1
i OESDAT, APRIL, 29, 15)02.
FALLING
PrOTcnted by warm shampoos with CtmcuKA
Soap, and light drraings of Cuticu.iu, pur.
est of emollient akin cares. This treatment
at once stops falling hair, clean the tralp of
crusts, scales, and dandruff, sooUice Irritated,
Itching surfaces, stimulates the hair follicles,
and makes, the hair grow upon a clean, wholo
some, healthy scalp TThon all else falls.
RoU ttronrhont the wmld. Form D. ith C Corr
BoUfropBouaii "UowtotnToIkaatirttllUlx.-frsa,
Union Mutual
Life Insurance Co.
Of Maine.
ESTABLISHED JN 184S
Policies Protected bj tie
Maine Non-Forfeiture Law
And Up to Date In
, All Particulars.
Agent Wanted.
FOR UMATILLA COUNTY
Exclusive Territory to the Bight Party
Address with References to
T. PI. McALLIS
MANAGER
S56-557 Sherlock Building
Portland - Oregon
Dispensed From a Storehouse
of Humorous Lore.
The Columbia
Lodging House
.NEWLY FURNISHED
BAR IN CONNECTION
IN CENTER OP BLOCK
BET. ALTA A WEBB 8T8
F.X. SCHEMPP, Prop.
bas made
rteoaj
Hit
Laurels
aMu
TU ParU ExpoclUoci
! IOC UOKJ
Award to
I.W.HARPER
KENTUCKY
WHISKEY
GoUsnedai
CtocaJo'lMe,
Bold by JOKX BOHMIDT
The Louvre Saloon
MtHDLETON
ORXOOa
Lost!
Pushing Insurance Business to the
Limit Dying Man Received Conso
lation In Allopathic Doses Young
Advocate Muddled His First Case.
A Client's Queer Compliment to His
Lawyer Judge's Theory of Domes
tic Relations A Close Shave.
tCopyright, 1902, by Champ Clark.
King Solomon declared that there is
nothing new under the sun, but I Lave
run across a few things in my life
which appear to run counter to that
bit of wisdom. Anything novel Is, ex
necessitate, interesting. First and last;
insurance agents have tried about ev
ery experiment that human Ingenuity
could Invent to secure business, but 1
am Inclined to the opinion that here Is
an entirely new wrinkle In the Insur
ance business.
Offer to Insure a Dying Man.
Hon. "William O. Gray, probate Judge
of Tike county, has a mind set on a
hair trigger; likewise his tongue. It
goes off with every little pressure, and
sometimes bis words astonish bis hear
ers beyond measure. He is a Bcbolnr
ly man, an upright Judge, an enthusi
astic partisan and an unconscious hu
morist. He is an Intense Methodist,
and his personal resemblance to Bish
op Marvin is remarknble. Whatever
he lacks In tnct he fully makes up in
candor. Among other plans for mak
ing money he has operated somewhat
as a life Insurance agent, which may
account for the following anecdote:
"While living in Louisiana he had for
neighbor and fellow pewholder an old
gentleman named Samuel Iem, uncle
lo ex-Congressman Kem of Nebraska.
Old Brother Kem bad led a very re
igious and godly life. A few years ago
he became very sick, and Just before
he died Judge Gray called to see him
to cheer him up, and, as the sequel will
show, be administered consolation to
him in nllopathic doses.
"Brother Gray," said Brother Kem
In a feeble voice, "I have been review
ing my life, nnd while I have done the
best I could I am fearful that I have
been a great sinner. Do you suppose
1 have nuy chance to go to heaven?"
Gray replied in bis offhand style,
"I'll Insure you for a quarter Insure
you for a quarter, sir!" And Brother
Kem turned his face to the wall and
crossed the dnrk river with Judge
Grny's words of cheerful assurance
ringing In his ears.
Judge Krum's First Case.
Of all the lawyers practicing at the
St Louis bar sludge Chester H. Krum
is one of the most scholarly and most
brilliant. He gives the following racy
account of his flrst lawsuit:
"Admitted to the bar In 1SG4, I began
practice in 1SC5 after having been
graduated from the Harvard Law
school. My first case arose upon a
shipment of eggs in August from Chi
cago to St. Louis. The amount In
volved was $S7. The consignor claim
ed that the eggs had been shipped In
good order after having been duly
candled. The consignee claimed that
all the embryotlc fowl contained In the
shells needed In order to make them
crow like chanticleer were Bpura nnd
feathers. My client was the consign
or. The consignee suggested arbitra
tion. Knowing less of the intricacies
of hen fruit than of contingent re
mainders, I advised my client to ac
quiesce. Alas for the rarity of Chris
tian charity for the Chicagoese on the
part of St. Louisfans, the arbitrators
found that the eggs were addled, al
though the shipper was doubtless an
..USE PURE..
Artificial Ice
Is your opportunity
if you fail to select
from the largest,
newest, brightest
and most up to date
stock of
..Wall Pape..
in Pendleton, which
is at Sharp's. Call
and examine it.
We have all fash
ion's favorite pat
terns. We make a
specialty of contract
work and complete
your job in a first
class manner.
C. C. SHARP
Pra House .Block Court Bt.
1 -HrjfltT1 -ffSis ffiftl'ff'!
Telepnofie Main 106.
No Sediment to Foul
Your Refrigerator
No Disease Germs to
Endanger Your Health
VAN ORSDALL & ROSS
egg-scllant man. Hlnc Hire lacrimal.
I sent In a bill for $15. It was paid,
but the castles In air -which I hnd
buildcd In Imaginative following In the
footsteps of "Mansfield, Marshall, Web
ster 'and Ersklne were rudely shnken
to their depths when my client testified
to bis high appreciation of my distin
guished services by writing me:
4 'Young man. I send you your $15
and nnxlously nwalt the opportunity to
take them out of .your bide.' "
Difficulties In Getting Divorces.
There Is no other class of cases in
which the nisi prius Judge has such
wide discretion as divorce cases. There
Is no other In which his Ideas of life
has such controlling Influence. Tbere
Is none In which an appeal Is of such
little value. The dragnet clause of
our statute which authorizes a divorce
by reason of "acts calculated to render
one's condition Intolerable" has as
many constructions as there are trial
Judges. The decision depends entirely !
on tho particular Judge's theory of the
domestic relations.
Getting a divorce In the Tike Judicial
circuit used to be ns easy as falling off
a log, and a slippery log at that, but
With Judge Beulun F. Roy's advent
upon the woolsack the prospect wns
changed for those weary of the matri
monial yoke.
Judge Boy Is a model husband, fa
ther and Christian gentleman; has a
well defined opinion that when two
people stand up and solemnly promise
before high heaven "to take each other
for better or for worse till death do us
two part" they should be compelled to
stick to their bargain. Moreover, he
took bis first lessons In the law out of
Judge Theodore Brace's book, and that
eminent Jurist and splendid gentleman
Is nearly as much opposed to divorces
as Is an orthodox Catholic
No matter how Judge Roy came by
his theories, it Is a hazardous venture
to apply for a divorce In his court.
Ordinarily he Is the most urbane of
men, but his anger rises perceptibly
when he reaches the divorce docket.
Then the lawyera must walk as skill
fully as though treading on eggs or hot
plowshares. The slightest bobble, and
they, with their clients, are flung Into
midair.
A Lawyer's Mistake.
Not long since Judge Dempsey and
myself instituted a divorce suit for a
female client. Captain Morrow and
Governor Ball represented the defend
ant. Really the only thing In contro
versy wns the amount of the allmonv.
for I never saw a pair who hated each
other more intensely. They were fnlr-
ly nchlng for a separation. Finally,
after many conferences and a great
deal of worry, Morrow and I agreed on
the nllmony. As there wns a long case
on trial ahead of us and as between us
we had a whole township subpoenaed
as witnesses, ns a consequence of
which our case was costing somebody
about $100 a day while waiting our
turn, I suggested to Morrow to ask the
Judge to Buspend the case on trial a
moment to secure his consent to try
our case after supper and to announce
that our witnesses as to the question
of alimony might claim their attend
ance and go home. Captain Morrow,
who was a decidedly brilliant lawyer,
was a little woolgathering that day
and hnd forgotten Judge Roy's aver
sion to divorces. So In making the re
quest he came near knocking the' fat
Into the lire and getting both himself
and me out of court nt once. He made
the request as agreed on and then add
ed, "Your honor, I make this request,
as Mr. Clark and I can show you that
both plaintiff and defendant have am
pie cause for divorce." All the lawyers
In the courtroom began to grin, while
Judge Roy's face flushed to the roots
of his hair as he rather tartly said,
"Captain Morrow, if that's true you
can all go home, for neither will get a
divorce here,1' and then the lawyers
roared. I mollified the court by say
ing: "Oh, Morrow doesn't know what
he's talking about. His client has no
case, but mine has a good one."
That night the Judge granted the di
vorce after hearing a good deal of con
clusive evidence and with great reluc
tance. Law a Jealous Mistress.
Some ancient phrasemaker Bald, "The
law is a Jealous mistress," a truth
which many aspiring disciples of
Blnckstone have learned to their ad
vantage and which a great many more
have neglected to their undoing.
Lord Eldon gave this recipe for the
making of a great lawyer, "Live like a
hermit and work like a horse."
If Jefferson Davis Hostetter, one of
the brightest of Pike's third generation
of lawyers, holds for naught the flrst
naif of the lord chancellor's advice and
refuses to live like a hermit, he faith
fully acts upon the latter half and
works like a horse.
Eschewing politics, be wooes his Jeal
ous mistress with the ardor of a Bo
rneo, and be succeeds admirably.
Thomas Jefferson once declared that
"eternal vigilance Is the price of liber
ty." Hostetter evidently bellevea It Is
also the price of success at the bar.
When a chubby boy at Sunday school,
he muat bare thoroughly- aaataaUated
the philosophy of the quatrain:
Uttl drops of water.
Little (rains of sand,
Hake the bounteous ocean
And the beauteous laad,
for he looks after the little things In
his profession as well aa the big ones,
lhat "a miss is as good as a mile" Is
fully Illustrated in the following case:
A GOOD FRQNT
i . .
oringomaBV a deserving fn,,,, -U
wno, lu-ciad. might fall. OniS.
fn matatig your apparel h. u m
to be consists in keenim,
other wearables in fln,V. "W.D
vaahir.0 mA i. : .1 T Hit
Ever tried nnr wmZL"Z!m
pricea? ' "ur ".'
THE DOMESTIC UI1H
j. x. xwoinson, rrop. PendWl
CECIL RHODES. THE SOUTH AFRICAN COLOSSUS.
When the history of Africa's development fa vrrittwi Cecil Rhodes' name will b eon-
tntcTKitu. lie was largely instrumental in Dreading ,.",, TIC
placiDP the British fla over Beohnanaland and other immense tracts, xie ueyeiopea inv
diamond mines of .Kiniberley. orffanhed the Jameson raid and was a potent factor in
.hinlnc thmn-li .Tn.nb Chamberlain the British policy that forced the Boer republic, to
ufce up arms.
Fine Points of Law. dian tried to climb on the plRtform,
Hostetter brought suit for Reynolds but the steer wns too quick for him.
and Rodeers on account for medical , it came at him with lowered head.
services for about $G0 against one Hen- j Dry Limb's copper colored skin grew
ry Robinson before Squire William n. j preen with terror.
Campbell, who was justice of the peace I The steer's broad horns passed on
nt Bowling Green for forty odd years, either side of the little Indian and
The account wns a continuous one, but nlnned him to the wail. Only his
slightness and the unusual sprend of
the steer's horns saved him from a
quick journey to the happy hunting
grounds.
The women, peeking through the
cracks, shrieked. Abbie Skunkcap left
the head she was skinning to rush to
sec the excitement One glance show
ed her Dry Limb's terrified face above
had been permitted to run a long time, I
and all the items except one of $2.40
were more than five years old, hence :
barred by the statute of limitations, if ,
pleaded. Eight days after suit wns ,
filed defendant tendered to and deposit-j
ed in the hands of the constable the
$2.40 and costs up to that time as be-1
ing all that he owed, the object being
to cause all costs subsequently made to
be taxed against the plaintiffs In the t
event they failed to recover more than
the conceded item of $2.40. The justice
failed to recognize the legality of de
fendant's plea of the statute of limita
tions and rendered judgment for plain
tiffs for the full amount sued for nnd
costs.
Won by a Close Shave.
Defendant appealed, and on a trial
anew In the circuit court before Judge ,
E. M. Hughes it was decided that all
the Items were barred except the $2.40 '
Item, and Judgment was rendered for
plaintiff for only $2.40, with C per cent
Interest from date of Institution of suiL
Thereupon defendant filed his motion '
to have all costs which had accrued
subsequent to his tender taxed against
plaintiffs, which was then 18 or $20.
This motion was resisted by Hostet
ter on the ground that defendant did
not tender and pay all he owed; that be
owed $2.40 on the day the suit was
brought and plaintiffs were entitled to
interest on the $2.40 from that date,
and that defendant, to make his ten
der effective, should have Included in
the tender of the $2.40 the Interest for
the eight days which elapsed between
the date of the Institution of the suit
and the date the tender was made.
This Interest amounted to a little over
8 mills. The iudcre. whllf nrimittinr.
that the point was purely technical, a. '
cided It well taken and overruled the :
motion and taxed all costs acalnst the
defendant
I have always believed that Hostet-
ter won that victory by the closest
LIHUrUUHIlPP. I ..
and his experience should Impress up- d and "orn8 of lhe 11111(1 steer,
on practitioners the value of looking Pe me were klck'"S and Jabbing
pas pleasant era,
tag playing Pool
Bmr6s at
GoWenJle
Pool and Bil
Patlojf-
WILLIAMS & WILLIAMS
313 Court Street.
ill U IttJfel
f IMil'Ji JlHi.i I II I I
umm,
. Mountain
Resort
FOR SALE
The celebrated "Bingham 5prinp,v
locatad in the Blue Mountains ool
the Umatilla River, complete, witil
furniture, fixtures, stages and stock. I
Absolute control of five miles of 1
trout fishing stream in Oregon.
sell So acre tract including hotel!
grounds with water privileges, or 9S0I
acres, as desired; making fine stool
farm, controlling bitr ranee. OnriHI
lease. Call on or address :
Frank B. Cloptoa
Pendleton, Oregon
LaFontaine & Garris
Proprletore
ve M w - f.1
Peed Yard.
after even the smallest things connect
ed with a case.
It may be stated as an axiom thnt
nothing Is unimportant In a lawsuit
Champ Clark.
How a Pieman Satinw
j
Salved Her Husband
Dry Limb, a one armed Pieimn Tn.
nllan, bad an exciting time at the Old
agency, Montana, last ration day Drv
TImI. I- 1 if , -
i-awu in mcuneo to De boastful when
his squaw, Abbie Skunkcap, Is jjot
present but has little to say if she
be within earshot She is a giant in
strength and boss of the tepee.
Last ration day Dry Limb decided to
try his band at killing steers in the
corral. Abbie Skunkcap did not favor
the Idea, saying he was a coward and
would be killed. When the day came
however, Dry Limb was ready.
The sun wns getting low when the 1
uubb lurmer ueckoned to Dry Limb ns
a signal that the time bad come for
him to show his valor. Dry Limb
looking fearfully in his wife's direc-
1 lue 1 it 11 nnn wi
! ... . ' UB
kucii me spear- to thrust tr,tn .
steer's neck. The men who
the beef stood on n nintf
knives ready. The steer enm th.i.
the gate from the corral with a rush
Dry Limb made a lunge nt him The
sharp point of the snenr nu.r, !.
fleshy part of his neck, drivim, .
mad with rge. but dolmr t,i, Tn..,'
Injury. The boss farmer nnrl fi, 1..
dlans cried out In alarm us the steer
made a dask for Dry Limb. The ln.
the steer viciously, but he stuck to bis
vtenm.
Abbie climbed the corral fence and
dashed into the slaughter house. She
leapeu upon the platform. Stooping
fciuunvu uie collar or Dry Limb's
flannel shirt With her great strength
she ripped him through the long horns
w"ui. piuneu mm and landed him" upon
the platform. He lay huddled at her
uis teeth chattering and
nnnrl o).ln i
nunerms. tie was a grand
ttudy for a Remington Bketch of "The
Cavalry Horses for Safe
BEST OF CARE TAKEN Ofl
TEAMS OVER NIGHT
-.11
aiVE US A CALH
Dgh!" grunted the nmin au : sT-J
a br rs keep yowi
- .v, iw u squaw is a woman.
Coboea scandens Is a pretty thing for I
bay window n 1.
.... . . ,D o. iri ran n
tTTn 1' IW n n .1 .
Sir BOOU men will soon
an up aU the space. Its flower are
purple, snadlnc to cren. l
Bbaped. Give It a large poTor boxl
m ana plenty of water If fully
exposed to the light
Not on Pasco,
BUT ON
BYERS' GKUV
ADDITION
Pif v,daflrnlng tab,e !Inen ana One tow
els the flax that i tn k t-i-- 7
spear to thrust into the ' hi !!-t. 8 embroidery shops Is to I T PFUmiLETON.
The men who .nl lbe Preferred to darnine cotton .Ht,i LfJ fBJiUlC
flno. T? t . . . " -
'icu emuroidery cotton.
When wearing gold bracelets in the
t PUt the Bmn11 chnln around the
ing ft 8 before faBten'
Women 1
nceomnir.hli 1 OI Vienna are
vmmn.ouaiup to the age of
"
N, Berkeley
TUB DO I
Savings Bank BuUdlf,u-