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DRUGGISTS
kQ)0
empty sky a solitary oesophagus
slept upon motionless wing.' .
"It is not often I get a chance to
read much current literature, but i
have just gone through at this belat
ed period, with much gratification
and edification, your 'Double-Barreled
Detective Story.'
"But what in hell is an oesopha
gus? I keep one myself, but it never
sleeps in the air or anywhere else.
My profession is to deal with words
and oesophagus interested mc the
moment I lighted upon it. 'I'll be
eternally, coeternally cussed' if I can
make it out. Is it a joke, or am I
an ignoramus?"
Between you and me, I was al
most ashamed of having fooled that
nan, but for pride' sake I was not
going to say so. I wrote aud told .him
it was a joke and that is what I am
now saying to my Springfield in
quirer. And I told him to carefully
read the whole paragraph and he
would find not a vestige of sense in
any detail of it. This also I com
mend to my Springfield inquirer.
I have confessed. I am sorry par
tially. I will not do so any more
for the present. Donjt ask me any
more questions; let oesophagus have
a rest on the same old motionless
wing.
Mark Twain. I
New York City, April 10, 1902.
Comment by the Republican.
The Double-Barrelled Detective
Story" is the most elaborate of bur
lesques on detective fiction,
MOST
LADIES
HEED A
TONIC
EVERY SPRINi
SATURDAY, MAY 17, 1002.
THE OREGONIAN WHISTLES.
How much longer does it want? The
fact of the matter is, the Oregonian
is scared and desperate. It sees de
feat staring it in the face!
THE SLEEPING OESOPHAGUS.
It is a cruel thins when a man has
to exnlain his nwn inl.-pc Mnrk sween of the woodland: the
The Portland Oregonian is in doubt Twain has had to do this because so fragrance of innumerable deciduous
as to the result of the election next many people have written to ask him ' flowers rose upon the swooning at
MRS. BARBARA MoDO'ALD, Presi
dent of the St. Louis Blue Ribbon
Cirib, writes the following letter
concerning Peruna from 2Hi uayton
Ftreet, St. Louis, Mo.:
"It is with feelings of gratitude for
honpflta derived from the use of Peruna
with I . , i ,iirB tn -nrnoLiIni to human-kind
striking melodramatic passages in mv cxporionCe, hoping that it will bone
which It is difficult to detect the de-,t- ' EI1f7rnriikmrBoli.
caption, so ably is it done. As fori ,, m, nn-
tlie paragraph which has so admir- b inonrabie malady, and
ab y illustrated the skill of Mr. Clem-, l ense Juried ct-
en's ensemble and the care essness ' , b . , tl,,f K0m t
of readers, here it is: I ln& Physicians without uytoflt, I
' (t was a crisp and spicy morning in! was recommomled to try A
on.u- n,(ni,, rnK hi ' i 1 ast expedient 1 purchased a bottle, and
nums, lit with glory hung burning and ! before one-half of the contents were used
Hashing in the upper air. a 1 felt the beneficial results. I am con
fairy bridge provided by kind tinuing to use same, and might say I
nature for the wingless, wild ' entirely well. My diaease seemed to
things that have their home 06 catarrh of the stomach, and the
in the treetops and would nauseating sensation, and the heavy,
v.slt together; the larch and languid, tired-out feelings with which I
the pomegrate flung their pur- j suffered, especially after eating, have
pie and yellow flames in brilliant entirely left me, and my digestive or
broad splashes along the slanting gans are in splendid condition, all of
which I owe to the use or peruna."
(nnfTrMRS. CATHEJUHEfff
I II W R.BERT05 I l
month. It is in a state of panic. It wnat ne means by a certain sentence
,5 ai-sul'os the event th.t . TTfT'S'.
Chamberlain is elected governor, we Clemens says, only a harmless, well
can expect no aid from a republican intentioned little joke; but it has ex
president and congress, for the Lewis cite(1 general suspicion. Therefore
and Clark fair or any more assist-',emtenf.ha bfnBm,7?,d t0,yite
, , . , a letter t0 tne Springfield Republican
ance in making-the Columbia river in wnich he says.
free to navigation. To the editor of the Springfield Re
mosphere; far in the empty sky a sol
itary oesophagus slept upon motion
less wing; everywhere brooded still
ness, serenity and the peace of God."
The success of Mark Twain's joke
recalls to mind his story of the petri
fied man in the cavern, whom he de
scribed most punctiliously, first giv
ing a picture of the scene, its inipres
MRS. BARBARA MoDOKALD.
Miss Julia Y. Teller, of 2518 Prairie
street, Milwaukee, Wis., is President of
the German Young Woman's Union.
Her opinion of Peruna is given in the
following words:
" Onr German Young Woman's Union
has nothing but praise for Peruna.
Three of our members have been most
wonderfully helped. One of them had
almost constant backache for the last
year. The other two suffered from ca
tarrh of the head and throat.
"I have used it after a most unpleasant
experience with an attack of la grippe,
and found that three bottles completely
rostorod me to health." J tula v. Toiler.
Mrs. Mary Hardy, of 568 W. Polk
street, Chicago, HI., writes:
"I find It necessary each spring to
take some kind of a tonic and have
tried a great many but nave found
none of such value as Peruna.
"After taking a few doses I feel the
good etfeets and seldom need to take
more than one bottle as a spring medi
cine." -Mrs. Mary Hardy.
Mrs. Catherine R.'Bertos, 803 N. Elm
street, Centralia, 111., writes:
" I have found Peruna tne most satis
fying medicine I ever tried in my life.
I suffered for years with catarrh of the
stomaeh, -which became
every time I caught a slight coH.
food did not digest properly, and lifah
its best charm until I tried Perm,
made a new woman of me. It took a
bottles to effect a complete cure, t
would not be back in the former
tion for a thousand dollars. I tm :
grateful for being cured compltMra
feel better than I have done for aN
Catherine R. Bertos.
The lassitude Incident to spring weather is especially trying to women. Ailments peculiar to the i
It is a pity that this government
publican: One of your citzens hasisive solitude and all that; then going of many varieties are especially prone to aggravation. All this class of affections are fitly
asked me a question about the "oeso-on to describe the majesty of the fig- by the term "pelvic catarrh.
phagus," and I wish to answer him "re. casually mentioning that the , Any woman wishing to be placed on the list of Dr. Hartman's Datients for free home treatment i
s in me nope tnat """"" "l "'V. """ebieu against advice should immediately send name and symptoms, duration of disease and treatment already t
st around and saveie sle of his nose; then after fur- l5 t j.ui- j. ' . r Z..J
Surelv. President RoosevnH nnrt thn'me some penmanship for I have al- tner descriptor observing that the "'.LTZ'Su: S". I'ZT'Z.""'"!
- - - --- TCudy repiieti to the same question j lingers of the right hand were ex- " uc ao"cu J uuui, uui eui uasary uimuuns win oe iurmsneu.
republican congress are not of such i more than severa, and , tended in a radiating fashion, aud. re- Read what the above ladies have to say of Peruna as a cure for these cases.
calibre as to ask the politcs of the not getting as much holiday as 1 ' ourring to the dignified attitude and you do not derive prompt and satisfactory results from the use of Peruna, write at OOCC to J
is so organised that everybody has
to oiow through the same quill if through you. This
they hope to accomplish anything. 1 the answer will get
aiaie neiore iney lenu tneir am to a
worthy object? We hope
not of such a narrow stripe!
thev are!
n thp!was in tnat that 1 nut tue esopha
way, boutn Carolina was not a re- nected It was tn hnthor
ought to have. position of the man, incdentally
I published a story lately, and it ! marked that the thumb of the left
nana was in contact with the little
finger of the right and so on. But
re . Hartman. giving a full statement of your case and he will be nleased tn Wve vnu his valuable advice i
Address ur. nartman, President of l he ttartman Sanitarium, Columbus, Ohio.
Charleston
publican state before
had her exposlton?
For, lo these thirty, yea fifty years
In fact, that was the intention but
the harvest has been larger than 1
was calculated upon. The oesonha-
1 rri.C Unc irntliii.ni) 1 11... 11... 1
the Columhin rlvnr lins lipon rn p tn 1 7.. , . ... . fa""1- "llu
--.me innocent aiute, whereas I was
be opened to free navigation and for
twenty years the republican party
has been in a position to give this
boon to the people, and yet it has al
ways been denied. Why? Because
the republican party was influenced
by interests contrary to he making
of this great national improvement
The Oregonian knows that the
republican party is obligated to do
nothing in connection with making
the Columbia river free to navigation
It knows that delay is its object, to
Berve its masters, those who contrib
ute the slnowB of war. The fact of
the matter is, if Mr. Chamberlain Is
elected governor, and every demo
crat, from constable up, is elected, no
cold water will be thrown upon the
Lewis and Clark fair or on the en
terprise of opening the Columbia
river, but, on the other hand, the
powers that bo would be just enough
alarmed to get a move on themselves.
In order that they might check the
tendency of the people to desert
their standard. The republican party
has had a cinch on Oregon bo long
that It has become to believe that It
owns It, and It treats it accordingly,
largely ignoring it in national affairs.
When Oregon "goes democratic"
its tune will ho different. Tho fact of
the mntter is, tho Portland paper is
whJstlng now quite regularly to keep
Its own courage up. It begins to
realize the feolings of the boy who
had to do something to steady his
norvo while passing at night through
a graveyard, so It whistles that a re
publican defeat would mean failure
to the Lewis and Clark fair and an
open Columbia river.
It is a wonder that tho Columbia
:'7cr has not beon opened longbeforo
this, Tho republicans have beon In
power long enough to accomplish it.
only fishing for the innocent the in
nocent and confiding. I knew a few
of these would write and ask me;
but I was not expecting that the wise
and learned would call upon me for
succor. However, that has happened
and it is time for me to speak up and
stop the inquiries if I can, for letter
wrltng is not restful to me, and I am
not having so much fun out of this
thing as I counted on. That you may
understand the situation I will insert
a couple of sample inquiries. The
first from a public instructor in the
Philippines:
"Santa Cruz, Ilocos Sur, P. I., Feb.
13, 1902. My Dear Sir: I have Just
been reading your latest Eton- en-
titled 'A Double-Barrelled Detective
btory.' In It occurs this passage: 'Far
In the empty sky a solitary 'oesonha-
gus slept, upon motionless wing:
everywhere brooded stillness, sereni
ty, and the peace of God.' Now, there
is one word I do not understand
namely, 'oesophagus.' My only work
oi reierence is the "Standard Diction
ary,' but that falls to explain the
meaning. If you can spare the time
I would be glad to have the meaning
cieareu up, as i consider the passage
a very touching and beautiful one.
It may seem foolish to you. but con.
sider my lack of means away out in
me northern part of Luzon. Yours
very truly."
Do you notice? Nothing in the nar-
agraph disturbed him but that one
word. It shows that that Darnirrniih
as most ably constructed for tho de.
ception it was intended to put upon
the reader. It wns my Intention
that it should be emotional and
touching, and you see yourself that
It fetched his .public instructor. Alas,
u i imu out lert that one treacherous
woru out, -i should have scored!
scored everywhere; and tho para'
graph would have sllddon through
every reader's sonslbllites like oil
and loft not a suspicion behind.
Tho other sample inquiry is from
a profesaor In a Now England uni
versity, it contains one naughty
word (which I cannot bear to sup
press), but he Is not In tho theologl
cal department, so it 8 no- narm.
'Dear Mr. demons; 'Far in the
it was so ingeniously written that
Mark, relating the history years la
ter, in an article which appeared in
that excellent magazine of the past,
the Galaxy, declared that no one ever
found out the joke. and. If we remem
ber right, that that astonishing old!
mockery was looked for In the region
where he, as a Nevada newspaper ed
itor, had located iL It is certain that
Mark Twain's jumping frog has a
-ood more "pints" than any other
froj;.
I
R
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I-SUIOJLPJUJLIIJUUL
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lie
CROWNER BROS
TjrrwprjoWK MATH 4.
The first necessity of athletics is a
sound stomach. Food is the source of
an puystcai strength, but to extract and
assimilate the strength from food requires
that the stomach' and other orcaus of
u,t","u" "u uiunuon 8uouiu be in a
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woman ; physical health and vigor de
pend upon the digestion and assimila
tion of food.
Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discovery
cures diseases of the stomach and other
mgesuon ana nutrition, nnd
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, "?etl en bottles of Dr. Herce'd Colden Med
i?it u's?ivery ami several vials of his Pleasant
tm. ihS. MJiftlfiP ls v,rinS- a"'J l,ave had no
trouble with Indigestion since "writes Mr. W.T
Thompson, of Townsend, Broadwater County
t WV? 'J181 ,h.e dor8 could do rae no good.
Sn f JT01 ?1L Jow 1 weiK "early 160
?.m.S.'l0in.day4 worli.on the-ferra. I have
ISP"?ended. 'our medicine t0 several, and
snail always have a pood word to gay for Dr
Pierce anil his medicines," y '
?Je Common Sense Medical Adviser,
1008 large pages in paper covers, is sent
free on receipt of 21 one-cent stamps to
pay expense of mailing only. Address
Dr. R. V. Pierce, Buffalo, N. Y.
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