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About The Oregon statesman. (Salem, Or.) 1916-1980 | View Entire Issue (Aug. 15, 1926)
' 4 ! ! SUNDAY MORNING, AUGUST: 15, 1926 1 .... . ,m ...m ... s t -r ;v The Oregon , - , - - r- luuj Daily Except Moadar ky - . , .1 , - t THE ffTATEUCAH PXTBUIHETO COKrAXT . , . , i . . .314 Boat temnemu. R. J. Hanariek Vn4 J. Too - ... 1m M. llrrnmi Laslia J. Smith - Aadrt4 Bunch - . .....-. Maa' MBJt1nc-KditT - - City Editor Society Kditor i KEMBEX Or THE ASSOCIATES PXESS Th Aaaaeiated Praa i azelasivaly en titled to Ibe aaa (or pafelieattoir of all mvi Uatca rrWitnl to it or aot otherwise credited a Utia paper sad ala ae iocal aatra pabliaaed aerein. : : 4 . .. . v . ; - XtTSUTESS OFFICES: i . ,;s',i 4 !s Jiiw KelW; S3 WwUr Bld, Portl and. Ore. " - . - Thoaaa r. Clark Co, New York. 128-139 W. Slat fit.; CTilnara, .VamaU BUtf ' Ioty ai Payne, Kbaroa Bids.'. San Franeiwo. Calif.; Ujgain Bid, Los .Angela. Calif. M.! L '-. - . TILEPHOXES: BwalWea OfffoaiL-'zS' ar 683 Boeiety Editor . 10 ' Circulation Office 8a Eatarvd at the Post Offie la Salem, :V - , ' AllgNSt Iff. A GREAT PRAYER "God forbid, THE CULTS There are growing up in Salem a number of cults --v 'And it is all very good. . ; . .f .VWe have a paper mill cult. Salem xitizens arq interested in the local mill. Their money helped to start it. They are interested in the Vancouver mill, vsome ; Salem men being directors of thcompany. -Also they, are interested in the new kraft paper mill at St. Helens. And Salem people are the chief promoters 'of theVnew paper mill being i built at Olympiarpd the one to be builtat Newberg; 'Members of the Salem paper mill cult know paper, and the four main pro cesses of making it. v ;' y;- :;'- l-1.: .- We are getting a flax and linen cult. 1 This is already a large cult, and will grow larger and more intense -very fast from now on. - . And we have our cannery cult, and our loganberry and prune arid". dairying and strawberry cults " And (bur filbert and jvalnut and jninland celery cults ",5.,". ,: And so on down a long list. ' We have the country of diversity, and we have a diversity of ( cults, i 'which are destined to grow more so. . . - f yfe ase about to have a sugar irfdustry cult, the; members of whichwill be able to talk intelligently of beets and their Bucrcelwntent and their degrees of purity, and the methods of getting the "sugar out of them in our factories that are coming - ;; ; Am1 1 a AanntAnl tultsof artists and writers and authors: of.- books ; : ' . And even our automobile cults, so that every gfrigle thing needed to be known about or done to an automobile is known and can be done here. ' r" -; : ':,' We have our flower and bulb cults and will have seed and drug garden cults with wide memberships." . . : ' - -;. Every worth while "and useful endeavor , makes for the formation of cults, and Salem will not get too.raany of them, widening her influence for doing good and getting gain to many spheres of action i . lengthen! " There is but one kind of The: soaked automobile driver ought to H:a: .... . It appears that when Uncle he borrowed a lot of trouble at THE SUGAR INDUSTRY SERIES Article 13; The The Statesman of Jul v 30th of last vear contained the following editorial article, which v Economist and.other papers : The junta of Wall Street men who own the sugar refineries along the Atlantic seaboard, and who also own or control most of the cane sugar lands and plantations of Cuba And who'trkd'to put over a sugars, for their own benefit, and of the people of this country, and galley-west by President Cool id g ; . This junta of commercial corsairs insieaa oi less to toe unuea states gorernment ior me pnrnege oi fringing la their raw sugars. " " ... ' They hare been receiring the benefit of a joker tri the pdmmercial TjiiypoL the. ynited ,SUtes made with Cuba after Our country helped liberate that island from Spain. per cent, differential in favor of "Into'the United States. . 'V l" The'rate on 'raw sugars' from Cuba; with" the i2(f percent'taen offn . i 1.711 cents a pound. I Even so about a quarter of . -eagars; and mostly from raw sugars, and these mostly from Cuba. - There is a demand now being t will bo pushed everlastingly, that of Cuba bedos away with - ; - ; For. it -benefit principally 4.hcso fugar trusC , 121 It does .not benefit1 the Cuban rctcivod fjom thla. American sugar raw sugar extracted- froni 4 for the Taw farmers received an average of 1 : The American peoplc'are going ; Ttne oi me most important matters , problem. ' " 1 " . , ' k h . The' American' people are paying for.Cuban sugar an amoun f-an-"f uually equal to the value of the crops from .84itl6T acres of 'uf test irrigated lands f ; . vY' ; t Yet 2,000,000 acres of the same lands would grow the beets to . WkttK sugar;, keeping, all the .$400,000,000 a year at bom which we arc paying out for Cuban sugar- ? t: , And indirectly doing" vast good . 'ugar beets; helping, all live Mock Wastries. " " V - : Why should we not Join' in this .. people continue to give a preference ('men who would turn on -them and f Why not make the1 United States se!t efficient in sugar ijrpdac ' -And why not have one or two tialeiu, and a score ur more of them The tariff rate paid ': on country is 2.20 cents a pound, uut very little refined sugar . f rem foreign countries comes into .the United States.., s (Of. bourse t)oth raw and refined sugr.rs from ouriown possessions, ; ... r j ...:. i ... Statesman ov eaient, unira , "Wi H. HniwMt - ' Ciratilatlaa Maaifer Ralph 11. Kletaiag ..Advertising Manager Frank Jaakoaki ; - ; Manatrnr Job ttapt. X. A. Rhoteo - - ; Livestock Editor W.C Conner : - ". i Ton I try Editor New lXrparta4at-23 aw 10 Job Ixpartroeatit83 Oregon, aa aoeoad-elan natter. 1&20 . '" . '' - ' wo should forsake the Lord" OF SALEM :rr'-;:;- :. ,-'r- iMl nl A a 4 vm A 1 ' iu.fi ar. ' ai .1 - - .failure moral failure,. be. Sam lent money to the Allies the same time . ' Tariff on Sugar was copied by the American lowering of the tariff rate on raw against the interests of all the rest whose llttlo game was ; knocked are to be giren ihe fight of their The joker is In the nature Of az0 Cuba on; certain articles, imported V':"' 9"-'r: : i all our tariff cOlleetlons' are from made, and It is being organized and the 20 per cent preferential in favor Wall Street mtsn of the American sugar farmers, Xpr Mn 1322 they trust only 11. i 6 per 100 pounds their ne?' while i t h -American 3.3 7 per 100 pounds' for Ihe sugar to bear a lot of this matter. 1 1t is ocioro. tnem., ti .is . nanus ' ' 'to the farmlrg districts growing Industries and nearly .au oiner - i fight? vWhy should'the American to a small group .of Wall Street squeeze them to the limit if they or more beet sugar factoriesvin in the Willamette valley? . - refined sugar entering v this like Porto Rico, Hawaii and the Philippines, copie in free.) The little refined sugar we do receive from Central andi-kmtti American and other countries is- for the most part used in canning operations, and is subject to a tariff drawback when sent abroad in our fruits. ;A number of the canneries in the Salem district use suchl sugar, and take ad vantage, of ; the drawback;'5" - ,;" : . i - -- , The great bulk of the; money received into the United States treasury from sugar duties comes from the pockets of the Wall Street sugar barons who own or control the cane fields and raw sugar works of Cuba, and the refineries along the Atlantic and Gulf coasts t . v j - - , . And they are, under false pretenses, robbinjg the United States treasury of around $35,000,000 a year inj the 44 Cents a hundred pounds differential on sugar duties, j Congress ought by all means to correct this jrank robbery and injustice - , ; " ' " i l' ' Ought to do this without delay . - j, , And will do it as soon as there is a sufficient massed demand for it. This will come with the gro.wtfi of the beet sugar industry of thi$ country to a point promising our self sufficiency in sugar ,i And there is not a single valid argument against , this consummation - r - j ; ' But' there arc mountains of conclusive arguments in favor of it. I HamW ft tireaBaBBBBBBBnBBBB: FOItTV-TWO ', For a moment Julia was at a loss for an answer. She had been so sure of her ground, so confi dent that at the first threat of exposure Sylvia, would run like a hunted animal, that she felt un certain how to proceed. She could explode her- bomb before Steve, of course, expose this girl to him in all her wickedness, but there something went wrong with her calculations? Why did Sylvia so coolly defy her? The girl' was not -acting like a hunted animal at all. On the contrary she was fac ing the attack with confidence, even with, pride. . For a moment Miss Hollins wondered if she and Steve could be married already, but she dismissed the thought as unlikely. Evidently, Sylvia was counting on Steve's - infatuation for her to cause him to believe anything - she might say. Men had done such things. Julia knew full well bad defied family, friends, the world, even the truth itself, under the influence of love. You had better do as Itell you, sne eyed Sylvia suspiciously. Not only for. your own sake but for my brother's. It will break his heart, to find qut the sort of You can, never tell,." Sylvia, re sponded flippantly. : And besides." Miss Hollins went on less and lesa sure of ner- self,I mayra well toll you that my mother holds a ife interest In all our. property, andwhile she lives Steve 'cannot get! a cent ex cept what she allows him. h If he marries jrou- she' won't allow him anything at all.; 7 You'd better, te" him that," Sylvia said "'It doesn't- concern me.; ji m not marrying sieve ror hls-'inoney." - ; , ;' 'You're not marryfng blm ' at all if I can help it." ? ' Sylvia glanced at her reflection in the mirror, then tossed some toilet articles into her handbag. : "1 came up to dress for dinner" she said, "but I've decided not to." With a sudden, superb gesture she flung open the door. "Let's go down and see Steve now., I'm noK willing to put the matter off any longer." Then, to prove that she was thoroughly in earnest she marched out of the room, past the the hall : to the stairs. With set astonished , Julia and so along lips and rather pallid cheeks Jul ia Hollins followed her. Steve; Hollins had remained in tne library witn nls motner for a few moments, meaning to. apprise her of the fact that Sylvia had something of importance to tell her, as -soon as dinner was over. Now; that Julia bad appeared on the scene he was not so sure that Sylvia had better speak at alii Consequently he temporized, talk ing of this and that, of their ride in the cutter, of the beauty of the afternoon,; of Sylvia's wonderful qualities as a prospective wife quite' unconscious all the while' of his mother's acute suffering. She, poor woman, sat holding his hand, afraid to say anything at all, She pictured to .herself the scene even then being! enacted in the room overhead, imagined Sylvia, a pit! ableTv-gullty figure, facing .; her stern accuser, packing7 her belong Ings, fleeing in the darkness out of Steve's life forever." Tense, sll eni, she -listened for the ound of the automobile which would take the girl to the station. She could not admit that she knew anything of what was going on r the reasons for Sylvia's sudden departure were for the present at least to remain a grim secret between" Julia- and herself. Her daughter would pres enlly appear, dressed for dinner. and expressing polite wonder oyer the non-appearance of their guest, it was a subtle plan no doubt reflected, and yet, she -had no sym pathy with it. Somethingjtold her that what they were doing would bring bitter grief to Steve, to the, boy she. bo dearly loved, and in spite of everything, she hesitated to do anything which ' would hurt him.: It was a God's blessing, she reflected; that he kept on talking, too intent on singing Sylvia's praises to notice the gray, silence in which is mother sat. i i He had just' brought himself to the point -of-"etttie"iitrgylvia,s intended .confesslon -when they were both startled- by the sudden and dramatic entrance of. tthat young woman Into the roomher tilted chin, her $igh color, her Confident smile in striking con trast to the expression of embar rassment on the face of Julia, who frllowed her. Without the slight est attempt to soften' the blow, she faced Steve, iwho had risen hastily and now stood, puzzled, beside his mother.; ."Steve," she said, "your sister has been investigating my past and has found ou all about that affair in Hollywood,, so it won't be necessary for me to speak about it myself. -She thinks I ought to leave the house, and so do I. I couldn't possibly fetay here, after the things she's said to 'me. - So I'm going. I thought you ought to know." I As Steve Hollins listened to her words, his expression 'grew black er and blacker and his body stif fened until he seebied" inches tall er. Julia, watching him, thought it strange that his blazing eyes were fixed, not on Sylvia, but on her. She stepped forward, Irold ing out the newspaper. "Here," she said. "Maybe you'd like to read this xvoman's story. "Read her story !" Steve burst out. "What for?i I don't have to read it. I know fall about it al ready all the dirty- lies they've been saying about her. What "do you mean by insulting the girl 1 m going to marry, tight here under our own roof?' What Ad you mean by it?'j For en instant ne was beside himself with fury, .-aid Julia quailed. Mrs. HoHins reached out and 1 grasped one of her son's hands, doubled con vulsively at his Side; ' A "Steve!" she faltered 'warning :y, "Julia only meant ' "I meant to save you from mar rying a notorious woman,'4' Julia exclaimed, recovering her pohJe'." How dare you say that about the woman I love?. These stories are lies Ilea "! "Prove It," Jlia-?etorte'dr-f;.V Again - Steve parted to speak, hut Sylvia, stepping quickly for ward, stopped hm. : "Wait. Steve.'l she said quietly. 'Your; sister isPquite right. I never can marryfyou until I have proved myself innocent. It was Laosurd even to' think of it." - To be continued.)- ' Quality painting, both Tarnish and laquer work. In our modern eauipped. paint i-hop. Washing, greasing: and night service; tire ropalra, Wood' Auto Service Co. ' . j f) Unsuitable Soi) Found " Good fdr Tree Growth , SUPERIOR, Wis.- "(AP):-A model conservation project has been established: pix the barren sand lands of southern " Douglas county, Wlsconsili, on the summer home property of Ray J. Nye. fed eral prohibition director for , the western, district pf the state. Forest Lodge,! Mr. Nye's sum mer home, attracts foresters and conservationists J from distant points to see the projects In 1914rMr. Nye planted-?,0 00 white and Norwkypinea on land that . was so sterile fit was fitted only for .raising . grass, and any thjng but blue ass hadv a diffi cult time forming a sodi $ tj After twelve j yearn of growth the -trees are from 20 to' 25 feet high,', all thriving . mightily; v and from five to seven inches in diam eter at the base In 191516 and again tnis spring, others were planted. Now j there are " more than 7,000 trees, mostiOf .them Norways and white . pines,' w itlj here and there a few Scotch pinea. Not ten of the 7i000 trees planUd have died. 5 : " t - HARSH TIIIXG TO KAY" A man who las sailed a found the world thirty jtlmes got married recently. . Kvldf ntly he- - never thought of doubling on iiisstrack to avoid ' cap"t"uf0:-L6nifHr-Opl- iwu. Failing to pajf your grHery-.blU will .; keep you heavily during spen. from eating too he coming warm BUDDIE AND HIS FIttENliS r ;v',f,.filiij,l05o ve coulona uck r) ftW vlf. J 5AY,ya LrrrLE scotch) -yMi'lliMiyh MMANUSS ; CAT T 1 1 ill M MOTT ,1 P I V CATCH VA fel i!tNeLl- .WELL.WELLT) UU3l I J ll AROUND: WERE . AGAIN, - IflWHO'O OUSHT Sjf !' WON'T LEAVE-. ENOUGH) S! UTWE TOUSH QUCKy) "felJ J)OF vYA,.TO MAKfe A KELLY ) f$M PIN-CUSHIOM AN'.THAT r r IWHATS TH E -HURRY, KCLLY ? I TheUn-Ideaed! , "London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down; Lon don Bridge is falling down, my fair lady!" ' The childish voices, musically shrill, come floating up from the sound-racked street. A puerile ditty, it is meaning less, meterless. Yet 'tis mem ory's open, sesame to long ago. As, half unconsciously, we lis ten there is silenced the vendor's call, clanging bell, harsh honk of the: motor's horn, ceaseless tread of hurrying feet, noises one hun dred and one the raucous voice of the city. ... Even the incessant chatter of typewriter, telegraph and ticker (in imperiect narmony as ever) falls upon deaf ears. Follows the lilting strain quiet awl the peace of the hills. On imagination's screen we see: An old-fashioned white cottage. a pearl encircled with emeralds set amidst green orchards. Light and laughter, on the sloping lawn frolic pig-tailed, freckled-faced lassies. "My fair lady!". Raised . arms fall, rise to fall again, encircling in turn the rol licking marcher. And now .appears upon the scene the daintiest lass of them all an adorable slip of. feminin ity, a diminutive Fluffy Ruffles. "Come on, Elsa, take , sides!" the merry greeting. "Which do you choose, the golden horse or the golden ring?" (Mystical rite of childhood.) j The rosebud -mouth droops in scorn. Elsa the adorable shakes a curly head. uot a new dress: announces she briefly.. ' "A new dress ever and ever so much prettier than any of yours. London Bridge is a nasty game! I'm going to swing in the "hammock." . "See if we care!" com es the careless chorus, and the pig-tail A . little girl whose home was in dark forests of northern Sweden has grown up to be the greatest .woman writer of tales of Sweden's folk lore. Selma Lagerlof was awarded- the Nobel prize for lit erature in 1909. She is also the first woman to be elected to menv bership in the Swedish academy. Mme. Lagerlofs books started a new school of writing. She was born in 1858 at Marbacka farm In the.- Varmland, a : northwest prov ince where the tradition and folk lore of her people-, survives to an extent unknown elsewhere in the land. Her childhood was spent in ihe country. She wae a delicate child and .could not run and play with the others so was left to her self and found her greatest inter est in books and stories. In a short time she began to tell stories" of her own and. to write tales of "the life around her. Her career aa novelist started, how ever, In 1890 when she won a lit erary prize offered by a weekly journal; This book" was a - great success and was translated into 12 languages. " Before this she bad left t her r country . homo, to "attend the ft Ttoyal WoniennTSuperior Training ;: College at a. Stockholm, and later taught In the "girls high acheoU at La ndsrona, continuing her studies and her writing. , la 1894 she published "Invisible iJtankv''and' also impressed King Oscar II. himself a man of letters, that he . made arrangements . that enable her to devote her time en ed, freckle faced hoydens line up for the tug of war. Out of the tail of her eye the fluffy one watches for an admir ing glance, a sigh of envy. None forthcoming.' she flirts her be rib boned skirt and sidlfs off to the hammock. j Sulks and' simpers! Annoyance at the lack of tribute to her van ity, pride In her, own small per son -Elsa's feeliags are divided. That she might add materially to the jollity of the occasion never enters her head. Hers Is the spir? it of the peacock selfish, self adorning. Elsa the adorable." not at all! Elsa the contrary, the self-centered!. The vision fades childhood is on the further side of memory's closed, door': ; ; : . . Elsa Ithe littlo" lass, 1s now Ta woman grown.. But Elsa's beauty, then only skin down, has not deep ened with the years. -'Of self, for self and by self this is the grown-up. Elsa's creed! Obstinately determined to be the leading .lady - wherever the place, whateve'r.the occasion, she untiringly bids for admiration, for first place in favor. . Interest in other people, sym pathy and understanding with those about her? She has no time for these. Passionately attached to Elsa she is quite without curt' osity in the world, his wife or their affairs. .. A single track mind and fail ure! For with all her beauty, with all her ability to dress to perfection, with plenty of money at her com- Jtiand to satisfy the demands of fashion, Elsa is just that a fail- ure! We are not sure but we think it was the famous Dr: Johnson who coined the phrase that so perfect ly paints her personality "an un ideaed woman!" Elsa is the' unfortunate embodi ment of much that we hope not to be. " . - .. ';: tirely to writing. She traveled widely, writing novels, stories and essays. Her "In Jerusalem", is considered the greatest of Swed en's modern literature. t On her. 6th birthday in 1323. Carl August Bolander, Swedish critic and autthor. paid Selma Lagerlof the following tribute: . -. "However gray her hair has turned, her tales and Stories will regain as young as ever. No titles need be mentioned; we know them all for they have become the prop erty of the nation and the world. V: SCULPTOR'S WIDOW DIES 7 ' Mrs. 'Augusta Saint-Gaudens. widow of the sculptor, died July 7 on her estate, Aspet. at Cornish? N. H. She was born in Roxbury, Mass., on May17, 1848. Since the death of her husband . she bad maintained his 'stndios and bad gathered copied of almost all his ar y tr I Kann w nnl nlintop ThaaA with the furnlishings of Aspet, goiandrprofessionals allke.cast tneir to the Augustus Saint-Gaudens Memorial, incorporated by her in 1 D 1 9 In memory of . her husband. 'i Surviving Mrs. Saint-Gaudens is her son. Homer Saint-Gaudens, di- rector In the department of art of the Carnegie Institute. Her body was cremated and her ashes placed wjth those of her husbands in the Greek temple on the grounds 'at Aspet. - , " -UXCTtOW.NED QUEEN" DIES The "uncrowned queen ot Meso patamla," Miss . Gertrude " Bell, BY ROBERT L. DICKEY daughter of Sir Huga Bell, banm et and Ironmaster, died recently uagaaa. bne was Oriental secre tary to the high commissioner of Irak and a noted scholar and au thoress. - She went East soon after her graduation from Oxford, and was the first woman to hold the post of an assistant political of ficer at Bagdad, having- been ap pointed .to that office nine years ago. Miss Bell was famed for her knowledge .of . Near- East lajl guages, customs and politics. ?HOES FROM THE PEACE MEET .Complete elimination of militar ism, armaments and all prepara tions, for war were urged by. the American delegates to the con gress of the Women's Internation al League for Peace and Freedom whleh met recently at Dublin with MrssJane Addams presiding. They thoughtthat every country should sojemly bind itself to settle every dispute by arbitration Diverse views were expressed byS"."1" Be,ls ai lor a tlie delegates'on the League of Na tiOns, MTs. .IL S jSwanrick, Qfekt Britiah, declaring that England had killed" 'the Geneva protocol, which made obligatory arbitration which was the only alternative to war. The League could however still he made effective by changes of gpvernment in those countries which were . members. -Thei Czechoslovakia n delegates J thought that the League, tbough Insufficient bad perrormea useiui service. The Bulgarians suggested that the clauses in the treaty deal-.rag;.-with minorities should be put into force, while the German rep resentatives wanted all colonies and colonial mandates given up, and mutual relations with colored people ; established on grounds of human' equality and respect for the culturef of so-called" savages. Mrs. Kingston declared that fu ture Deace greatty depended on the system of national education in all schools which would inspire desire tnr- itmtfea -and beauty as the dominant factors in the life of nations.-1 At a reception of the delegates by the Irish Women's Citizens Association Jt was sUted that the rfRsirA iwras to arouse a healthy snirit of inauiry and induce Irish women to take their place in larg er numbers in Parliament and pub- Uc-: boards. mm"0,. Bnren. furniture, ear pets; everything for the borne. LTvlost ;beautttul - Axminster ruas. Beantlfnl iine of picture ir your ticune: tl79 N. Com'l. lm) Uhifjue "Postoffice" in w Gulf Water Crossroads r- . ; ' . ,i;MLMl,.Fla. ( AP) . Where the southern sea lanes meet the Gulf 'Stream to form one of the world's busiest maritime cross roads, a few miles off shore, sail ors -".aboard": passing t ships have established a queer little mailing station,!- ; Designated by no name, no jnarkeriand t ne custodian, this novel postal clearing spot nevertheless-has grown through an un- Ijisuai custom. The volunteers in Ha '.service -receive no remunera tion. ; ' . ." ' v.-'--"'"----'V.: .;;:.vv-;.v. The f'posti office" stretches in definitely just beyond sight of the hr.i-h ' whprc fishermen, amateurs 1 Ibcs f rom an array of pleasure boats . and .. nondescript . harbor craft sKlxting'the path of ocean going Yessels. ' j j ' " A hall from a'passing ship, the toss pf ctrked bottle, overboard and a letter in its floating con; taiaer is. scooped up a few min utes later; by" one of" these deep-sea fishermen who speeds the missive on Us-journey at night when he returns to port. " Those without; a Present always I pointwith pride to their Fast. i 'p v i jifei The very small boy with a pen ny clutched in his hot and sticky hand, entered the toyshop and. standing on tiptoe. Inspecterlthc goods .displayed therein. AfMr a long look; he did not see anything to satisfy. and asked to see some other things' " Nothing seemed to please him. however, and. at Jast the shopkeep er lost his patience and said rather sharply: , ;; "Look here my lad. do you-want to buy tie! wbolo, world with your penny?;"-;!:..-f!cVr-". The prospeclivo purchaser thought deeply for, a moment and then replied: - '- "Let see it.M 'r : ' - A farmer . in the middle west conceived the" idea . that onions would .be profitable to raise, and on the strength of it he produced a big crop for the east side of New York market. When asked how. much money he made he shrugged his shoulders and remarked dis gustedly: ! ' - "De ducks got 'em. That sounded interesting and he was asked to explain. ; . "WelU it was like dls. I Shipped 'em to de commission man and he sent me a paper whlcn saw sow much he got for 'em; den. he d- ducks bis' commission, he' dedut-k freight, he deduck spoilage, he de- duck cartage, be deduck some oder tings, an me I get 11.72. You say vot you" do with de onions I say de dncks got 'em." "Hang it. boy!" exclaimed, tbe tenderfoot from Jhe East as.th Kr.ii Kii, - fnr a Teia hotel came bouncing in on him without knock ing, "haven't you . got any man ners about you'?". " 1 i j ' "Didn't you ring?" asked the; boy. ! - " ' - ' "Of course I rang." 1 "Didn't you ring three times?" "It may have been three, as I was in a hurry, for ice water, but Jthat doesn't excuse you for burst kng in the door." . V "Beg pardon," replied the boy J , j . n SB ue oacaeu uui, uuk juu uuui. to read the bell card. It s one ring for the porter, two for the bellboy and three for a gun, and when a guest lings for a gun 1n this hotel the orders are to get It to him be fore the other fellow can beg his nardon!": ' " Three freshmen at college were discussing the incomes of iir fathers.. 4 One said: . "My fJier writes a : song in an evening and I takes it downtown the next morn- M ii it r The next countered: "Xy father writes- afstorx in -aw evening ant takes it downtown the nexl'moru-' Ing aad aells it for $0.? -.' "That's nothing," declared the third. "My father gets up in a pulpit op Sunday and talks for half an hour, and it takes 12 men to carry the money up to him." Paderewski, prince or pianlsis, tells an amusing story of a lady who fancied herself as a vocalist. One day while playing the accom paniment to one of her songs, she came to the conclusion that the piano did not sound right some how, an dtelephoned for a tuner. The man came, and found the in strument in, perfect order., How ever, he pottered about ' for a while, pocketed his fee, and de parted, j A few days later his em ployer received another telephone message iroiu iuc muj. net she claimed, had not been proper ly tuned. It was no better than before and she was very disap pointed. After receiving a repri mand from his employer, the hap less tuner made another trip and again , tested every note only to find, as previously, no fault with the instrument. This time he told the lady so. "Yes," she said, "it does sound all right, doesn't it. when you play on it; but, as soon as I begin to sing it gets all out of tune." i ;.. It was a -lurid British, melo drama,' and one of the characters, a king, was haranguing his son. "Come,"! said the king, "Jet us go into the! 'ouse. "Did you near that?" said a man in the stalls to his com pa n ioni "He said 'ouse." Overhearing the remark, and fixing the Interrupter with his eye, the king adranqpd to "the foot lights and exclaimed: "Yus, I said 'ouse! Do you think as !ow a king would live in apartments?" The Tickton and Eastern, ply ing' between Tickton and another equally inconsequential city;1- is what is known as a "one horse railroad." One hot summer eve ning the press "agent "of "a stPfict show waited at the Tickton . A V t ton for the evening train to br4 his manager. : The train being al ready half an hour late, the press agent walked up to the ticket' win dow to make Inquiry.- "What's the matter, with tfeat train?." he asked. V? "Hm,". replied the slatifn m aster, looking at his waich, "reckon the r engineer's wife's havin company fer supper again." "What's that got to do with it?" "Well, at them times, Charlie don't take any chances of getting home before the dishes is washed." Fame tometimes comes " l chance, but nobody ever got good jreilutatIonwithout workinS for it.. -