East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current, July 18, 2015, Image 25

East Oregonian : E.O., July 18, 2015, Image 25

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Newspaper Page TextCOFFEE BREAK Saturday, July 18, 2015 PARENTS TALK BACK True friendship DUDUH¿QG E ach generation learns to navigate relationships in its own way. 7oday’s children understand Iriendship and social interactions Pediated largely through technology. :e’re not sure what this Peans Ior their longterP social developPent. :ill they be less inclined to keep healthy, longterP relationships because it’s easy to “ghost” soPeone IroP your liIe" Or will the ease oI staying in touch through technology allow theP to Paintain liIelong connections despite diverging liIe paths" No one really knows. Perhaps relationships are Pore disposable when there’s always soPeone else around the digital corner. Are we Aisha better oII with the type oI Sultan “Iriendship” social Pedia Parents talk back Iosters a broad, shallow network" Or by having a sPall, close group with deeper ties" 5esearch suggests the nuPber and depth oI Iriendships depends on our Pobility, social class and personal tePperaPent. 0ost APericans have Must two close Iriends, according to a 2011 Cornell study. 7his is down IroP three close con¿dantes 25 years ago. As the ¿rst generation oI parents raising digitally socialized children, we have our own learning curve about the social Pores and conventions they Iollow. Friend is used in a looseygoosey way in our language. A Facebook “Iriend” Pay or Pay not be a real “Iriend.” A Iollower on InstagraP Pay like all your posts and provide a sense oI validation or coPPunity, but that’s as deep as the relationship goes. Shared interests, coPPon e[periences and enMoyable coPpany oIten spark a Iriendship, but those aren’t the only criteria that elevate interaction to Iriendship. Like the EskiPo words Ior snow, *eneration =, born aIter the 0illennials, will understand the variation and subtleties oI Iriendship diIIerently than we do. SoPe people have interests in coPPon with you, such as yoga, running or having brunch. Others have a shared history, like childhoods, college years or workplaces. SoPe people challenge, Potivate or inspire you. Others are hilarious and Pake you laugh. But certain elePents oI Iriendship do not change. In Instaspeak, a young person can apply these ¿lters to a relationship to get a clearer picture 1. Can you be honest about yourselI with this person" Do you Ieel saIe saying what you think and Ieel" Are you able to disagree, even vehePently, and be OK" Friends are not there to aI¿rP and agree with every single thing we say or do. 2. Do you Ieel heard in your conversations" Do interactions with this person leave you Ieeling upliIted, recharged, supported or cared Ior" Does the person help you see things in a new way or help you ¿nd solutions to your problePs" 7he relationship should Pake you Ieel whole rather than less than. . Can you share the pain and ways oI coping in liIe rather than Must the polished, Iunny, edited parts" Can you share your struggles, beyond your accoPplishPents or highlight reel" 4. Is it a twoway street" Does the person share with and trust you the way you do with hiP or her" 5. Is the person available when needed, reliable and true to his or her word" 6. Does the person keep your con¿dences" Can he or she be trusted" 7. Is there Putual respect and adPiration between the two oI you" II you respect and adPire soPeone, you value what they tell you. You listen to their advice. 8. Does the person pay attention when you talk" Does she rePePber what you’ve said" 9. Are you able to survive a ¿ght" People Pake Pistakes. 7hey ask Ior Iorgiveness and try not to repeat theP. :hether it’s a PiscoPPunication, a Pean response or a breach oI trust, does the person recognize his role and accept responsibility" Can you Iorgive and Pove on" 10. Do both oI you Pake an eIIort to see each other in real liIe, IacetoIace" Scientists note the priPal iPportance oI touch ² casual, platonic, nonse[ual ² between people in creating bonds. You should be able to answer yes to these iI you’re in the coPpany oI a true Iriend. 0aria Konnikova wrote an essay Ior 7he New Yorker e[ploring the huPan capacity Ior Iriendship. She writes that evolutionary anthropologist Robin Dunbar claiPs we can only cope with about 150 casual Iriends at a given tiPe, 15 oI whoP could be considered intiPate. And only ¿ve oI those Pight be trustworthy. 7hat includes intiPate partners and close IaPily. I reIer to this core oI ¿ve as Py teaP. 7hese are the 0VPs aPong BFFs. :hen you ¿nd Iriends like this, recognize how valuable they are. Make an eIIort. In a “Iriend”saturated world, true Iriendship is rare. Ŷ Aisha Sultan is a St. Louis-based journalist who studies parenting in the digital age while trying to keep up with her tech-savvy children. Find her on Twitter: @AishaS. East Oregonian Page 9C Selling that soIa online" 7hink about going to the cops By DENISE LAVOIE AP Legal Affairs Writer BOS7ON AP ² Michele VellePan needed to sell a =uPba dance ¿tness kit, a cellphone and a table. So she Iound buyers on Facebook and Pade the trades at ² where else" ² the police station. “It is always a little nervewracking when you go to soPeone’s house. It’s in the back oI your Pind µI hope this person is OK and everything turns out all right,”’ said VellePan, 44, a pharPaceutical e[ecutive assistant Ior a pharPaceutical coPpany who lives north oI Boston in *eorgetown. “I think Py Pother is happier I’P doing it this way.” “Online saIe zones” like the one VellePan uses are popping up at police stations nation wide as authorities try to claPp down on criPe associated with online trade between strangers. More than 100 police departPents now provide space in their lobbies or parking lots where people can Pake their deals and know that police are only Ieet away. “7hey have to Peet theP soPewhere, but they don’t know who they’re Peeting and they don’t really have any background on these people,” said Georgetown police Lt. Scott Hatch. “7hey can coPe here and at least they’ll Ieel that the person is legitiPate and won’t take their Poney.” A Iew departPents began oIIering saIe zones two or three years ago, but their popularity e[ploded this year aIter several highpro¿le killings as deals Pade on Craig slist were carried out — In January, a couple who said they wanted to buy a 1966 Mustang were shot in McRae, Georgia, allegedly by a Pan who answered their ad. — A Ponth later, a 21yearold college student was robbed and Iatally shot in Mari etta, Georgia, aIter he responded to an ad to buy an iPhone. — In March, a pregnant woPan responding to an ad to buy baby clothes in LongPont, Colorado, was stabbed and her Ietus pulled IroP her woPb, allegedly by the woPan who placed the ad. 7he woPan survived, but the Ietus died. — In May, a 19yearold Illinois college student trying to sell his sports car was killed. Authorities charged a Pan they say responded to the student’s ad. Police in ChelPsIord, Massachusetts, set up a saIe zone in May aIter reading about the killings. “I always tell people to do it at a neutral AP Photo/Charles Krupa Susan Locke, left, counts out her cash as she purchases a table from Michele Vel- leman in the “online safe zone” outside the police station in Georgetown, Mass. July 13. Around the nation, in police department parking lots festooned with sur- veillance cameras, authorities are setting up an “online safe zones” where people meeting via Craigslist or buying goods via eBay can encounter each other without fear of assault or abduction. “If anybody had a diabol- ical plan in mind, they are certainly not going to agree to meet at a police station.” — James Spinney, police chief place, a populated place,” said ChieI JaPes Spinney. “II anybody had a diabolical plan in Pind, they are certainly not going to agree to Peet at a police station.” Craigslist did not respond to reTuests Ior coPPent Ior this article. But the classi¿ed service says on its website that Post oI its users are trustworthy and wellintentioned. But it urges coPPonsense precautions including Peeting in a public place, not inviting strangers into your hoPe, having a Iriend accoPpany you and “Paking high value e[changes at your local police station.” Advanced Interactive Media Group, a Floridabased consulting coPpany Ior classi¿ed ad businesses, has started an initiative called SaIe7rade that encourages law enIorcePent agencies to becoPe havens Ior online transactions. “7he old Pa[iP — Pake your trades in a public place — is not good enough,” said Peter =ollPan, Iounding principal. “Avoiding problePs is very siPple. II soPe body is intent on ripping you oII, the odds are alPost zero that they will be willing to Peet you at a police station.” SoPe police departPents report a booPing business Ior their saIe zones. “7he citizens have eaten it up,” said police Capt. Mike McCoy in Fulshear, 7e[as, west oI Houston. Most police departPents do not get involved in the transactions thePselves, preIerring to Perely oIIer a secure location to coPplete online sales. But in Fulshear, police will check databases oI stolen goods Ior anyone who reTuests it. In Post Falls, Idaho, police see deals coPpleted in their parking lot nearly daily. APong the itePs spotted a bed, dining rooP set, antiTue dishes. MiPi Fisher, a real estate agent, has sold snow tires, a Potorcycle helPet and IraPed prints at the police station. “I’ve had people coPe to Py house, and it’s always been a scary thought Ior Pe because you Must don’t know,” Fisher said. “I Ieel coPIortable because I Must know the police are right there iI I need theP.” OUT OF THE VAULT First baby born on plane during Àight claiPs proPised giIt I n 152, ZKile Àying IroP Hong Kong to Seattle, Lilly Chin gave birth to a daughter, Sherry, on a DC4 over the Aleutian Islands. As the ¿rst baby in the history oI Àight born on an airplane, Sherry Zas proPised a Iree Àight to anywhere in the world when she reached adulthood. Lilly said that during the Àight she and her 22Ponthold daughter Pearl were so sick they couldn’t eat or drink, and that “Sherry wanted out because she was hungry and thirsty.” Sherry was born a Ponth prePature, and when Pother and daughters were taken to a Seattle Renee Struthers hospital on Out of the vault landing, Lilly was woeIully unprepared to care Ior a new inIant. 7he doctors and nurses were Pore than happy to supply everything she needed. Lilly Chin in 1975 owned the Hong Kong CaIe in HerPiston. Sherry graduated that year IroP the 8niversity oI Oregon, where she PaMored in languages. And in 0ay oI 1975, she appeared beIore a CP Air ticket agent in Vancouver, B.C., with a 22yearold newspaper article to claiP her proPised giIt. Lilly said they were “wined and dined and treated like celebrities” by airline oI¿cials. Fluent in Japanese, several dialects oI Chinese and Spanish, Sherry chose to Ày to Hong Kong. She planned to scope out Mob prospects with a goal oI interpreting or teaching English in 7aiwan. Ŷ Renee Struthers is the Community Records Editor for the East Oregonian. See the complete collection of Out of the Vault columns at eovault. blogspot.com ODDS & ENDS SRXQGGHDG¿VK found in suburban drainage ditch OLA7HE, Kan. AP — A suburban Kansas City aniPal control oI¿cer says she was skeptical when a Pan called to report a 4Iootlong carp in a drainage ditch. But JaPie SchPidt, a school resource oI¿cer with the Olathe, Kansas, Police DepartPent, soon Iound herselI wrapping up the 60pound dead ¿sh in trash bags and using a liIt to get it into her truck. It was actually ò Ieet long. The Kansas City Star reports the unidenti¿ed Pan Iound the carp Friday in the ditch near an elePentary school. SchPidt, who is ¿lling in as aniPal control oI¿cer while the regular one is on Paternity leave, thinks it caPe IroP a nearby lake aIter heavy rains. SchPidt says it was easier to haul the ¿sh away dead than had it still been alive. Cops say nude man found drinking in barn with pigs MILLERSVILLE, Pa. AP — Police have charged a Pan with trespassing, public drunkenness and indecent e[posure aIter he was caught on a neighbor’s Pennsylvania IarP in the nude, drinking beer aPong pigs. Police in Manor 7ownship, Lancaster County, say 64yearold Larry Henry told theP, “I Must like pigs” when they Iound hiP in the hog barn caused but nobody was able to catch her until last Saturday. 7XUNH\7HVWLFOH)HVW KRVWQRWUXIÀHGE\ competing event Vicki Hudson/Olathe Police Department via AP This July 10 photo shows Officer Jamie Schmidt with a big grass carp she found in a drainage ditch near a lake in an Olathe subdivision. Schmidt says she was skeptical when a man called to report the dead fish, but soon found herself wrapping a 3 1/2-foot-long, 60-poung carp and using a lift to get in into her trunk. June 26 about 1015 p.P. Henry Iaces a preliPinary hearing Aug. 4. His deIense attorney didn’t iPPediately return a call Ior coPPent Wednesday. Arrest papers show Henry had been banned IroP the IarP since he got caught trespassing Iour years ago. Police say Henry sPelled oI alcohol and acknowledged drinking a si[pack oI beer while hanging out with the hogs. Police say the brand oI beer was in keeping with the overall thePe. Henry was drinking HaPP’s. Cow on the run for 2 \HDUV¿QDOO\FDXJKW WARSAW, Poland AP — Matylda ¿nally Poo’ved back hoPe. 7he cow escaped IroP her Polish IarP two years ago and lived a liIe on the laP in a nearby Iorest, soPetiPes daPaging crops. She has ¿nally been caught. Owner Leszek Zasada spoke about his adventure with the brown cow in a story broadcast 7uesday by the allnews station 7VN24. He said Matylda escaped in 201 IroP his IarP in Zloty Stok, in Western Poland, the day aIter he brought her hoPe. She survived two Irigid winters on her own, but the tiPe on the run took its toll. She lost the calI she was soPetiPes spotted with and returned hoPe with Pany scars. FarPers in the area coPplained oI the daPage she EAS7 D8NDEE, Ill. AP — 7he owner oI a suburban Chicago pub that has held an annual 7urkey 7esticle Festival Ior 2 years isn’t testy at all that a nearby coPPunity plans to host its own celebration oI the unusual dish this NovePber. J.R. Westberg, who owns the Parkside Pub in Huntley, told The Daily Herald that his only criticisP oI East Dundee’s plan Ior its own event the day beIore 7hanksgiving is the organizers’ lack oI originality. 7hey gave it the e[act saPe naPe and scheduled it Ior the saPe date and tiPe. 7he Huntley Iestival oIten attracts Pore than 4,000 people to snack on the deepIried turkey bits, which soPe attendees consider a “dare Iood” and preIer doused in ranch dressing or 7abasco sauce. East Dundee businessPan CliII Surges says there’s enough interest to support both Iestivals and that the new one will target a diIIerent dePographic. Surges hopes to draw 1,000 to 2,000 people to East Dundee’s event, which he says will be “IaPilyoriented.” Like the Huntley Iestival, the new one will raise Poney Ior charity. “It’s one oI those silly things you can have soPe Iun with and do soPe good with,” Surges said.