SUNDAY MORNING, JANUARY 11, 1025
. .. . ' ' p ' f 5 ' - '
8
THE OREGON T&TEfflJAN. SALEM... ORESjON
1
roXTKNTsrr.XT
By William M. Batr.
Whenever "J see women meet
And kiss each other oo the street,
I'm glad I am a man.
When' I see linger! displayed.
Those georgette thlnga in every
- shade, - :: .'' "'
With lace medallion overlaid,
I'm glad I am a roan. -
When I see women powder up.
Or kiss a homely pood la pup,
I'm glad I am a man.
When 1 look at the hat they wear
A doodad 'here, a stjekrup there.
In combinations wjld and rare,
I'm -glad 1 am a man!
When on' the. street I see them
crawl f
In shoes two sizes much too small,
I'm glad am a man.
When I note all they have to show,
(Displayed, or hinted at, yon
you know.)
In order to attract a beau, .
,- I'm glad I am a man!
As js-Dancer-r -Marion:
"There's nothing alow
about him ie ;says he always
likes to tep on; It." '
Sheba: "The only thing' he
eyerJsteopeA on was a girl's fool."
v ... ... , -r-Sohia' Oe.rson.
.'Well, here's where .1 .take the
air," remarked the singer ,on . the.
.radio. .program. - as'he faced 4the
microphone. '.
:fenInT;jnLlJ' '
Newbride tdoubtfully) :
i Mrs.
"Are these eggs' fresh?"1 r
Grocer; "My ' dear' lady.
you
can't Wat them , " ' '
, " '-Mrs. Philip Simpklns
Dir. RALDPLATK AND THE
... ---'jjm ; ; ' - --
.We hare noted Dr. Baldpate's
acute sense of humor before this.
One of, the doctor's friends, .John
Benda, sends us .the -following
anecdote, vwhlch reinforces our
opinion of bis reaBInesa at alt
tiniest
The Tenalty for kiUing a musk
ox In Tibet Is to haVetbe right
band cut. off. Dr. Baldplate learn
ed this Just after he ."bad' killed
one. He was arrested, taken be
fore the Grand Lma of Lhassa.
Hurry! Giye:JEontipdChild
"California Fig Syrup5- r!
r Even a fretful, feverish bilious
or coaiiipatPd jcbiUU Joves the
pleasant Unteof "California Fi?
SyrtiT." - This - gentle, - harmless
laxative never laila to sweeten. the
.utomach aud. opeu the- bowels, A
teaooiiful today may Tprevent a
sick jchild tomorrow." "It doesn't
crarap r , overact. Contains vno
I
N AUGUST, 1924.
I tne Qty of baJent.was m need of ,an establishment of this kind.
" 1 ' s I "." - '.-
The results at the close of the year 51,924 hojved that,we;were.ju$ti--ftedin
our belief. We have proven that Jthe.people. of jSaien Appreciate an
:institution5f;jthe te. rfcprescnteli by'theSmitrt Shop .with its unalterable
- policy of depenU merchandise at right "prices." '' '
. -' . . ; , ; ? ; ; ; u j : ... ' , ."
r vAye jg gpingr tOvDut.pur-judgment :toanother test. .Cpmmencinjr
with, the new year the Smart Shop; a "corporation .organized under and by
: Jnrtue of the.vkws. of the Stata of .Oregon, . will put into practice a plan
..yv .MifctwMuivujctiajr wouiiuttuje uyyn a )iiv.iax payment oasis.
. This should hot be consrtrued as an installmerii proposition of a $1.00 down
and a $1.00 a week. ' . ' i ' ' 1 f -
- The high standard set by us'during the year 1924 will be maintained.
- Merdi&ndiseuof the highest quality only uillie. carried. JNoextra chars a
will be made under this new"plan. It is strictly a privilege and an eccom
modation ; a f urther,test of xur ,f aith in the stability of the community and
' the integrity of its .people. : ' ; 1 .
: ' : ' --.;- .,. i -, " . ' , ": - ; y, . , ' :
: ' - v - , V -. .- . ; : . i-' " ". , I' ' .. - ' 'y ' . ! '. " ' ' .
J You mayr under this plan, obtain the latest styles and modes in wear
ing apparel, millinery, etc., and yet arrange to pay in sums to suit' your
convenience. ; Give us an "opportunity to.explsin our policy. ' ' ' , .
tried, condemned, and , led forth
with to", the" block. ' A he a'p-.
prpached tpV.fela'ee. of execution
the unfortunate victim , stumbled
and felK Thlfwas !but a ruse:
As he struck the ground he filled
his right glove with sand ,
At the 'if ord of command, Pr.
Ba)dpate laid, an apparent' hand,
p4 the ' block," The executioner
swung his axe and the hand fell
nto a, basket.. The Lama looked
at it critically. - ;, 5
"But It didn't bleed," he. said.
. 'The 'jaw doesn't require it to
bleed.f said Dfj Baldpite. "The
Jaw gives 'you my hand but says
nothing whatever about bloodl"
' This tickled the Llama so much
that he burst Into a loud guffaw
and said ? f"Young man, youis nerve
has saved y.QU.' '
"He was so pleased," says Dr.
Baldpate," that he would; have
given ine his daughter in, marriage
save for the fact that I was al
ready married and he. had no
daughter." 1
For. the Jife of .ns. we car never
tell whether the .doctor Is spoofing
pr not.
The JlngleJangle Coantrr
He who lassos a'steer does a hrll-
Ung part,
But to rope in a man is the height
' orart. ! .
- -Mrs. Anna Little. '
" f
Climbing: tires us a "heap; i
We' find prices pretty steepj
'i W. M. Woodmtnn.
Rarely .did he have a cent; I
Time's the only thing he spent,
ajrs. Carl.Robertsou
M.:D.s treat ailments of all'sorts;
Kruno men will . doctor tneir ;,re-
-Edna'Clac'kens.
v ports.
:it I .nerfectly proper ; to write
gushing notes "with fountain pens.
' - ' 'fi-
; The tEdtoris. Gossip Shop !
ilnivriting a triofeCprobably the
best met nod is to write the lkst
two '"Jineif-or Ibe "46ker4-f irst;
and then, to build backwards
In a
humorous triolet, or
the
kind that .are offered
over
THE
TRICKY TRIOLET COUNTER,
the Jirat seven lines lead you to
HARMLESS LAXATIVE
All Children Love Its
Pleasant Taste I
narcotics or 'soothing drugs
.skjrour druggist. for. genuine
"California Pi Syrup" wh(ch has
direction for babies and children
of. all v ages printed on bottle.
Mother! Yon : must say j "Califor
nia' or you' may' get an imitation
tig syrup. Adv.T - r
.the Smart Shop opened it's store
QUFJCEI
FOSTER PARErjTS OF MC CLlfrrOCK, "MILLIONAIRE ORPHAN
1 WHOSE DEATH CAUSED JNQUIRYAND THEIlt .HOME
it:
riiiflV4Hted" eoiislns forced the
; SxhuYnation f Cth , hody of 7U-
lam" NtMcClintock. i mown a ;the
"mlUionatre jorphan,". to determine
the cause ofieath. " Tbe bulk of
hjs estate, of ,1.200,00 goes to
William D. .Shepherd, his " foster
think one Way, and tho eighth line
or the twister- fools you. '
.There are," ae; you 'have noticed,
but two ' rhymes' of -; three words
each, "with the first; fourth, and
seventh' lines 'a" virtual- repetition.
;And you must see to- It that
there V is a connected - thought,
otherwise your triolet will not'be
pdrfect.. And loolc but for your
meter!-- : : (
I jTrioletsyare short and sweet and
hard to' write.; .Yourmay be proud
of yourself it you get Triolets into
our Counter. . ' - ' ;-
The Tricky Triolet Counter
As Usual -,Oh,
she wa a beauty
.Or I am a bum;.
Twas ev'ry man's duty
.To call her a beauty;
A Hot Mamma's Cut ie,
A Papa's Yuin Yunu
" Yes,' she was a; beauty, ,
But Oh! 'She was so dnmb! .
Father an$ Daughter
: I hoped she would not, :
i But she laughed" in my face;
:, It "made me' red. hot C
.For I hoped she would not. "
' But ead was my lot : .
: For she set her dwn pace.'. (
! I hoped ahe'would" not -:
But he trumped my lone aco'
-Inexperienced
.Tate: ' VYou're"" married tell
me' how to propose." '
. Tuft: "I don't . know. -I mar
ried a widower. "'' ? - -
. Willard Mayer.
Alr.Widotv . .
; -By "Edgar Daniel Kramer
Though i'm- not really a widow,
j I should be muffled in black
As. I am walling the bid days,
That I would love to see back.
; '; , .- r tr
I should be glad tbat no woman ,
Ts Working'her vwlles pn my hub,
Fo'f he lif slaying at 'hom now.
! Yet' there's exactly. the rub. .
I arn a neglected, woman, . !r-; - .
I prwamfng of j-esteryear'a bli-js..
Hungry for.,strong. arms to hold. me
: ': Longing to thrill to a kiss
here believing that
. ' . ' ' ' ' "
father. . with whom he lived in
Chicago. McClintock died on Dec.
II, supposedly fromityphold fever,
while his fiancee, fiss Isabelle
pope, waited outside his bedroom
with a marriage . license and
a
We never visit our old friends, i
We never take ins a show, i
Since that sad day when my hubby
: Fell for'hls darned radio.
Xot What He I Wanted
"You seem a little disappointed
don't .you care for thaV silver
flask Harry sent yon?" ;
'Xo. It's not the: gift it's the
spirit that counts." f r : 1
: - ' ; R. M. Kahler.
Passing the; Back
First Cop: '"This.' guy'a been
poisoned by a narcotic ; of some
kind'.' Slap him,' arid keepa slap
pin' him', to keep hfm awake." .
Second XJopf (anj , ex-pugilist) ;
"Yon slap him. If I slap' him I'll
put "hini to sleep.
:.' i' t.;-
F. Kj Koch.
One for the Book ; j -,
During';' the 'Jewish "holidays .of
Rosh A-Shonnah and Yom Kipper;
my class of "English to Foreign
ers" asked me tor explain the dif
ference . between "fast" and "ab
stain r.--":-h" h: -' - '-:
' I told them "fast"! meant. to "do
without," and "abstain" to "de
prive one's 'self of soine food. i' '
,1'ndted Sam's: stare, and asked
him If he uhderstood. ? - ' -
- "Oh yes; '. Miss May, I have a
friend Epstein." 1 -
- T l ' ' Daisy xMay
Tho Cross-WoI Pmzlo
Walton "and Davis walked
into
the restaurant together.
' "Well, Davis, luck's against, me
today,"-WaJton exclaimed. - .
1 "What's ! the trouble?" Davis
asked."-1''; f:- r-, -J,::-- '"-'-j y. ir .'jfv
' 'JWell, I promised to meet my
wjfe here and'" have lunch 'with
her,"" Walton explained ; and then.
hastened to add' ; "Xo, don't laugh
yet! I don't mind having, lunch
with1 my wife. Bup she has that
Mrs. Mosby with hei" who Is a per
fect" bore- Mrs; Mosby-talks about
the - 'most . impossible things you
could f imagine4 'tWhy her conver
sation would drive a wooden' man
to desperation!" f ; - ' l J
. : A momeiit later i Davis decided
the timer had come to laugh; for as
Walt6n came up to the fable where
his 'wife and Mrs. Mosby were ' seat
d he heard Mrs.' Walton say? ;.f
"Hello; Fred, dear. , Mrs.' Mosby
and 'V were just talking' about
you.? .' f ' :
' ' 1 . Mrs. Don Ferguson.' i
i Those who dance must pay the
fiddler the union scale, m r j
' j ' -,
Grateful -
The Christmas' carol sweet and
' f clear", j : , - ! -
Does 'sound so grateful to the ear.
Vith toe It alwaysjmake' ar hit; -lliey
haven't syncopated ItJ 4
.1.
-Althos.
!" Foresight
i "Mildred dldn'f lose any time In
announcing her 1 engagement, did
she?" '--' - '' :-"' v
I "No, indeed. She had the an
nouncement cards printed , before
Jack proposed." i "f" ' , -u
f rr:'J-- MrsJHugh BaerJ
"WW Illlmiiii, , 'Klliill', ,X. (i I I J.
; Ain't It the! Truth? I -I
It mnst be truthfully stated, j
Modern; life's so ompUc&ted V
Husbands now must have more
' i- lives than atiy cat; 5
For" at fancied irritation, t "'
" With ha chance for conversation,
Wives await them With a p'early
1 -5 liaa died at.-l t
"! W-3 ; .; ..; f.fl-rJ
"Yes, I drilled a hole through
.' httbby; ; f r t
He was retting much too" tubby."
That's 'the' alibi' that haa a Jury
- won. : r-" - i - .j.
. And she smiles n jon hlm street-
V
preacher to be married to him.-Mc-Clintock's
will provided that she re
ceiye an annual income. of tSS, 000.
The .ntoraphs . show. Mr. and
Mrs., William IX Shepherd and their
home where McCllntock died.
Makes his little speech) and hands
iter uacii uer ;uu.
-F. Wl' Sinclair.
,1-TT
i Official Silence M V
; EditorV ",'"I"want"ybu'to go over
and' interview Se'nator Dormat."
. Reporter:" "But '; he ' says V Le
won't talk for publication.' - '
. Edltori "'"Air right 1 I'll send
along a stenographer to help yon."'
r " r " O. ' W. Watford. '
Economy" of Words
I "Now, boys," the teacher said,
"I want each one of jyou to write
an essay of about 500 i words on
theautomobile: Sif if j ".Ip T
I Silence followed ; In I the class
room; broken only by. the scratch
ing of the youngsters! pencils. .Be
fore the others were fairly startod
one little chap had his essay fin
ished! 1 i;h ki"-i f " j f i: ' j'l-'v -i? p
This Is what the (eacher read,
over his shoulder:
"My, lather bad an automobile.
He.tQok.it out the other day ani
went for a ride. , One of . the front
wheels came off and It hit a tree."
:' Teacher was surprised. : -
'Why, .Frank," she i said, "you
haven't . written S00 words.. . This
is. less, than 50 j"U :l:f-f:-j ; --h; -
I "I know.", the little chap re
plied, "but father used 4 the pthcr
450 words when he had to walk
back , to the garage and tell them
to tow his car! in." it'- - t
vhi stni with vu
Editor featesnVn:. j" " "
'! ; Many; of us .were vry pleasantly
i m pressed . by ' Ella McMu nn s "trib
ute to a certain gentleman appear
ing in a recent issue of The States
man. ;.Some, more ot us have felt
Just, as she does concerniasT the
one In question, but We: are not
happily; gifted with the ability to
express ourselyes so 'splendidly as
Miss McMunn.l .... ' : f
" How much better, to say these
finer things ! ; about ; our .friends
while they are! still with us rather
than wait until they are no longer
able to appreciate out attitude; to
ward them and our estimate of
them. -If .we .would - do. today the
nobler things We intend to do to
morrow, how soon the millennium
would come. j jj
"If you , havel gracious words to
7 -'Say, !.;;! Tf'l' !1ti!.:fi'tt.i?4:t -t:-'";' i
Oh give. them to our hearts J:oday;
But If your words will cause us
J--. - sorrow," t;fl:-n-, ; I I
Pray keep them to the LAST TO-
! . MORROW." , j , - 1
" -'Statesman Reader.
r Salem, Or.rJan. 101925.
So live that you think all peo
ple better than you know they are..
SIen, TooNow Can Lose
r Wrinkles in Few Rlinutes
EDITORIALS OF THE
;i gE.QPLE "
'iWbile th vertrs icii, no lf'thn
the areraee woramn, want to keep Ton tie
loolcinf lm possible, be woo Id
throw up hfa hand in horror at any atig
Kstioa that be employ coftmctiea for the'
pCrpow. Berauae of ' bit aversion ta'
camottfiage, and because mi 4h effeetlv
ne and harmlne of th "tnrkroot
Btethod." manjr men are' adopting tai
perfectly nataral Tcjarenatinir treatment.
When the fare befcina to get old looking,
wrinkled, and rbeek masclest begia t ag,
it is aatottUbinff wbt cao be aeotnplifihed.
by, merely nixing- s apoonfvl of powdered.
Urkrcot with t spoonful of lemon juice
and smoothing thin oyer the face. WrinW
le, ase linea, flabbinea,' aflttially vanish
in ! than 13 minntes! - Th mirror
prores it. Even very aged faeea lok
unrh younrer. ' t .
. Whpn the mixtnre Is whd off, Both-'
Ji artificial remains. t-,kin and' ran
pextoa are benefited. F.ver man, mr
woman, who pronre aa original pack
age cf pjw1t-I trkroet frma te drtis
! ! :!":'ibj i astonish. -
t . ii le$$ .; x
ora;i m top
f
Fewer Illiterates in This
State Jhan Anywhere in
'West, Report Says ;
T
i Fewer persons are Illiterate9 In
Oregon than; in any other western
state, according to Frank U.'phll
lips of the : George 'Washington
u'versity. And only two states
asaaaw''- ' !- ., .. -
W iiie nation can boast of a lower
percentage 'of illiteracy than Ore
gon. " ! ; ;
Following; are ; the percentages
for the western, states; "r - -c r
Oregon t . .. . . . . . .1.45 per cent
Washington !, ...... 1 .G 8 per cent
Idaho .... .'.... ; . .1. .11 per cent
California . . . . .. .3.23 per cent
- Average for the country' "
I : i . . . ... .5.9C per cent
Oregon's rank third, (Nebraska,
and Iowa leading.)
v (Oregon ranks third in the ra
tio of the number of school child
ren in average daily attendance. -
rOrego'h's1 percentage of high
school" attendance" Is "fourth. "The
followlng;are .the. statistics. for at
tendance -in high schools ,f the
western states.' ; ; . ; ' ' ' '
Oregon iR per cent
Washington '.. .18.1 per cent
Idaho . . . . . . . . . .1.54 per cent
California . i . ... . .17.1 per cent
Average for the United States '
. i . . . . . :vii-12 per cent
Oregon's ranjc fourth. e(.CalIfbr-
nia, jTov.'a and-'Vermotj Tfadlng.)
i iThlrteenjh jpilace'fe helo"bybre
gqn jfor'l'the! averdge number , of
"das attended by, -feareTi hUd' en
Vollediri schtooVThereVire from
160 to IdO days 6r' School in"a
term. ' 4 , '".
Oregon . . J. . . ;. vl47 days
Washington ; . . i . '.'. . 140.3 days
Idaho . .V. .!'..... .13 2.9 days
California ... . . S. . . 126t5days
Average for' (be United Stages '
f. . . . ... . i . . v . .I30. days
In the salaries paid annually o
teachers, principals and 'supervis
ors, Oregon's; rank is zuth s
Following are the average sal
aries paid in western states.
Oregon $1190
Washington . .. i. . ,$14 75
Idaho .i...... ,. . . .. . . . 1171
California $1849
Average for the United States
U ...$116
jDregon. ranks fourth in thepre-
sent of the total school attendance
registered fh "high schools' alone.
"Parent Eskmbs , never punish
their children! berhans Just be
cause belnig 'an Eskimo is (punish-
nATe tnvy rn ar f . A' ' - ' ' . 1
Last
..
This Sale Ends Saturday. 6 p. m.,
r The January mark down, pencil has done its work and the result is
seen in every department including j the' down . stairs' store." : There is great
'opportunity to "save money on. the very things Voii need. " - '
.Pure Linen .
Table. Damask
Highly Jecornmended
72-incHes wide.
Bleached ." r d0 ' O P." ?
on.skie ...ir.o.yo
. Good looking patterns .
In grape stripes," Violets
In 'stripes and all-over-dots
with fleurdelis. Sure
to please bofh' In 'appear
ance and price. .r -
. Pequot
SJietirigs
Bleached
94 81-inch
SaleV-Yard 69 c
42-inch r Pequot
Tubing, .Yd fltrC
We also have the
other j widths of
Pequot sheetings &
Tubings.'
.iu-inrn
. INDIAV HEAD
Clearance
' Sale
29c
81 Inch1
t i
; Black and Duck Tlue .
, Clearance (""Offt r
Blackstone Club Hears
""Prof: ,Hydin9rs Address
Vrof. .Roy jj;. JIarding was the
piiflcipar'speajker al tlie" regular
meeting of thej Blackstone club of
Willamette university at the Spa
this week, rjrof. Harding spoke
on the yeolutibn of the status of
the legal ; profession i and showed
lawyers of. today are considerably
better educated than their prede
cessors '1 j - "
.It is the custom of the Black
stone club, which Is an organiza
tion of 'law Btudents at Willam
ette university! to allow each mem
ber Id make aj short talk on a le
gal subject at j each regular meet
ing. Some" especially instructive
material was given last night, and
th'e' members spoke on the follow-,
lug topics: ' llafold Hall of judl
cfdl Interpretation, . Man ley Stray
er on the decreasing prestige of
lawyers, ' Iceland ' Duncan on the
English Star Chamber court,
Jamea Young fon Bacon's concep
tion of "usury, (Clarence Philips on
law text books! and codes, Richard
Iiriggs pn foreign phases of the
"Volstead act. George Rhoten on
larceny v interpretation. G eorge
Duncan' on cphstitutional - Inter
pretation, Joe McNeill on bar ex
aminations, Kenneth Randal on
Vegafethlcs and Oliver Crother on
iaw in ' literature. ! William McKln
ley acted as toast master for the
occasion. : f'.' " ' - ' : '
' The next meeting of the- club
will be 'held January 23 and Sen
ator Etrayer of ! Baker. Ore., will
be the guest &id principal speaker
of the evening " ' . '
Doctors May Not Practice ,
' In Land Across Boundary
DUBLIN, Jan. 3. The effects
of 'the establishment of the" Free
State, and of the parititiOn' of Ire
land Into Nortb and South, are be
ginning' to be jfelt in' the profes
sions of law and medicine.. Hither
to attorneys have '"been able "to
practice "in any part of 'Ireland,
but" hencef orthf. they will have to
choose between Northern and
Southern Ireland as " qualification
In one does ' not ; extend.. to ' the
other. ; s . ' . .
; Free States physicians -have
formerly had a, place' oh' the Brit
ish ;registe"r, v which "gave ; them ' a
right to practice In Great Britain
and the colonies. -'As many Irish
"Sir aAnaw ''(P"1
J
rWVVto.-eair 9 A r ,v
Call for Kaf oufv 's
- - 1 -S-t
t
, Wool Remnants
Hundreds and hundreds pf them
all kinds in all lengths, suitable
for women and children. -
tf
AH Vomcn'c Hc-'Iy to Vrr Z-- 1
" ; ' .""Gre-ily Reduced ' -' " '''"
uociors are euucuiea tor export !
this was" a valuable" right. 't
Free State, isnow 'considering the '
setting upv of 'a: separate Fr
State" register and meanwhile the !
old arrangement is continued.
I It la hoped by legislation Wih
in the Free State and Great Rrit
aln to' effect an accommodation of
the" matter aboutwhich the mni.
ical 'profession is m itch concernfd.
An Amsterdam "botanist has
found pearls In cocoanuts, show
Ing what, you , can do if you try
hard enough.
j
ENJOY ;
-Don't-: Jet defective vision
cause you unnecessary" dis
comfort1 and arrest your
progress.. Most of U3 have de
fective vision -unknowingly.
Be sure for greater com-'
fort, success and happiness.
You may not need glasses.
If you do. a pair of .Shelltex
Shur-ons will give you long,
satisfactory service' with com
fort and good looks. They
.save lenses, too.
OO
OO
lprris Optical jCo.
301-4 Oregon BIdg.
-. - . -.
S-lLE3t OREGON
i
res
if i. Ulv4;-' JZ
January 1 7th
. Turkish Towels
.Lay in a Good Supply
' Size 42x21
jSale,ach JOVC
; They are made of extra
good grade cotton yarns,
making them good, strong
towels,- very dependable
for service. jThey have
blue-borders.
; Wool cr
Ccttcn
Our clearance prices
on -all blankets are
very low. We must
"clean" hp en" every
Pair.
Xisht Lf .O
Colors '' tyieii O
Down Stairs Llo're
C3-ln. Silk Ffr'-ve -
J Clearance" t n"
Sale . - C
PcrtLinj r::: -;
1 (5m&T