The Dalles Daily Chroniele. The only Republican Daily Newspapei n Wasco County. SATURDAY. .- - DEC. 26. 1896 EASTERN OFFICE 230 234 Temple Court, N. Y. City. E. KATZ, Agent. THE FOOL SENATE. The United States senate lias been amusing itse.'f by monkeying with a new iid migration law. It is pro vided in the new bill, that no lor eigner over sixteen years of age will be allowed to come to this country ,1x remain unless he can read fire lines of the constitution of the United States in some language. It is fur ther provided that after the aforesaid person comes, proves his ability to read the five lines of the constitution translated into a foreign language, and so becomes one of us, he may then send for his parents, children, brothers or sisters; dependent on him, and these may land without any educational test. A man with intellect enough to keep out of the Banyan hospital for sick insects would know better than to draft such a bill, or to waste the time of the senate in considering it. Any family with one member smart enough to read and write could come, and so that law to prohibit or con trol immigration would do neither. The question of immigration is at tracting considerable attention, and like all other questiors, has two sides. If it should be stopped, then a law should be framed stopping it; but such bills as the one alluded to are simply the vaporings of a befuddled intellect of very small bore. Its author was trving to please the parti sans on either side of the question, ani, like an ostrich with its head in the sand, thought he had very smoothly fooled both. The United States senate is rapidly convincing the people that the -selection of railroad attorneys, presidents of corporations and political Jekyll- Hyde monstrosities, must result in a change of base, either by doing away with the two-headed political calves, bearded women and living skeletons, or by the election of another class of men directly by the people. The mental vacuums now in the senate are not brainy enough to "fool part of the people part of the time." PENSION LA WS. There is no higher evidence of the gratefulness cf republics than the pension list of the United States with nearly ar million pensioners, drawing an average of $150 each. That there are man- persons draw ing pensions who should not be, is undoubtedly true, but this will hap pen in spite of the closest vigilance. The list is great enough, however, as it is, and congress will do well to call a halt in pension legislation, in stead of branching oat. . We believe in pensions worthily bestowed, but not otherwise; but we do not believe in pensioning all the relatives of an ex-soldier's mother-in-law. Neither do we believe in pen sioning women not born until after the war simply because they married a veteran after it was over. "We do not believe it required, or requires, a chromo to go with an old soldier who marries, the chromo being in the shape of a possible future pension to the widow. The woman who got a soldier for a husband after the late war, in most cases got a good man, and one of whom she might well be proud. To is quite possible . that children yet unborn, if girls, may yet become pensioners as widows of some veteran of the late war. And yet congress proposes to ex tend the list and add to the vast sum annually expended. Is should think' not twice, but once only, before doing it, and then not do it. The Associated Press is getting utterly and thoroughly unreliable. There is no longer anything in the dispatches that can be relied upon as being true, and it is time that a reform take place, or some other news-gathering corporation be or ganized. We realize how difficult it is, how impossible it is, to get at the exact truth in many things. We un derstand that in, the, rush of news gathering -some mistakes are neces sarily made, and that to be accurate in all cases is impossible. Inaccu racy in a certain class of news, is to be expected, but while the public expects this and willingly overlooks it, it does not expect that the truth should be ignored intentionally ard the faked up stories that would not deceive a . three-weeks old Papuan furnished it instead.' The association should instruct its news-gleaners to siop telegraphing eyery rotten rumor that is told them and dressing it up as truth. A description of Christmas at Bethlehem, going the rounds of the country papers, contains a very suggestive-suggestion. It states that a regiment of Turks are on guard dur ing the Christmas festivities to keep the different sects from fighting over and trying to appiopriate the sacred relics kept there. It seems rather paradoxical to think of Turks guard ing the birthplace of the Savior to prevent Christians ravaging it, but such is the fanaticism of sect thai the guard is probably necessary. Ralston Koflfy, Pan Kake Flour, Grano and Breakfast Food, AT PER & BENTON The Dalles. Vogt Opera House, ONE NIGHT ONLY, MONDAY, Dec. 28, 1896. A THE COMEDIAN, SAM J. BURTON, And the Charming Comedienne, MlfcsS LILLIE C0LE3IAN, IN THE NEW SI A Superior Scenic Production. A Hip! Hurrah! Hilarious Sensation al Comedy Drarua. A Roaring, Rousing Rally of Fan, Laughter and Yells. THE NOTED "SI PERKINS'" SOLO V ORCHESTRA Of twelve skilled musicians, is the strongest ever presented to the public toy a traveling com pany. One of the most necessary features for a xirst-elass performance is the best of music ren dered in an artistic manner. Especially is this so in SI PEKK1NS, running over with songs, dances and catchy music, where a good orches tra is absolutely necessary. See the Street Parade at Noon by the Famous PUGHTOWN FARMER BAND. Free Concert in fiont of the Opera House at 7 o'clock in the evering. Prices , .50o and 75c Dalles-Moro stage -Leaves the Umatilla house 8 a. m. Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays. Douglas Allen, Prop. -- PEREi Merry Christmas and Now is a good time to the Holidays. . . WE HAVE Good Apples, Choice Cranberries, Sweet Potatoes, Seedless Raisins, Fresh Currants, LOranges, Lemons, Figs, Dried Fruits, Canned Wild Blackberries Choice Creamery Butter, ; Hams, Bacon and Lard. Leave orders for Dressed Tur keys. . Chickens arid Eggs bought and sold. All of which will be sold at J. t GROSS' FEED Corner Second CH-tS--."x.m Jap Japanese Curios, Dishes, Ladies' Underwear, Wrappers, IfTOTIOlSrS, ETC., ETC. 133 "Second Street, Next to Snipes-Kinersly's Store. Call and See our Goods. GIVES THE Choice of Transcontinental Routes -VI A- Spokane Minneapolis Denver Omaha St. Paul Kansas City Low Rates to all Eastern Cities. OCEAN STEAMERS Leare Portland Every Five Dara for SAN FRANCISCO, CAL. For full detailn call onO.B A Co. Tha Dalles, or address Agent W. H. HUKLBXJRT, Gen. Pass. Agt. Portland, Oregon E. M'H ELLL President aud Manager. New Schedule. Train No. 1 arrives at The Dalles 4 :45 a. m., and leaves 4:50 a. m. Train No. 2 arrives at The Dalles 10 :15 p. tn. , and leaves 10:20 p. :u. Train No. 8 arrives at The Dalles 11 :55 p. ra., and west-boand train No. 7 leaves at 1 p. m. Train 23 and 24 will carry passengers between The Dalles and Umatilla, leav ing The Dalles at 1 p. m. daily and ar riving at The Dalles 1 p. nr. daily, con necting with train Nos. 8 and 7 from Portland. E. E. Lytle, .Agent. The VOGT OPERA HOUSE ONE WEEK, 21 to Martin's Magical Theater And Tronpe of Marionettes and Trained . Birds, Kinged Doves, Pigeons and Canaries. MARTIN Latest European Importation, King" of Magicians And Prince of Ventiiloqnif ts.. Admission Children ...... Reserved Seats ......25c .......15c ......35c Seats now on sale at Snipes-Kinersly Drug Co.'b Store. , , Ten Valuable Presents given away ;iven away nightly, including a Uasn Jfn a Happy New Year. lay in your nice things for i ALSO A CHOICE ASSORTMENT OP Garden and Grass Seeds in Bulk: for Early Planting. Hay. Grain, Feed, Flour. Seed Wheat, Chicken Wheat, Oats, Rolled Barley, Bran and Shorts, ' Middlings, r Rolled Oats. y Bedrock Prices for Cash at and GROGERY STORE, and Union Streets. cs OO. Props. "The Regulator Line" Tie Dalles. Portland and Astoria Navigation Co. THROUGH Freilanfl Passes erlifis The company's elegant steatites give daily service (bundays excepted) between rne Dalles and fortland. Steamer "Hesrulator" leaves The Dalles on Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 7 :dU a. m., arriving in Portland atop m. Returning leaves Oak-street dock on Tuesdav, Thursday and Saturday at 6:30 a. m., arriving in The Dalles at o p. m. Steamer "Dalles City" leaves The Dalles on luesday, Thuredav and eatur day at 7 :30 a. in., arriving in Portland at 5 p. m.. Returning leaves Oak-street dock on Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 6:30 a. m., arriving in The Dalles at 5 p. m. PASSENGER KATES: One way . ; $2 00 Round trip 3 00 Freight Rates Greatly Reduced. Shipments for Portland received at any time. -- Shipments for way landings must be delivered before 5 p. m. Live stock shipments solicited. For rates call on or address W. C. ALLAWAY General A Kent THE DALLES. - OREGON Monuments and Headstones. ' Before going elsewhere. 'call on L. CGMINI. The Dalles, Or. For a Tombstone. Warranted , to stand for all time, regardless of wind or weather. American Market, 74 Second Street. Fruit, Produce, .; Butter, Eggs. POULTRY, FISH and GAME IV SEASON. 69 TELEPHONES 69 Bazaar Cap es . We are now offering at Extraordinary Low Prices, And invite every lady to inspect our stock before buying elsewhere. SPLENDID : ASSORTMENT Handkerchiefs, Gloves, Corsets, Hosiery, Underwear, Dress Goods, Shirts, Clothing, Macintoshes, Blankets, Comforters, Boots, Shoes, Hats, Caps, &c. Special Bargain. Vogt Block. Wholesale. JVIRLiT IiIQUOftS, CHines and Cigars. THE CELEBRATED. ANHEUSER : HOP GOLD Anheuser-Busch Malt Nutrine, a non-alcoholic beverage, unequaled as a tonic. STUBLING & WILLIAMS. j r CiC2 Buys a Sood BOYS'SUIT at C. F. Steph- j LO ens.' Intermediate prices up to $4.50. $3-59 Ladies' Cloaks. Remember, all these goods are latest made, warm, serv iceable and fashionable, and at prices never before ap proached in The Dalles. BLAKELEY 175 Second Street, Country and Mail Orders will receive prompt attention. Leave your orders for Dressed Chickens, Fish, Fine Dairy Butter, Eggs, Fruits and Vegetables of all kinds, COAL AND ICE, THE- DALLES GOpISSIOfl GO.'S STORE - Corner Second and Washington Sts. "There is a tide in the affairs of men which, taken at its flood leads on to fortune" . . The poet unquestionably had reference to the Closing Out Sale of Furniture and Carpets at CRANDALL &. BURGET'S, Who are selling those goods "out at greatly-reduced rates MICHELBACH BRICK. - - UNION ST. V" ' r Jackets Assabet Ladies' Cloth, 58 inches wide, at 45c per yard. H- Herbring. - BUSCH and BEER Xdfi&e Is all C. F. Stephens asks for a servicea ble suit of MEN'S CLOTHING. The best Black Diagonal for $12.00. An elegant assortment of 1896 styles just received, a part ot which may be seen in show window. Si HOUGHTON The Dalles, Oregon AT