» SLANG ASK YOURSELF THESE HIS PHENOMENAL GIRL1 T E S T OF "W H A T 'S T H S USE" FOR T H E SELF-SA TISFIED . • HE U N D O U B TED LY W AS ONE OF T H E SM A R TEST EVER. Here Are a Few Pertinent Suggsctlons for Dally Living That W ill Halp to Make You and Your Frlanda Happlar. But Somehow the Father Failed Mis­ erably In His Attempt to Convince the Man W ith the Square Jaw About Her. That old cry of "eul bono” Is sup­ posed to be the hallmark of tha pea- alinlat, but many a self-satisfied ona would do to put the teat of "W hat'a the uao" to her dally living. What's the use of stinting so hard for a rainy day that you set no fun out of tha passing sunny ones? This was the motto of I ha lata Edwin Ab­ bey, and tha woman who prides her- self on her th rift and reviles the spendthrift habits of her friend w ill do well to ponder It. W hat’s the use of a charitable purse and an uncharitable tongue? Kind words are Infinitely more than cor- oneia—or donations on a subscrip­ tion list. What's the use of playing the am i­ able role In society and a snapdragon In the family circle? W alla have ear», also neighbors have tonguos and tho real you la not unknown. What's the uae of poalng an a ped­ ant with a dim« novel tunic? M ental­ ity does not need labeling, and you'll never convince the person with brains that you prefer Darwin to the Duchess. What's the use of being a eat to your beat girl friend because of a man? The girl w ill get even and the m a il seus through you. What's the use of ruining your health to gratify your ambition? The quicker a woman learns the unhappi­ ness of Ilfs when half II! the blggsr chance she stands of success. W hat's the use of spending money on skin specialists and digestive tab­ lets wh.le dallying with the things you shouldn't eat? W hat's the use of playing young when the years have you In their grip? Age Is not so unlovely that the aging should treat It as a disgrace. Par better a charming old woman than a pitiable mimicry of youth. What's the use of getting down on your luck? There Is nothing like a smile to boost you out of the mire. What's the use of kicking? Jt does­ n 't mako life any sweeter to think yourself a victim —nor does It Increase your popularity. W hat's the use of cultivating auto­ mobile tastes on a walking Income? There's joy and health In a good walk If you once fight the speed erase. W hat’s the use of striving for the big puddle when you would be so much happier In the small one. Learn­ ing one's limitations saves heartachs. W hat's the use of reading reams on the thinning process with a taste for randy and potatoes fully gratified? Equally, what's the use of a fortune In stays and uncurbed appetite and taal- nsss? W hat’s the use of slipshod work? This Is en age that demands our best; If we give counterfeit we pay a counterfeiter's penalty. W hat's the use or sham of any kind? One need not be brutalty rude to be sincere. I t Is the untrained taste that »refers ormolu to the gold nuggeL A man with a Mutt and Jeff face and watery blue eyes boarded a car the other morning along with a tall man with a wide jaw and squaretoed shoes. "W ell, sir," said the man with the Muttandjeff faoe as soon as they were seated, "that i.ttle girl of mine Is cer­ tainly the greatest— " "For my part." Interrupted the firm- jawed man, " I think about half the members of congress could bo arrested for taking money under false preten­ ses, They don't do a lick of w o r k - just show up often enough to draw th eir pay. It's an outrage." The man with the comic-picture countenance looked puzzled. “I guess you didn't quite under­ stand me." he said after a brief pause. " I waa going to tell you a funny thing that little girl of mine aald thia— " "Ulamed If there ain't another tree that was blown over In the laat big atorm," remarked the strong-faced pas­ senger calmly. "Er-yes," replied the man with the watery blue eyes. "W ell, this little g irl of mine la the brlgheat— ” "On thing about that recent tariff aeaalon of congress," cut In the other man, "that pleased me la the fact that business kept going right ahead just as 1f nothing out of the ordinary was happening. They can muss around with the tariff all they've a mind to down at Washington, hut people seem to be going right ahead turning out finished products and disposing of them at the old stand." "W ell, when she came down to the breakfast table this morning," pursued the parent of the phenomenal young one, *'ahe looked at the buckwheat cakes on the table and—” "Bay, now you're talking," said the square-jawed man. "A lot of people quit eating buckwheat cakes when the warm weather comes along, but I eat 'em well Into the summer. I'm crazy about buckwheat sakes. W hat kind do you have at your house— the old- fashioned buckwheat or the new-fan­ gled self-raising kind?” "Wh-uh-er, I don't know what kind my wife usually buys. Anyhow, as Boon as my little girl saw the buckwheat cakes abe— ” "Pretty bard to get anything as good aa the old-fashioned things. Same way with maple sirup. The kind they have In the groceries may be on the level and all that, but give me the sort my uncle used to bring In to us from his farm when I was a kid. It'd be as thick aa crude oil and with a flavor that was absolutely the beat ever." "That so?" weakly Inquired the fa­ ther of the extraordinary little girl. "W ell, she looked at those cakes solemnly for a minute, and then ahe looked first at her mother and then at m i. and then she pointed at the cakes, and—" "Speaking of pointing, I had a point­ er dog die on me a week before last that I wouldn't have taken 1300 tor. Juat got him last fall, and he waa aa good a dog to take hunting aa I ever saw. Juat broke me all up when I found him dead." "But tee here," said tho man with the weak eyes, " I wasn't saying any- thlnk about— ” "W ell, here’s where I get off.” aald the larger man. "Glad to've seen you. Take care of yourself." And he hurried to the front end of the car to alight. "Any man," he growled, as he walk­ ed across the street, "who thinks he can bore me all the way downtown with tales of tho scintillating bril­ liance of his offspring when I want to look over my morning paper has got to run up from behind when I'm not looking and bind and gag me, and even then he'd And me pretty hard to handle." Johnny Defines a Good Boy. A distinguished visitor was making a short address to the Bunday school *'I am glad to see so many nice boys and girls assembled here today,*' hs began. "You are the kind of boys I like. You know there are several kinds of boys. There are boys that nre always punctual nt school, always have their faces and hands washed, always know their lessons and never play hookey. W e call they good boys. "Then there are the boys that like to torture cats and rob birds' nests and bully boys that are smaller than themselves snd steal apples from the grocery stands and smoke cigarettes and all that sort of thing. These we call bad boys. Yes, there are several kinds of boys. Now perhaps you can tell me what kind of boys go to heaven?” Up went Johnny's hand like a. flash. "W ell, my little man, said the visitor, smiling complacently and nod­ ding his head at Johnny, "what kind They W ars “ Ulys" snd “ Mrs. G." of boys go to heaven?” Mrs. Grant had no secretary to at­ "Dead ones!" shouted Johnny at tend to her correspondence, the great the top of his voice. bulk of which waa referred to the office for action. She usod to receive an enormous number of appeals for Ruskin as a Grocer, Ruskin was once a grocer. In 1874 holp, for charities, for assistance, in he opened a shop In Paddington aid of almost every cause that could street, Nottlng H ill, In order, as he he Imagined. Being a warm-hearted, announced, "to supply the poor with sympathetic woman, some of these pure tea In packets as small as they appeals made a strong Impression chose to buy, without making a profit upon her. I can remember several on the subdivision, large orders being, Instances when Mrs. Grant requested of course, equally acceptable from her husband to give this person or anybody who cares to promote honest that a position that was asked for, or dealing." The shop did not attract. to accede to some other request of Ruskin complained In Fore Clavlgera like nature. She always called the that "the poor only like to buy their president “Ulya,” and excepting upon tea where It Is b rilliantly lighted and the moat formal occasions, he always eloquently ticketed, and as I resolute­ addressed her as Mrs. G. Both the ly refuse to compete with my neigh­ president and his w ife were plain boring tradesmen either In gas or rhet­ people, simple In their tastes to an oric, the patient subdivision of my extent th at would cause surprise to­ parcels passes little recognized as an day, when everything has so changed advantage by my uncalculating pub­ throughout the social fabric of the en­ lic.” The shop soon closed down and tire nation.— W . H . Cook In "Mem­ the grocery trade lost the most dis­ ories of the W hite House.' tinguished representative It Is ever likely to possess.— I-ondon Chronicle Plain Evidence. *T bought some wine the other day, Observing the Proprletlee. and I astonished the clerk who waited "Everybody starts In to say some­ on me by telling him I noticed he thing when I begin to play," protest­ was a spiritualist.” ed the distinguished musician. “W hat made you observe that?" "Yes,” replied Mrs. Cumroz, "peo­ "Because when he prepared the ple are so stupid. Just because I sail bottle for me, I noticed be was en­ It a piano recital everybody seems gaged In spirit wrapping.”— Baltimore to feel called upon to reclti BY NO MEANS NEW Fam iliar Phrase "Get the Hook" Hae Come Down to Present Times From Long Ago. + THE -!• SCRAP BOOK "W o are accustomed to having ac­ cepted ideas about the freshness and originality of our slang held up to the ’ adorn and mockery of the Initiated," said a member of a group of amateur archaeologists and antiquarians which meets regularly In one ot tho New I York clubs. "How often we have seized upon ' some newly coined phrase, some a p -' parently unique product from t h e ! I great popular language mint, and ad- ? vanced It as a genuine Invention of | the day, only to discover that It was known to generation# past In almost PRAYER IN AN IN D IA N COURT. Identical form and la truly an old coin restamped. The noon hour struck, tolled by the "Everybody Is fam iliar w ith the rall-goug at the treasury door, and in phrase 'get the hook.’ I t has be«-? es­ a moment all things came to stand­ tablished in current speech aa a slang still. The Mohammedan lawyers, the expression of peculiar vigor and terre­ village Moslems loitering about the nes«. Almost anyone ceuld tell you court, even Mozuffer Khan with his that It originated In the amateur guardian policeman, all reverently nights at popular vaudeville theaters withdrew. where aspirants for fame are given A moment later they reappeared on a chance to try their powers upon the wide concrete veranda ontstde tha an audience, and that it refers to the window at my left. There they laid Implement with which the stage man­ down their prayer-mats, and standing ager brings about the actor's forcible first with devoutly bowed beads snd exit when the audience can stand no bands folded they murmured tbe noon more. Cat calls and Jeera failing to prayers of the prophet's religion; then extinguish the ardor of the performer, knelt, still praying, and made obeis­ there Is a demand for 'the book’ and ance, prostrating themselves before tbe unhappy artist is dragged Into Allah the Merciful, the Compassionate. the wings, w illy nllly. The reverence ef th eir devotion was “From this application the phrase perfect, and wholly free from the self- has come Into general use fo r all oc­ conscious shamefacedness that I casions when one la bored or wearied should have felt, supposing that I, the of anything or anybody. magistrate, had suspended court to "Now on tbe face of It this looks pray there In public.— Charles John­ like a truly modern bit of slang. I t ston tn The Atlantic. can be traced, apparently, to a mod­ ern custom and a modern method of entertainment. You would say, off A R T IS T ’S CLEVER W ORK. hand, that 'the book* la a genuine T h e most notable Instance of a Americanism If ever there was one. jm d cæ w a & im "Not at all. It la at least 19 centuries novel dealing with a country which the author had never seen was Short- CUADOR baa a treasury of to produce a drink that suits the taste old, possibly older than th a t "Among the most Interesting dis­ house’s "John Inglesant.” wealth In her vast cacao groves of the public catered to. Dutch cocoa The second volume of that remark­ Cacao Is cocoa. It Is also Is sold largely In England, English coveries In the ruins of Pompeii, de­ chocolate. Botanists and phi­ meets with favor In the United States, stroyed 79 A. D., are the Inscriptions able romance deals In the most de­ lologists have been telling the while American and French chocolates scratched upon the walla by idlers and tailed way with Italian manners and public that the correct way to w sell rite all over the world. The ever-in­ street arabs, 'graflttl,' they are called. Italian scenery. Many of the descrip­ tions— that of Umbrta at night, for In­ cocoa Is cacao, but the ruling of the creasing consumption of chocolate-cov­ "One of them reads as follows: “ ‘Puteolanla fellclter, otnnibiia Nu- stance, and the scene tn the pavilion advertising man commands a wider ered candles and Its use as a flavoring reading than the decisions of scien­ extract guarantees a progressive mar­ cherinus felicla, et uncutm ) Pompei- in the forest—are charged with the very atmosphere of Ita ly ; and Flor­ tists, so as long as the public Is ad­ ket for the cacao bean, a market that iania (et) Pltecuaauls.' "W hich means, ‘Hurrah for the Pu- ence during the plague lives horribly monished to "Drink rulanos cocoa" In w ill be made more accessible to the two-foot type on every billboard,-the owners of the large cacao estates that teolaneans; good luck to all Nuceri- before our eyes. Y et Joseph Henry fashion In the name will favor the lat­ cover Ecuador with the opening of ans; the hook for the Pompeiians and Shortbouse had never been In Italy. Enthusiasm and the genius for as­ Plthecusans.’ '* ter spelling. Outside of English-speak­ the Panama canal. similation evolved it all tn a quiet ing countries the scientltlc spelling The Panama Hat. house a t Edgbaston.— London Chron­ bolds. Kindness to Animals. The Panama hat Is made In Panama. Chocolate la different In derivation. This statement would not have been "A little color from the Potrero"— icle. It la a corruption of a similar sound­ true several years ago, for although so a genial friend informs the San ing Astec word which, translated lit­ this special style of straw hat was Francisco Chronicle. CAPITAL'S BEAUTY SPOT. erally, meant "water from the choco." universally designated “Panama,” it “F a r out on the very edge of town One of the beauty spots la Wash­ Cortes transcribed thia word as cacao, was manufactured In the province of Is a little school house, the first and and this completes Its etymology. The Manabl, Ecuador, where It passed un­ second grades of which are com­ ington is the water Illy farm conduct­ difference In spelling has led to a der the native name of "jipijapa.” manded by a pretty little normal ed by a woman who, as a clerk In the treasury department, lost her health. useful trade distinction. Cacao now But a president of the Panama repub­ school graduate. signifies the raw and cocoa the fin­ lic, realizing tbe Inconsistency of not "H e r pupils are an eons snd Starting as aa amateur cultivator of ished product. Chocolate Is a varia­ producing an article that paraded so daughters of the warm er sort of Im­ lilies, she has become one of tbe most tion which w ill be explained later. extensively under his country's name, pulsive foreigners and have all reach­ prosperous producers of the flowers. The cacao bean must not be con­ set about encouraging tbe cultivation ed a state of adoration for their She purchased a few acres on the Po­ fused with the coca, the plant of Peru of Carludovlca palmato, tbe shrub queen and vie w ith each other In tomac and caused an artificial lake to be made on her land by piping In the which yields a leaf chewed by the which furnishes the toquilla straw tor ways to please her. Indians for Its stimulating properties the hats. Imported weaving teachers "One day she had dwelt especially water. She became fascinated with due to the cocaine content; nor with from Ecuador, established a school, upon loving and caring for dumb ani­ the work, and w illingly gave, up her the cola nut of West Africa, which and so encouraged the “Infant Indus­ mals. The n ext day little Pietro re­ government position so that she could resembles It In a slight degree chem­ try" that today Panama has every mained in his seat when his school­ devote her atteatloa to the flowers. Now she has ponds which cover flve ically; nor yet with tbs cocoanut. to right to stand godfather to the jip i­ mates dropped out to play. wblcb It has no relation. japa h a t “Teacher was busy a t her desk and acres, la which she la raising the flow, era, and many persons go to her gar­ The cacao tree la Indigenous to Mex­ I t Is a mistake to suppose that the did not notice him u ntil ahe fe lt a den at early hours of the morning to ico. Central America, and part or high price of Panama hats la the re­ little fist tugging a t her sleeve. South America; but has become nat­ sult of the cost of the special straw “ ‘Why, P ietro !' she exclaimed, see the lilies In full bloom / uralized In Ceylon, the Philippines, from which they are made, in tact, *what Is the trouble T Kamerun and the gold coast Thus It high Import duties and commissions " 'Nothin’, teacher. I just wanted “CHINAMAN.” la teen to be an essentially tropical account for tbe prohlblUve prices of to te ll you how I was good to dumb I 1 cultivation growing In areas of 30 the ordinarily good article when pur­ animals yesterday,* he promptly re ­ On the subject of surprising mod­ ern w o rd s tt Is notable that the Ox­ f chased In tbe United States; but It Is plied. “ 'Why, isn't th at nice! Pietro, just ford dictionary finds ao earlier in­ true that rich planters along the stance of "Chinaman,” in the sense Ecuadorian coast and In Panama are w hat did you do?* "Pietro drew himself up to his full ot a native of China, than 1854, when willing to pay *80 or *100 for the fin­ Emerson so useu It. The previous est hats made, and these are seldom three feet and proudly asserted: " 'I kissed the cat.’ ” word was "Chinese," from which the seen In northern countries. A bat of plural "Chineses” was formed by M il­ the very beat quality la so pliant and ton and his contemporaries, snd tha flexible that It can be folded'and car­ Cochineal Scarlet. false singular “Chinee” by modem ried In the pocket without the slight­ I t is the opinion of Leon Dlguet, Americans. But "Chinaman” In an­ est Injury. One sent to the former who has been studying the state of other sense, th at of a dealer In china, Prince of Wales could be folded Into the cochineal industry in Mexico for was In use long before 1854. The Ox­ a package do larger than a watch . . . I some time, th at before many years ford dictionary gives three Instances The raw material, or toquilla stra have passed cochineal scarlet w ill out of which the Panama hats are have become a thing ot history only, of it from London directories of 1772, made, and which supplies those quali­ like the T yrian purple of antiquity. I 1801 and 1819, but does not notice that ties which make tor compactness, wonder how many people are aware In 1763 one "John Crowther, China­ lightness, durability, elasticity, and o f the method of manufacture of this man,” was gazetted bankrupt. “China­ tbe waterproof properties of the fin­ well known dye. I t Is made from the woman” In a sim ilar sense goes back Palm From Which Hate Are Made. ished article, grows chiefly In Ecua­ dried female ot the cochineal Insects