SIX PAGES
EDITORIAL, SPORTS
SECTION TWO
SECOND MAIN NEWS
PORTLAND, OREGON, SUNDAY MORNING, JULY 3, 1921.
Secretary Denby Is Enthusiastic Over Job
K r k H ', 1 . ,H It It t
Navy Chieftain Has Served in the Ranks
DEVIL DOGS' WITH
WHOM HE SERVED
ARE LOYAL TO HIM
Former Associates in the Marines
Acclaim Him as a "Reg
ular Guy"
(Then n presented herewith the eizhth In
aeries of article written (or the New York
World by Louis Seibold desenbint Edwin Denby.
the secretary of the nary in the cabinet cf
President Harding.)
By Louis Seibold
(Copyright, 1921. by Press Publishing Co.. Ilia
New Tor World)
Washington, July 2. The career
of Edwin Denby, secretary of the
navy in the cabinet of President
Harding, is of more than passing in
terest to every small boy In the
country who loves adventure and the
picturesque. The period of it which
fills the large and unctuous soul of
the secretary himself with an over
flowing pride and which will appeal
to the imagination of the American
small boy has to do with the "devil
dogs," as the kaiser's troops were
wont to describe the United States
marines. Denby was a "devil dog,"
first a private, then a top sergeant.
and finally emerged as a major of
reserves.
A3" EEOQUEXT TRIBUTE
No greater tribute was ever paid to
any "devil dog" than that accorded the
"devil dog" who became the boss of the
navy by a jubilant bunch of marine of
ficers that hopped in their planes and
taxied to St Augustine the day that
President Harding announced the ap
pointment of Denby as secretary of the
navy. The half dozen machines . that
broke the 100-mile record between Paris
Island, S. C, and the Florida winter re
sort were shamefully overloaded by en
thusiastic airmen, who floated all over
the Ponce de Leon hotel and insisted
upon telling Mr. Harding that he had
picked the best man in the world to run
the navy.
As for Denby himself,-.the volunteer
tribute paid to him by the "devil dogs"
from Paris Island just filled his cup
of happiness to overflowing. Unlike
most who try to make it appear that
the office sought them, Denby frankly
admitted it had always been his ambi
tion to be hooked up with the navy In
erne' way and that his selection to direct
its destinies completely filled his idea of
what realty- constituted happiness. There
was no guile about Denby when he told
me a few minutes after Mr. Harding had
announced his appointment that he was
"Just too full for utterance," something
tike the small boy who finds in his stock
ing at Christmas time everything that
his boyhood soul has longed for.
The persons who met him on the day
of his appointment made up their minds
that he was a "regular guy," as one
of them expressed it He said with
the most engaging frankness that he'd
rather be secretary of the -navy than
anything else in the world, - and his
. record thus far as head of that depart
ment has rather tended to confirm the
impression that he is still exacting the
fullest measure of happiness from the
realization of his ambition. .
PATS TRIBUTE TO DANIELS
The very first thing he did after he
had got his desk in shipshape in the
navy department was to go to sea to
look over the fleet of fighting boats as
sembled at Guantanamo for the usual
winter maneuvers. Officers and men of
the warships 'that he inspected voted
him dass A in every respect. He talked
to them straight from the shoulder, told
them exactly what he thought of the sea
forces of the nation, applauded their ef
ficiency and then proved himself a good
sportsman by paying a generous trib
ute to Josephus Daniels, his predecessor.
He did so by declaring that the United
States navy was in the finest possible
shape and that the condition of the
ships and -conduct of the officers and
men established its complete and satis
factory efficiency. While he was- about
it be made a pretty good job of his in
spection. Investigating the mysteries of
the engine rooms and gun turrets of the
dreadnoughts, sleeping blissfully on a
destroyer in a choppy sea, went down
in a submarine and up in a captive bal
loon. He sampled the messes of the
wardroom and of the third class seamen.
Then he came back to Washington in a
destroyer -and proceeded to get down to
work.
LOVES HIS JOB
Now a man who loves his job aa Denby
loves his is likely to find pleasure in
even the routine that most men find
irksome. Denby even likes to sign his
name several hundred times a day,
which Secretary of State Hughes re
cently told the guests at a dinner con
stituted 95 per cent of the actual work
of a cabinet officer.
Denby loves to roam around the navy
department venturing into all sorts of
places that a naval secretary rarely ever
i
i
The National Capital
Census Figures Reveal Interesting Racial Divisions Restive
Spirit Greets Administration's Procrastination
Congressmen Divided Into Blocs.
Edwin Denby, secretary of the navy
sees, getting acquainted with everybody.
and ''taking a close-up of every detail
connected with his job. Being a pretty
thorough two-handed sort of a man he
splits bis day up between his desk, listen
ing to recommendations, the kicks of
everybody in the service and talking with
politicians seeking - the promotion of
favorites or additions to their patronage.
While he was a "devil dog" Denby
learned to work hard and as secretary
of the navy he is toiling under forced
draft, as it were, to not only keep up
with his work but to absorb informa
tion that will be useful to him in mak
ing recommendations to congress or in
creasing the efficiency of the service.
Critics of a pacifist frame of mind
were considerably shocked when Denby,
ia response to a question, declared him
self to be in favor of making the United
States navy the biggest and most effici
ent in the world. Advocates of universal
disarmament attacked this statement but
Denby baa never withdrawn it a fact
which has not impaired his popularity
with the officers and men of the service.
CHANGE WELCOMES
Only a few days ago Denby made a
move, that was hailed with a wild chorus
of hurrahs by the officers to change
to "mufti" (civilian clothes) when not
actually on duty. During the actual
hostilities army and navy officers were
compelled to wear their uniforms at all
times. Inasmuch as the United States
ia only technically at war as a result of
the failure of the senate to ratify the
German peace treaty, Denby said he
though it was nonsense to compel of
ficers to go around all dressed up in
uniform when they are not engaged in
actual service. The result of his recent
order has been to remove from the
Washington scenery about three-fourths
of the costume effects constantly on
view.
As Denby knows the difference be
tween an officer and a seaman is merely
one of technical rank, he says that soon
he is going to extend the order to In
clude the privileges to enlisted men al
ready accorded officers. His annonce
ment will tend to Increase bis wide popu
larity with the gobs, who already re
gard him as a friend. The fact is that
every gob in the service already acclaims
Dehby as a "buddy," and consequently
expresses great confidence in him.
STRICT DISCIPLIXARIAX
When he was a comparatively young
fellow Denby was a gunner's mate of
the third class in the war with Spain.
At 47 he enlisted as a private in the
marine corps, worked like a Trojan to
take a hand with the other "devil dogs"
in the fighting in Prance and made such
a good record there that he earned rapid
promotion, coming out, as said, a major.
Going up the line, Denby, while a se
vere disclipinarian, made friends with
all of the men with whom he fought
shoulder to shoulder. He is credited
with always having been most sympa
thetic and helpful to his fellow privates
and to have been a "human being" when
he 'became top sergeant who can, if he
elects, exercise the powers of an auto
Only a few days ago a private "devil
dog," with whom the naval secretary
served, "got In bad" with his command
ing officer. He . wrote the secretary
about it and asked him to intercede.
Denby replied he was awful sorry his
old pal bad been put in the hoosegow,
but that a scrutiny of the papers proved
that he was being justly punished and
expressed the hope that the lesson would
not be lost
"After you get out" he is reported to
have written the offender, "come and
see me and I will see if we can't get you
started in the right way. I wish I could
knock off some of your sentence for old
time's sake, but I don't believe It would
be wise to do so."
LIKES TO BO FAVOBS
There is one thing about Denby on
which everybody agrees. It is that he'd
rather do a favor for you than not He
is always genial, ready to listen to you
with the air of a man who is really in
terested in your mission, looks you In
the eye and leaves the impression on
your mind that he desires your friend
ship. He is one of those great big, open-
faced, baldheaded fellows that fairly
exudes good nature , through his jaw,
which is of .the square cut Tammany
type, carries warning of both character
and determination.
He bulks almost abnormally large In
physique, being well over 6 feet and top
ping the scales at 250 pounds. About the
only things he can buy ready made is
an umbrella and a handkerchief. His
eyes are small and blue and friendly.
He is bald clear to the apex of his oval
shaped head. Sideways be looks a good
deal like big Tom Foley, the Tammany
boss, of the Brooklyn bridge district. He
is always smiling when his mental ma
chlnery is not consecrated on some prob
lem or the scrutiny of a doctrine. He is
now 51 years old, but looks 10 years
younger.
After being graduated from the Uni
versity of Michigan, where he has lived
from early boyhood, which was spent at
Evansville. Ind., where he was born, he
entered upon a spirit of adventure by
goiing to China with his father who wai
United States minister to that country.
For 10 years he was engaged in the
customs service of China under Sir Rob
ert Hart
When he came back to Michigan at
the end of that time he began to take up
what la now known as welfare work. He
waa active in prison reform and in the
promotion of other helpful undertakings
of a civic character. Incidentally, he
practised law, and. after serving in the
Michigan house of representatives In
1903. was elected to congress for three
terms, serving between 1905 and 1911.
WEEKS BOOSTED HIM
t was wane he was in congress that
he began to specialise in naval affairs
aad met up with John W. Weeks, who la
now the secretary of war. Incidentally,
it was Weeks who first called the at
tention of Mr. Harding to Denby as a
man worth looking over for the navy
department
Weeks, who is quite as baldheaded as
Denby and much the same type of man,
started Denby after the job. Senator
Townsend of Michigan and some of the
most important men in that state got
behind Denby. The latter made a favor
able impression on Mr. Harding who sent
for him and, after looking him over, or
dered him the navy portfolio on the spot
When he was selected, Denby, who di
vided his time between practicing law
and making money out of the manufac
ture of motor cars, was really working
hardest as chief probation officer of the
recorder's court of Detroit It is just
this sort of work that Denby likes most
after the navy. Starting fellows whose
feet have slipped on the upward path is
one of his specialities.
The other day he told about two fel
lows that had "got in wrong" and faced
a prison sentence. Denby got them off
and lent them money to get back to
their homes in Pennsylvania. They re
paid the- money after he became secre
tary of the navy.
He has two children one 8 and one 5
He goes to the Episcopal church regu
larly and devotes a lot of time to help
ing out the parson in welfare work.
And he is very fond of dinner parti ea
He has Introduced something of an in
novation to . official Washington by
wearing a canary colored vest with a
claw-hammer coat It Is his favorite
color, by the way. They are wearing
'em this year in Michigan. He can
"play at" golf, but he doesn't care for
it particularly. His idea of fun is his
Job.
Census Reveals
Racial Division
WASHINGTON. July 2. (WASHING
TON BUREAU OF THK JOUR
NAL) That the United States is be
coming more and more a white man's
country seems to be established by the
completed census figures on race popu
lation. Whites comprise 89.70 of the
total population, against 88.88 per cent
in 1910, a shift of 84 hundredths of 1
per cent aa compared -with all other
races.
A shift of nearly 1 per cent In such a
large mass Is important and is ac
counted for mainly in the figures of
Increase for the white race compared
with the negro, which ia the principal
non-white element The white popula
tion Increased IS per cent the negro only
6.5 per cent In numbers, there are
94,822,431 whites and 10.483,013 negroes.
In 10 years the whites have Increased
nearly 13,100,000, and the negroes have
increased 640.000.
In the same time there has been a
remarkable shift of the colored popula
tion from the old South to the North.
Over 400.000 of the negro gain is in the
Northern states. In the South, the gain
for the negro was less than 3 per cent
with a decided decrease in Tennessee.
Kentucky, Alabama. Mississippi and
Arkansas.
This colored migration has gone
largely into Ohio. Illinois. Indiana Penn
sylvania and Michigan. It carries a
political influence that was felt In the
last election, and is something with
which forecasters must reckon In the
years to come. In Ohio and Illinois the
Republicans are fortified with something
like 80,000 votes in each state, solid
blocks of votes that are dependable
without regard to the issue. The negro
Democrat is a curiosity rarely found.
There are more blacks than whites In
South Carolina and Mississippi, but If
the same ratios are maintained for
another 10 years every state In 1930 will
have a white majority. Even without
continuance of the unusual emigration
of colored workmen from those states, it
seems likely that the normal gain of
the whites will carry them ahead in the
next 10 year period.
In percentage gain the Japanese are
well ahead of all others for the last 10
years, but their 53.9 per cent gain brings
them only to 111.000 for the entire coun
try, and nearly 72,000 are In California
The Chinese have dropped from 71,000 to
61,000, and the Indians froth 265,000 to
242,000.
While many of the foreign white Im
migrants augment the foreign speaking
sections of the large cities, and do not
rapidly graduate into Americanism, the
history of the past shows that they do
eventually reach the "melting pot" and
they do not present the problem of un
asslmllable races, so the figures of grow
ing white preponderance give encourage
ment to those who hold that the nation's
safety depends first of all on racial!
solidarity. -
Ring Just Crazy About Dogs
Some Experiences Related
Next Sunday :
tary of labor.
James J. Davis, secre-
though the senate acted promptly, the
house delayed it nearly two months.
The thing Mr. Ramsay er neglected to
say, and which it would have been em
barrassing for him to say, waa that
the resolution was held up by the house
leaders because they bad White House
information that delay waa desirable and
that the president desired the Knox reso
lution changed before it waa passed.
Vice-President Coolldge has reported,
after an outside trip, that the people are
so Impatient over the failure to make
progress with tax legislation in the di
rection of reduction of tax burdens, so
freely promised during the campaign.
Senator Smoot has now bluntly stated
that he does not see that it 'will be pos
sible to reduce expenditures in any ma
terial degree for several years to coma
Early promises as to tariff revision
have also fallen down, although house
leaders appear to be straightening out
some of the snarls, and hope to have the
bill through the house before the end of
July. At that the tariff program la
about two months behind schedule, and
how long the senate will take on the
bill no one can predict
In other directions the same slowness
to get into action has caused criticism.
The peace resolution does not settle
terms of peace, and goes nowhere, so
far as closing up the account with Ger
many Is concerned. The new association
of nations remains vague and undefined.
The new shipping board has been named
only recently and is confronted with dif
ficulty because of the short time in
which it must prepare plans and make
a showing to sustain new appropriations
needed after July 1 if it la to remain a
going concern.
Distress in some of the farming sec
tions is acuta By reviving the war
finance corporation some assistance has
been rendered to the export trade and
thereby to certain agricultural interests,
but this was only done by restoring one
of the war agencies and flying In the
face of campaign talk about getting rid
of special war legislation.
Administration
Moves Slowly
WASHINGTON. July 2 (WASHING
TON BUREAU OF THE JOUR
NAL) The slowness of the Harding ad
ministration In taking hold of affairs is
bringing a backfire to members of the but those allied with organised labor and
Community of
Interest Expressed
WASHINGTON. July 2. (WASHING
TON BUREAU OF THE JOUR
NAL) The growth of groups of mem
bers of congress to promote certain kinds
of legislation is being viewed with
anxiety by some of the more conserva
tive members, who see in it a tendency
to class or sectional division and a threat
to party leadership and regularity.
The organization of the "agricultural
bloc" is one of the latest with a sub
stantial membership in both houses.
About 22 senators, members of both par
ties, assemble from time to time to dis
cuss legislation for the benefit of the
farmers. Senators Kenyon of Iowa,
Norris of Nebraska and Capper of Kan
sas are active In it There is a cor
responding organisation in the house to
look after legislation affecting the
farmers. ..
This seems to be the most virile aad
active of any of the "blocs," a name
borrowed from parliaments of Europe.
where governments are frequently main
tained by a combination of groups of
special interest, with agrarian and labor
issues most prominent The labor ele
ment in congress has no organization
j
The dog thought the kid would took better with one leg and It took S
people to get him not to operate.
senate and house, and some of the Re
publican leaders are saying that the
first good impressions will be lost unless
more rapid progress Is made.
"It is very evident that the people are
beginning to manifest some impatience
with this congress," said Representative
Ramsayer of Iowa, Republican, speaking
on the Porter peace resolution. He said
the people, In view of Mr. Harding's
pledges, had a right to expect prompt
passage of a peace resolution, and al-
Roving Rat Starts Near Riot
ft.
Health Officer Comments
Shrill, feminine shrieks disturbed
the gathering dusk in the towntown
district the other evening, halting
the theatre crowds and turning them
for a moment into attentive pillars
of stone.
There was an instant of hesitancy
while shrieks continued and then
the crowds started moving towards
Broadway and Washington. Policemen,
with hands on clubs, pushed hurriedly
through.
They found a scared, battered rat oc
cupying the square where the streets
met, while around the sides of the square
a wall of curious people had formed.
The rat was helpless ; every time he
tried to break through some young fel
low kicked him. He was game, but
what chance did he have? Soon be
staggered into the middle of the street
and died.
WOMI5 D I SPLAT E R FRIGHT
Bystanders who were on the scene
when the rat first appeared said that "a
long-legged blonde" did most of the
screaming.
When asked how they knew she was
long-legged they answered "Because."
She ran to a telephone pole and tried
to climb it they added. Several other
women lost their self-possession and
dashed madly for the curb.
This incident led Dr. George Parrish,
city health officer, to comment strongly
on rata
"The rat that started the riot in the
street was only one of the thousands
that have been driven uptown by the
high waters in the Willamette." he ex
plained. "According to statistics of the
federal government there is a rat for
every person in the United States. That
makes our quota nearly 300,000.
SCATTERED BT FLOOD
"Ordinarily, our rata live in the ram
shackle old buildings along the water
front but the high water has scattered
them, showing people what a pest they
would be If allowed to multiply unhampered.
"Right now, as the waters are reced
ing, is the best time to kill them. The
city health department has eight In- tend to destroy party unity
particularly sympathetic with it do con
fer and act as a unit when labor ques
tions are uppermost
i- arly In the present congress there
was an organization of Western members
formed for cohesive action on Japanese
questions, but there has been little occa
sion for it to go into action. Headed by
Senator Johnson of California, this group
is ready to meet whenever the occasion
cornea
It was proposed when the present ses
sion opened that the former service men
who are members of the house, more
than 20, should organise to promote sol
dier legislation, but this idea was
dropped. It was explained that the pur
pose might be misconstrued, and the
former soldiers thought it better to re
frain from any appearance of organised
action in behalf of their comrades, and
trust to the fairness of congress for the
success of matters in which they are
Interested. j
Western members of fne public land
states have an organization to assist
the cause of irrigation, particularly the
adoption of a new program that will
place reclamation upon a continuing
basis. These organizations are of dif
fering degrees of solidarity, and except
for the "agricultural bloc" they do not
often meet in any formal way. Never
theless, they are deplored by some vet
eran legislators.
Representatives Theodore E. Burton of
Ohio, former senator, is one of these.
He says that they substitute selfish or
particular interest for common good, entl
If comblna-
spectors in the business district now.
telling building owners how they can
get rid of the rats. .
"The best method is to pump out the
basements as soon as they are above
the level of the river, then dampen the
floor around the walls in front of the
holes and sprinkle chloride of lime on
boards or the dry floor just inside the
damp strip The rat will get his feet
wet first then he will step in the lime
It will burn him and he will try to lick
It off. The lime will kill some of the
rats and the rest will disappear Imme
diately. It's a sure method.
"Cats and traps are good, but they
require more attention.
"I've made a recommendation that the
federal government appoint a rat exter
minator along the' waterfront Condi
tions are certain to grow worse here as
our commerce grows and more and more
ships cast anchor, in the harbor.
"The old buildings along the water
front are Ideal breeding places for rata
They should all be torn down and re
placed with modern buildings."
Text Book Written
By Beed Professor
Adopted at College
After 10 years preparation, inspired
by his experience as professor of mathe
matics at Reed college. Dr. Frank Loxley
Griffin has been informed of the publi
cation of his text book for college fresh
man mathematics by Houghton Mifflin
company. In the new text "An Intro
duction to Mathematical Analysis," Dr.
Griffin has attempted to impart to the
student with the usual high school
foundation in mathematics, a broader
understanding of the ecteace of mathe
matics, its relation to the physical
sciences and its practical application in
modern fields from engineering to fi
nance and biology.
Predictions of the publishers indicate
that more than 200 colleges and uni
versities in the United States and Canada
will adopt the text immediately. The
book win be introduced at Reed college
during the coming session aad Its adop
tion by many of the major institutions is
expected.
Dr. Frank Loxley Griffin came to Reed
college from Williams college in 1921
and is the sole surwior of the original
faculty. Formerly professor of mathe
matics at Bowdoin college, he has ac
complished extensive research work in
other branches of science and is listed la
"Who's Who" aa one of the foremost
rast hemp tin iinn In this country.
tions are formed among them, they may
lead to imperfect compromises and ill
balanced legislation But be regards the
present conditions as mostly temporary.
Temporary alliances for a common
purpose, such as the irreconcilable squad
on the peace treaty, are common enough
in congress. The difference with the
"agricultural bloc" and certain other
groups just now la that they seem to
aim at permanent existence, with an
actual, though flexible, organization and
a purpose to deal with a wide variety
of legislation from what the Socialist
delights to call the "class conscious"
standpoint. This tendency may wear
down under the frowns of the party
leaders
When Is Civil Service
Not Civil Service
WASHINGTON. July 2. (WASHING
TON BUREAU OF THE JOUR
NAL) When is civil service not civil
service? Why, when it is set aside by
the president Now and then exceptions
are made In particular cases, where
some meritorious person is barred by a
technical rule.
These exceptions are not frequent, but
the president is reported to have decided
to use his authority In an unusual way
in . order to secure the appointment of
the man he wants for postmaster at
New York. Edward M. Morgan, former
postmaster, who has a good record and
has been generally Indorsed, has been
selected. He has passed the age limit
and this limitation Is to be waived in
order to restore him to his former posi
tion. It is understood that the prsaH t
does not Intend by this to encourage the
hope that it win be done In other nssns.
He considers New York exceptional, net
only because of the importance of the
office, but because of the unusual quali
fications and indorsements of Mr. Mor
gan, who has served ewer 30 years to
the office, for a large part of the time
aa postmaster.
By Ring W. Lardner
To the editor:
Every little wile you hear people
talking about a man that they don't
nobody seem to have much use for
him on acct. of
not' paying his
debts or beating
his wife or some
thing, and every
body takes a rap
at him about this
in that till finely!
one of the party
peaks up and
ays they must be
some good in him
because he 1 1 k e a
animals.
"A man can't be all bad when he
la so kind to doga" That la what
they generally always aay and that
ia the reason, you see so many men
stop on the street when they see a
dog and pet.lt because they figure
that maybe somebody will be look
ing at them do It, and the next time
they are getting panned, why who
ever seen it will speak up and say
"He can't be all bad because he
likes dogs."
Well friends when you come right
down to cases they's about as much
sense to this aa to a good many
other delusions that we got here in
this country, like for Inst the one
about nobody wanUng to win the
1st. pot and the one about a whole
lot of authors not being able to do
their beat work unlest they are
pickled.
But if likeing animals ain't a virtue
In itself why I don't see how it
proves that a man has got any vir
tues, and personly if I had a daugh
ter and she wanted to get married
and I asked her what kind of a bird
the guy waa and she said she didn't
know nothing about him except that
one day she seen him kiss a leopard,
why I would hold up my blessing
till a few of the missing precincts
was heard from.
But as long aa our best people haa
got it. in their skull that a friendly
feeling towards dumb brutes takes
the curse off a bad egg, why I or
nobody else is going to be sucker
enough to come out and admit that
all the horses, rams and oxen In the
world could drop dead tomorrow
morning without us batting an eye.
Pretty near everybody wants to
be well thought of and If likeing
dogs or sheep la a help along those
lines, why even if I didn't like them,
I wouldn't never loose a opportunity
to be seen in their company and act
aa if I waa have ing the time of my
Ufa
But wile I waa raised in a kennel,
you might say, and some of my most
intimate childhood friends waa of
the canine gender, still and all I be
leive doga la better In some climates
than others, the same aa oysters, and
I don't think It should ought to be
held against a man if he don't feel
the same fervor towards N. T. dogs
like he felt towards Michigan dogs,
and I am free to confess that the 4
dogs who I have grew to know per
sonly here on Long Island haa failed
to rouse tender yearnings aay ways
near similar to those Inspired by the
flea bearers of my youth.
And in case they should be any
tendency on the part of my readers
to denounce me for falling to re
spond whole heartily to the wilea of
the Long Island breed let me pre
sent a brief sketch of same so as
true lovers of the canine tribe can
judge for themselfs If the fault ia all
mine.
NO. 1
This waa the dainty toy that be
longed to Gene Buck and it waa a
bull dog no bigger than a X car
garage and It wouldn't harm a hair
of nobody's head only other animals
aad people. Childern were aa safe
with this pet aa walking in the Pitta-
burg freight yarda and he wouldn't
no more think 'of wronging a eat
than scratching himself.
In fairness to Mr. Buck I will
state that a pal of his give him the
dog aa a present without no com
ment Well they wasn't no trouble
till Qene had the dog pretty near a
Vs hr. when he let him out He
waa gone 10 minutes dureing which
Gene received a couple of phone
vtu
He cant be all bad, because he likes
dogs
calls announcing more in anger
than sorrow the sudden deaths of
2 adjacent cats of noble berth so
when the dog came back Gene
spanked him and give him a terrible
scolding and after that he didn't kill
no more cats except when he got
outdoora
But the next day De Wolf Hopper
come over to call and brought hia
kid which the dog thought would
look betteV with one leg and it took
5 people to get him not to operate,
so after that Gene called up the supt
of a dog's reform school and the
man says he would take him and
cure him of the cat habit by tying
one of hia victims around his neck
and leavelng it there a wk. but he
didn't know how to cure the taste
for young Hoppers unlest De Wolf
could spare the kid the wk. after
they waa finished with ,the cat.
This, proposition fell through bat
any way Gene aent the dog to the
reformatory and is still paying board
for same.
NO. 2
The people that lived 3 houses
from the undersigned decided to
aIV V V W UUIalU W It Vl up a. aVV Ull l
like you can't take doga no more so
they asked us did we want the dog
aa it was very nice around children
and we took It and aura enough it
was O. K. in regards to children but
It shared its new owner's feelinga to
wards motorcycles and every time
one went past the house the dog
would run out and spill the contents,
and on Sundays when the traffic waa
heavy they would sometimes be aa
many aa 4 or S motorcycle Jehus
standing on their head in the middle
of the road.
One of them finely took offense
and told on the dog and the justice
of the peace called me up and says
I would half to km It In 24 hra and
the only way I could think of to do
same waa drown it in the bath tab
and if yon done that why the bath
tub wouldn't be no good no more
because it waa a good size dog and
no matter how often you pulled the
stopper it would still be there.
So we called Up some people In
Glen Cove and asked them if they
wanted a dog that waa very nice
around children and they said yea
and I hope none of their children
ride a motorcycle.
NO. S
The next door neighbors baa a
pro-German police dog that win a
blue ribbon once but now it acta
as body guard for the lady of the
house and one day we waa over there
and the host says to slap hia Mrs.
on the arm and see what happened
so J slapped her on the arm and I
can still show you what happened,
When you dance with mine hos
tess this sweet little petty dances
right along with you and watchs
your step and if you tred on my
lady's toe he fines you a mouth full
and if you and her la partners in a
bridge game he lays under the
table and you either bid right and
play right or you get nipped.
NO. 4
This la onr present Incumbrance
which we didn't ask for him and
nobody give him to us but here he
is and he haa got the Insomnia and
he has picked a spot outside my
window to enjoy It but not
only that bnt be haa learnt that
If you jump at a screen often
enough it will finally give way and
the result ia that they ain't a door
or window on the 1st. fir. that yon
couldn't drive a rhinoceros through
it and all the bugs that didn't all
ready live In the house la movelng In
and bringing their family.'
That la a true record of the 4
dogs who I have met since takeing
up my abode in Nassau county so
when people ask me do I like dogs I
aay I am crazy about them and I
think they are all right in their place
but It ain't Long Island.
RING W. LARDNER
Great Neck, July 1.
(Ceorrickt 121. by the Bad Sradtease. me.)
Qlds,Wortman&KW
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