- HUMAN NATURE.
X life wore not ao and a thins.
Who then could think of being merry! -B
God will would bear altering.
His plans we should not try to rary!
Were we once free from pain and care.
We straight would seek some cross to bean
S npou lore a seal were set.
Bow many seals would then be broken 1
K Kentle speech were hard to eet.
How many kind words would be spoken 1
If heaven wore once denied us all.
How we should then to heaven caUl
Mary A- Mason in Youth's Companion.
JXTTj' T 4 TTTTrMCl If 1 ATT a
John Rhett, the handsomest young
Ban in the comity, he of the raven locks
md with the beautiful black mustache
that the women adored John Rhett
walked into the barber shop in York-.
Tille for a shave. '
It was a cold day and there were three
or fonr of his friends, besides several
tonsorial artists, standing around the
stove at the time, but the man who al-
-: ways did his work being idle he walked
directly over and threw himself into the
comfortable chair.
The barber was a tall, well built young
fellow by the name of Henry Casey,
whom Rhett had known for a long time.
The usual preparatory process was gone
through with and then he sharpened his
razor and went to work, bat he started
off in a manner that made Rhett uncom
. Horable from the first. This was due to
the unusual and seemingly reckless way
in which he handled the razor. There
was entirely too much flourish about it
to make one feel easv. He would whirl
, it round in one or two dries before it
touched the face, and then take it off
. . again m the same artistic style. This
may have looked very pretty to a spec
tator, bat to the person who formed the
center of these concentric circles, Rhett
thought it was anything but pleasant.
-At first he was inclined to think the fel
low was drinking Bat he soon dismissed
taxis idea, for the work was being' done
well and skillfully and as no drunken
xnan could do it. Finally he told Casey
that he didn't like any such flourishes
around his head, and to stop it.
Bat the only reply he received was the
. press of the barber's finger against his
- throat, and a short hissing "keep still."
This made Rhett mad, and he started
to express himself very forcibly, but
when he looked up at the man who
eood drawing the sharp razor over his
face his anger gave way to a far more
fearful feeling. The words died on his
' lips and a sadden chill crept over his
body.
TT "U .. ."I 1 1 J 2 !13 -1 1
. Mjxs aim iuuiloii tubu uie wuu, ezcitea
yes of a maniac
"Don't you move or say a word; if you
Ao Fll cut your throat," came again in a
oppressed whispW, as that sharp, cun
dng face bent near to his.
, "Do you know," said the barber as he
kept on with the work; "do you know
that this will be your last shave that 1
intend to kill you with this same razor
the moment I have finished?
"I have long wanted to make the ex
. periment," he continued as he went rap
. idly on, "just to see how quickly it could
X. .1 T" 1 .1 1 T
M7 uuuv. ca ixafa jrwu nima ism crazy,
hut you are wrong. I only want to do
this work in the interest of science, I
. believe it will prove to be the most pain
- leas and quickest of all deaths. If I suc-
...I II it mm T a . A .1 11 1
w.wj , hu m WAfww v W, J umwtvU
may become the publio mode of execu
- tion in this country, supplanting the gal
lows. You see what an honor it will be
- to have started such a reform in capital
mortal. There will be none of the sus
. pense attending executions now; none of
the terrible scenes at the gallqws. Yon
- simply take the condemned man in for
a shave and before he knows it he is in
eternity."
- He kept on talking in this rapid, ex
cited way, ana feept on shaving.
Rhett heard his friends conversing on
the other side of the room, and he turned
his head to see if he could tell them of
his danger. But it was quickly jerked
hack in position, and the barber told
him if he did that again or tried to get
, out of the chair it wonld be the signal
Car his death. And the wicked gleam of
his eye more than his words showed that
he was in terrible earnest. Under the
; circumstances the intended victim
thought it best not to move - again; and
so he laid there as still as death. .
But his brain was not idle. It was
working with the rapidity of lightning,
and well it might. .
Rhett had always been regarded as a
. cool and brave young man; he had proved
, it on more than one trying occasion.
And he determined in this last extremity
to be himsftlf and to meet the sharp cun
ning of the maniac with an equal cun
ninfr. Then commenced a fierce and hidden
game between those two a game in
which one kaew the prize for him was
life, and, if he lost, the profit death.
! "Henry," said the young man, and he
; smiled, though his heart was beating
, fast, "you shouldn't try to frighten a
good customer in that way. You know
- you wouldn't kill an old friend like me."
. nTni .1. r nt m . .
rmww juu, jar. xwaett, UnfT
, shrieked the barber, and the gleaming
' eye grew fiercer and the voice trembled
, with passion. '
Rhett saw that this had only added
fuel to the Same, and he began to despair
f conciliating the madman. ,
. "Yes," said Casey, and his wild hand
grew wuuw uu uio rwx pressed naruer
, npon his victim's face; "yes, you must
die this verv hour for the sake of acunm.
' Why, it will be a noble death. You
. ought to feel honored to perish in such a
The young man was now thoroughly
. frightened, and he watched for an op-
. escape. But he looked in vain. Though
the barber occasionally relaxed the stem
grip upon his throat, yet he still held
him with his glittering eye.
"You see, the criminal will not know
that his hour is at hand. The barber
wtQ be taken into the jail to give him a
shave, and without a fear or tremor,
: without a single thought of death, he
V -ti i i i a . -t i .1 mn.
, .about executing by electricity, - but my
method will not only be quicker, but
more painless." -
"Just a stroke like this, and it's nil
over, and Rhett s heart gave amid
leap, for he thought his end had come.
Casey, however, had only drawn the
back of the razor across his throat, but
with such force and rapidity that it
burned like fire.
The situation was growing desperate.
In a minute the barber would be through
with his work. With one hand he hud
Rhett by the hair and with the other
was finishing up the job, while his lips
kept muttering and his body swayed
with excitement. Rhett knew with the
next sweep of that infuriated arm he
would meet his doom. Whatever he did
must be done instantly.
"Well, Henry," he said, as lightly as
he could, "sharpen up your razor; well
before you start, for I don't want any
bungling job." For he thought when
the barber turned to do this be could
leap from the chair and get away.
"It's sharp enough , for you, Mr.
Rhett," and the madman grew madder
as he spoke; "it's sharp enough for you.
sir.
He had already finished shaving.
Rhett's heart almost stood stilL
"Now well see if it needs to be sharp
er," said Casey with a demoniac laugh.
and Rhett felt a sharp Eating as the keen
blade cut the skin on his throat.
"But, Henry," he-rapidly ejaculated,
"I want you to make a success of this,
for it will be a blessing to the - world
but if you go on sow I tell you it will
be a failure. 7
The razor stopped.
"Why?" asked Casey.
The maniac was interested, Rhett
saw that he had gained a point and he
knew his life depended upon how he
used it. He had touched upon the man's
pet mania. It seemed strange to Tnim
now that he had not thought of it before.
"You will make a failure," he con
tinued, "because you have told me all
about it, and I have already suffered
as much suspense as the criminal on the
gallows. Besides, when I feel the razor
giving me the fatal wound I will shriek
out in agony, and the people will say
that I suffered a terrible death. Thev
will not believe you then that it would
be the meet painless mode of execution.
So you see, Henry, you would defeat the
very object you are trying to accom
plish." The barber withdrew the razor and
held it motionless in his hand. Rhett
breathed easier and became eloquent on
the subject of the experiment.
".Now, the next man you shave,
Henry, don't say a word to him on the
subject, but all at once, in the twinkling
of an eye, put him oat.- And I believe
you will become a greater man than the
inventor of the guillotine."
"Well, Mr. Rhett, I believe you are
right about it," and he began to close
the razor.
The mania was wearing off, and in its
stead there came a playful and mischiev
ous humor.
Patting his customer under the chin,
"Ah, Mr. Rhett," he said, "you would
look so much better without your mus
tache. Now, don't you want me to take
it off for you?"
Afraid to cross him in his humor,
Rhrett replied, though it almost broke
his heart to say it:
"Why, certainly, Henry, if you think
it will look better."
On went the lather, and in another
minute the beautiful silken strands were
no more than the withered leaves of the
forest.
"Now, Mr. Rhett, if you had your hair
clipped you would look splendid. Don't
you want ine to take it off?"
"Of course, Henry, clip it," came from
those anguished lips. He was willing to
say or do anything to get that razor back
into its case.
So the clippers were brought out and
in less than two minutes he was slicker
than a new born rat.
But if his head was light his heart waa
too, when he arose from the chair, and
never in all his life did he feel so wiHinz
and happy to pay for a shave and hair cut.
Of course everybody laughed at him
when he went out on the street, and the
wind blew cold about bis bead. To bis
friends, when they gathered around him,
he told his harrowing experience, and he
was still as pale as a ghost.
A committee forthwith waited on the
barber, but they did not find anything
in his word 3 or actions to denote insan
ity. So some believed the story and
some didn't and the barber kept on
snaving.
But never again did he put his razor
npou the face of John Rhett. W. M.
Hobby in Atlanta Constitution.
A Pleas for Indiflexeaee.
A little indifference to one's self, to
one's food, one's personal appearance,
clothes, and even one's mental and moral
condition, is a wonderful aid in life.
When I refer to indifference to one's
moral condition I do not, of course,
wish to be an advocate of license: but I
do protest that it is well, having done
one's duty to the best of one's ability, to
await the issue with tranquility. All
the Year Round. '
The Earliest Lena.
The earliest known lens is one made
of rock crystal, unearthed by Layard at
Nineveh. This lens, the age of which is
to be measured by thousands of years,
now lies in the British Museum, with its
surface as bright as when it left the
maker's bands. By the 'side of it are
very recent specimens of lens which
have been ruined by exposure to Lon
don's fogs and smoke. St. Louis Re
public. ;'-.
Cream of tartar is the tartaric acid of
grapes, and may be used in water with
sugar sua a substitute for grape juice. It
is the substitution of mineral acid for
those of fruits and vegetables that is so
injurious to health; for instance, sul
phuric acid in wine and vinegar for the
natural fruit acid.
After fifty-nine years of labor Barthel
enxy Saint Hilare has finished his trans
lation of "Aristotle," a work in thirty
five volumes. v
HIS ASHES TO THE WIND.
STRANGE FUNERAL RITES OVER
HENRY MEYER'S REMAINS. ;
He Waa Incinerated to the Maale of a
Band His Ashes Were Cmxt Into the
Air from' the Statue of Liberty In New
York Harbor All as He Directed.
A little white cloud floated out from
the head of the Statue of Liberty at 4
o'clock in the afternoon, and in it dis
appeared in the four winds of heaven
the remains of Henry Meyer, hotel
keeper, of Staten Island. '
To be buried in this singular, half
cynical fashion in midair, as it were,
was exactly as the dead man had often
directed while he lived. As he had
wished, his body was cremated, , his
handful of ashes was preserved in a box
until . the next Sunday should come,
and then, with the popping of cham
pagne bottles and expressions of good
will, but no grief, was cast from the top
of Liberty whenever it would go. In
the clear sunshine of the beautiful day,
looking no bigger and of no more im
portance than a puff of cigar smoke,
the cloud hung for a moment under the
lee of the statue. Then the sharp north
west wind caught it, whirled it instantly
out of sight in the direction of the dead
man's old home, and that was the last
of the body of Henry Meyer. -
A jovial though an odd soul, and a
hotel keeper for thirty years at Port
Richmond, Mr. Meyer was well known
to every Staten Islander and a good
many other people, too. From the name
of his hotel he got to be called "Puck"
Meyer, so that his real first name was
generally forgotten. He was a skeptic,
a socialist, a strenuous advocate of cre
mation, a pretty good liver and a man
of great popularity in spite of a thousand
peculiarities which will be Staten Island
folk lore for generations.
No one saw "Puck" die. He was
found dead in his bed in the hotel on the
morning of Feb. 14. His wife was the
first to discover his death. As his will,
mad many years ago, directed, the body
was taken to the Fresh Pond crematory,
on Long Island, two days later and in
cinerated. A committee from the Staten
Island Schuetzen corps, of which Meyers
had been a member, accompanied the
remains in three carriages, with a brass
band .
The body was dressed in the blue uni
form of the Schuetzen corps, and after it
had been consumed the brass buttons
and other pieces of metal which the fire
had not destroyed were preserved as
souvenirs. The ashes, weighing little
more than .three, pounds, were of a
whitish color and as feathery as -cigar
ashes. They were carefully placed in a
round tin box and put in charge of First
Lieut. Montz Wegerle. Then, with the
band playing a lively air, the party re
turned to Staten Island.
The special committee took the steam
er Bay Ridge for Bedloe's Island.
To avoid curiosity Lieut. Wegerle had
the tin box in a brown Gladstone bag.
tie swung this carelessly in his hand as
the party combed to' the top of the ped
estal Then they went outside the statue
on the stone platform surrounding it.
and there the bag was opened and. the
master of ceremonies disclosed four
brown paper bags, each containing an
equal amount of Meyer's ashes. There
was a spoonful or two left in the bottom
of the case, which were saved 'for
Puck's" married sister on Staten Island
at her request.
.As he handed around the bags Mr.
Rinschler made this speech: "
"Here are the ashes of old 'Puck
Meyer. He was a good maa, beloved by
all I never knew of any wrong thing
he ever 'i.l ""
Each man that got a bag stuck it into
his pocket. Then the party proceeded
to climb the winding stairs to Liberty's
head. Their movements, however, had
been observed by Watchman Horn, and
as they began the ascent he called out:
"What have you got there? 'Puck
Meyer?" .
Consternation was depicted on every
face until Horn' shouted again: "It's
all right. Go ahead. You can come
upl" Up they went accordingly, but in
one of the sharp turns Capt. Fink who
is a portly man, got hopelessly stuck.
He handed his batr of ashes to Mr. Boehe
and went back to the pedestal It had
been intended to throw the ashes from
the torch, but that was impossible. They
naa iorgotten tne necessary formality of
the special permit.
Each man took his station therefore in
the head corresponding to the points of
the compass, and as each bag was emp
tied the members cried, "Here goes the
ashes of 'Puck' Meyer. Happy daysP'
"Happy days to old 'Puck Meyer,"
said Mr. Rinschler.
"He was a good fellow," remarked
Lieut. - Wegerle.
"You're right he was," said the others
altogether, according to the prearranged
formula.
"Do you believe in the resurrection?"'
asked one of the committee of a brother
member as they boarded the 5 o'clock
boat.
"Well, 1 guess there's something in
it," said the brother laconically.
"Then all I've got to say is that 'Puck
Meyer will find a hard job pulling him
self together when that day comes."
Meyer was 66 years old and came to
this country from Hamburg about thirty
five years ago. He was one of the first
volunteers from Staten Island on the
northern side during the rebellion. He
served through the war and got a wound
in his left leg in a skirmish in Tennessee.
He refused to let the surgeons amputate
his limb, although they said he couldn't
live unless he did, and brought the leg
and the rest of his body home safe and
sound at the end of the war. - He never
wore an overcoat, always wore a silk
hat the year round and always carried a
cane. The Staten Island children al
most worshiped him. -
Meyer provided in his will that his
friends should have a champagne supper
after scattering his ashes, but it was
found that no money remained for this.
In fact, the man died a bankrupt. His
place at Port Richmond was sold under
foreclosure the day after be died. He
left one child, a son 8 years old, by his
present wife. His life was a fast and a
merry one, and his friends hardly knew
whether to laugh or cry over his memory.
New York Herald.
SjilPES & RIJIERSLY,
Wiolesale mi Mail Dnpsts.
-DEALERS IN-
Fine Imported, Key West and Domestic
CIG-ARS.
PAINT
Now is the time to paint your house
and if you wish to get the best quality
and a fine color use the .
Sherwin, Williams Co.'s Paint.
For those wishing to see the quality
and color of the above paint we call their
attention to the residence of S. L. Brooks,
Judge Bennett, Smith French and others
painted by Paul Kreft.
Snipes &TCinersly are agents" for' the
above paint for The Dalles, Or.
Don't Forget the
EBSr EP SPLOOJI,
MacDonaW Bros., Props.
THE BEST OF
Wines, Lipors and Cigars
ALWAYS ON HAND.
C. E; BaYAD CO.,
Real Estate;
' Insurance,
and Loan
AGENCY.
Opera House Block, 3d St.
Chas. Stubling-,
; rBOPRIKTOK OF TBI
New Vogt Block, Second St
WHOLESALE AND RETAIL
Liquor - Dealer,
MILWAUKEE BEER ON DRAUGHT.
Health is Wealth !
TREATMENT?'
Db. E. C. West's Nievs amb Brain Treat
ment, a guaranteed specific for Hysteria, Dizzi
ness, Convulsions, Fits, Nervous Neuralgia,
Headache, Nervous Prostration caused by the use
of alcohol or tobacco. Wakefulness, Mental De
pression, Softening of the Brain, resulting in in
sanity and leading to mlmmr. ricvuiv .nri ilMth
Premature Old Age, Barrenness, Loss of Power
u wuwr vsm., luvuiunutry Losses ana Dpermat
orrhoea caused by over exertion of the brain, self-
abuse or over indulgence. Each box contains
one month's treatment. $1.00 a box, or six boxes
w sent Dy mail prepaia on receipt of price.
"-. "WK eDAKANTEIS HIT vnTVD
To cure any case. With each order received by
us for six boxes, accompanied by $5.00, we will
send the Durchaser our written ff-nnrantAf tr re
fund the money if the treatment does not effect
a cure, truarautees issued only by
BLAKILIT HOUGHTON,
Prescription Druggists,
17S Second St. Tbe Dalles, Or.
YOU NEED BUT ASK
The 8. B. Headache and Ijvkk Cube taken
according to directions will keep your Blood,
Liver and Kidneys in good order.
and Croup, in connection with the Headache
Vure, is as near perfect as anything known.
The 8. B. Alpha Pain Ccre for internal and
external use, in Neuralgia, Toothache, Cramp
Colic and Cholera Morbus, is unsurpassed. They
re wtsu iijteu wnerever Known, juanuiacturea
i lmiur, Oregon. For sale by all druggist
Be Danes
3je
is here and has come to stay. It hopes
to win its way to public favor by ener
gy, industry and merit: and to this end
we ask that you give it a fair trial, and
li satisnea witn its
support.
The
four pages of six columns each, will be
issued very evening, except Sunday,
ana will be delivered m the city, or sent
by mail for the moderate sum of fiftv
Rfints Pk . mnTit.ii
Its Objects
will be to advertise
city, and adjacent country, to assist in
developing our industries, in extending
and opening up new channels for 'our
trade, in securing an open river, and in
helping THE DALLES to take her prop
er position as the
Leading City of
The paper, both daily and weekly, will
oe independent m
criticism oi political matters, as in its
handling of local affairs, it will be
JUST, FAIR AND IMPARTIAL.
We will endeavor to give all the lo
cal news, and we ask that vour criticism
r"P nT " !-? onrl nmi win iVtn Auwn n J
the contents of the
rash assertions of outside parties.
THE WEEKLY,
sent to any address
t will contain irom tour to six eight
column pages, and we shall endeavor
to make it the equal of the best. Ask
your Postmaster for a copy, or address.
THE CHRONICLE PUB. CO.
Office, N. W. Cor. Washington and Second Sts.
THE DALLES.
The Gate City of the Inland Empire is situated at
the head of navigation on the Middle Columbia, and
is a thriving, prosperous city.
ITS TERRITORY.
It is the supply city for an extensive and rich agri
cultural an grazing country, its trade reaching as
far south as Summer Lake, a distance of oyer twe
THE LARGEST WOOL MARKET.
The rich grazing country along the eastern slope
of the the Cascades furnishes pasture for thousands
of sheep, the wool from -which finds market here.
The Dalles is the largest original wool shipping
point in America, ahout 5,000,000 pounds being
shipped last year. , . .
axes fiju u vro.
The salmon fisheries are the finest on the Columbia,
yielding this year a revenue of $1,500,000 which can
and will be more than doubled in the near future.
The products of the beautiful Klickital valley find
market here, and the country south and east has this
year filled the warehouses, and all available storage
places to overflowing with their products.
ITS WEALTH
It is the richest city of its size on the coast, and its
money is scattered over and is being used to develop,
more farming country than is tributary to any other
city in Eastern Oregon. '
Its situation is unsurpassed! , Its climate delight
ful! Its possibilities incalculable! Its resources un
limited! ; And on these corner stones she stands.
course a generous
Daily
the resources of the
Eastern Oregon.
politics, and m its
paper, and not from
for $1.50 per year.