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About East Oregonian : E.O. (Pendleton, OR) 1888-current | View Entire Issue (March 11, 1902)
: V f. t p t a in HI &9 ' I 0 h tv TUESDAY, MARCH 11, 190:. SEEDS! A 11 Kinds of Seeds, Alfalfa, Timothy, Broome Grass, Blue Grass and White Clover. Orders for any kind of Seed Solicited TAYLOR, THE HARDWARE MAN. Who Sells Field hence In all heights, as well as every variety of HARD WARE, Barbed Wlre.&c WOOD! COAL! WOOD! COAL! WOOD! COAL! W. C. MINIMIS SELLS BOTH. Kemerer Coal. First Class Wood Orders Promptly Filled. Telephone, Bed 401, or call on W. C. MTNNIS, Office Main Street, just opposite Hans ford & Thompson's hardware store. LaFontaine & Garrison Proprietors Old Dutch Henry Feed Yard. Cavalry Horses lor Sale. BEST OF CARE TAKEN OF TEAMS OVER NIGHT GIVE US A CALL. SEALS! Notary and Corporation $3.50 to $5 Delivered Order of lib and save money. Orders for Rubber Stamps also solicited. EAST OREGONIAN PUB. CO 9112,600 for a Prescription. The large, gum erer paid for a prMcrlptlon Changed hands in San Franclico August SO U01. The traujlar luvolred in coin and stock CUSOO and was paid by a party of business tnea for a specific for Bright' Disease and Dia betes, hitherto incurable dlieases. They commenced the careful Investigation of the peolflc November 15, 16C0. They inter viewed scores of the curd and tried it out on it merits by putting over three dvzen case on the treatment and watching them. They also got physicians to name chronic, incurable ease, and administered it with the physicians for judges. Up to August 27, clghty-seTen per eeat of the tt case were either well or progressing favorably. There being but thirteen per cent of failure, the parties were satisfied and closed the trans action. The proceeding of the investigating Munlttee and the clinical report of the teat were published and will be malkd free wapplieatln. Addna Jam, J, Fulton Cok Jnr,0 Voslgeuiery BL. 8m Francisco, Cal. Reminiscences of Noted Fun makers In the House, There Have' Been Five Real Top Notchers Difference Between a Congressional Humorist and a Hu morist In Congress How John Al len Got There Generals and Pri vates A Maiden Speech That Brouaht Fame. Copyright, 12, by Champ Clark. Many congressmen use humor ns an aid iu expressing their ideas to tht house ns a mere incident of speech. First and last there have been live hu morists of tjie first class in "the more numerous branch of the national legis lature" Tom Corwln, Abraham Lin coln, Samuel Sullivan Cox, J. Proctoi Knott and John M. Allen. Four of these were congressional humorists Corwln, Cox, .Knott and Allen. It will thus be seen that I differentiate between a congressional humorist anil n humorist who Is in congress. Un questionably Lincoln divides with Ar temus Ward and Mark Twaiu the hon or of being the greatest American hu moristfor it is an honor no inntter what the dry as dusts may say by waj of dissent, detraction or carping criti - clsm but most assuredly and most em phatically Lincoln was not a congres sional humorist. Indeed there Is pre clous little trace the merest color, as miners would say of his humor or of any other of his many great faculties in his concessional career. The truth seems to be thnt congress did not suit . I mm nun mat ue .uiu noi ui cuugiess. , j At any rate in his brief service in the ; house there is not even the faintest i prophecy of that astounding careei ! which wrote his name in the scanty list i of the immortals. Private John Allen. Wlth the possible exceptions of Mc-j Kinley, Bryan and Roosevelt there is perhaps no American statesman of this j generation whose name is more famil-1 iar to the ears and tongues of the American people than that of Hon. John M. Allen of Mississippi, yclept "Private John" Allen. He has not on ly Immortalized himself, but he has lifted into continental fame Tupelo, the little town where he resides. After a long and distinguished career in the house he voluntarily quit public life for the practice of law. How John Got There. The dry as dusts solemnly asseverate that humor never did any good. They are cocksure of that. Now, let's see. How did John Allen get to congress He joked himself in. One fetching bit j of humor sent him to Washington as n national lawmaker. The first time John ran for the con-1 gressional nomination his opponent , was the Confederate general Tucker, j who had fought gallantly during tlu j civil war and who bad served with dis- j tinction two or three terms in con gress. They met on the stump. Gen eral Tucker closed one of his speeches as follows: "Seventeen years ago last night, my fellow citizens, after a hard fought battle on yonder hill, I bivouacked un der yonder clump of trees. Those of you "who remember as I do the times that tried men's souls will not, I hope, forget the humble servant when the primaries shall be held." That was a strong appeal in those' days, but John raised the general at hie 1 nwn nmo III tho fnllnWillP nmnzill" own game in the following amnziu manner: "My fellow citizens, what General Tucker says to you about the engage ment some years ago on yonder hill is true. What General Tucker says to you about having bivouacked in yon clump of trees on that night is true. It is also true, my fellow citizens, that I was vedette picket and stcod guard over him while he slept "Now, then, fellow citizens, all of you who were generals and had privates to stand guard over you while you slept vote for General Tucker, and all of you who were privates and stood guard over the generals while they slept vote for 'Private John Allen." The people caught on, took John nt his word, sent him to congress, where ' he has staid until he hns filled the land t with his acclaim John's Maiden Speech In Congress. Of course every representative must make his "maiden Bpeech" In congress that Is, If he intends to try the ora torical caper at all. Frequently It Is a painful ordeal. Much depends on that effort. The congressional tyro feels that the eyes of the house, of his con stltuents, perhaps of the whole coun try and of posterity, are fixed upon him. Generally he Is mistaken ns to the number of eyes riveted upon him, but nevertheless he feels as he rises to say "Mr, Speaker!" for the first time that he Is a sort of universal optical target, and so feeling he Is liable to nn attack of heart failure or stage fright Lucky the member who catches the ear of the house and of the country In de livering his "maiden speech." He Is not only lucky. He Is scarce, almost as scarce as bens' teeth. In due time John delivered his "maid en apeech'' In cpngrefs, proved to be one of the lucky ones and took nn In stant secure hold on the nuriculnr np pondnge of the house, which he held to the end nnd which he would have continued to hold had he remained In the house till the crack of doom. The members regarded Allen ns n godsend, bs a welcome and grateful relief from what the Into lamented Mr. Mantalinl would have denominated "the rtoninl- yon, horrid grind" of the congressional I mill. John arose to begin his "ninWion ipeech" nn obscure member. "Nest morning he arose to Una nfmseir fa mous, ns did Lord Byron after the pub lication of the opening cantos of "Childo Ilnrold." nnd the fame of the Mississippi humorist was ns fairly won nnd as justly bestowed as was that of the English poet Retired to the Cloakroom. The river and harbor bill was up. John wanted to offer an amend) -cut i making nn appropriation for tlieToin- blgbee river. The chairman of the I committee, Mr. Willis of Kentucky,, had promised John time ana uau then' forgotten it. John asked unanimous i consent to address the house, and Wil- lis tried to help him get it but some one objected, whereupon John, with tears In his voice and looking doleful as a hired mourner nt a funeral, said; with lugubrious nccent, "Well, I would ' at least like to have, permission to j print some remarks in 'Uie ltecoru ami' insert 'laughter and applause in appro - priate places." That was, his astonish - lug exordium. The palpable hit at one of the most common abuses of "the j privilege to print" tickled the house greatly, nnd he secured the. unanimous consent which he desired. He closed that speech with nn amazing exhibition 0f gnu, which added to his fame more than the speech itself. He wound up by saying, "Now, Mr. Spenker, havmg fully answered all the arguments of 1UV opponents, I will retire to the clonk- room n few moments to receive uie congratulntions of ndmiring friends," which set the house nnd galleries wild with delight. He did retire to the cloakroom, did receive the cougratula- 1 tions. of admiring friends, a perform- ! ance which has been going on at fre- quent intervals ever since, John Jokes Wtn Governor Dingley. , Tn .,, ranrs , nto anvomnr Nelson Dlllpioy of Maine was a most admirable character. He was a learn ed and able man, dying in the great po sition of chairman of the committee on wnys nnd means. It in no way detracts from his just fame to sny that he was almost totally destitute of a sense of humor. He was so matter of fact that it approximated cruelty to joke with ldm, but nevertheless Allen did it.j When business was at its worst during the panic which began In 1S9U, one morning John and the governor met on a street car. "Governor," remarked John, solemn as a blllygoat, "I hear a vast deal of talk about trouble In mat lug paying investments, but I find no difliculty whatever in the matter. In fact, less than ten. minutes since I mnde an investment which paid me 20 per cent I consider that a rattling good speculation." "So do I," replied Governor Dingley, pricking up his ears. "How did you manage It?" "Oh," said John, with a straight face, "I bought six street car tiokets for a quarter," which convulsed everybody within hearing except the chairman of the ways and means committee, who look ed ns though he thought the Mississlp pinn wns trifling with momentous not to saywsacred things. When the tale reached the capitol, men wondered at John's temeritr. John Astonishes General Grosvenor. As Is well known, on the 8th day of March, 1898. the house of representa- tives, Democrats, Republicans, Popu llufu mwl Vrein ailT.a-.lta trltlinlif n man missing, performed the most atu pendous act of confidence recorded in the entire annals of the human race by voting to place $30,000,000 without re strictions and without strings in the hands of the president to be paid out on his order. As a Democrat I am hap py to state that In my judgment WU Ham McKinley never violated the confl dence thus bestowed. As an American, proud of my country, I delight to think that no man ever has been or ever will be president capable of betraying such n colossal trust, The vote declaring war against Spain was also practically unanimous. So were the votes on appropriations to curry It on, but such unanimity was too beautiful to last So when the bond bill came up we sepnrated and took differ ent paths. During the debate there was considerable crossfiring ns to who were the more patriotic, the Democrats or the Republicans. General Charles Henry Grosvenor of Ohio threw out certain insinuations which roiled the Democrats generally and Allen in par ticular, John rose to the occasion, made a fiery speech, winding up by proposing that there and then General Grosvenor should open up a recruiting station to enlist a company of con gressmen of which Grosvenor should be captain to serve during the Spanish war without pay. John dured the gen eral to do it, asserting that though the Republicans had a largo majority In the house there would be more Demo cratic congressmen who would enlist than there would be Republicans. The proposition took General Grosvenor's breath away and set tho bouse and gal leries in a roar. The venerable and doughty general did not set op bte standard, but John was the hero of thei hour. My Arm belief Is that had Gros vonor accepted John's proposition ev ery Democrat In the house would hnve' volunteered, perhaps every Republic If the Spaniards had seen 3G0 con. gressmen advancing on tli m hcmicl by General Grosvenor, 'Joy mtoht hnve surrendered nt dlrotjon to avoid be ing talked to ;,enth. Qulen snbe? More Than Humorist. While Mr. Allen's fame Is entirely that of humorist, he Is much more thnn that. No man that I over heard iu con gress or out of it cn use Invective to better effect thnn the Mississlppinn. At times he Is absolutely merciless. The two excoriations which he gave Colonel Joslnh ratterson of Tennessee, one in the debate on the bill to repeal the pur chasing clause of the Shermnn law, the ather when Joslnh was trying to unseal j rarmnck, were terrible to listen to. j Patterson was John's bete noire and Uie Mississlppinn flnyed him alive and tlieu poured nqua fortls on his quiver ing body. ClIAMf Ci-akk. Tipping Qnick Lunch "Waiter, Two men sat side by side on the hiprli stools of one or those quick lunch places lined with pale tiles like a bathroom thnt nbound in Philadelphia. One of them said to the other: "In a care like this few persons tip the walt - Cr behind the counter. They think It would be a waste of money, because the waiter calls their orders down a ; tube into a kitchen somewhere under ' ground, nnd they hold that he has no , jurisdiction over the portions and that I they are served Just, the same whether they tip them or not. "Well, they are altogether mistaken. I know, for I hnve mnde n study of : this matter. The waiter here has two toties with which to speak through the tube. One tone Is for the patron who tips, the other for him who doesn't Now, wntch a minute." The waiter in on ordinary voice now called three or ders and then In a strange falsetto called that of the man who had been speaking. "You Bee?" said be to IiIb L'ompaulon. "I tip and those other fel lows don't" A moment later he added triumphantly: "Look at the difference between my order of roast beef nnd our friend's over there. I've got a big cut oufof the heart of the roast, and he's got two or three little chunks of 'end.' Oh, yes; it pays to tip in these places ns well as It does anywherel" Philadelphia Record. Forcing st Pension. When Thomas Snodgrass, cx-coliect-or of Ganjam, Madras, was expelled from the service of the East India company owing to his extravagance. "e applied for a pension, but the com- i'uJ . " utra,r " ..I. f nnHlliti.l Itn .-.!.. n i 1 1 l.fniorh1 tr. 4 1 1 11 !"t l clothes and, armed with a broom, set to work sweeping n crossing in Lend enhall street In front of the East India house. Immediately all Londou wns agog with the Intelligence thnt an old and distinguished officer of the East Indlu compnny who had ruled over 100,000 people and reveled in a palace was now reduced in the evening of bis life to the necessity of earning his bread by sweeping the Btreets. The king was thunderstruck and Implored Mr. Snodgrass to take himself and his broom away. This he did when the company gave him his pension. The Cclta nud Green. The early Celts worshiped the dawn and the sunrise. It Is more than proba ble, therefore, that their liking for the color green which we see In their flags, sashes, etc., arose from a mistake among those who had lost a thorough knowledge of the Irish language. The sun in Celtic is called by a word pro nounced exactly like our word "green," and it 1b likely that the Irish fondness for that color arose through the strik ing similarity of the two words. In the same way, when we talk about a greenhouse we think they are so called because plants are kept green In them during the winter; yet it is far more probable that the word is derived from the old Celtic word for sun, because greenhouses are so built as to catch the rays and heat of the sun and store them for future use. Roaed Consciences. A well known English deau recently bad the misfortune to lose his umbrel la, and he rather suspected that Its ap propriation by another had not been altogether accidental. He therefore used the story to point a moral In a sermon in the cathedral, adding thnt if its present possessor would drop it over the wall of the deanery garden during thnt night he would say no more about It Next morning he re paired to the spot and found bis own umbrella and forty-five others. Sharks as Game Flab. As game fishes sharks do not, I think, stand high. The most common of them, the dusky shark, when book ed, circles round, on the surface and usually bites off the lines and escapes. If so booked that the line cannot be cut, the struggle Is furious but short, the shark giving up In much less time than a game fish of half bis size, such as the channel bass, salt water trout or snapper would do.' Forest and Stream. His First Year of Lmtt. "Young Physician What la your prac tice mostly? Young Lawyer Domestic economy. Chicago News. A HOME FOR THE HORSE. 4tnlllc ThBl nnnmn Not omr Artis tic lnt Sunltnry Points. Copyright. 1M2. by C. II. Venn. -U TVeat Twenty-fourth street, .ew ork. When a man goes to nn architect or a builder and makes known the fnct thnt he desires to build n home for himself, the first thing thnt he de mands In the house which he proposes to erect Is thnt it shnll he constructed on sanitary lines. No matter how sim ple or how ornate the design, no mut ter how little or how great the cost, the prospective purchaser will Insist, FRONT ELEVATION. I atta properly enough, thnt the building jBimn ho put together in such a way thnt it will be health protecting, not j health destroying. He tuny not mnke i this demand in so many words, but the demand is in evidence Just the same, and the nrchitect is forced willy nilly to pay heed to it. now different it is, however, when a mnu wants to build nn outhouse or a Btable. As a rule, nothing is consider ed there but the cost, nnd anything in the way of a home is deemed good enough for the beast of burden. As n mere matter of economy the builder of a stable should realize that it is money well spent to provide a healthy house fcr his horse. The plans shown in this article are designed to meet just such a require ment and, while the stnble cannot be called a cheap one In the ordinary sense of the word, yet the reader who builds as suggested will in the long run be forced to ndmlt thnt his money was put out to good advantage. A stable can be built from these designs at a cost of from 1,000 to $1,500, ac cording to the local price of labor, ma terials used, and so forth. The plans provide for a building which shall be not only a stable, but a El vu C Rl At.E House 11 ' 0" x 2.6' o" STALL STMl Stall Stall FIKST FLOOD PLAN. cnrrlage house. The stable section Is on the left hand side nnd has a ma nure pit nt the renr, with doors from both stnble nnd yard. The feed shoots nre located near the box stall. In addi tion to this stall, which Is a commodi ous one, there nre three smaller stalls, each having a separate window. The floors of the stalls are laid on a slight Incline to a gutter which runs to a cesspool on the outside of the stnble. The bottom of the stable can be of con crete, with a brick floor superimposed. The building is entered by a large swinging door, with Inclined platform to the ground. There Is also a smaller door to the left of this. The carriage house is on the right of the stable and Is connected with It by a sliding door. It is furnished with n washing place for the carriages, drain ed to the outside in a similar way to the stable. There Is an ample closet for the harness. A stairway leads to the left Large windows give plenty of light nnd ventilation. In the loft is a door to receive the liny, straw, feed, etc., for the animals housed below. If desired, a partition cau be put up to give a sleeping place for the man who has charge of the Fcep cunts .DOWN LorT a'-o'A'H-o" SECOND FLO0B PlJUf, horses. There la sufficient light and ventilation from three windows and a ventilator in the top of the roof. The framing should be of spruce, built In the. brace frame, style and cov ered with surface hemlock sheathing boards. All trimmings should be of white pine, with the doors of yellow pine. Dimensions. Front, 50 feet; side, 20 feet Height of atorlea: First, 14 feet; second; 11 feet I ' .-ZZrL 1 V f3 , CO w STAMiMp L HOTELS. HOTEL PENDLETOH! VAN DRAN BROS., Props. The Best Hotel ta.Pendletc and as good as any. Headquarters for Traveling Men, Commodious Sample Rooms. Rates $2 pet day. Special rates by week or month. Excellent Cuisine, Every flodern Convenlen Bar and Billiard Room in Connects Only Three Blocks from Depot! GOLDEN RULE HOT! Comer Court and Johnson Btrecti, Pendleton. Oregon, M. F. Kelly, Proprietor. HEATED BY STEAAJ. LIGHTED BY ELECTRICITY, American Plan, rates tt.25 to J2.00 did European plan, 60c, 76c, 11.00 J Special rates by week or month i Free Bus fleets all Trains. 1 Commercial Trade Solicits Fine Sample Roomi Special attention given Country Trail OEO. DARVEAU. Prop.; Elegantly Furnished Steam Heate European Plan. Block cad a faalf.troai depot Sanple Room la connection. Room Rate 50c, 75c, SM The Columbia Lodging House NEWLY FURNISHED BAB IN CONNECTION TUT TBTKmiVD AV UT.IH J-lV Ail VI.SIU.1 1JU :" rT I BET. AXiTA WEBB BTB J p v CT.HPMPP. pro 1 B A. LWIIUilA' 1 - - iQMfl lp SHBSISSllilfesfes Svft HjiJ- ' SSHHsWBssiiiHr ' EsasSi J i's. 9ssi9RlitflslslBlliB SsMBMflHtflsn'lV llllBlllQssVBBBiHSsV' 'jZBBB'jsUiVKi scslHiiHBnSsslslslslslsBlsVw JKHHE asfljlHssBisBissBisiH o G Dally Mty 1 ft woefc.