in popularity
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holds has a cat or dog, but activ-
ists say public attitudes toward
pets lag those in the West.
Supporters of Jung see her
as a heroine, saving stray or lost
dogs from being killed for food
or euthanized at public shelters
if not adopted or found by their
owners. About 81,000 stray or
abandoned animals, mostly dogs
and cats, were sent to public shel-
ters in 2014, down from 100,000
in 2010, the government said.
“My babies aren’t hungry.
They can play and live freely
here,” said Jung, whose clothes
are worn and hair is disheveled.
“Some people talk about me,
saying, ‘Why is that beggar-like
middle-aged woman smiling
all the time,’ but I just focus on
feeding my babies. I’m happy
and healthy.”
Dozens of other South Koreans
are believed to be raising large
numbers of dogs, sometimes
in unsanitary conditions where
diseases spread easily. Jung says
her dogs are mostly healthy,
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each other.
Most of the dogs live with her
for good. She said she spends
about $1,600 a month on food
and medicine, and otherwise
relies on donations of soybean
milk, pork, dog food and canned
meat. Family, friends and some-
times strangers send her money.
Park Hye-soon, a local
restaurant owner, has given Jung
leftover pork for four years.
“She lives only for her dogs,”
he said, “without doing much for
herself.”
OUT OF THE VAULT
Pendleton teen shoots classmate after school party
A
15-year-old ninth-grader
at Pendleton Junior High
School shot a classmate
after a school dance party in
May 1950.
John Raymond Meyer was
a transfer student from the
Chicago area attending school in
Pendleton. He attended a dance
party at the junior high school
on May 26 and another student,
15-year-old Ted Kinder, noticed
that Meyer was carrying a gun.
Kinder suggested that Meyer get
rid of the weapon, and another
student later saw the young man
trying to hide it behind a piano.
The party ended at 11:30
p.m. and everyone left the
building but teacher Carl Kligel
and about 20 students who were
on the cleanup crew. Kinder
went to the lavatory in the
basement of the
school, and a
little later came
upstairs and
collapsed into
a chair, telling
Kligel, “I’ve
been shot.” He
was rushed to
Renee
Struthers St. Anthony
Out of the vault Hospital, where
doctors found
the bullet had
missed all Kinder’s bones and
internal organs.
Kinder was interviewed by
Police Chief Charles Lemon in
the hospital, and recounted that
he was in the lavatory when
Meyer entered playing with the
gun. Kinder again urged Meyer
to put the weapon away, and
Meyer left the room but returned
a moment later, pointed the gun
at Kinder and said, “All right,
Ted, you asked for it.” He then
shot Kinder once in the right
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Police immediately started
a search for Meyer, and found
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the back of a car belonging to
his brother, James Meyer, with
whom he was living. The pistol
was found shoved between the
back seat cushions.
After his arrest, Meyer
admitted to the shooting and
also to a theft at Hamley & Co.
the previous evening. Taken
during the heist were four
jackets, a wrist watch, a pair
of gloves, a suitcase and $4
in cash, in addition to the .32
caliber pistol used in Kinder’s
assault. He had also stolen a
bicycle in a separate theft. Chief
Lemons said that Meyer was
on parole for a house burglary
in Chicago, and had only lived
in Pendleton for about three
weeks.
Meyer pleaded guilty to
assault with a deadly weapon
on June 6. He claimed during
his trial he did not know the gun
was loaded. He was remanded
to the Umatilla County juvenile
court, and sentenced to the
Woodburn training school (now
the McLaren Youth Correctional
Facility).
Ŷ
Renee Struthers is the
Community Records Editor for
the East Oregonian. See the
complete collection of Out of
the Vault columns at eovault.
blogspot.com
ODDS & ENDS
morning to report the problem.
Others stopped by in person to
address the issue.
Carney says he doesn’t know
what caused the mix-up. He has
drafted an apology letter that will
go out those who received the
erroneous summons. He says he
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liable for costs associated with
any potential jurors billed for
using the hotline.
Carney added that he’ll
personally review summons
before they’re mailed out from
now on.
Dutch police eye birds
to prey on drones
THE HAGUE, Netherlands
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of fancy, but Dutch police are
considering using birds of prey
to swoop down and pluck rogue
drones out of the sky.
Police are working with a
Hague-based company that trains
eagles and other birds to catch
drones to investigate whether the
birds can be used above large
events or near airports, where the
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Dennis Janus of the national
police said Tuesday that trainers
exploit the birds’ natural instincts
to tackle the high-tech problem of
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Janus says the birds are trained
“to think drones are their prey”
and get a reward if they catch one.
Video released by police
showed a small white drone with
four propellers rising into the air
and a bird of prey grabbing it
from above with its talons in one
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Dutch police will likely make
a decision later this year whether
to use the birds.
Janus said part of the
evaluation includes research
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organization into whether
catching drones could harm the
birds of prey.
Prank call leads to
fast-food employees
smashing windows
TUCSON, Ariz. (AP) —
Police in Tucson, Arizona, said
pranksters convinced employees
at a fast food restaurant to smash
windows by pretending to be a
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The employees received a call
Dutch Police via AP
In this Tuesday image, a trained eagle puts its claws into a
flying drone.
around 1 a.m. on Tuesday saying
that the gas levels were high and
that the building needed to be
evacuated. The prankster also
convinced employees to smash
every window of the building to
prevent it from exploding.
Police say the call was illegal
because it resulted in criminal
damage.
Tucson police are
investigating the prank.
Goat-tiger odd couple
may be over
MOSCOW (AP) — A
romance that enchanted Russia
may be over: Timur the goat and
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and aren’t together anymore.
In November, the goat was
placed in the tiger’s compound in
a wildlife park near Vladivostok
with the expectation that the
big cat would eventually kill
and eat him. But the two not
only tolerated each other, they
appeared to become friends. The
odd couple became a popular
topic on social media, and
T-shirts celebrating them went
on sale.
But Timur started pushing it,
constantly annoying and butting
the tiger.
“Finally, the tiger couldn’t
hold back, grabbed the goat by
the withers and tossed him,” park
director Dmitry Mezentsev told
state news agency Tass on Friday.
“We decided to put them in
different enclosures for a while,”
he said.
Jury summons directs
people to sex hotline
PASCAGOULA, Miss. (AP)
— Hundreds of southeastern
Mississippi citizens received
jury summons that incorrectly
instructed them to call a sex
hotline.
Multiple news outlets report
that at least 350 jury summons
with the incorrect phone number
were sent out in Jackson County
to potential jurors.
Circuit Clerk Randy Carney
says people started calling the
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Wisconsin police
recover another load
of stolen cheese
MARSHFIELD, Wis.
(AP) — For the second time
in a week, police in Wisconsin
have recovered a stolen load of
cheese worth tens of thousands of
dollars.
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Larson says 41,000 pounds of
parmesan cheese worth $90,000
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distributor Jan. 15. A semi
picked up the cheese that day,
but it never reached its intended
destination in Illinois.
Larson says investigators
received a tip Thursday that
the cheese was likely in Grand
Chute. Police in Grand Chute
found the entire shipment intact.
It had already been unloaded into
a warehouse.
On Monday, police in
Germantown said $70,000
worth of cheddar and other
cheeses stolen from a distribution
center there last week had been
recovered in Milwaukee on
Friday.
Police haven’t said whether
the cases are connected.