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About East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current | View Entire Issue (Sept. 2, 1902)
TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 1902.
Exclusively lor Women.
The Eastern Cloak, . Stf tt,
Skirt and Waist Factory
Js now running full blast. By
calling you will find a large vari
ety of styles and prices.
With the facilities of our own
.factory and being in close contact
.with the largest and most success
ful designers and manufacturers
of these garments, we are enabled
at all times to display in this sec
tion the largest and most desir
In dressmaking we can give you
All Work Guaranteed.
In Old Pendloton Shoe Store,
645 Main Streot.
Ed. Eben, Prop.
"The Girl From
Bays there Isn't a collar, cuff or shirt
front laundered anywhere In the coun
try that can compare with our laundry
work. The color and finish are su
perb, and they always give genuine
satisfaction to our patrons. Ladies'
shirt waists are also laundered in a
manner that makes them look like
new, and the color is preserved longer
than by having them done by any
THE DOMESTIC LAUNDRY
J. F. Robinson, Prop. Pendleton.
Oregon Lumber Yard
Alta St., opp. Court House.
PRICES AS LOW A5 THE LOWEST
For All Kinds of Building Material,
Aad Don't Forget Our Wood flutter
For Barns and Dwellings
Gray's Harbor Com. Co.
Opp. W: & C. R. Depot
When getting figures from
others on that lumber bill of
yours, don't forget to come
and see us. We carry a large
stock of all kinds of
including shingles, door, win
dows, moulding, screen doors
and windows in fact, every
thing that is found in a first
class lumber yard.
BTURDIVANT BROH., Props.
BUge learei Pendleton dally, except Bandars,
t7. iii., lor Uklab and intermediate polnta.
Bates: To Pilot llocx. 7&o; Pilot Bock and re
tain, 11.25: To Nre.ll.2J. Nre and return,?;
To Bldxe. 11 741 to nidge and return, r.'. Mi To
Alba, .! to Alba aud return, 11.00; To Uklab
f2.&o; to Uklab and return, 11.00.
Office In Qolden Rule Hotel, Pendleton
Amusing Anecdotes of a Pike
How Colonel Broadhead Was Cajoled
Into Maklno a Disastrous Leap.
Pride Destroyed In a Horse Pond.
A Jumper Comes to Grief The Cel
ebrated Fat Mule Case How a Mg
Was Instrumental In Making His
tory Value of a Vote In a Close
tCepjrinht, 1901, by Chimp CUrk.
Ono of the most distinguished of all
the Mlssourlnns was Colonel James O.
Broadhead, who was a member of con
gress, a colonel In the Union army and
minister to Switzerland. lie was ac
counted oue of the Yerjr. greatest of
Just after coming out of Albemarle
county, Va., and while ho was on his
first legs lu 1'lke, becomlug acclimated
to western manners, so to spenlc, oue
of his bosom cronies wis n rolllcksomo
young "buck," as Mr. Thackeray would
say, uamcd Kufc Sanders, who, If op
portunity had afforded, would not have
hesitated to play a practical Joko on
tho president of the republic, the grand
Turk, the czar of nil the Husslas or
any other high and mighty function
ary. AH was tlsh that came to his net.
Ho and Broadhead In their affection
tor each other much resembled Damon
and Pythias. Nevertheless Bufus
played It on tho colonel, on ono occa
sion at least, In a most artistic man
ner. Ho boasted of his Inllucuco over
Broadhead and eald he could Induce
him to do anything he chose. He knew
tho colonel's vanity as to his high
Jumping powers, and he made up his
mind to have some fun, and he bad It.
In the outskirts of the village was a
poud of water of considerable length
and about 25 feet wide. Bufe was
bragging to some Jolly blades ouo even
ing that such were his powers over
Broadhead that he could make him
Jump Into the pond. Of course they
hooted at such an Idea. While they
wero chaffing Rufe, Broadhead hovo In
sight, rigged out In bis best bib and
tucker, on his way to see ono of Uufe's
beautiful female cousins.
Thought He Could Make It
As soon as he came within earshot
Bufe sang out, "Broadhead, can you
Jump across that poudV
The future constitutional expounder
scanned It critically with those lus
trous orbs which have since overawed
Juries, courts, senates, and said, "I
don't believe I can quite make it"
Rufe Jeeringly remarked: "You have
always sworn that you could beat the
world Jumping, and now you flunk. I
have Just Jumped It clean and clear,
naven't I, boys?" appealing to his own
Of course the "hoys" laid their bands
solemnly on their hearts and assev
erated by the great horn spoon that
RufUB had actually made the unprece
This was too much for Broadhead.
His .proud Virginia blood was up.
Shedding his broadcloth swallowtail,
he said: "Rufe, nothing wearing the
human form divine can beat me Jump
ing. I learned that caper beneath tho
shadows of the Blue Ridge mountains
and In sight of Jiontlcello. You have
Insulted my state pride. I'll give you a
lesson you will never forget"
With this he backed off about 100
yards on tbe prairie to get a good start,
came on like a cyclone In mad career,
leaped Into the air and, falling several
feet short of tho mark, came down ker
wallop In the pond. He scrambled out
a sadder, madder, wiser and wetter
Telephone Main 108.
No Sediment to Foul
No Disease Germs to
Endanger Your Health
m ORSDALL & ROSS
All he could hear was, tho melancholy
swish of the waves settling themselves
after his accidental Immersion and the
mocking lnugbter of Rufe nnd his pnr-
tlceps crlmlnls receding to the glonm
lug and fleeing from tho wrntb to
Helped by His Name.
While admitting bis colossal ability
gladly, I am sure that Colonel Broad
head's sonorous name helped lilm con
siderably as an original proposition.
Broadhead Is a statelv cocnomen. well
calculated to fill the trump of fame.
It's a fine Introduction among strnn-
' fnra nnrl tiHnfK, lit Intnifna nt 3Mn
t,v.u .. .. v. " r " r v " w uutu-
monlc wisdom. The beauty of It Is
that the man lived up to tbe name.
Lately some fellow's Ingenuity has
demonstrated that tho war of 1812
was produced by a pig getting its head
fast In a fence In Connecticut or Itliodo
Island. It happened in this wise: In
some particular precinct n Federalist
voter put off leaving homo for the polls
till tho last minute possible for his
rcnchlng the voting plnce In time. Hp
was hurrying as fnst as his legs could
carry him to exercise' the highest pre
rogative of an American sovereign,
whenho henrd one of his pigs squeal
lug as In great distress.
How a Pig Made History.
Now, It Is a conceded fact nmong us
farmers that there is no more ear
piercing or pleasure banishing sound
in this noisy world than that made
by n pig squealing becnuse bis ad
venturous head has been caught In
tho crack of n fence, unless it bo n
Thomns cat developing his musical ap
paratus at midnight's holy hour. So
the Federalist, burning with wrath
against Thomas Jefferson and nil the
Democrat, stopped to rescue his pig.
This delayed him so that be lost his
vote. The Democratic candidate for tho
legislature was elected by ono majori
ty. The legislature elected a Demo
cratic United States senator by one
majority. The United States senate
declared war by one majority, all tho
Democrats voting for It That peeky
pig made several pages of glorious
Colonel Broadhead's Fat Mule Case.
When Colonel Broadhead was climb
ing laboriously up that tall hill where
fame's proud temple shines afar, two
Pike county farmers and next door
neighbors, both well to do, had a fall
ing out about a scrub mule. Wo will
call them Joues and Brown. Each ono
believed that he held an Indefeasible
right to that long cared animal. . Joues
employed Broadhead, who promptly
instituted suit When the pnpers wero
served on Brown, he did not notice
that Broadhead was Jones' attorney,
so as Broadhead was a favorite with
him he straightway applied to tho
colonel also. Of course Broadhead,
with profound thnuks for his compli
mentary friendship, informed him that
he had been retained by the other side.
"Well," said Brown, "I'm awfully sor
ry. Perhaps you can recommend an
other lawyer for me?" "Yes; I can do
that Do you know John B. Hender
son?' "No." "Well, he Is the second
best lawyer In the county, and I will
write you a letter of Introduction to
him," which he did, and, carefully seal
ing It up and Impressing bis coat of
arms upon tho wax, handed It to
Brown with one of those lordly and
diplomatic bows for which ho la fa
mous. Could Not Stand the Suspense.
Brown left Broadhead's offlco and
went home In a frame of mind to
ward that letter much resembling
Eve's touching tho forbidden fruit Ho
was aching to know its contents. The
more he thought of It the more ho
wanted to read It At last be could
stand tbe suspense no longer, nnd ho
"steamed" the envelope over the sim
mering teakettle and drew out the
precious document, and with bulging
eyes and fluttering heart here Is what
Dear John Jonet Terms Brown. I reprueLt
the plaintiff, and thi will Introduce tbe defend
ant. Mult cate. Beth fat. Your,
It was all Greek to Brown. His last
condition was worse than tho first,
no read It right side up, bottom side
up, catacornered, diagonally and every
other way. To save his life ho couldn't
understand It or get heads or tails of
tho mysterious and enigmatical epistle.
As he tossed In sleepless nnxiety on his
virtuous couch snatches of that laconic
and incomprehensible message chased
each other through his feverish brain
with lightning rapidity, and In weird
and Jumbled grotesqueness something
In liiis wise: "Mule case both fat;
both fat mule case; mule fat both
case; fat caso both mule; case mule
fat both," etc., like Mark Twain's
"punch, brother; punch with care;
punch In tbe presence of the passen
gain?." Settled the Matter.
Finally and desperately Brown thus
communed with his own spirit: "Now,
what on earth can Broadhead mean?
It beats the deuce. He says both are fat
There's only one mule, nnd he ain't so
dang fat cither." Ho kept on going
over that lucid formula of reasoning
until be actually got It through his
noggin as to what objects the word
"both" referred to In the letter; thep
ho shook his sides with laughter, Inter
rupted by such objurgations- as:
"Broadhead I Henderson! Both fatl
Next morning, bright and early, he
hied hint over to Neighbor Jones, call
ed him out, shook bands cordially,
showed him tho letter, told his expe
rience nnd thus delivered an opinion,
full of wisdom as any of Jack Buns
by's: "Jones, you havo ono good farm;
I have another. This measly mule
Isn't worth over $20. If wo go to law
nbnut It, In 12 months Jim Broadhead
will bo living on yonr farm, John Hen
derson on mine, nnd we'll be out In tho
cold. We'd be a pair of prize donkeys
to do that Let's nettle tho blamed
case here and now between ourselves."
And settle they did by hnlvlng tbo
mule. That letter was too good a
Joke to keep. It got out somehow or
somehow else and was nuts for the
lovers of fun everywhere.
We nro given to too much self con
gratulation on our second war with
Great Britain. But wo would not havo
como out of tho bloody struggle with
much eclat If one Andrew Jackson had
not wnlloped tho bloody Britisher In
a most consummate and astounding
mnnncr at New Orleans on St Jack
sou's day In the morning. And It Is
n curious fact that that glorious event
would never havo happened except
that, after a tremendous tussle, Old
Hickory was elected major general of
tho Teunesseo mllltla by oue majority.
Consequently, had not his plgshlp
got his head Into too smnll n crack
In that old Virginia worm fence In
New England, there would have been
uo war for sailors' rights.
Two Votes Not to Be 8neezed At.
Colonel Broadhead's political career
came near being nipped In tho bud nnd
dying "n-bornln." Ho wns elected from
Pike to the legislature by two majori
ty. With this small margin as n stnrt-
rr he climbed high nnd with reasona
ble rapidity. He afterward became a
member of the state senate, of n 'con
stitutional convention and of congress,
the nominee of his party for the United
States senate, president of the Ameri
can Bar association nnd wns voted for
by bis Btntc delegation In n national
convention for tho presidency Itself,
which is the ultima Thulc of human
ambition. On Bosworth field Hunch
back Richard In agony of soul exclaim
ed: " A horse! My kingdom for a
horsel" And In the feverish dance of
death called polities many an aspiring
and perspiring candidate would give a
year of peaceful life for thnt deciding
vote which often comcth not. Colonel
Broadhead could have honestly sworn
that In a close contest two -votes aro
not to bo sneezed at
Self Itetlmice In Children.
Tired mothers, with the caro of a
large household on their shoulders, of
ten allow themselves to become slaves
to the whims of their children, with
never a moment's rest from early dawn
until late at night, after the babies
want to go to bed. AH day long it is
a coustnnt cry, "Mamma, I want this,"
"Mamma, glvo mo that," nnd instead
of casting the child upon Its own re
sources tho weary mother leaves her
work, her rest or her guests to perform
some absolutely needless service for
the child. It is wearing on the moth
er, but that Is not Its worst feature; it
Is positive ruin to the disposition of the
child. Tho children of such a mother
grow up selfish, unsatisfied, restless.
They come to look upon their mother
as a mero convenience, a machine for
contributing to their personal comfort,
and thus the mother Is robbed of tho
child's love nnd respect, and the child
Is robbed of thnt most blessed of hu
man virtues, true love nnd veneration
for its mother.
Slnnde Ailnmn Off lie Stage.
Maude Adams always has been nnd
continues to bo n veritable wonder in
the matter of living nn Ideally private
life for an actress, content with giving
to the public only the finest manifesta
tions of her genius.
Those who know her personally aver
thnt sho has well defined and Interest
ing opinions on all subjects that Inter
est adults. Yet by some strange mls
chnuce her personal opinions on public
and ethical questions, unlike those of
most other actors and actresses, never
And their way Into tho public prints.
A Ventilation Teat.
In order to determine If a room Is
properly ventilated tho following test
Is said to be efficacious: Bring Into tho
room a half pint bottlo entirely full of
water; pour out this water into another
vessel in the room, when the empty
bottlo will Immediately bo filled with
the air of the room. Now put Into tho
bottlo one tnblespoonful of pure lime
water; cork nnd shake It. If It turns
milky white In n few minutes, the ven
tilation is Imperfect.
Wlie at Lnt.
Stockson Bonds Poor Lnmbleyl He
never could get on the right side of tho
Cutten Kcwpons Oh, but bo has
been for the Inst tbreo months or so.
Stockson Bonds Really? What
Cutten Kcwpons The outside. He's
quit Philadelphia Press.
Alillnu tho llentlieu,
"Brother Ufghimirn are you contrib
uting anything for the benefit of the
heathen this year?"
"Yes, sir. 1 inn having my waalilng
dono at a Chinese laundry." Chicago
TWO MEN AND A MORAL.
AnJncldent Tlmt Snppllea Consider
able Pood For Thought.
These ought ye to do nnd not to leave the
A pale young man sat down on a
bench In the park. He put a torn bag
of tools under the bench.
A small, red faced man came behind
him. Ho stooped to steal the bag.
The palo man turned nnd said In n
slow, tired way: "Drop that. It ain't
The ruddy man said, "Not if you're
Tho pale man set tho bag at his feet
"It's a poor business you're In."
"You don't look ob If yours was any
better." Ho sat down. "What'B your
"I'm nn Ironworker; bridge work."
""Don't look strong enough."
"Thnt's so. I'm Just out of tbo hos
pital; got hurt three months ago."
"I'm JUBt out of hospital, too," ho
"Yes; not bnd in winter, either.
There's n society helps a fellow after
you quit that hospital. Gives you good
"Clothes? Is that so?"
"GctB you work"
"Work good God! I wish they'd get
"You ain't bnd enough. Go nnd grab
Boiuothln'. Got a short sentence; first
crltno. Gomo out and get looked nfter
by nice ladles."
"Didn't they do nothln' for you when
you got out of that hospital?"
"Nol Why tho devil should they? I'm
only an honest mechanic. Aro you go
"Yes. I've got to go nfter thnt Job.
It'll glvo mo time to look about me.
Gosh, but you look bad! Goodby."
Tho ruddy man rose, looked back.
Jingled the few coins In his pocket, lies
Rated and walked away whistling.
The pale man sat still on tho bench,
stnring down at the ragged bag of tools
at his feet.-Dr. Weir Mitchell in Cen
tury. SOME WRITERS.
Button wrote In lace ruffles and Alex
andre Dumas in shirt sleeves.
Milton composed his "Paradise Lost"
on a large armchalrwlth his head
Bret Hnrte's first literary success
was a little book called "Condensed
Novels," In which ho parodied some
prominent novelists of the day.
Austin Dobsln, the poet, wanted in
early life to bo'nn engineer and was
preparing for that profession when his
parents persuaded him to enter tho
When Fox had eaten heartily, ho
would retire to his study, envelop his
head in a napkin soaked in vinegar and
water and work sometimes ten hours
Allison is said to have consumed
twenty-four years in the preparation of
his "History of Europe," but many im
portant literary enterprises were also
carried on by him during this tlmo.
It is related of Hall Culue, tho novel
ist, thnt he once worked In the Lnxey
lead mines, in the Manx mountains, in
place of a young mnn who wns ill to
keep the young fellow's position for
Mrs. Bolton, tho Indiana composer of
tho once popular song "Paddle Your
Own Canoe," received tho inspiration
to write while sewing aud fitting the
first carpets for tho old statehouso of
A College Sinn nnd a Qnotatlon.
Some ono once said, "A Harvard man
knows all literature but the Bible," a
startllngly sweeping generality, but
not without truth so far us tho Blblo is
concerned. A ense in point came to
light tho other day. Two Harvard men
were reading together some famous
modern orations, one. of tliein a eulogy.
The eulogy closed with the words: "O
death, where Is thy sting? O grave,
where is thy victory?"
"What a beautiful close!" exclaimed
one of tho students enthusiastically.
"The man who wroto such a sentence
as that proves that the grand stylo iu
prose did not die with the eighteenth
It should bo added in 'fairness that
the other student wns a churchman
aud said nothing. New York Tribune.
Don'ta For Drawing lloom.
Don't make any one feel self con
scl6us In your presence. It Indicates
that you are excessively self conscious
Don't expect loo much from' other
people, but encourage them to expect
a great deal from you and be sure that
you fulfill their expectations.
Don't make too much of your bodily
illments. It makes you tiresome to
yourself nnd unendurable to others,
says Woman's Life.
Don't be on the lookout for slights.
Such nn attitude shows there Is somo
thlngMn your family history that cause
you to expect them,
Don't Indulge In sarcasm. It indi
cates bnd breeding, not cleverness.
Any one can say spiteful things.
Como and visit the now storo.
Over 30,000 pounds of tW
W.J.Clarke & Gi
VAN DRAN BROS., Props.
The Best Hotel in Pendii
and as good as any.
Headquarters for Traveling Hap
Rates $2 per dajj
Special rates by week or montii,
Every flodern Convs
Bar and Billiard Room in Cc
Only Three Blocks from
GOLDEN RULE HOB
Corner Court and Johnson Btreeu,
M. F. Kelly, Proprietor,!
HEATED BY STEAitf.
LIGHTED BY ELECTRICITY j
American Plan, ratea 11.26 to 12.00 J
European plan, tOc, 75c, 11.00
Special rates by week or month,
Pree Bus Meets all Trains.
Commercial Trade Solid
Pine Sample Ri
Special attention given Country I
OEO. DARVEAU, PrtP-
Block and a half from 1
Sanplo Room la conn
Room Rate 50c, 75
Farmers Custom I
Fred Walters. ProprW
Flour exebauged for wheat ,i
-Flour, Mill Feed, Chopped rfi
always on uanu.