4 : f PORTLAND, , SUNDAY MORNING. DECEMBER 12, 1915.
A NAME? The . Census v Taker Kimows
Collecting InformaHon for Portland's City
Directory Is Large Excursion That
Takes One Into Foreign Lands and
Among Strange PeopleIncidentally
Name Hunting Becomes a. Fascinaifcm:
IN
Pursuit Followed With Frenzied En
thusiasm and Zeal
By Charles E. Sawyer.
IF one wishes to properly study humm
nature, let one enlist his services in
a city directory campagin. For a re
cruit, it's a hard experience, but it's
worth the effort. He must use tact, exer
cise patience, willingly suffer heat, cold,
rain, hunger and thirst if necessity de
mands, and practice all the human
virtues. He must learn to "speak softly,"
but never to "carry a big stick,"
because he can't do it, you know. He must
accept all the snubs given and still remain
a gentleman. Like Will Carleton's "Coun
try Editor." he must combine the wisdom
"of Moses and Solomon both," and yes!
despite all affronts, on all occasions "learn
to strangle a natural oath."
One must be as tireless as an electron.
Judging by personal experience, it might
be well to use roller skates so as to be
come a sort of modern Mercury, for name
hunting is a job generally of "magnificent
distances." It combines headwork and
footwork in large chunks.
While a knowledge of modern languages
is most valuable, it can be dispensed with,
but lack of this knowledge makes for less
efficiency. Speaking from actual knowl
edge, I should recommend German espe
cially, then Italian, some French and a
smattering at least of Russian, Polish and
the Scandinavian languages. In a cosmo
po!ian city, the reasons for this are ob
vious. It is not the purpose of the writer
to "talk shop," but rather to set down real
experiences to give the reader some gen
uine human interest stories.
Solomon tells us "A good name is rather
to be chosen than great riches." Shake
speare inquires:
"What's in a name? that which we call a
rose,
By any other name would smell as sweet."
Schiller and Goethe. Moliere and La
Rochefoucauld, Greek, Roman, Persian and
Arabian writers have pungled out very ex
cellent pundits on human names. Really
names nowadays don't mean anything.
Goethe hits the idea when he says: "Name
1st Schall und Rauch" the name is sound
and smoke.
Once one gets enthused in name-hunting,
the dcrire becomes as insatiate as head
hunting or scalp-taking, and it's much less
bloody. In the Portland City directory for
the coming year there will appear names
that are famous in history, literature,
science, oratory, etc. Here are a few of
them: Adams, Alexander, Austen, Bruce,
Byron. Browning, Burns (Robert), Burke,
Bacon, Christ, Calhoun, Clay, Cromwell,
Dickens (Charles). Douglas. Dumas, Eliot,
Franklin (Ben). Fielding, Grant, Goethe,
Harte, Hawthorne, Holmes (Oliver W'.),
Hugo, Homer, Irving, Jackson, Jefferson,
Kirgsley (Charles), Keats, Lee (Robert E. ),
Lamb, Lincoln, Milton, McKinley, O'Con
neil. O'Connor, Perry, Poe, Pope, Reade,
Shelley, Selkirk, Stevenson, Sterne, Shake
speare, Scott (Walter), Tennyson, Webster,
Whitman, Whittier, Washington (George),
and so on, ad infinitum.
A Few Experience.
At a workingmen's rooming-house, con
ducted by a Japanese woman, there was an
interesting experience. Her voice was low
and sweet, but her name as spoken, seemed
incomprehensible. With that rare polite
ness for which the people of Nippon are
famed, she requested my pencil. Her Eng
lish was perfect, with just enough of accent
to make it charming. As she wrote her
name in beautifully regular characters, I
frankly complimented her on her use of oar
language. She modestly admitted four
years of study in Nagasaki supplemented by
other studious years in a London school
from which she was graduated.
Less than two years ago she became a
widow, with a baby. Nothing daunted, this
brave little woman from the land of the
chrysanthemum and cherry blossom had
launched forth in a strange land in the
rooming-house business. May the kindly
gods protect and prosper her! In hei
helpfulness she even went so tar as to write
polite little notes leaving them in the rooms
of her absent lodgers, requesting full infor
mation. Next day when I returned, she was
genuinely distressed in being unable to give
a full report, two having rudely refused.
She felt sorry that 1 should have called
again in vain, never thinking for a moment
of the extra trouble she had undertaken, in
a place where all the work in 20 rooms fell
upon her frail shoulders.
In another place, also conducted by a
Japanese woman, unversed in English, it
was not easy sailing. She was very wary
and timorous, but 1 finally won nut. One
of her lodgers, a young mulatto woman, ex
plained to me that the landlady, because my
suit was blue, thought I must be some sort
of an officer. It is strange what a dread is
stirred in the minds of the masses by a
blue-coat.
The fear of possible military conscription
hangs, like the sword of Damocles sus
pended by a single hair, over the heads of
some. For instance, one day a door was
opened by a husky young fellow from Brit
ish Columbia. The cast of countenance
and the delightful "burr" on the tongue
besroke the "canny Scot." With Gaelic
astuteness he parried my questions, till
finally the reason of his secretiveness came
out. When he learned that long as is the
strong arm of Great Britain, it cannot con
THORMTOM W. EURCE
script a man in Uncle Sam's domain, he
grew communicative.
An elderly Russian Jewess proved very
guarded. She feared that some minion of
the czar would drag her boy into the car
nage of war should he find his name in the
directory. When It was made clear to her
that this could never be, there was no furth
er difficulty.
"Say, what you-all want?" was the greet
ing at one doorway from a low-browed and
villainous looking negro. When duly in
formed, he continued:
"No sah. Ah don't want mah name in
no directory. Ah's had plenty of trouble
dataway befo'. Folkses finds we-all too
easy. You-all white man git out hyar."
1 "got," but not before I had made it
clear that the directory was no place for
"no-'count" whelps like him, among re
spectable people Most colored persons
are sensible in the matter and readily and
courteously give their names. It is per
fectly clear that persons who refuse infor
mation have reasons. Perhaps they are
dodging collectors; maybe they are guilty of
some crime, and thus seek to lose their
identity. Others are merely conceited,
puffed-up with their own personal impor
tance, possessed of contrariness and all
around general cussedness.
A Belgian Woman
The doorway was dark and the light un
certain. The woman was a foreigner of
what nationality 1 did not know but I was
soon to be enlightened. 1 hazarded a query
in German. She stiffened, and her eyes
flashed unutterable scorn.
"Me onderstan' wat you weesh. Me
onderstan', but me will no speak him. Me
a Belgian," and she said it proudly, as she
defiantly tossed her head. The world only
dimly realizes the bitterness which the Bel
gians all feel toward the ruthless, crushing
hosts who wear the spiked helmet. The
memories of Louvain and Liege of dese
crated Rheims will rankle for generations
yet unborn. Perhaps the Teuton scars in
Flanders may never heal, and "The
mills of God grind slowly."
The word "postoffice" is about the same
in all languages. The utterance of this mag
ical word generally overcomes all difficul
ties. By some sort of mysterious cerebra
tion, most foreigners seem to comprehend '
that accuracy in their name and address U
essential, all of which "postoffice" suggests.
Apartment house janitors almost always
lent willing aid, and were courteous, for
which they are gratefully remembered.
In the day's work experiences were
varied. They were often pathetic, some
times droll, generally surprising, seldom
commonplace. .
Among the Italians and Jews there are
manyiypes of physical beauty. The former
remind one of the old Romans and their
wondrous history. Then taking great leaps
from that glorious past, the mind ha'tily
reviews the history of Italy. It is filled
with splendid names, but there are dark
pages, too. Hazy pictures of the Borgias,
the Doges of Venice, flit past; of Garibaldi
and Victor Emmanuel; of the hosts of bril
liant artists, poets and musicians. Then,
again to the present.
This people these Italians not Eye
talians are gracious, warm-hearted and
polite. As Edgar Saltus says, they are "the
Orientals of the Occident." The savory
odors of many an Italian dinner albeit,
too, savory sometimes of garlic stil linger
in memory. And so do the strains of music
and song and laughter one hears from nearly
every abode. A proverb of the race typify
ing its passionate love for melody, says:
"La musica e il lamento'deH'amore o la
preghiera a gli Dei" Music is the lament
of love, or a prayer to the Gods.
Isn't it true?
Many a little fellow from the "shores of
Italy" has looked into ray face through won
drous eyes whose dark beauty might well
have adorned the canvas of a Michael An
gelo or a Raphael. One such, on a golden
September morn acted as my interpreter for
his mother. Dear little chap! He misun
derstood me when 1 asked the name of his
father, giving me his own instead. When
he said it was "Dante." I marveled not.
Perhaps some day he, too, like his illustri
ous namesake, may become a great poet
Chi lo sa?
One Italian proved most versatile. He
spoke good English. He was a barber," a
purveyor of wines, a notary public, a con
veyancer and had studied law. He had con
siderable influence among his countrymen.
Where any difficulty was encountered
among the denizens of his district, his
name proved, an open sesame, and the in
formation . poured forth readily.
By considerable practice I soon learned
to write without hesitation such names as
Luigi, Gaetano, Giuseppi, Conget, Lucre
zia and, of course, hundreds of Rosas. This
seemed immensely to amuse one old grand
. mother. Alongside stood her granddaugh
ter of IS summers, an interested spectator.
She was a sort of combination of both Hebe
and Juno. Her eyes were as dark and lan
gushing as an hquri's. Quoth the old dame:
"Me no spika da Inglesa."
But it didn't matter so long as Congetta
did. My mental faculties pioved too slow
with one nam -. Congetta, disclosing a per
fect dental formula in a very pretty mouth,
volunteered with a radiant smile:
"You no understand Geeva me da
penc'," and she wrote the name.
And the litt'e bambinos all around, bask
ing in the sun, rolled in the dirt and were
glad of life.
In tie Jewish Quarter.
For a people whom the fates have so re
morselessly pursued, one can hardly believe
that the Jews have any sense of humor left,
but they have. They rmve developed, too, a
dialect the Yiddish. It is quaint and ex
pressive. They love good cheer, and to
them the family life is a sacred thing. They
are loyal in friendship even to a Goy (Gen
tile). The young speak of the old when
they pass in reverence, olav hasholem he
has gone to his rest. They enjoy a kaffee
klatsch a social function with coffee and
gossip; they feel rachmonous (pity) for the
erring; they denounce a rosher (scamp);
enjoy their frimsel kugel (pudding),
gefullte hechte (a fish delicacy), or bortsch
(beet soup). A crazy person is a meshug
ganeh, a drunkard is a shikker, one who
"works" others is a schnorrer, small talk is
schmooes, a thief is a ganef, a kiss is a
koosh.
The janitor of one apartment house said
to me: ,
"Wir sind alles Jehudim hier We are all
Jews here," and he was right. He was a
very accommodating man, and proved quite
a philosopher as he dropped pearls of wis
dom between puffs of cigarette smoke.
Though he often received gifts of wines and
liquors, he used but little of them, he said,'
unless he had a schlag (pain) in his stom
ach. He decried too much schencking
(drinking). He frankly told me that when
any of the children of the tenants "got
fresh," he would like to give them a potch
(slap). Some of the tenants wanted this,
or that, or the other thing, "Und Gptt weisst
wass nach and God knows what next," he
said.
One man thus spelled his name:
"W-o-l-f-f, 'Wolff. I spell if with twd
Ts so as to make it sound human," he
expTained with a smile.
A certain woman with dark hair said her
name was "Blond," and that her fair-haired
daughter was also named "Blond Blond by
name and blonde by nature," she added.
One day I approached a far-outlying
house with neatly-kept grounds. " In the
backyard was a diminutive old woman in a
sunbonnit hanging up a washing. She in
vited me into the house.
"You must be awfully tired," she volun
teered, but I declined her invitation. Her
form was spare and her hands hardened
with toil. The wrinkled features had a
motherly expression, with a touch of wist
fulness. The eyes were gentle and kindly.
Her heart opened to me. Here is the sim
ple, homely story:
"Me and pa farmed it for many years
near , Oregon. We raisid a fam
ily, but most on 'em died. Two girls lived
and married good husbands and are happy,
so me and pa are glad. But, say, Mister"
and the tired eyes filled with longing "I'm
so lonesome 'way out here. Me and pa
Rot a good price for the old farm. We
bought some city property and we haint got
nothin' to worry over, 'cause, you see, we
always got plenty of money to live on and
plenty to eat. Now. we've talked it over,
and I was thinkin' if I could find some pore
young widder with a little baby, that didn't
know how to git along, or mebbe some pore
girl with a baby whose man had up and left
her, we could give 'em a good home. We'd
feed and clothe 'em jest for company's
sake, and give 'em money to spend besides.
I'd jest be happy to have slch people
around. I guess we'd all be glad, and
I'd jest love to have a sweet little baby in
the house. So'd pa. We're both gittin'
old. We can't live forever nor take any of
our money away with us. We'd leave the
woman and baby some money and property
and educate the baby. Do you know where
we could find 'someone deservin', Mister?"
The knotted fingers were clasped in an
agony of entreaty. I saw how easily this
confiding woman could be imposed upon,
On the Sunny
Hard Lines
The preacher was a young man and nerv
ous, but interesting. He was making an
eloquent plea for the home life, and was
discanting eloquently on the evils of the
club, telling his congregation that married
men in particular should spend their -evenings
at home with their wives and children.
"Think, my hearers," said he, "of a poor,
neglected wife, all alone in the great, dreary
house, rocking the cradle of her sletping
babe with one foot and wiping away the
tears with the other."
Selecting a Vest
"Haven't you any larger checks?"
"No." said the tailor. "These are
the
largest I have."
"1 fear you have not a very extensive line
of cloth."
"These are about as large as checks qome
in cloth. I might possibly make you up a
vest out of linoleum."
The Woman of It
Mrs. Sharp Those two women don't
speak any more. Each said that she had
the smartest child in town.
Mrs. Carp Which was right?
Mrs. Sharp Neither. I have.
" "
"Blond by Nam and Blonde
and I gave her the address of several public
officials, who ought to be able to answer
her prayer. True-hearted, noble pld soult
From such as you come God's truest saints.
Sorrow la Encountered.
While ascending the steps at another
house, a woman at the door placed her
finger on her lips in token of silence. She
whispered:
"M"r. is dying from lung
hemorrhages."
An another humble home the stork had
just departed. In the one instance 1 had
nearly intruded into the presence of the
angel of death and the mystery of the pass
ing of a soul into the unknown; in the other
case I had stumbled upon another equally
great mystery the advent of a new soul to
earth life.
Again the scene changed, when a French
woman Insisted in replying to me with
"Yes ma'am" and "No ma'am," at the same
time "crooking the pregnant hinges of the
knee" with old country politeness.
Brief names of not more than two letters
are occasionally encountered, to be suc
ceeded by a Greek name containing perhaps
30 or more letters quite long enough to
use as a necktie. These are a few of the
oddities of human nomenclature one meets
with in name-hunting.
There are many queer things about
names. I have met s-veritable jungle full of
Bears, Bulls, Camelles, Colts, Deere, Does,
Foxes, Hoggs, Hares, Lambs, Lyons, Ochs,
Rabbits. Steers and Staggs. Of the feath
ered tribes one meets Just plain Birds, Cox,
Chicks, Cranes, Eagles, Falchons, Hawjcs,
Nightingales, Peacocks, Swallows, Swans
and Thrushes. There are Fish, as well as
such varieties as Crabb, Herring, Pickerell,
Pike, Salmon and Trout and some odd
Finns and Gills.
Quite a riot of color is shown in the
Blacks, Blues, Browns, Grays, Greens and
Whites. A varied landscape is presented in
the Parks, Fields, Hills, Marshes, Valleys
and Mountains, with some Brooks and Riv
ers (riot omitting Bridges to cross them),
Harbors, Lakes and Waters, And there are
plenty of Wells.
One could build up a number of Frank
ensteins with the Ankeles, Arms, Elbows,
Side of Life
Scared Them Off
The lady from Great Littleton was talk
ing to a friend who lived in Lesser Littleton.
"I've often wondered," she said, present
ly, "why you all combined to get your min
ister changed. What hfd the old one
done?,"
'The Lesser Littleton lady settled herself
more easily in the chair.
"Oh, my dear, he was quite impossible!"
she explained. "Why, he used to preach
and talk about the responsibilities of mar
riage so much that none of the unmarried
men in the village had the courage to pro
pose." A Person of Importance
Johnny had only just started school, and
on the third morning he was late in get
ting up.
"When he came home at the middle of
the day, his mother said:
"Weren't you late for school this morn
ing?" "Oh, no, mother!" exclaimed Johnny.
"Not late? Why, you didn't leave home
till after 9! What were the other children
doing when you got there?"
"They were just all sitting still, waiting
till 1 got there!"
"The Joy of the Beautiful Pine"
By Author of "Bedtime Stories"
by Nature," Sne Added
Blood, Thumms, Cheeks, Chins, Colons,
Fingers, Hair, Hands, Foots, Shinr-s, Heads,
Hearts, Hydes, Legges, Tongues and I
know of Skinners In plenty, but no Skins.
We discover Boys, Ladds, Manns and Maid
ens. To clothe these there are Belts,
Bloomers, Bonnets, Boots, Coats, Dresses,
Mantles, Shurts, Vails, Waistes and Stock
ins. Then there are Woolle and Cotton
and even a Sheet or two. For all the Cooks
there are necessarily Potts and Ketels.
Food and Drink Represented.
For articles of food and drink, there are
Bacon, Chicken, Duck, Goos, Ham, Meat,
Mutton. Pork, Pye, Rice, Veal, Waffles,
Beer, Brandes, Bourbon, Ginn, Rum, Sour
beer, Wine, a Drinker and a Drinkwater, a
Boose and Boozer. In the line of fruit we
find Fruiht, Apples, Berry v Cherrys, Mel
ons, etc. Even Butters happen along oc
casionally, but no Cheeses, though there
are Cheesemans and Cheesewrights, Cloves,
Peppers, Salts, Sweets and Sours give a dis
tinctive flavor.
Metalsfurnish manynames inCopper.Gold,
Irons, Silver, Steel and Zinck. One finds
Carpenters and -Masons to erect the Barns,
Castles, Churches, Spires, Halls, Houses
and Temples. For material they have at
hand Beams and Planks, Brick, Gravel, Sand,
Stone and Nails. They could do their work
with the Tooles provided, including Axes,
Augers, Files, Hammers, Tongs and Forges.
Incidentally there would readily result
Walls, Shutters, Curtains, Windows, Glass,
Glaziers, Stepps, Stairs, Roofs, Piazzas for
all these are every-day names.
There are a number of Farmers along
with PIoughind Harrows, together with
such products as Beans, Clover, Hay, Pease
and Wheat.
There are evidently no treeless wastes
either, as witness, Ash, Birch, Beechwoods,
Chestnuts, .Cedar, Forest, Oakes and Woods.
Monetary terms crop out in Pounds,
Schillings, Farthings, Pence, Penny, Hall
penny, Nickel, Quarter and Dollar, not for
getting the Sterlings (pounds sterling? ).
Asociated with these are Bonds, Banks,
Bankers with Millions and Billions.
A melodious assortment of names com
prises Musick, Drums, Pipes and Pipers,
Fifes and Fifers, Fluters, Horns, Cornets,
Organs and Viohls. There occur Whistlers
and Carrolls and Singers, with a Bass
among them. There are also Medleys and
Toons and even, a Chinamen named Song
Low. Talis there are, Tallboys and Tail
mans, Shorts, Leans, Stouts, Biggs and
Smalls, Olds and Youngs, Amblers and
Walkers. Strongs and Weakleys.
Countries and their inhabitants find rep
resentation also in Canada, England, English,
Ireland, Irish, France, French, Scott, Wales,
Welsh, Spain, German, Russ, Tuerck, Ro
man and Grecos. Even cities do not es
cape, for we find Limerick, Livingstbn,
Paris, Boston, Alameda, Copenhagen and
London. We encounter even Days arM
Weeks, Monday, Sunday, Noon, March and
May.
The eye is gladdened with Violette, Pose,
Panzie, Flowers and Garlands. For adorn
ment there are Jewels, Diamonds and
Rubys. There happen to be Norths, Souths,
Easts and Wests, Nears and Farrs, Slowes
and Fasts, Stiffs and LiYelys. There is
Work for Workmans, some Doolittles and
Idlemans, who are just as industrious as
the others. There are Goods and Good
mans, Bests, Poors and Poor mans and quite
properly not a few that are Rich in name
anyway. 1
Name That Are Military.
Something bf a military corps exists with
the Sergeants, Majors, Camps and Compani.
Oddly enough there aren't any Soldiers, but
there are Flaggs. There are Duells. too.
Armour, Garrisons and a Fort. Without
EXT
N
arms or ammunition any military organiza
tion could accomplish little, so Spears,
Shields and Shells, Bowes and an Arrow,
Cannon, Guns and Schott are provided, and
eventually a Battle results, where there are
Shoots, with a Shotsky, succeeded by
Smoke and Slaughter.
But one cannot pass by these names, sug
gestive of sorrow: Boo, Woo, or Tears or
Greves, or Coffins, Graves and Toombs.
Continuing to make a play upon names
for it were an easy enough thing to do, for
nouns, verbs, adjectives and prepositions ail
contribute to human nomenclature one
can form quite a number of clever str ies.
There are Courts, Judges, to give Justice:
Laws to be administered; Jurys to try Cases;
Clarks (clerks) to keep records; Lawyers.
Officers. Sheriffs, Constables, Marshalls aiul
Bailies (bailiffs) to assist the Judges, mt
forgetting Sinners to try.
There are Merchants, Buyers and Sellers.
Prinz' with Kings and a Queene, buk.es,
Earls and a Countiss present a Fi)
aspect.
There is a Heater and a Coale. One fins
Carrs and Trains, Rhodes to run them on,
and Sledds to slide over Trails. Even the
emotions are not neglected, for, we have
Moody, Joy, Anger, Bliss and Glad. Ttffe
are Tickles and Smileys and Laughland? It
is quite affecting to discern Boyles, Bun
yans and Corns, with the natural sequence
Of Akers and Paines. We find Speakers,
with Words to fill their mouths. Sometimes
Doctors appear, and Vials and Stoppers
There is a maritime suggestion in Shipps,
Skiffs, Crafts and a Cruder. Such names
as Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter are not
at all unusual. There appeared one Damon,
but never a Pythias.
The vocations of men furnish their quota
of family names. All are familiar with
Baker, Butcher, Butler, Cook, Cooper,
Coppersmith, Carter, Fisher, Gardener,
Goldsmith, Hunter, Miller, Porter, Silver
smith, . Shepherd, Sailor, Sawyer, Shoe
maker, Taylor, Wagoner. Weaver, etc.
Peculiar names are these: Gay, Incog
nito, Inches, Jump, lams. Feathers, Winch,
Whetstone, Prettyman, Pounstone, hate,
Tango, Yett. Apt, During, Still, On, Ek,
Cowherd and Cowgill.
Since ail the "Mc's" and the. "O's" are
popularly supposed to be descendants of
Celtic kings and chieftans, there will be
found enough of them to furnish Ireland
and Scotland with rulers for a thousand
years. Nearly all the saints in the calendar
supply names for Portlanders. For exam
ple, there are St. Clair, St. Denis. St. George,
St. Germain, St. Helen, St. John. St. Marie,
St. Onge, St. Rayner and many mure. The
tribes of Smiths, Schmidts, Schmids and
Smythes; the clans of Andersons and Ander
sens; of Petersons and Petersens; of Olsoni
and f )lsens ;-their names are legion. Fre
quently it has been explained that all Scan
dinavian names ending in "sen" are of Dan
ish derivation, while those ending in "son"
are of Norwegian or Swedish origin. How
ever, names do not always signify, for there
are Andersons (wm England and Scotland.
There are even Jewish families named Col
lins as Irish a name as Donegal or Kil
kenny. Such names as Papas, Cousins and Childs
afford a family feeling. One unearths an
Easter and a Christmas sometimes, as we'l
as Heaven. Angell, Hell, Sky, Moon and
Starrs, congregating with Savages and
Wylds.
One lady confessed to the name of Shake
speare. She was a widow, and her hus
band's name had been William. Further
more, that he hailed from Stratford-on-Avon,
and was probably a blood relative'of
the famous bard. Had this lady told me her
name was Judith, I shouldn't have been
much surprised.
But what does the reader think of such
names as the Darlings, Dears. Dearloves.
Turtledove? and Loves? Would it cause
any astonishment to learn that there are
Parsons, a Marry, a Wedding and Husbands?
Little by little, the hyphenated American
will cease to be. Here, side by side, all na
tions are gradually merging in the crucible.
Israel Zangwill's "Melting Pot" Is not a
myth, but a fact In this broad land of
America all elements are fusing, and by de
grees the "Coming Race" is being evolved.
AY
sum: