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niGCII CTATECMAII. Sclera. Oregon Cun&rr I-Iornlng, CejpissJber 13. ICE
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' By' ETHAN GRANT '
- The birth of A.5 Hitler was for
numerous reasons a notable event.
, His arrival was accompanied by
. the angry, actions of none, of the
.elements. It was only an, ordinary
jilght, and the youngster was only
. -another egg among many that were
- destined to spoil. ".It wasn't till his
- features began to assume marks of
individuality that the unusual was
rioted: that bis physiognomy was
-like that of a fish.
I "A dorsala!" they exclaimed.
"A dolphla with aa acute pain,"
bis uncle Mas added. "Maybe
- we call him Dolphie, hey?"
Dolphie Sicklegruber. The date
of his birth is immaterial. It is
important only to record that : the
child was a blot on the Sickle
gruber escutcheon. It is not for us
it question the child's ancestry,
.but we have it on unreliable au
thority that upon hearing that
Hitler had arrived. Grandfather
Sicklegruber promptly draped
the Sicklegruber escutcheon with
black cloth and took poison.
Not much is known, of Dolphie's
childhood except that he used to
spend most of his time sitting on
the bar of the neighborhood raths
keller sticking his tongue out at
a portrait of Bismarck. This lasted
until he was about twelve, when
one day Bismarck is said to have
stepped down from the wall and
-slapped the boy -off the bar. Too
much credence must not be given
-this,- since the witnesses were all
.drunk. J -- - '
Being in disfavor at the raths
keller, and having no playmates,
Dolphie disappeared one day with
a stray St Bernard. Years later,
he reappeared, in Vienna, where
he called himself Adolf the' pa-
'perhanger. It is worth: recording
that in - this profession he . was
-'scarcely above the average.. Old--
.timers among the verinvolk re
member him only because he bad
-a - habit of constanlty- talking to
himself.
- He. probably would not have
been remembered at all if it had-
n't been for the job he did at the
home of : Hans Krautslinger, the
wealthy wienerschnitzel merchant.
' The Krautslingers were away that
- day and Adolf, having a penchant
for confiscation, raided the ice
box. Thoroughly surfeited with
wienerschnitzel, he finished the
job that afternoon with one hand,
. talking to himself with the other.
. It was thus that he became
.known as the One-Armed Pa
. perhanser. While reaching up to
pat the wallpaper into place,
he conceived the idea of the
nail salute. Seeking a suitable
expression with which to ac
company the salute, he hit apon
'the word "Hell!"
Two notable events contrived in
- 1914 to make him a corporal. There
occurred a war and a dearth of
corporals. He remained a corpor
al because of the entente's stub
born reluctance to correct its own
mistakes. Why he wasn't quietly
eliminated by his own squad re
mains one of the major enigmas of
World War I.
A notable turning point in his
career occurred late in 1917, when
one day he stooped to retrieve a
cigarette butt A Yank of the Ma
rine corps took careful aim and
shot away Corporal Hitler's py
rex. It is the pyrex element in man
which keeps him on an even keel.
The sudden loss of the corporal's
pyrex set him to spinning like a
. windmill atop a dike. Eventually,
'. he passed out cold.
After -existing for a year in a
i state of coma, he gradually became
- afflicted with . bad dreams, akin
.to delirium tremens, except that
he imagined himself being chased
- all over by non-Aryans. He was
, apprehended from time to time
and, tossed Into the boobyhatch,
- but was eventually handed r his
certificate of availability : on the
grounds that his incarceration
prevented him from contributing
to the post-war effort.
He then became a soapbox or
ator and began denouncing the al
lies, the league of nations, the
Versailles treaty reparations, com-
- murdsm, religion, marriage, Hin
denburg and the German repub-
. lie. Since everybody happened to
be against a few things it . was
only natural that by denouncing
everything he could acquire ma
ny listeners. At first, they listened
, only out of curiosity and amuse-
znent at his squeaky voice.
: Bat when he began calling at-
teation to hica taxes, and say
' . lag alt waa win for then to
pay Enrland, France and Italy
billions for. reparations se those
' aatioaa eoald pay off their
r AaMrtcaa 'war debts, tho popa
: lace begma perking ria eotlec-r
tire ears. And waea - be came
right eat mad promised them alt'
a volkswacen by Christmas;
. they forgot his saeak and, be-
- gaa following him aroond. -;
- From those who followed him
- be selected Goering, Goebbels,
; , Hlmmler, Hess anLa few osiers
who had no compunctions In the
matter of slitting a few throats,
1 and set out to conquer the world.
The rest you probably know.
Exceptyouve probably forgotten
a promise he made when' the pre-
sent war was declared in Septem-
bet of 1939. "We shall win," he
- said, "and very quickly. So quick-
ly" that I vow not to remove my
.. uniform untiTwe do.-:i '
X have it on unreliable author-
ity that it was this promise which
y' caused the mysterious flight to-
England of Rudolf Hess.' He is
said to have confided to Churchill
" and Scotland Yard that he simply
couldn't stand to associate . with
L4 sUsko 'any longer.'";"'
Qr3nsdlBimfliiDg : TTcD'aDciy
"'- : : ; By LILUB HADSEN "', :" ' '
Bits of interesting : information
have reached me this week from
various correspondents.; Much of
this refers to ore- ' - - -
vious inauines
pnd answers, and
other bits include
information that
some other gar
dener has found
useful ; and" de
sires to pass on.
Ill quote:
J. N. C "The
plant commonly
known? as Tink
er's weed, or wild
cof i 'pi, Triosteum
perliatum, be
LUUo Uadsea
longing to the honeysuckle fam
ily does not occur In the Willam
ette valley. Gray's manual gives
the range as 'S. Mass.. to Nebras
ka, Mo., and Ala.' I have myself
collected, it in southern Indiana,
growing in rich woods. It is not
at all showy and I never saw it
in collections. ; ' ; r
(I find in Norman Taylor's en
cyclopedia this information: "Trio
steum perforatum: Horse gentian;
also called horse ginseng, wild ip
ecac, and tinker's weed.Erect, 3-4
ft Leaves joined at the base, the
stem passing through them. Flow
ers about H inches long, dull pur
plish-brown. Fruit orange-yellow.
Eastern US in June-July. .
M. G. X. writes: "Anybody can
grow blueberries if they wish, I
have several plants in my home
garden and we canned a couple of I
pints besides using a lot for pie
this year." v "
(I want to qualify this. Anyone
can grow blueberries PROVIDED
he. or she has an acid soil. Blue
berries look mighty sick if grown
in a neutral or alkaline soil. If you
grow really good rhododendrons
in your soil, you can grow good
blueberries.) : ,
Mrs. L. P. writes, among other
things, that she has grown a very
fine late summer vegetable garden
where she had grown earlier an
nuals. This is all she writes on
this' subject and it rather intrigues
me. The vegetables if early ones,
can be grown before the annuals.
Will she write a little more on
this? !
W. R. P. tells us that "the dwarf
alder, FORTH ERGILA MAJOR,
is a native American shrub which
first found favor in English gar
dens and 'was not recognized in
our own country until later. It
is low in habit, with glossy bright
green leaves and peculiar showy
white flowers which appear in
May.?
L. E. W. offers a hint to cattail-
gatherers: "The soft, velvety tails
will not become fuzzy and .shed
after a few weeks in the house if
you will give each a coat of var
nish.! The brown heads soak in
an unbelievable amount of the
varnish, which shades them a rich
er brown and preserves them in
definitely." M4 P. gives this information:
Fanciers of choice plants for the
hardy border and rockeries who
will give the Inula royleana, from
the Himalayas, a trial, will re
ceive a thrill when its noble beau
ty begins to unfold during July
and August Its flowers , faintly
if
mil
Tfcs
i
12:15
Ilesday,
i -
i
V v '
I I
! !
( 1
I I
Dr. Deary . E. Jtlorria, - ,
!"- 'Optometrist - -:..
FrC3 -
Make an .appointment .'with ' our Registered-Optometrist -today.
. . or4 stop in. for a "free- eye examination. We are
equipped to scientifically meet your, eye needs.' . .
" Low Weekly or; BlonlWy Terms
MORRIS OPTICAL
444 State Street
Phone 552S
Salem - SUverton - Cazene
resemble sunflowers, but are much
finer. The very striking feature
of this plant is its flower bud be
fore it opens.? . . -"ff;
(Taylor adds this bit of infor
mation to the above: A hardy her
baceous perennial -of rather coarse
habit, with .: daisy-like flowers
ranging in color from yellow to
orange.)
Other correspondents have sent
me further bits of information
which I shall pass on from time
to time I enjoy getting these and
I know my readers enjoy knowing
what their fellow gardeners know
and do. ' .
Ex-Dayton ?Man
To Show Paintings J
In New York
-- k - - " . f '- ' i "
Arthur J. Dover, former resi
dent of Dayton who lives now in
Dover Plains, NY, has been in
vited to show his paintings at the
1 17th annual exhibition on New
York of the national Academy
galleries, friends here have "learn
ed. I. i. C;' u; :,Kj;. .
A jury selection comprised of
artists all over the country chose
his among the thousands of entries.'
Powell is one of the ranking
artists, according to the New York
er, -i 4 ' ' ' - -r-i s
- The painter is the son of the
late C W. HowelT of Dayton and
a brother of Dr. William O. Powell
of McMinnville. i i
Franz Pfeiffer
Dies at Albany;
Funeral Saturday
AUBANY-Franz , H.' Pfeiffer,
75a resident of linn county and
Albany, for i more than 60 years,
died suddenly of a heart attack
at 3 o'clock Thursday afternoon.
September 16. . ;
Funeral services were held from
the Fortmiller Funeral home Sat
urday afternoon, September ; 18,
at 2 o'clock, with Dr. D. V, Poling
conducting ; the services. Burial
was in Riverside. t 5
Surviving is the widow, wha is
serously ill at present due to a
fall recently in which she suf
fered a broken hip.
Petrillo Eases
Transcription Ban
CHICAGO, Sept. 1 18-P)-The
ban which for 13 months has pro
hibtied union musicians from
making recordings or electrical
transcriptions was partially lifted
today, James C. Petrillo, president
of the American Federation' of
Musicians, announced.
Members of . the AFM will be
permitted, effective today, to
make recordings and electrical
transcriptions for Decca Records,
Inc., and World Broadcasting Sys
tem, Inc., respectively, Petrillo
said at a press conference. '
IIc:a
SepL ZCUi
Shattered Lenses 7 -
Replaced - Accurately ; "
- -- - Rapidly ; V
Accidents: will happen . . . and
when they do it is -wisest to
have ' any damages that have
occurred remedied immediate
ly. We replace shattered eye
glasses accurately . . , if neces
sary, without the original pre
scription. ,
- unaiOK OCTT1LU lapia ' -
. replacement at low cost.-: -
cass
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