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l --V I i ahgtoK In i annnniii 1 j
Mrs.
READERS of this page last Sunday
will recall the plaint of Mrs. Beverly
D. Harris, wife of one of the vice
presidents of the great National City Bank
of New "York, about her husband's Vde vc
tlon to his financial work In Wall Street:
"I havetalL the luxuries in the world,
everything I want except one thing. I
WANT TO BE LOVED! i -
My husband was all Wall Street Big
Business. , Sometimes .when he would
come.in from his office uv the evening
I would ask him to take me to a' theatre
er a dance. Always he would say, 'To
morrow, baby?. . - I
'"On one occasion he even forgot his
birthday. And that, too, after I had
decorated the house and bought many,'
many presents for him." y. ,Y' u
The busy financier, wrapped up In the
complex complications of Big Business,"
brought his problems from the bank to his '
home. -j i . - . j .
From his eager wife the absorbed man -of
Great Finance received absent-mindedly
the welcoming kiss, and after dinner hur- -tied
out to a directors' meeting or a con-
ference at some financier's house.
The wife was given every luxury, "every
comfort, and was ' handsomely established '
In her suite of rooms in the great Hotel
. Pennsylvania. - she had clothes,'. Jewelry,
automobiles, - leisure f and no exactions.
And yet the banker's wife, surrounded
with "all the luxuries in the world, was
hungry to be loved j
Thus the situation of the New York
banker's wife raised the question which !
was discussed m these columns last Sun
day as to how much love a bride Is en
titled to.- No court has ever answered that
question with exactness. There ts nj book
In any library which indicate that Cupid
has ever measured out the precise amount -ol
time, attention, devotion and caresses
THE OREGON" SUNDAY ' JOURNAL', PORTUAND,' SUNDAY HORNING,
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tW. E. D. Stokes, the Victim of a Husband Who, the Judge De
dared, "Never Was Fit to Marry Any Decent Young Girl."
which a worthy wife may reasonably de-
mand of her husband. " -
Tha "Blrd tn the Gilded Cage" has heen
often pictured by novelists and dramatists,
and sympathy always goes out to the wife,
who has everything In the way of worldly
. luxuries but lacks the one thing her heart
longs for LOVE! .
Continuing to study the question of how
much love 8 devoted wife is entitledo, It
is interesting to. recall the following per
tinent paragraphs from Ella Wheeler Wil
cox, who had an Insight into human nature ;
equalled by tew and excelled by none:
, "The "woman who allows her husband
to think thiat she Is Incapable of any; en-
- Joyment without - his presence makes a
serious mistake. Let him know (if It is -
true) : that ? her' greatest happiness ; and
most sincere pleasure lie in his society, '
but let her also Indicate the power to en- '
tertain herself or to find amusements with
other people and he will feel twice the
desire to be with her. It flatters a man to
be . told that a - woman - is fully dependent
upon him for every moment of happiness.1
- but he soon finds that the thought - irks
him and secretly rebels' against it- ;
"No man lives who does not need some
sort of pleasure separate from a. woman's
society. Either in business, books, sports,
clubs or solitude he can enjoy himself, and
ir he Is made to feel that a woman It fret
ting over the time he gives to any one ot
' these ' things - the thought soon divorces
Itself from sentiment and becomes anag
gravation. If he knows, on the other hand,
that she is : having a very ; good time : her
self entertaining friends, attending social
or club functions, studying music or art,
he hurries home to her with, far more
eagerness and anticipation. ;
"No man should' marry a woman know-
tng ne is to be absent -from her more than
ualt-the .time unless he prevides or helps
to provide tor her some means tor a safe,
- wholesome and enjoyable use of her time,'
Her Gomplaiimt TJhiaib Sine
i i ? Mr. Beverly D. Harris.
woman should marry a man knowing
be is to leave br alone for long periods
.without formulating s system of occupa-
tion for herself which will Insure her "own
protection from the (plans of outsiders, oft .
times foes, in the garb of friends. .
"No two people should demand absolute
, control of each - other's time. There are
: wives who seem to stand in a sort of "your
time or - your life attitude toward their
husbands from the hour they are married.
There : are . husbands who have the came
exacting Ideas." o2 a man's right. It is
human nature to resent this espionage, no
matter how dearly the tyrant is loved. It
Is a husband's duty to see that hisiwife
has - recreation and enjoyment and 'that
she is not left to- her own resources' con-
tinually. He should think of her, comfort
and happiness always, but this In no way
argues that he should always have her by
Ms side. A wife should not depend upon
her husband for every hour of entertain
ment. Nor should she expect him to find
no enjoyment outside of "her society.
The causes of matrimonial, unrest are
as many and as varied as the characters
of the couple' involved In the marital dis
harmony. In ' the discussion ot Mrs. : Har-.
rts's unhappiness no element of husbandly
-mistreatment enters,, such as the conduct
of the notorious W. E. D-' Stokes, as al-
' legea in the divorce and other proceedings
' which have occupied the courts. , "
. OU one occasion a Judge made these
scathing - remarks ' from ; the - bench about
Stokes: ------
i -Mrs. Stokes's' harrowing story ot abuse,,
of ' cruelty - and neglect convinces!: the
'court that" he never was fit : to marry any
decent -. young girl, much . less to be' the .
father of her children, - Instead of making
real borne he seems mostly to have made .
a hell for his wife: during the eight years'
that she seems to have suffered and en
dured his flagrant, insulting, depraved and,
as she testifies, degenerate conduct : '
r 101 1920 Intern atiooa) featur Serrlos. In
Wre&cEiedl Becanise
"I WANT
T BE
EB?"
: "Not ' only was she ', the : victim ot - his
temper, his egotism and his brutality, but
ehe also seems to have been at times com
pelled, through his conduct, to suffer from
the reproaches and insults, espionage and
conduct of the servants, or alleged ser
vants, in his own house."
Mrs., Harris was not the victim of any
such ; wretched - marriage as was Mrs.
Stokes. Perhaps more nearly resembling
Mrs. Harris's case was the unhappy mar
ried life of Mr. and Mrs. Lyman B. Ken
dall. Here' was a woman of the highest
character, with a devoted husband, who
was also above reproach. The Kendalls
were ; enormously wealthy, with a town
house in New York and Summer homes at
Bar Harbor. Maine, and elsewhere. 7 But
Mrs. Kendall and Mr. - Kendall were not
happy together. Mrs. Kendall loved social
life; -Mr. Kendall ? loved the pigs, the
horses, the cows, "the green meadows ot
his country estates.' What was the Joy of
one was an intolerable bore to the other.
For the happiness of each they deter-
mined to separate, and Mr. . Kendall, witn
great generosity;, courtesy: and all best
wishes, presented ms wue witn property
worth $4,500,000, and in addition to this
an annual income of $100,000 and allowed
her to have a -divorce. Mr. Kendall
promptly married the twell-known young
beauty. Miss Betty. Lee, whose portrait is
printed on this page, and Mrs. Kendall has
married again and ts now Mrs. Eldridge
M. Roberts. Both 1 have now found con
genial partners and are happy.
It is interesting to read these obs'erva
tlona by the first Mrs. Lyman B Kendall,
who, without reproaching her husband at
alL based this' advice to- young - married
couples on her own first matrimonial ex
perience: -"
Try to keep your interests close to
gether. Learn to play the game the other
likes, i Wear the clothes he likes. Find an
interest in the society, he likes Find the
attractive things in his friends. "
. ."It. he wants . you to have expensive
things he can't really afford, let him get
them for you sometimes. . And don'r let
blm become all-absorbed In his business.
Ana - you, don't become too absorbed In
your gayety and your dancing. And keep
close together. "
"i Great jrttin aichU flea err BO.
JUNE 20, 1920.
MmwM
Like a "Bird in a Gilded
Cage" "Everything
I Want, Except One '
Thin LOVE."
Don't' bother too much
about money. It you have
enough of it for happiness .
that should satisfy. It's
living together, playing to
gether, thinking together
that meahs: everything.
And , make your thinking
so varied 4hat some part
or it tfever can end,
' "As long ! as we were '
making the money, doing
it together, everything was
happiness. When It was
done everything seemed to
endeverything we did to
gether., .
Professor Walter M.
Gallichan, in -The Psy- -chology
of Marriage. has ..
this to say:
The retention of a hus-
band's affection Is an art ;
that 0 all wives should
study. 1 em inclined to .
the view that unfortunate
wedlock is most frequent- f -
, ly caused by man's ignor
ance concerning woman's
inmost. emotions and
r needs. But many mar- '
rlages are wrecked b
women.-, Some women
rival men in tyranny.
bullying and domineering.
Others are exorbitantly
'exacting in their demands
' upon the husband's leisure
time and interfere with
fils pleasures. - We have
, all met the husbands who
have abandoned studies
. recreations and hobbles
because these seemed to
threaten dpmestle peace.
TUere . are wives whose
sweetness seems to vanish
. in a dramatic fashion very
soon after the marriage
ceremony. The gentie-
.? ness and - amenability, of
.courtship are transformed
Into acrid criticism, fractious behavior,
outbursts of temper and moods of sullen-
ness. It is impossible for two average
egoists to rUve without an occasional Jar
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or misunderstanding. There must be a
resolute' cultivation of sympathy, tact and
patience on the part of both partners in
, conjugality." -
According to Jeremy Taylor, the famous
English philosopher, b good wife , Is
Heaven's last best gift to man.; -.
"A good wife," he once wrote, ls man's
angel and minister of graces Innumerable;
his gem or many virtues; his casket of
Jewels; her? voice,, his sweet music; her.
smiles, his biightesr day; her kiss, the
guardian ot his Innocence;-her arms', the
pale of safety, the bloom of his health, the
blossom or his life. - - i.
If a good wite : is one-halt as precious
as Jeremy Taylor pictures. Is "she noi
rightfully entitled to Just as much ot her
husband's time, attention, devotion and
ImmiX
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Mrs. Lyman B. Kendall Nov 2 Her Huv
band's First Marriage Was a Curious
. Combination of Money, Leisure,
Kindness, : but Utter Dif
ference in Taste
' V".";'
caresses as she requires to satisfy h1
craving for love? .Should not a husband
! be willing to sacrifice his business or any
other personal interest in order to gratify
the longings of the woman who. forms his
most priceless possession? There will be
, many, both men and women, who will
think so. Wives, they will say, have cause
''to complain'7 when' they are denied love
even though' their husbands .are lavishing
on them all the luxuries in the world.
? Others, however, will take a quite dif
ferent view of the matter. . They will
argue that women who -complain as Mrs.
Harris does , are taking a foolish and very
superficial view of love. In - pouting be
. cause i they do ' not get more caresses,
more hours of intimate companionship and
other outward Indications of love, they are
overlooking the fact that It is often
man's supreme devotion to his wife--his
- anxiety about her future which leads to
this seeming neglect of her tor business.