THE OREGON SUNDAY JOURNAL, PORTLAND, SUNDAY MORNING, 'DECEMBER 21, .1913. "
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Mou rou Fixed?"
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T IS not chance with, super-mortal sightless
ness Argua- ed blindness, as It were at
whom soldiers of fortune rail. Any true
adventurer, driven against the ropes by a
Wallop from the wildly swung mace in the
hand of the goddess of luck, us she blind
buffets her way through crowding humanity,
can shake the constellations from his mind and
gsyly lift his head for another Jar. It isn't
his fault. But the turning over for another"
nap after the alarm has sounded, the stopping
to smoke one more cigarette, the playing of the
wrong card these lead to the melodramatic
nail biting. Not old Dame Fate, nor Panta
loon Jinx, but misfeasance, mismanagement,
and mlaculng are the goat getters.
This epitome of life could have been pieced
out from the broken bit of thoughts that shook
and jounced together In the throbbing head of
Matt Carneylike scrap iron in a jolting junk
wagon. Matt might not have fitted the com
plete mosaic himself, but the scheme of tes
sellation was clear to him: A man :s a fool
- who doesn't stick to his own game.
' Matt sat In a self-abasement, head on hand,
JiandnJableJJLihe-feack' ionr-o-fulllvan's
saloon, where he made a handbook on the
races. He was broke which was a small mat
terbut he had lost his money against an un
familiar gam. " Lured from the trail of the
' equine equlvocators to' the turmoil of com.
- raerce, as represented by the board of trade,
Mr. Carnev had parted with S300 in the at-
temnt to lav a cornerstone in Mav wheat.
He had sent In his play to Stelz & Co. by
.AW
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a city of the orient and etielters one of the
most cosmopolitan communities In the world.
. On the tram car."', in the streetH, and at the
IiUneta our friend finds himnelf rubbing shoul.
tiers with Filipinos, Spaniards. Germans, Kng
llshmen, Portuguene, Turks, Hindus, Chinese,
Japanese In short, with men from every part
of the globe. In addition, there are meatizos,
or half castes, of almost evehy combination of
race conceivable.
"Who Is that tall, olive sKlnned chap that
Just passed us a Spaniard?" he asks a com-
' pan I on.
'"He comes from Macao," is the ' answer.
"His father was a Portuguese and his mother
was Chinese."
"And that pretty girl over there looks as
though She might hove Just arrived from Lon
don." - ' ' .
"Never saw London in her life. 8he was
born at NagaBaki. Father was English, all
right, .but her mamma was a Jap."
"HOW about that towheaded, light complex
, ioned, rosy lipped little boy on his way to
school?"..', .
'Tils papa's an American school teacher.
t Fell in i love rwlth one of his Filipino high
'school pupils several years ago and married
"her. That's, their oldest child. Guess he's
1 whaVyou might call an Amerlplno.'"
' "But iaren't 'there any American girls over
' here? .
': n.:-'x'! I '
After Novelty Wears Off.
"""""AT'"'fw,but " they,re".ss'scftcc'",lien,s
1 teeth In addlttonT most of 'em arp spoiled to
' death. Too much attention, that's th trou
. llo, ' Thty don't liave . enough competition.
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My
A Case That Might Literally Be Called
Poetic Justice- The Immaculate Matt Loses
His Bankroll by Playing a Game Unfamiliar
to Him, and Gets It Back from an
Entirely Unexpected Source.
one of his own customers, an employe of that
firm. As the $300 represented a cent and a
half margin on 15,000 bushels of purchased
wheat, the operation by which Matt went Into
the merket and out of the May future partook
somenhat of the nature of bucket shopping,
But on the floor cambllnff walks with firm
dignity as Mr. Investment, and short changing
appears in dinner dress as the Hon. Business
Acumen. Meanwhile new mansions go up in
the suburbs and champagne corks pop o' nights
in the red eye district.
Sunk Deep in Gloom.
It was 12 o'clock at night, whei nerves
"worn by overwork or overstimulation are as
jumpy and fluttery as a debutante doing the
tango in public for the first time. Matt had
sipped many beverages during the day and
now these drinks had died within him, like
sailors in a fever stricken hulk. He was help
less, but bound to suffer rather than ship
another crew. Matt, the refulgent, the racy,
the remorseless, was sunk deep In gloom from
which even Interest in the next day's entries
could not lift him.
Sullivan looked in the door with coldly sym.
pathetic eye.
"How feeling?" he grunted genially.
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Sullivan Had Deftly Shunted
His Guest Into the Alley."
Fit
as a fiddle to do a Dutch," replied
the self-made victim heavily. "Losing a hun
dred and fifty in the book might have been
bad enough without perspiring three hundred
more trying -to Jim Fatten myself into the
market that feeds the world."
''How you fixed?"
there being only one girl to -every dozen of
eligible young men."
Whereupon Mr. Young Slan reflects and
the more reflecting he docs the more does dis
contentment get hold of htm. Perhaps the
subject of matrimony may never before have
been considered seriously by him, but the fact
that In the Philippines it is a difficult state
to attain as far as American girls are con
cerned Is Impressed on him at every hand.
It is the old and venerable principle of "not
really wanting something until that something
ia hard to get," which is working out with
htm, that's all. Gradually tne novelty of his
surroundings wears off and finally even the
native fiestas, so full of vivid life and color,
fall to appeal to him. Even companionship
with American youths like Himself palls upon
him. He becomes morose, melancholy, 'and
morbid. He wants a wife.
In order to gratify his desire for feminine
companionship there are only three ' courses
open to him. The first is either friendship or
possibly marriage, if be can neat out his com
petitors, with one of the scarce and much
sought after American girls aforementioned.
Now, It is taken for granted in all parts of
the world, that there is nothing quite so pre
cious as the average unspoiled American girl
But where you find one that isn't that way
"hell hath no nuisance quite so great, Ho
ratio." Consequently, after having this r im
pressed upon him by practical application, our
..friend says,'."! '. ...: . . -litA '.s;'
-The next course open to him is filiation
'with another man's Wife. In the Philippines
this ia quite costumbre trie pastime having
been Introduced by the Spaniards.' Anything;
that l cwttumbre mvi of course be all right.
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10,000
I have to pay off tomorrow
morning.
"How much?'.
"About two hundred."
Sullivan coughed hopelessly.
Matt leaned back In his chair, his immacu-
late shirt crinkling coiily below his spotless
"r. Ho gaxed thoughtfully at his highly
polhthed shoes. Then he raised his head and
looked cellingward beneath the turned down
brim of his collegiate felt hat. He rubbed his
smooth shaven face with a well manicured
left hand as his glance floated downward from
on high to settle definitely on the two carat
diamond that glittered on the third finger of
his right hand. It was with Ills right hand
that Matt took in money.
Matt did not make his own book. He mere
ly took bets for the clearing house. But llko
many other well known dwellers within the
loop, who are bibliophiles of a sort, he held
out a few bets that looked easy now and then.
That day he had chosen several 1 and )2
wagers on a 15 to 1 shot as a soft means of
increasing his earnings. The 15 to 1 shot won,
however. Thus, bludgeoned by Fate, stripped
by his own ill Judgment, and immersed in a
gloomy bath by drink, he felt as helpless to
shield himself from a cruel world as a million
dollar divorcee before a dozen newspaper
cameras.
But one moment, gentle and other readers;
all is not yet lost. Behold, a man, drunk
beyond the dreams of drunkards, fighting his
way forward, against backward feet, 'into Sul
livan's. Sturdily he goes along the bar, hand -over
hand, struggling against an unseen under
tow that seems to threaten to carry him swirl
ing out Into the sea of the city. He gains
I , tS ,;, I'll
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"Have a Drink, He Sputtered
Truculently.
for the reason that it Is costumbre. There
was a time when you could take a bolo and
cut off a man's head and afterward escape
punishment by saying you thought such a
performance was costumbre. The only diffi
culty about this arrangement was ' that he
dead man's relatives might consider it costum
bre to experiment on your head in the same
fashion. It's the same way -about flirting
with another man's wife. That's costumbre.,
On the other hand, It's equally costumbre for
the husband in the case to lay for you some
dark night with a shotgun or a paving brick.
As a result Mr. Toung Man perhaps after
practical investigation, perhaps not, not if he's
sensible again says, "I pass."
Many Happy "Squaw Men."
The third and last course open to him is to
run the gauntlet of criticisms from many of his
.male companions and become a "squaw man."
By this is meant marriage with either a mes
tizo or pure blooded Filipino "girl. Now, this
is not a discussion of the ethical side nor an
thropological advantages or disadvantages of
such unions, but merely has to do with the
cause. Let it be said, however, that many,
'squaw men" are living far happier and more
oeontented lives than many of their most severe
critics, a majority of whom never have taken
the trouble to inquire into the characteristics
of the better class of Filipino women. Taking
these characteristics Into consideration, as
well as conditions In the Philippines, it Is not
so surprising if Mr. Toilng Man , hesitates
. some little' time before saying, "I pass," with
regard to this course. In some cases he doesn't
say it more power to bis Independencebut
1 the great majority of . Instances be suc
"Flat, and
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the end of the bar, staggers a few steps un
aided by the lifeline, and lurches Into the
chair opposite Matt, exhausted but Safe..
The handbook man . and the bar man said'
nothing. The drunken man straightened up
In his chair and cocked an eye at Matt The
latter's faultless dress found favor.
"Have a drink," he spluttered truculently.
Matt,' sick with the stale lees of countless
drinks and weary with the wrongs of this old,
old world, fidgeted. It was preferable to sit
In one's hall bedroom at night, studying chess
problems, to being annoyed in this way.
"Here, boy," roared the drunken one to
Sullivan. "Get ma frien' an" myself a drink."
He dug from his pocket a great, matted clot
of bills, damp and dirty, but of a noble golden
color and bearing kingly numerals.
Matt, irritated and disgusted, rose and si
lently walked out to the bar. He did not .
care to see what he thought might happen.
He had his code, and Matt was a stanch
standpatter in his way.
Sullivan Quotes Scripture.
Sullivan, cheerful and talkative as old John
Silver about to scuttle a ship, hurried glasses
and decanter to the rescue. Matt stood at the
bar moodily. Fragments of bibulous talk,
riveted into maudlin conversation of epithetis
and the phrases "I make plenty of money"
and "Have another drink" drifted to him.
Fifteen minutes in the ceaseless procession
of time rode steadily into Infinity before a
loud snore preceded Sullivan out of the back
room. He looked at Matt cynically.
V'r'IOfft- yo9-TBever. the Bible, Mattr
he .asked'.' ' ;'.' ., .
"Cut it," answered the mournful one.
"Forect that etory, about the manna com
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"Better Take a Half' Said Sullivan, Laying Two Quarters
Before His Priceless Customer.
cumbs to the restraining influence of the
"public opinion" of his countrymen.
Therefore there is nothing for him to do but
remain brldeless and bemoaning. He rapidly
develops a mania for "cussing" the islands 'at
the slightest provocation, and gets Into the
habit of going down to. the water front and
watching the steamships leave the harbor for
the United States, wishing fervently and soul,
fully, that he might be a passenger on one of
them. In the event that he is. stationed at
some town in the bosque' his condition is even
worse. There he has none of the "civilized"
diversions of Manila with which to while away
his sparo 'time such as his club, tango par
ties and an occasional thira grade repertoire
or musical comedy, company. He has only the
native fiestas, plenty of sunshine and fresh
air, resplendent sunsets and "the sigh of the
sheltering palm (plunkl plunk!)" to amuse
himself with.
Drives a Man to Bino.
, Now, there Is nothing' in the "world Quite so
nice as to stroll with your affinity in the sil
very sheen of the troplo moon and listen to
the ' "sigh of the sheltering palm : (plunk!
plunk?)," but when the affility In question
happens to be away , off westward " in Ban
Francisco j-, or New J..Tork";i or Oshkosh, the
palmy sigh gets to; be considerably monoto
nous. It usually .drive a man to, seek refuge
In, Scotch and' soda, or, this not being avail
able, In a certain native poison called bino,
;;AH' of which is bad for. a white man in the
tropics, and usually has an ; ending at the
Cementerio del Norte. , . -k
60, you American, girls of marriageable
Hovne t v - -
Flat and I Have to Pay
ing along for them guys that was all but down
and oiitr' And Sullivan counted the huge
clot of currency. '
"Four hundred and forty," he said.
. "It's a sucker play, just the same," re
marked Matt judiciously, "to pull that Kind of
stuff in your own place. Tou better get him
out."
"Certainly and sure," said Sullivan merrily.
He jammed the money Into his pocket and
returned to the back room. Followed exhorta
tions, grumbling, shuffling of feet, and finally
the opening of the back door and the closing
slam. Sullivan had deftly shunted his guest
into the alley.
"I'm going to quit this keeping open so
late," said Sullivan, as he and Matt stood at
the bar a few minutes later. "Thus dump
don't do enough after 9 o'clock to pay for the
light."
Matt looked thoughtfully at the clock. It
was a quarter to 1.
"Say, Matt, I know there's no use of talk
ing split with you, because you ain't on that
lay, but I'm gonig to slip you three hundred
till you get set right again." He pushed the
money across the bar to the gambler.
"I'll be there with bells on In a day or two,"
4
E PMLIPPMES
age and disposition, it Is up to you to decide
whether Mr. Young Man and 9999 like him
shall continue to suffer, or whether he will,
amid the sweet perfume of the tropic verdure,
forever bask' In the lovely sunshine of your
smiles tra la! The only solution of the
problem Is equalization of the numbers of
American girls and young men in the islands
a pair of stockings for each pair of socks,
or words to that effect. So, if you want to
be patriotlo and do something for your coun
try, go right ahead and emulate your James
town predecessors of. 300 years ago.
Tou Will , be received with open arms and
the tintinnabulation of many manly hearts.
And there are lots of worse places to live than
in the Philippines. . ;
';, ' '; ' ' '
Some Rules and Regulations.
If you decide to take the hint. It would be
well to observe a few ruTes after landing In
the islands. Some of these are as follows r
1. Don't get discouraged if you acquire
dengue' fever. It's no worse than la "grippe
and never does anything more harmful than
make you feel bad for a weetc. Besides' that,
it's costumbre '! with all ' newcomers. IToii're
not likely to get anything ' more sivsre, the
bureau, of health' haying" accomplished won
ders In the Islands . since American occupa
'tlon.v?r:;'v:' fr;
. I. Don't mind the mosquitoes you'll get
used, to them,. Here's a llttlo . secret wear,
white stockings and you won't get your an
kles bitten; that is, not so much as If you
.wear colored ones.,' The reason for this Is loot
known, mosquito psychology not -laving been
'Parol
Off Tomorrow Morning.
said Matt, carefully slipping the bills Into th
Inside pocket of his silk lined coat.
"Sure," said Sullivan, "but keep away from
them brokers' games. There ain't nothing la
gambling anyhow. I'd sooner be a business
man even with only a" little place like this-.
than a gambler, any day. I always know
what I'm at. Nothing gets me except tha
boose now and then."
The minute hand of the big clock 'over the
mirror behind the bar had worked round al
most to the closing time. Sullivan stretched
himself slqwly, rocked on his heels and toes,
and looked discriminate at bis cuffs, pre
paratory to complying with tne 1 o'clock ordi
nance. Suddenly the front door was flung
open and the filched bacchanal entered, teeter.
Ing with emotion and alcohol and blinking la
the light.
Matt's right eyebrow lifted an eighth of an
Inch as he glanced covertly at Sullivan, and,
unconsciously it seemed, his left hand went
up to his coat Just over the inside breast
pocket. Sullivan, a slight moisture at his tem
ples, smiled genially.
Loan of a Quarter.
"Say, you a good folia?" the drunken man
jerked the words at the shirt sleeved proprie
tor. "Sure, old top," Sullivan answered pleas
antly, but there was a certain hardness In his
tone.
"Stand me off for a drink?"
Ct.. it ,V.t .n., 1. n n tt .. - . CI 1 1 1 .11,
decanter and glass along tha bar.
"Know what, happened to me?" hiccoughed
the drunken one, leering Into the mirror as he
poured out his drink. "Was In soma place)
round here and got rolled. Every cent. Gotta
borrow carfare to get home. Len" ma a quar
ter?" "Better take a half," said Sullivan. laying
two .quarters before his priceless customer.
"No; only quarter. Tha's plenty. TouTeJ
all right Tou don't know me, but I'm al
right, too. There's my card," and he pounded
the bit of pasteboard down on the bar after
a thick fingered search through his waistcoat
pockets.
"I know when a man's ail right," said Sul
livan In flattering innuendo, "and I'll take a
chance with you any time."
"I'm all right," continued the drunken man,
taking up his theme again. "I'll bring a lot of
my frlen's round nex' time I'm' out."
With drunken gravity ho carefully pocketed
one of the quarters. Protesting tho all right
ness of himself and the house of Sullivan
from shingle to cellar he warped his way to
the door and was gone.
Matt Idly turned over the card left on the
bar and read:
8TELZ & CO.,
'La Salle street
John D. Stelz, Grain, Stocks, Bonds,
developed so far as that. If you live near
ManllaAbay you will be annoyed scarcely at
all, salt water mosquitoes not having acquired
a habit of banqueting on human beings.
. 8. Don't go into hysterics if you w-ake up
in. the morning and find a centipede in your
shoe. Simply take your otner shoe and mash
him, and then call for your muchacho to take
him out and bury him. A nip from a centi
pede, while by no means pleasant, is not fatal,
a general opinion to the contrary notwith
standing, ' .
4. Don't, after acquiring a husband, allow
yourself to be . dazzled by the brass buttons
and gold braid of some shavetail teniente just
out of West Point. If you're attractive and
good looking you're quite likely to be subject
ed to this dazzling process. However, all that .
you have to remember is that the chief occu
pation of a shavetail teniente during his spare
moments is to monkey " around and practice
up his efforts to dazzle. Just keep alevel
head and an asbestos heart whenever he tries,
to start something and you'll be all right ' V
6. Don't get Into the habit of signing your
husband's name ' to chits, which are credit
lips easily obtainable at all places of busi
ness Jn the islands. Pay. for everything you
TJUy that's the Wisest plan. The ohlt-slgnlng
habit, both on the part of husband and Wife,
has ruined many a happy home. If your hus
band happens to be of the T, "VVadd variety,
however, it sometime' proves a most excel
lent cure. 1 , - . , ,
;' Observe these rules and your common sense
and you",can'f.'"go "fair '"'mrong.''. Also, as "rs '
marked before, the Philippines, talcing Shorn
by and large, and fore and aft,, are a pretty
nice place. . " . 1 i . ' f
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