A GRANDFATHER TO HIS WIFE.
1 .-...-.
'When, in the first fair flash of happy youth, r
I looked 'with loving eyes upon thy face. "
It seemed to me I there could find, in truth,
The perfect type of beauty and of grace,
-And as the belLi rang out thefr gladsome chime
That day when we were wed, I did not dream
That ever, with the mellowing of time.
Could that sweet face of thine more lovely
Tot, as I see thee now thy crown of white;
The glory of the motherhood; the lines
Upon thy brow and cheek, marks of time's flight.
The many sweetnesses thy life combines
Hethlnks that in my youth my judgment erred;
Despite thy beauty, seeming so benign,
This heart of mine has never been so stirred
As by the loveliness that now is thine.
John Kendrick Bongs in Harper's Weekly.
A BACHELOR'S STORY.
I was a bachelor, not wealthy, but
contented and happy. I am still a
bachelor, contented but not happy.
This is the difference between Thomas
Growler of a month ago and the same
person today. But one short month, ago
1 thought nothing of matrimony. 1
smoked my pipe in comfort at my lodg
ings (in the city of Canterbury) or sewed
refractory buttons upon mv clothincr
without a thought of any female to take
that employment out of my hands. -
But I was one day seated in the beauti
ful grounds of the Dane John, watching
. the children drinking at the fountain,
when a shndnw fall nrwm tlio rnh It
might have been the shadow of coming
events, but upon looking around I per
ceived that the substance was a very
beautiful young lady, with roguish blue
eyes that might have been the head
quarters of fun and good humor, looking
at me from a frame of golden ringlets.
Now, you need not imagine that 1,
sober gentleman of 40, was in love
with a girl. Nothing of the kind.' She
was at least 30, and a ragged little boy
who stood near, whose tongue I loosened
with a piece of silver, told me that she
was a widow, who owned a small farm
outside the town, and that her name was
Mrs. Faber. He also informed me that
her brother lived with her and managed
the property.
' Upon the following morning I greatly
surprised my friend, Harry Powers, by
praising the Widow Faber, and request
ing an introduction. . He gazed at me a
moment in speechless astonishment, and
I think that he really thought of knock
ing me down with Webster's Dictionary
and calling for assistance. But Harry
-wus engaged himself, and soon compre
hended the state of affairs. So he
dropped the book upon the table and in
vited me to a picnic which was to take
place in the woods in a few days, where
X should meet the lady and be intro
duced. I immediately purchased a new suit of
clothes, a beautiful wig and a pair of
' tight boots, and when the morning of
the festival dawned crowded myself
into the broadcloth, put on my wig, and
after much preparation and strong lan-
, guage had been wasted managed to
squeeze my feet into the patent leathers,
where they felt as if ipcased in red hot
iron boots.
At the picnic I received the promised
introduction, and had the nlpjumm nf m.
oorting Agnes all day. She talked with
roe, and we attacked the eatables in
company, investigating the interior of
pjgeon pies and dfesecting chickens to
!?ether. I was happy all day, and when
at parting she invited me to visit her 1
Jelieve the tightness of my waistcoat
-was all that prevented my heart from
"bursting its bonds. My feet prevented
me from sleeping that night, but I was
willing to suffer in such a cause, and I
bore it without a muxinur.
, .-Onjfr day I hired a horse and gig at the
ilv-ery stable, and started toward the
farm to carry Agnes to a party at a
neighboring town. She was already
dressed when I drove up, and looked
Teautiful in a new bonnet and shawl.
We were very comfortable, and our con
versation was very interesting. 1 was
advancing rapidly in her good opinion,
and was beginning to think seriously of
popping the question, when the horse
stopped suddenly as if turned to stone.
We both tumbled suddenly forward
with a low bow, and my companion's
lovely nose came into sharp contact with
the dashboard.
I immr diately jumped out to see what
was the matter, but everything about
the horse appeared to be all right, and 1
again climbed into the gig and prepared
. to start. But the horse obstinately re
fused to move. I coaxed and flattered,
but he would not be persuaded. 1
thrashed him with the whip until my
wrist ached, but he remained immova
ble as a statue. At last I sharpened a
hedge stake, took my seat, gave the
reins to my companion and gave him a
tremendous blow. I hardly hoped to see
him stir, but he did, and started, with a
leap that almost threw me on my back.
I immediately seized the reins, but his
determination had taken another chan
. nel, and he would not stop. I tugged at
the reins and shouted, "Whoa!" but he
held the bit between his teeth and rushed
along the road like a runaway comet.
Agnes screamed and I roared as we
dashed by the farm houses with the
speed of a locomotive. The horse's heels
splintered the dashboard at every leap,
' and the bright shoes twinkled like small
stars in dangerous proximity to our eyes.
Finally the wheels struck a tree, the
horse stumbled and the next moment 1
was lying upon my back in the road.
Feeling like an exhausted bellows I re
pained my breath and picked myself up
after a while, but what a situation I Agnes
lying upon the grass, with torn clothing
ad disordered hair, while her chignon
was rolling along the pathway pursued
. by a terrier. The horse stood quite still
. and gazed calmly upon the ruins. I was
-without hat, covered ' with dust. The
boys shouted boisterously, and the coin
pany, who perceived that we were unin
jured, laughed. 1 could have jumped
into the river to hide myself, and 1 en
tertained serious ideas of running away,
but I thought better of it and assisted
Agnes to arise. ' ,'',
It cost me a heavy sum for the wrecked
gig. I was scratched and discouraged.
, Agnes had turned the cold shoulder and
I was in .despair, but I wrote her a letter
explaining matters and begging to be
again; taken into favor. 1 was overjoyed
to receive an encouraging reply. She
forgave me and would not give me up,
but her. brother; was -very angry and
would not permit her to see me. If I
would come upon the following- evening
to the farm I could reach her window
by means of the grapevine, and we could
think the matter over. ' -
This letter cheered me up wonderfully,
and when the clock struck 9 upon the
following night I walked gayly to the
farm, passed around to the rear and per
ceived a white figure at the window. A
large dog, which was fastened in a kennel
under the window, threatened to raise
an alarm, but a few words' from Agnes
quieted him. 1 clambered up the vine
and was soon at her side. I was so hap
py that the grapevine might have been
the ladder to paradise. : Agnes was for
giving and lovely, and we conversed fpr
half an hour without a thought of the
lower world.
1 was calmly gazing at the farm which
would soon be my own when I heard the
door open. Upon turning I saw the ob
noxious " brother standing in the door
way, with a very suspicious whip in his
hand. He looked angry, and I imme
diately comprehended his purpose. It
was not in human nature to remain
quiet, and when he sprang toward me
with an angry howl I answered with a
yell, and springing through the window
began slipping down the vine.
I would no doubt have made a master
ly retreat, bnt 1 was but a few feet from
the top when the brother cut the fasten
ings with his knife, and the vine and
myself fell together. Unfortunately 1
dropped upon the roof of the kennel.
The roof, not being able to hold showers
of fallen humanity, gave way, and 1
tumbled directly into the jaws of the
bulldog. The jaws, with a howl, fast
ened upon my leg, and for a moment
there was a terrible battle between us.
At last the dog unfastened to take a
fresh bite, and 1 took advantage for the
moment to get away; but my enemy
again fastened upon my coat tails, and
as 1 could not drag dog and kennel over
the fence J was unable to move.
The dog pulled one way and I the
other, and for a while the issue was very
doubtful, but 1 caught a glimpse of one
of the farm laborers advancing with a
pitchfork and gave a desperate jerk. It
was too much for the strongest of cloth,
and, leaving the torn portion in the dog's
possession, I bounded away toward the
barnyard fence. But I discovered in time
that I was charging upon the couched
pitchfork of the- servant, and, turning
quickly to the right, took a flying leap
over the garden wall. Unluckily 1 at
tempted to fly without wings: my feet
caught in the stones and I turned a
somersault into the garden..
Instead of falling upon the crass 1
dived headforemost into a straw bee
hive. The beehive went over on the
ground and I followed; but the bees
were the first to pick themselves un
and when I arose upon my feet there
was a wnole colony ready to settle npon
me.
They swarmed in my hair, and crawled
under my clothing until 1 was frantic.
The more I stamped and beat and
raved, the more they stung roe, At last
I gave a stamp of tremendous force: mr
tight patent leathers burst, and just as
my feet protruded at the sides 1 stormed
in the overturned hive. I might as well
nave stepped in tbe nre; the little tor
mentors stung my feet, and 1 danced
like a bear upon hot plates and for the
same reason.
I Was still wildly beating the air, when
I perceived all the farm servants, whom
my shouts had aroused,' charging in a
body. They shouted "Thief," and flour
ished their weapons and 1 began to think
of leaving that neighborhood in a hurry.
But I was determined upon revenge. ' 1
could not be stung any worse than 1
was; so I grasped the hive that stood
upon the bench and hurled it into the
crowd. I had the pleasure of seeing it
drop upon the brother's head like a huge
hat, and to see the individual throw it
off and roll upon the ground in anguish.
1 never derived so much pleasure from
hearing a person swear before.
I could hear my pursuers breathinsr
hard near me, and expected every mo
ment to feel the spikes of the pitchfork
behind, when 1 stumbled over a stone
and fell headlong into the river. The
men behind, unable to check themselves,
followed, and the next moment we were
all struggling in the water.
It was not deep, and was the best acci
dent that could have happened to me, as
it rid me of the bees. I soon arose and
scrambled up the steep bank, where 1
stood to look around. In one place a
head appeared above the water; in an
other a pair of feet kicked in the air.
without any visible owner. Hats, pitch
forks and men were mixed in a confused
heap, while all plunged and puffed like
a shoal of porpoises. Although 1 was
smarting with pain the scene was too
ludicrous to be gazed on with a sober
countenance, and I laughed until 1 could
roar no longer.
But when 1 reached my rooms I did
not feel so well. I knew that I had lost
Agnes forever, besides the heavy sum
for the gig and the new suit . My face
was swelled for many days, and I could
not leave the house. To be sure, some
of the neighbors had witnessed the
battle, and when it was shown how I had
punished them I was quite a hero among
my friends. Praise, however, did not
replace the missing -money, and Agnes
would not speak to me in the street.
So I was wretched.
I am now a confirmed bachelor, anil 1
look with a thankful heart upon ihe
chaos of bootjacks and boots in my room
without the least desire to -change my
condition. 1 look npon all widows as
attractive destroyers, and my experience
has been such as to confirm my hatred of
the sex. Of course allQwho think dif
ferent are welcome to be fettered, but if
I was to choose between hanging and
winning a widow I would select the
least of the evils, and patronize the ex
ecutioner. Agnes is still a widow, and
her brother is married and I hear, with
grim satisfaction, that he is henpecked.
New York World-
An Engineering Feat In India.
' The attention of the engineering world
is said to be just now fixed upon the
Bombay presidency in India," where is'
being ,- constructed one -of the greatest
pieces of solid masonry the world has
seen in modern times. - As the present
water supply of Bombay depends npon
defective works, a huge dam has been
designed to inclose the watershed of the
valley which drains into the sea Bouth
of Bombay. : Solely with the aid of na
tive labor Engineer Glover, a Scotchman
by birth, began this gigantic structure;
which, it js expected; will be completed
in March next. It is 2 miles long, '118
feet in height and 103 feet wide at the
base. The roadway on the top is to be
Si feet in width, and the stone work
will cost half a million sterling. ' -
The lake of water which this dam VH1
imprison will be eight square miles in
area, so that Bombay need be' under no
apprehension once the viceroy has offi
cially declared the sluices open and the
pipes of sixty miles long are in working
order.- Mr. Glover has 12,000 Hindoos,
all of whom he has trained to this special
work, employed on the dam. 1 To his
thirty years' labor among the natives is
due the fact that there are in India to
day 500,000 men, all 'capable stone
masons, carpenters and navvies, who
have been employed on his contracts for
great public works. Pall Mall Gazette.
Cool Work by a Robber.
A man of commanding appearance,
about 23 years of age and nicely dressed,
stopped at the residence of George Hot
tel. a farmer, who lives nontTi nf "Ma.
coutah, Friday morning, and asked for a
oreainasc, which he said he was willing
to pay for. While the farmer was pre
paring breakfast the stranger pocketed
a gold watch and a small amount in
money which were lying on a bureau
in an adioininir bedroom. Mr FTntfol
subsequently went to the room and dis
covered the theft. He charged the gen
tlemanly stranger with having them,
and the latter Tromntlv cnvm-ml Viim
with his revolver and ordered him to
keep his mouth shut on penalty of being
shot. -
The farmer's wife tVn attpmnti
assist her husband out of his predica
ment, but was promptly knocked down
by the strancrer. who made FTnttel nnd
his wife sit opposite him at the table,
with their hands behind them, while he
quietly enjoyed his breakfast Having
appeased his atroetite he willv ntinnfc-
hands with the farmer and his wife, bade
them an aiiectionate farewell, took to
the Woods With hin Tllnnrl-r a-nA Vino in
been heard from. St. Louis Republic
1 : Deserting; Iceland.
They have been taking- a census in
Iceland recently, and they are in trouble
there, too; but their trouble is not abont
the congressional representation. - It is
something even more serious. It ap
pears that so great has been the hegira
to Canada and the United States it has
taken away from the island fully 20,000
people, 'ims does not seem such a very
large number, except when one consid
ers that the original population was only
about 80.000. One-fourth of th nt.ir
population then has emigrated! The re-
suit is disastrous. Taxes have been
greatly increased, while properties have
become reduced in values. The har
vests, ' too, have : been greatly lessened.
There seems to be but one way out for
the Icelanders : They must all follow
the vanguard and abandon their island
to the walrus and bear. Perhaps a few
centuries hence some Professor Horsford
will discover evidence of human habita
tion at some pre-historic age in Iceland.
Boston Advertiser.
Electric Plowing.
An installation for the purpose of
plowing the land by electric motors has
been set up on the property belonging to
the Marquis de la Laguna. The power
of a waterwheel of some twenty horse
power will be employed, and the imple
ment for working tbe land is expected to
work at a distance of three miles from
the generating dynamo. So far as the
electrical plant is concerned all is right,
but a deficiency of mechanical and agri
cultural knowledge on the part of those
intrusted with the work seems likely to
make this trial a failure. This is much
to be regretted, as the promoters of the
experiment have been fortunate in find
ing a landowner who is disposed to make
a trial of such an important application
of electricity. Industries. . .
A Military Bear Forages.
The regimental bear of the Seven
teenth lancers, which has recently come
to imgiand with his regiment, took fur
lough without permission and started
out to insuect Shorncliffe. mniVh to t.h
alarm of the inhabitants. Bruin first
supped pff two chickens, and then
walked over some cottage roofs, refus
ing flatly to return home for all the
coaxing of his military keepers. The
animai next maue oil across country,
and while a search party were look
ing for him everywhere in despair he
quietly returned to camp of his own ac
cord. Lonaou Jjetter.
Why the Bed Flag Flew.
A red flag, flying from the rigging of
the steamship Knutsford, which arrived
at New York a few days ago from Liver-,
pool, was an object of interest to all ves
sels that passed near her moorings in
Gravesend bay. There were 14,000
pounds of dynamite stored in the hold of
the Knutsford, and the least jar might
have exploded the dangerous cargo and
blown the vessel to pieces. New York
Letter. . '
A Serious Laughing; Matter.
While laughing heartily Mrs. John
Patterson, a colored woman of Brazil,
Ind., ruptured the optic nerve of one
eye, producing instant blindness in that
organ. Physicians say that not a similar
case is recorded in medical annals.- -St.
Louis Globe-Democrat.
Apples That Cost S25 a Barrel.
Newtown pippin apples are now in
market for shipping to England, and cost
$25 a barrel. They are all selected and
each apple is rolled in paper. New York
Evening Sun. - '-',.,
J. M. HUNTINGTON & CO. I
Abstracters,
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Opera House Block, The Dalles, Or.
JAMES WHITE,
Has Opened a
Lunoli Counter,
In Connection With his Fruit Stand
and Will Serve
Hot Coffee, Hani Sandwich, Pigs' Feet,
and Fresh Oysters.
Convenient to the Passenger
Depot.
On Second St., near corner of Madison.
Also a
Branch Bakery, California
Orange. Cider, and the
Best Apple Cider.
If you want a good lunch, give me a call.
Open all Night
C. N. THORNBURY, T. A. HUDSON,
Late Rcc. U. 8. Laud Office. Notary Public.
THORNBURY&HUDSOH.
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THE DALLES, OR.
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Health is Wealth !
Dr. E. (',. West's Nerve and Brain Treat
ment, a fffiiHTanteed apecilic for Hysteria, Dizzi
ness, ConvulKioiiH, VitH, Nervous Neuralgia,
Headache, Nervous Prostration caused by the use
of alcohol or tobacco, Wakefulness, Mental De
pression, HofteninR of the Brain, resulting in in
sanity and leading to misery, decay and death,
Premature Old Aire. Barrenness, Loss of Power
in either sex. Involuntary lossea and Spermat--
orrhcea causeq by over exertion of the brain, sell
abuse or over indulgence. Each box contains
one month's treatment. $1.00 a box, or six boxes
for .".U0, sent by mail prepuld on receipt of price.
TV K GUARANTEE SIX BOXES
To cure anv case. With each order received bv
lis for six boxes, accompanied by .X, we wifl
send the purchaser our written guarantee to re
fund the money if the treatment does not effect
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JiLAKELEY & HOUGHTON.
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JE3
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BILLS 4 WHYERS, Proprietors.
The Best of Wines, Liquors and Cigars
ALWAYS OJJ SALE.
: They will aim to supply their customers with
the best in their line, both of imported and do-
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and will be delivered in the city, or sent
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developing our industries, in extending
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