THE OREGON SUNDAY JOURNAL, PORTLAND, SUNDAY MORNING, FEBRUARY . 28, 1915.
Oh the Sunny Side of Life
at h ' n it "n tt M k n
Bits of Fun Here and There
Dutch Customs Are Pleasing
at j ' t n u at V
Old and Young Dress Alike
STATESMEN
BY
That "Voice" Again
FOR many weeks the town had been
ornamented by bills announcing that
a lecture on the value of vegetarian
Ism would be delivered by Prof. P. Knut.
There being nothing else going on in the
town at the time, quite a respectable crowd
filed into the hall.
The professor was eloquent, and before
he half finished his lecture, many of the
people present had decided to give his
teachings a trial when alas! the "voice"
interfered in the proceedings.
Getting worked up as he neared the
closing passages of his oration, the pro
fessor said: ,
"Ladies and gentlemen, I do assure you
that I never cease thanking the good soul
who first persuaded me to give vegetarian
ism a trial! I have never for an instant
regretted the day when I decided to give
up meat eating forever! Before I took this
step I was a wretched, ailing creature a
thing of aches and pains; an undersized,
measly, hesitating mortal, more like an an
imated scarecrow than a man. To vegetar
ianism alone can be given the credit for
this change this "
Here the horrible "voice" interrupted
with:
"Wot change, guv'nor?" ,
Surely Hard Enough
APROPOS of the German spy scare in
France and England, Lapsley Wil
son, at a luncheon at Nice, on the
French Riviera, told an anecdote.
"It was at the time," said Mr. Wilson,
"when concrete beds for guns were being
found according, at least, to rumor all
over the allies' territory. At this trouble
some time an American in Paris went up
to a policeman and said, mysteriously:
"'Pst! Are you looking for German
spies?'
"'Mais oui!' said the policeman, taking
from under his cape his notebook and
pencil.
" 'Then,' said the American, 'go to the
Hotel de Blanc and arrest the proprietor.
He's put up at least two concrete beds
there. I know, because my wife and I
slept in 'em last night.'"
Perhaps It Was
I
N Washington William Collier was once
conversing with a man of much scien
tific attainment. The scientist nar-
Tated in detail a series of experiments he
was conducting with the microphone.
"The microphone," said he, "magnifies
sounds to the ear as the microscope mag
nifies objects to the eye. The footfalls
of a spider heard through the microphone
sound like the tramping of marching in
fantry." "That is amazing," politely commented
Mr. Collier.
"This afternoon," continued the man of
science, "I heard a fly walking across the
pane. The noise resembled the hoofbeats
of a cavalryman's mount."
"Perhaps it was a horse fly," suggested
the actor.
When Crops Are Poor
Q
UIET and confident, the young trav
eler for the patent fertilizer deter
mined to sound Farmer Filbert as to
his firm's latest product.
But the farmer saw him coming ayont
the turnips, and knew him and his ilk of
old.
"No, young fellow," he finished up, after
a lengthy argument. "These new-fangled
ideas don't appeal to me. Nothing can
beat the old natural fertilizer."
"Good heavens, sir!" exclaimed the ex
asperated young patent-pusher. "The
day is coming when a man will be able
to carry enough fertilizer for an acre of
land in his watch pocket!"
"Maybe he will, my boy," allowed Fil
bert, as he chewed a fresh straw. "And
I reckon he'll . be able to carry the crop
in the same pocket, too!"
Fair Warning
THE lanky youth who occupied a seat
in a passenger coach persisted in
sticking his head and shoulders out
of the window. The brakeman was pass
ing through the coach, and he touched
the youth on the back.
"Better keep your head inside the win
dow," advised the brakeman.
"I kin look out the winder if I want
to," answered the youth.
"I know you can," warned the brake
man. "But if you damage any of the
iron work on the bridge you'll pay for it."
Wouldn't Be Missed
A FRIEND of Nat Goodwin's was stay
ing with the actor at his home in
California, in the hope of obtaining
relief from enronic dyspepsia. One day
he was taking a walk along the beach
with his host.
"I have derived relief from drinking a
glass i of salt water from the tide," said
the invalid, solemnly. "Do you think I
might take a second?"
Goodwin reflected deeply. "Well," he
replied, with equal seriousness, "1 don't
think a second would be missed."
Generosity
MRS. BLACKINGTON was collecting
funds for a widow and orphans who
had been suddenly left destitute by
the death of their provider. Meeting Mr.
Cronin, she asked if he wished to contrib
ute a few cents toward the fund.
"Now. Mr. Cronin," she said, "can I
put you down for a small subscription?"
"Shure, mum," replied the old Irishman,
"an it's a very laudable objict, and ye
kin put me down fer a couple- av dollars,
an' th' Lord knows I'd give ye th money
if I had it."
Not His Style
ANDREW CARNEGIE celeorating his
79th birthday in New York, said to a
reporter:
"1 impute my good health to my activi
ty. I have always kept active. -Nothing
'ages you, you know, like shiftfessness
like the shiftlessness that is found in cer
tain parts of Florida.
"A Florida cracker and his wife were
sitting on their stoop one day. The man
was chewing tobacco, and the woman was
dipping snuff. Suddenly a loud blare of
music was heard, and a political procession
passed by.
" 'Waal,' said the man. 'consarned ef
thet thar ain't the finest political parade
I've seen since our winter in Jacksonville.'
"'Fine parade, is she, Bill?' said his
wife.'
"'You bet!
"'Then I'd sartinly like to see her,' said
the
woman. 'Pity I ain't facin' that way!' "
A Military Offense
D
. URING the anuual maneuvers of the
British territorials, a private was
riding one day in a train with his uni
form coat unbuttoned. This caused a ser
geant to say:
"Button up that coat! Haven't you got
any sense of military decency at all?"
But here a gentleman on the left inter
fered,, saying to the sergeant:
"How dare you give commands with a
cigar in your mouth? I am Major Fitz
hugh Calbrain."
At this point an elderly gentleman with
a white mustache leaned over and mur
mured in the major's ear:
"Colonel Brewster Farfax is sorry to
remind you, sir, that , to scold a sergeant
in the presence of a private is a military
offense hard to overlook."
Hotel Humor
OHN McGLYNN. of Troy, president
the New York Hotel association, is
noted for his witty stories. Here are
a few of his epigrammatic conclusions:
"A sunken garden is one in which you
sink a lot of money."
"If 'an apple a day will keep the doctor
away,' why stop there? An onion a day
will keep everybody away."
"A pessimist is a man who pulls down
the blinds and then complain of how dark
it is."
"Over in Germany when a general does
something brave, they give him the Iron
cross. In Mexico when a general performs
a great service, they give him the double
cross."
Another Voice
A GIRL in an "up-state" city was called
to the telephone, or, rather, she an
swered the family telephone, and
thought she recognized in the terse "hello"
at the other end of the line the voice of her
fiance, so she said, "Hello, is that you,
Sweetie?"
The voice at the other end suddenly
turned gruff and replied:
"No, this is not Sweetie, by a blamed
sight. It's the gas company collector, and
if you don't pay yer bill at the office by
this afternoon, yer gas'll be shut off."
No Returns
interested visitor who was making
N
Zl a call in the tenement district, ns
ing, said:
"Well, my good woman, I must go now.
Is there anything I can do for you?"
"No, thank ye. mem," replied the sub
merged one. 'Ye mustn't mind it if I
don't return the call, will ye? I haven't
any time to go slurnmin meself."
Pictorial Comment on Current Events By the Leading Cartoonists
TROUBLES OP A NEUTRAL COOK
New York Globe.
UNTER ALLES
DEUTSCHLAND
; Brooklyn
E2E,ALy and NEAR v&l,lt
The Tell-Tale Wax
AT the time the Hay-Fauncefote treaty
was the big talk about the state de
partment, the newspaper correspond
ents were , wondering what day it would
be signed. There was a possibility that
the information would not be made pub
lic until some days after the signing was
done, and such a delay seemed to the cor
respondents highly objectionable. They
desired to know at once. Elmer Payne,
who was covering the department for the
Associated Press, found out by means of
a funny little bit of observation. He hap
pened to notice a colored messenger
walking briskly along the corridor with a
stick of sealing wax in his hand. A
"Where are you going?" asked Elmer
gruffly.
"I's taking this into the secretary's of
fice, frankly replied the messenger.
"They's fixin' t' drap some wax on
sump'n."
Elmer wis able to make a good guess
as to the paper on which the wax seal
was to go. And he succeeded in verify
ing his guess. It was the Hay-Paunce-fote
treaty.
Sick Very Sick
THEN there was the case of a certain
senator who said that he could not be
in Washington at the time of the most
heated part of the fight on the ship bill
because of illness. One of the leaders of
his side telegraphed him' to make his way
back to Washington, but he wrote a let
ter telling about his symptoms and show
ing conclusively that it would be impos
sible for him to leave his bed under at
least a fortnight. Then several other sen
ators wired the member, berating him for
his absence, and he came back to Wash
ington after all. He got there on the same
train that bore -bis letter showing how
utterly impossible it would be to leave his
bed for a fortnight.
Cheers for Jimmy
TO look at Jimmy Gallivan, member of
congress from Boston, New England,
is to know instinctively that Jimmy
is a live wire. He is the type of man
who, on finding that one way to do a
thing will not do, promptly tries another
way. In the course of his campaign last
fall, Jimmy and his opponent held outdoor
meetings one night almost within a hun
dred yards of each other. Jimmy's oppo
nent had some good cheer leaders, and
they sent up a rousing cry of exultation
that was extremely vexatious to the Galli
van crowd. All that the Gallivanites
needed was a leader and they could have
cheered loud enough to drown out the
noise of the rival gathering. Suddenly
they had a leader. A brisk, athletically
built little man with a sandy mustache
DON'T
STI KiOJSJLE
Eagle.
stepped forth, began to gyrate his arms
and yelled:
"Come on now, boys. Three rousing
cheers for Jimmy Gallivan."
After the crowd had raised a stirring
cheer, the leader signalled for them to do
it all over again. They did it in a man
ner that was a tribute to the skill of the
cheer-master.
? ? ? ? ? ?
There will now be a brief pause for the
benefit of those who desire to know who
the alert young leader was who stepped
forth and saved the day. or the evening, for
the Gallivan side.
The leader was Mr. Jimmy Gallivan
none other.
"Somebody had to do it," explains Gal-
livan. "How could I expect some other
fellow to holler for Gallivan if I wouldn't
do it myself?"
Exercise for the Dog
CONGRESSMAN GEORGE R. SMITH
of Minneapolis is fond of hunting
and takes great pride in the owner
ship of a costly setter dog of noble birth.
One day an old man who was acting as
guide for the hunt, came near making a
lifelong enemy of Smith by criticizing the
dog's technique in the field.
"The dog's perfectly all right," declared
Smith, indignantly. "I wouldn't trade him
for any dog I ever saw, only he doesn't get
quite enough exercise. I'm busy and have
to keep him penned up a good deal. He
ought to have more exercise and that
would improve his hunting."
"Has he got any fleas?" inquired the
old man.
"Should say not," replied Smith, in
sulted. "That dog has his bath every
week the same as I hope you do."
"Why don't you give him a few fleas?"
"What do you mean, give him fleas?
Why should I want a dog like him to have
fleas?"
"Well," opined the guide, thoughtfully,
"they'd give him exercise.
One Point
J.
D. POST is a member of congress
from Washington Court House,
Ohio often referred to by facetious
persons as Washington Clothes Horse.
He will retire from office on March 4.
The other day, noting the rapid approach
of that date, he began to make compari
sons of Washington, D. C., and Washing
ton C. H.
"In many respects," remarked Post, "I
like it here much better than I do our
Washington back home. But the thing
appeals to me most of all is the clean
streets. When I return home I'll have to
shine my shoes every day. Here I don't
have to shine them more than once a
week."
CopyTiRlit. 1913. b.r Fred C. Kelly.
SHOOT
ET TOT
atwr lit
A PLEASING picture of Dutch life is
drawn by Mrs. Florence Craig Al
brecht in a paper prepared for the
National Geographic society, in which she
describes the tidy housewife, shows how
the little girls exactly duplicate their
mothers in dress and the little boys must
be apparelled exactly like their fathers or
be hopelessly out of fashion.
The writer shows how formerly every
one of Holland's many islands and most
of her many towns had their own particu
lar and distinctive dress, and how, eVen to
this day, in a little country less than an
eighth as large as Oregon, one may still
recognize the places from which .many
people come by their costumes. She
draws a picture of the Walcheren dames
who drive to the butter market at Middle
burg, descend from their wagons and
chasis with much shaking of voluminous
skirts and aprons, much patting of their
comely Dutch caps, and much smoothing
of wrinkled laces.
' "When the farmer's wife comes to town,
she replaces her workday apron with one
of black sateen," says Airs. Albrecht, "al
most as long and full as her skirts; it is
close shirred at the waist in many fine,
even rows. Her' bodice is black likewise:
but a shield-shaped tucker is frequently of
gay colors, and the -sleeve is but an apol
ogy, ending far above the elbow in a broad
and very tight black velvet band."
With all their demureness of dress and
bearing, the Dutch girls are fond of
banter and fun. Ask one her name and she
is likely to answer that her mother can
tell it better than she can, as "mother
knew it first." She has no objection to
your knowing her name, but she is a great
tease at all times, says the-writer.
"A tiny maid of 4, a wee laddie unable
to speak plainly, wear precisely the same
Brussels Was Belgians' Indulgence
D
kRAWING a picture of Brussels as it
was before the present war, the
National Geographic society de
scribes the capital of the Belgians in the
following terms:
"The Brussels of before the. war was
the one indulgence that the industrious
Belgian folk permitted itself. Other Bel
gian cities were built for practical pur
poses for the Belgians are the hard
headed folk of the centuries but Brussels
was built to please. Strategic sites near
the raw materials of industry or upon the
lines of trade, ports and vantage points for
the distribution of agricultural produce
explain every Belgian city, except Brus
sels and Ostend and Ostend was built
exclusively for the benefit of rich for
eigners with money to spend. Brussels
was the weakness, the luxurious foible of
the hardest-working people.
"Brussels had the charms of a miniature.
It reproduced, feature for feature, the
breathless pleasure of Paris, the bright
art and student bohemia, the teeming
night-life, and all of the bewildering past
times of the ultra in fashion and fortune.
These things were just as in Paris though
drawn to a much smaller scale. But pro
portionately there were more Belgians in
Brussels than Frenchmen in Paris or Ger
mans in Berlin or Englishmen in London.
NOT AS EASY AS IT LOOKED
IN A WILDERNESS OF LAWS
Beta Statesman.
costumes as mother and father full, long,
black skirts white cap gold spiral coral
beads and apron for the one; black cloth
or velvet trousers and jacket much
adorned with silver buttons silver-buckled
shoes and queer black hat for the other.
"The tiny baby pats and smooths and
settles its many wide skirts adjusts its
beads and feels its gold spirals to be quite
sure they are all as they ought to be, with
as much care as its mother. It must be
confessed that this anxiety of dress is
much more developed in baby girls than
in boys. Perhaps it is only another exam
ple of masculine conceit, this seeming in
difference. The little boer, as the country :
boys are called, may think that he cannot
fail to look well under any circumstances,
and his principal purpose seems to be to
have his hat tilted over his eye at just
father's angle. But the little girl simply,,
must know that her ca is straight and
her skirt even and unwrinkled before she
can be happy." .
According to Mrs. Albrecht. many of
the women and men of Holland proclaim
their adherance to Catholicism or Protes
tantism by their dress. The lace cap com
ing down smooth and straight, and ending
squarely across the shoulders denotes a
Catholic woman; the cap that is gathered
or plaited to flare widely denotes the
Protestant woman. The Protestant gentle
man wears his beaver hat with brim rolled
up' all around; the Catholic gentleman
turns his down in front to form a visor.
"The Zealand farmer takes kindly to
progress," says the author, "in spite of his
conservatism in the matter of costume.
American farm machinery stands in many
a farmyard; and he has quickly adopted the
American bicycle, the American alarm
clock, the American street car, and the
American telephone."
Those' three greater war capitals have the
peoples of the world among them. Brus
sels was primarily Belgian.
"The population of the city, together
with its immediate suburbs, exceeded half 4
a million. Brussels was considerably
larger and livelier than the American capi
tal, Washington, which, it might be noted,
is the smallest and most sedate of all the
important capitals of the world. Neverthe
less, even Washington has a more solid, a
more extensive appearance than the chief
city of Belgium.
"The city lies on the unnavigable river
Senne, 50 miles from the sea. Old Brus.
sels is pentagonal, and magnificent boule
vards mark the sites of the old fortifica
tions. New Brussels lies on high land, it
is dry and healthful, and contains the
finer residences and most of the beautiful
public buildings.. The lower town is de
voted to business and to the canals which
reach to Ghent, Bruges, Antwerp and
Charleroi.
"Brussels began somewhere in the sev
enth century as a congregation, a congre
gation which gathered to hear St. Gery,
Bishop of Cambray, preach. St. Gery. was
one of those rare old heroes of young
Christianity, who matched their teachings'
with their lives and who were in command
of an irresistible eloquence. The camp '
of religious enthusiasts grew rapidly into
a village, which early distinguished itself
in manufacture and trade. Brussels has
had a changeful history. By the early
middle ages it had grown wealthy, and
it has always since remained a home of
wealth and of splendor. It has been twice
destroyed by fire, and has acknowledged
many masters. -
"Belgium is a land of the workingman,
There was, probably, hardly a drone to
be found in all the little kingdom. Every
body was in business in Belgium, everybody
was bent upon making money, and every
body was proud of his business and his
bent. In short, the whole country was
self-made, and. therefore, democratic.
Brussels, on the other hand, the national
luxury, has always been aristocratic in.
tone and feeling. The symbols of labor
and of practicality were not allowed to
obtrude in Brussels, which stands like an'
oasis in the desert with , its savoir-vivre,
its pure taste in architecture, its devotion
to art, music and the theatre, its light
gayety, and its gratefully-worn luxury.
The splendor of Brussels is not the crass
splendor of the upstart; it is rather the
pleasing elegance of an old Kaiserstadt
like Vienna." v
Region of Exiles
THE following statement concerning
the province of Bukovina, the neigh
bor of Galicia in the Austro-Hun-garian
empire, which has been, figuring in
:he war news recently, was prepared by
the National Geographic society,:
"Legend has it that the old gods are in
exile, in Bukovina. Crowded from their
temples in Greece and in Italy and from
their halls on Olympus, they fled to the
raw mountain forests of Bukovina, where
they have since led sadly impoverished
lives with no obligations, no hecatombs, no
incense, no notice, with nothing but bleak,
lonesome beech forests and rocky moun
tain sides. However true this may be in
the case of the gods, it is true in the case
of the peoples of Bukovina, that most of
them went these in exile. They are. the
Ruthenian and Roumanian tribes "who
were crowded out in the bitter struggles
through which Europe came to its pres
ent apportionment. They, like ; their
neighbors, the exiled gods, lead, lean ex
istences in the small, mountainous forest
land which lies on the outskirts of every
thing. , -
"Bukovina is an Austrian crownland,
with the rank. of a duchy, with a few
small cities and a population of some
800,000. It presents an unobstructed fron
tier to the Russians, while it is cut off
from the Austro-Hungarian empire' 'by
the Carpathian mountains. ; Its chief city
Czernowitz, is just across from the Rus
sian frontier. Broken spur ranges from
the Carpathians," further, isolate much of
Bukovina from its neighboring , Galicia.'
It is most easy of access to, Russia and
to Roumania. The first natural difficul
ties which the Russians met were the in
terior mountain ranges, covered with for
ests, and tangled with underbrush. ,
"The crownland has an area - of 4031
square miles, and lies almost wholly, in "
the Carpathian belt. Its climate is severe,
and its soils, except in the larger valleys,
are not very productive, . v ,
l
i
a
i