Tbe Dalles Daily Chronicle.
TBK DALLES
OKKGON
THURSDAY,
FEB. 23,1893
Published Daily, Sunday Excepted.
BY
THE CHRONICLE PUBLISHING CO.
Corner Second and Washinffto-) Street.
Dalles, Oregon.
The
Terms of Subscription
Year 6 00
month, by carrier 50
le copy "
DEFINITIONS OF A LAUGH.
Expressions Concerning an Act of
Which Moat People Are Guilty.
A London weekly paper, Tit-Bits, of
fered a prize of ten dollars for the best
definition of a laugh. The money was
awarded for the following:
An eruption of joy, relieved by an ex
plosion at the month of "the crater."
Here are some of the best definitions
nbmitted:
That by which mirth pays a compli
ment to wit.
The merry thunder peal which follows
the lightning flash of wit.
An outward indication of inward satis
faction. Tbe physical expression of a pleasur
able mental emotion.
An antidote against the poison of mel
ancholy. As brevity is the soul of wit, so a
laugh is the soul of expression.
If "Laugh and grow fat," as we have been
told,
3a a proverb undoubtedly both true and old.
We cannot be wrong if a laugh we define
Am the very beat condiment when we ail dine.
The music of the merry, the croak of
the scornful and the wail of the maniac
The outward visible sign of an inward
invisible tickle.
The natural ebullition of a joyous
heart.
A burst of music from 'the harp of
mirth, produced by the touch of humor.
The "Volapuk" of mirth and good
nature.
The keynote of man's character, the
tone of which proves its quality.
An appreciation of humor conveyed
without speech.
A cheerful report from the interior.
Nature's mental medicine. Used spar
ingly it acts as a pleasant tonic, but
when resorted to immoderately it para
lyzes and degrades the senses.
A temporary relaxation from gravity.
The only family doctor who gives re
lief in all cased, often effects instanta
neous cure and sends no bills.
Merriment's wand, but derision's dart.
One of God's greatest blessings for
temporarily relieving the monotony of
our existence.
Heaven's best antidote to care.
The luxury of health and the greatest
belp to digestion.
What a woman is fond of doing when
he has got a new set of false teeth.
Nature's tonic for mental ailments.
The best doctor and the cheapest med
icine in the world.
A spark from the fire of life.
The spray from the fountain of mirth,
est a bubble from the-well of scorn.
The sunshine of the heart reflected in
the face.
The safety valve of mirth, the pon
iard of derision and the mockery of
despair.
An ostentatious display of one's own
sense of humor.
The oil which make the lamp of life
burn bright and clear.
The explosion produced by a flash of
wit.
A Tamed Lion.
At the Zoo a young lion from Sokoto
was much intent on breaking in the iron
nutter which separates the house it
now occupies from its former quarters
next door. Apart from the very proper
wish to assert a right to its former dom
icile, it had the irritating stimulus sup
plied by an ill tempered and decrepit
add leopard which was growling on the
other side of the shutter, and even went
so far as to insert one of its longest teeth
into the crack between the shutter and
the wall as a reminder to the lion of
what was waiting for it on the other
side.
The lion was striking constant heavy
blows on the door, and was so intent on
its occupation as to disregard the call of
its keeper. The keeper quietly attracted
its attention by pulling its tail! and the
lion at once desisted, rubbed its face
gainst the keeper's hand and lay down
to be stroked, patted and have its mane
caressed. A very beautiful puma close
by exhibited all the pleasure of a friend
ly cat at being stroked, and the tiger
from Turkestan allowed himself to be
fondled like a big dog. London Specta-
A Turtle's Unavoidable Delay.
During a windstorm in the early days
of last June a tree on the farm of Mor
timer Hamilton, in Jackson county,
Sad., was blown down, and in falling a
Umb struck squarely across the back of
large snapping turtle and forced it
down into the. earth. A day or two
since the limb was cut away and the
mapper, released from its imprisonment,
trudged away, apparently uninjured,
from its prison, where it had lain im
movably fixed, without food or water for
over four months. Cor. Chicago Trib-
The damp weather at Lancaster, Kan.,
asxsed a package of 9,000 postage stamps
to become glued- together in a solid
block, making it necessary to. return
bmn to Washington.
Deserving; Fratae.
We desire to-eay to out- citisens, that
tor years we have been selling Dr.
King's. New Discovery for Consumption,
Dr. King's New Life Pills, Backlen's
Arnica Salve and Electric Bitters, and
have never handled remedies that sell as
well, or that have given such universal
satisfaction. Wo do not hesitate- to
guarantee them every time, as we stand
ready to refund the purchaso. price, if
satisfactory results- do not- follow their
flue. There remedies have won their
great popularity purely ou their marita-
vnipes KinerHly h druggists.
PKOFESSIONAL CARDS.
D.-3J JJDALL Dkntikt. Oas given for the
painless extraction of teeth. Also teeth
et on flowed aluminum plate. Rooms: Sign of
-.be Golden Tooth, Second Street.
DR. G. E. SANDERS,
Graduate of theUuiversity of Michigan. Suc
cessor to Dr. Tucker. Umoe over Frenchs'
Bank, Tbe Dalles, Or.
DK. ESHKLV. AN (llOK fOPATHIC; PHYSICIAN
and Burgeon. Calls answered promptly,
day or night, city or country. Office No. 36 and
37 Chapman block. wtf
DR. O. D. D O AN E PHYSICIAN AND SUB
oxon. Office; rooms 5 and 6 Chapman
-Muck, Residence: 8. K. c rner Court ana
Fourth streets, sec nd door from the corner.
Office hours 9 to 12 A. M., 2 to 5 and 7 to i F. M.
H. c
RIDDELL Attornky-at- Law Office
Court Street, The Dalles, Oregon.
E. E. DUFCK. FRANK HEN1F1B.
DC FUR, A MENEFEE ATTORNEYS - AT
law Rooms 42 and 43, over Post
i Jttice Building, Entrance on Washington Street
The Dalles, uregon.
H. WILSON Attorney-at-law Rooms
V . 52 and 58, New Vogt Block, Second Street,
I'ne Dalies, Oregon.
4 3. BENNETT, ATTORNEY-AT-LAW. Of
lice in Schanno's building, up stairs. The
alles, Oregon.
r. r. mays. b. s.ul-ntinoton. a. s. wilson.
f AYS. HUNTINGTON & WILSON ATTOB
. ? I x r. ys-it-uip - Offices, French's block over
"irst National Bank. - Dalles. Oregon.
SOCIETIES.
ASSEMBLY NO. 4827, K. OF U Meets in K.
of P. hall the second and fourth Wednes
days of each month at 7:33 p. m.
w
A8CO LODGE, NO. 15, A. F. A A. M. Meets
nrstana intra Monday ot eacn month at 7
DALLES ROYAL ARCH CHAPTER NO. 6.
Meets in Masonic Hall the third Wednesday
of each month at 7 P. M.
MODERN WOODMEN OF THE WORLD.
Mt. Hood Camp No. 59, Meets Tuesday even
ing of each week in Fraternity Hall, at 7:30 p. m.
COLUMBIA LODGE, NO. 5, L O. O. F. Meets
every Friday evening at 7:30 o'clock, in K.
of F. hall, corner Second and Court streets.
Sojourning brothers are welcome.
H. Clough, Bec'y. H. A. Bills, X. O.
F FRIENDSHIP LODGE, NO. 9., K. of P. Meets
every Monday evening at 7:80 o'clock, in
Schanno's building, corner of Court and Second
streets. Sojourning members are cordially in
cited. W. 8. Cbam,
D. W.Vacse, K. of R. and S. C. C.
WOMEN'S CHRISTIAN TEMPERENCE
UNION will meet every Friday afternoon
-it 3 o'clock at the reading room. All are invited.
Harmon Ixdge vo. 501, I. O. G. T. Regular
weekly uk etlnrs "ondty at 7:30 p. M., at
Fraternity Hall. All are invited.
TKMPLE LODGE NO. 3, A. O. CJ. W. Meets
in Fraternity Hall, over Kellers, en Second
street, Thursday evenings at 7:30.
Paul Kexft,
W. s Myers, Financier. M. W.
TAS. NESM1TH POST. No. 3L", G. A. R. Meets
every Saturday at 7:30 P. M., in tbe K. of P.
Mall.
B.
OF L. E. Meets every Sunday afternoon in
tbv K. of P. Hull.
G
ESANG VEREIN Meets every
Sumla
evening n the K. of F. Hall.
BOF L. V. DIVISION, No.. 167 Meets in
K. of I. Hall the first and third Wednes
day cf each month, at 7:3(1 r. m.
THE CHURCHES.
ST. i'ETERS CHURCH Rev. Father iir-os-gkrst
Pastor. Low Mass every Sunday at
A. V. High Mass at 10:30 A. X. Vespers at
7 P. M.
OT. PAULS CHURCH Union Street, opposite
O Fifth. Rev. Ell D. SutcKtTe Rector. Services
very Sunday at 11 A. M. and 7:30 P. M. Sunday
School 9:45 A. m. Evening Prayer on Friday at
t.SO
FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH Rev. O. D-. TAY
LOR, Pastor. Morning services every Sab
bath at the academy at 11 a. u. Sabbath
School immediately after morning services.
Prayer meeting Friday evening at Pastor's resi
dence. Union services in the court house at 7
P. M.
CONGREGATIONAL CHURCH Rev. W. C.
Cubtis, Pastor. Services every Sunday at 11
v. x. and 7 r. m. Sunday School after morning
service. Strangers cordially invited. Seats free.
ME. CHURCH Rev. J. Whisleb, pastor.
Services every Sundav morning at 11 a. m.
Sunday School at 12:20 o'clock P. if. Epworth
l-enguo at 6:30 p. if. Prayer meeting every
Thursday evening at 7:30 o'clock. A cordial in
vitation is extended by both pastor and people
to all.
CHRISTIAN CHURCH He v. J. W. Jenkins,
Pastor. Preaching in the. Congregational
Church each Lords Day at 3 p. it. All are
cordially invited
.A. ISTEW
Undertaki Establishment!
PRINZ & NITSCHKE
DEALERS IN
Furniture and Carpets
We have added to our business a
somplete Undertading Establishment,
and as we are in no way oonnected with
the Undertakers' Trust our prices will
be low accordingly.
The St. Charles Hotel,
PORTLAND, OREGON.
This old, popular and reliable house
nas been entirely refurnished, and every
room has been re pa pared and repainted
and newly carpeted throughout. The
house contains 170 rooms and is supplied
with every modern convenience. Kates
reasonable. A good restaurant attached
to the house. Frer -bus to and from all
trains.
C. W. KNOWL.ES, Prop.
The Snug.
W. H. BUTTS, Prop.
Ho. 90 Seoond- greet, The Dalles, Or.
This well known stand, kepi by the
well known W. H. Butts, long a resi
dent of Wasco county, has an extraordi
nary fin stock of
Sheep fflrdert MM and Irish Bistarbawe.
in fact, all the. leading brands of fine
Wines, Xftjuors arid CTfrars. Give the
old man a call and yon will coine again.
STEAM WOOD SAW
We are in the field for the fall and winter
work, and will cut, split and pile wood
at the lowest possible rates,
NONE BUT WHITE LABOR EMPLOYED
We are here to stay, will spend our money
here, and try and do satisfactory work.
Order boxes at Chrisman Jk Corson's, cor
ner of Michelbach block, and at the ma
chine, corner of Washington and Fourth
streets.
J. 0. MEINS, : : : THE DALLES
CII.VS. 3TUBL1NG.
OWEN WILLIAMS.
Stubling g Williams.
The Germama,
SECOND ST.,
THE DALLES,
OREGON
Jg(" Dealers in Wines, Liquors and
Cigars. Milwaukee Beer on Draught.
BILIOUSNESS.
The S. B. Headache and Liver Care.
iA PHYSIC
If taken as directed, we Guarantee Sat
isfaction or ret und your money.
DON'T SICKEN. DON'T GRIPE.
50 cents per bottle by all druggists.
YOUR flTTEimOIl
Is called to the fact that
Hugh Glenn,
Dealer in Glass, Lime, Plaster, Cement
and Building Material of alt hinds.
-Catrrl the Finest Line of-
puiflings
To on foond in tbe City.
72 tUashington Street.
From TEtyEIJlAIt ot IflTERIOS Points
THE
RHILROHD
Is the line to take
TO ALL POINTS EAST AND SOUTH.
j - y ... . .
Lt is the Dining Car Route. It runs Through
vvauuuicu x run in every uay ux ine year to
pi. pauI and Chicago
SO CHANGE OF CABS..
Compose 1 ol DininK Cars unsurpassed. Pull
man Drawing Koom Sleepers of latest equipment.
TOURIST SLEEPING CARS
t . 1. t- -'-..-
Best that can be constructed, and in which
accommodations are both Free and Furnished
lor holders ol First and. Second-class Tickets, and
ELEGANT DAY COACHES
A continuous, line, connecting with all lines,
affording direct and uninterrupted service.
Pu'lman Sleeper reservations can be secured
in aavanoe enreugn. any agent ot the road.
0IM TICKETS
England and Europe can t
To and from, alt
YvM Tl tu In A maiu
W l -... Ill JUUHIVS)
bet purchased at any
Htkui umw 01 wit; company
Full information concerning, rates, time of
trains, routes and other furnished on
W. C. ALLAWAY.
Agent B. P. A A. Nav. Co., Begnlator office. The
iaiies, ut., or
A. D. CHARLTON,
AM't. General Passeiger Agtt. Portland, Jgn.
T
H
E
CANDY
FACTORY
Oanrfiae and Unto wholesale
wanuibj aim iiuia q
quotations.
TOBACCO, 1 :, :
CIGARS AND : t
SWEET DRINKS
Fl nest Peanut. Roaster in The Dailea
2 rt Street J.FOLCO
At right aide
Mrs. Obarr's
restaurant.
Picture
Norutern Paeinc
Specialties
To Protect Uvea of Railroad Men.
An ingenious and simple instrument
has been devised for the protection of
surface men at work on the railways.
The inventor, Sir William Arrol, was
led to apply his mind to this matter in
consequence of the numerous fatalities'
which have lately occurred among that
class of railway servants in England.
The instrument consists of a steel spring
connected with a portable electric bat
tery and bell by a coil of wire two or
three hundred yards long. When tbe
spring has been bolted into position on
the inner side of the rail and almost flush
with the top of the rail the battery is
carried to the neighborhood of where
the workmen are engaged, the connec
tion being kept up by the coil of wire,
which is unwound to the necessary
length.
When a train comes along tbe spring
is depressed by the flanges of the wheel
as they pass over and two metallic but
tons, one on the under side of the spring
and the other on the upper side of the
sole plate, are brought into contact and
complete an electric circuit supplied
from the battery, ringing the bell at the
battery and thus warning the workmen
of the approaching train. The instru
ments are to be kept at the signal boxes
along the line so as to be readily avail
able by the workmen. Sir William Arrol
does not intend to patent the invention.
His sole desire is to render the surface
man's life a less dangerous one and he
gives all railway companies permission
to manufacture as many as they please.
English and American Appetites.
A New Yor): woman who has been
passing some months with English rela
tives, comprising several different fam
ilies, says that from her observation the
English appetite is constructed upon dif
ferent plans from that ot the American.
Four meals a day sounds very satisfying,
but she admits she often went to bed
hungry. Breakfast is bread and jam
and butter, with a bit of cold meat or
bacon and eggs. Dinner at 2 is a soup.
a joint, a sweet and a pastry. At 5
o clock is tea with biscuits our crack
ers. At 8 is supper, which is frugal.
The portions are small, and though
the meals occupy considerable time one
may rise from any hungry and longing
to be filled. -'This nibbling seemed
quite satisfactory to the others, con
eluded the speaker, "'but 1 sighed many
times for a well stocked American board.
We consume considerably more at our
three meals than 1 was offered atiywhere
at the four."-
C. P. STEPHEN'S,
LI BALER IK
Dry Goods
Clothing
Moete, shMt, Bate, KUu
Fancij $qqu lotions,
Ktc, tile. Kk.
Seoond St., The Dalles.
GENTLEMEN !
BEFORE YOU ORDER GOODS OF
ANY KIND IN THE FURNISH
ING' LINE.
Qosll a.nd $ee me
j AAV Shirts of all kinds to order, at
Dneefl which detv competition. Or.hor
guuus m piupuruuu. x". CAUAII,
1 : - -- n T7" . . . 1 . -
second at., Tbe Dalles
Sole Ajft-ut Kir WAKNAM AKXR fe BROWN,
Philadelphia. Pa
W. E. GARRETSON.
Leading Jeweler.
SOLE A OK N'T run TIIK
All Watch Work Warranted.
jewelry Made to Order
13a 8eeon St.. The Dalle. Or.
House
Moving"!
Andrew Velarde
IS prepared to do any and all
kinds of work in his line at
reasonable figures. Has the
largest house moving outfit
in Eastern Oregon.
Address P.O.Box 181, The Datlee
J0R
FIRST
PR
0 CAN BE HAD AT THE
CHRONICLE OFFICE
Reasonably
J. O.
DOMESTIC
Amd KEY WEST
CIGARS.
FlflE WfflEg and jpHp
FRENCH'S BLOCK.
171 SECOND STREET,
Freeborn & Company,
PKAI.HR8 IN
Wail Paper and Boom mournings,
295 ALDER
Old JiuMBBR 96,
THE OaBL-EBreTSTlSD
COLUMBIA BREWERY,
AUGUST BUCHLER, Prop'r.
., This well-known Brewery is now turning oat tbe beet Beer and Porter
east of the Cascades. The latest appliances for the manufacture of good health
ful Beer have been introduced, and only the first-class article will be placed oft
the market.
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CELEBRATED
PABST BEER.
THE DALLES, OR.
ST., COR. FIFTH,
Portland, Objsgoh.
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