The Oregon daily journal., January 14, 1912, Page 51, Image 51

PORTLAND, OREGON, SUNDAY OMORNIG, , JANUARY 14, 1912
AS to PAYICR
TTTT AIT
erI.
w
The Tremendous Quantities of Household
Necessities That Are
Year by AmericanJvlanufacturers
THE family lined up for the fray. There
was no escape for father, unless ha
eared to go nungry, and he evidently
didn't, for he munched his food in
silence. He understood the signs. He was much
too wise to his age and generation to Indulge in
promiscuous remarks.
Well father knew, when silence was a mere
cloak for suppressed excitement, that a remark
about China might swiftly lead to a conversa
tion about a silk dress; that an inadvertent
reference to the Persian situation might quickly
be translated into terms of rugs and carpets.
It was thus every payday. Father felt that
the family was merely awaiting a convenient
opportunity to make an assault upon his pocket
book. For one blithe evening it would be well
filled. After that another week till the family
yes would brighten again with visions of whst
could be bought with money.
On this particular occasion mother led the
skirmish.
"l ather, I'm most tired to death," she re
marked drearily. "I've been ironing. And, say,
op you realize how many steps an electric flat
iron would save me f "
The battle was on. Father drooped his
knife and glared. Every bill in his pocketbook
was crying out in apprehension.
"And, say," demanded father, sternly,. Mo
yqu realize that the fool women of this country
are spending $900,000 a year just for electrio
irons?"
"It's that way every time I want anything,"
mother replied, with just a suggestion of tears.
"You've always got an excuse."
"Better have excuses than go broke," the
old gentleman grumbled. "Who's next!"
The family was amazed. It wasn't natural
for its head to invite, thus wantonly, bids for
new dresses, shoes, sweaters, gloves, hata and
"darn ' foolishness" in general.' In fact, it
looked very much as if a financial panio was
just about to descend upon that household, with
the old gentleman, in the role of a clearing
house, utterly oblivious "to all pleas for cash
and dispenser of nothing but certificates for
necessities and none too many of them. Plainly
it was a time for all the divergent factions to
pool their issues.
"I think mother Is exactly right," put in
Miss America. "I don't see why we can't have
our house wired for electricity. In the long
run it would save us money, and besides I want
an electric cooker
"In the long run," drawled out the old
gentleman; "but what about right now? Who's
going to furnish the wherewith for all the torn
myrot you women can think upf You spend
most of your time, it seems to me, devising ways
and means to get rid of my salary. You want
an electrio cooker, eht If you got it, I sup-
Jose I'd dine every night on toast and tea. Not
or father, as long as he knows that more than
(1,000,000 a year is being spent for these elec
tric gewgaws, not counting the ironers, that he
always got along without. Why, girl, do you
know that incandescent' lamps alone cost this
country nearly $14,000,000 a year; that the fix
ings set us back more than $6,000,000?"
"Anyhow," grumbled Miss America, "that's
m mere nothing 'to what people have to pay for
gas."
'Tor once a woman's right," mused father.
"I wonder how it came oh, you guessed it. If
you'd stopped to figure it out for yourself
you'd have thought backward somewhere. Yep,
you did hit it-onceA Don't forget the date. ' '
The gas manufactured in this country for light
ana ueai is worm mora uiua fioo,uw,wu ana
it takes an army of 60,000 to furnish the fuel
I t x il xi 1 00 rtt rrr i
for our jets. Now, just for once, doesn't that
make you feel like being economical I"
"I don't care," whinedAIiss America, tak
ing another tack. "We never get anything we
want. I wanted one of those music machines
the worst kind for Christmas, and I didn't get
it, and every . one else I know has one, and none
of the boys wants to come to parties at our
house any more because we've nothing to make
things lively and cheerful, like other people
have, and "
"You're getting as bad as your mother.
(Won't you EVER let up? While you're getting
your breath, just consider that mere talking
and music machines are costing the fathers of
this country more than $11,000,000 every year.
That's the value of those manufactured, anyway,
and the dealers' profits will just about make up
for those that are sent abroad. Why, do you
appreciate that the records and blanks made
in a year mount up to 27,000,000? You just
wait till you have to earn money maybe you
won't be so brash with it, then."
Up to this time Master America, with rare
boyish appreciation of the fact that the femi
nine members of the family were getting a
good share of what was usually handed out io
him, had kept severely quiet. Unfortunately
for him, as he. took, a sip of water the ice in
his glass gave a merry clink, . Father speedily
became aware of his -presenqe, and glared at
him, sternly, unrelentingly.
"Ice manufactured ice ice bourfit , In
wintertime, too," the old gentleman snapped.
.;C..7rr .
"imagine wnat AX
we bought ice in the wintertime-CAST you -
.guici .irvuw mig nam ir
imagine iti
Turned Out Every
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RECORDS
V
llore prudent than the feminine
tnent, the son kept silence.
"Ice manufactured Ice costs
eli-
"Ice manufactured Ice costs tho
fathers of this country nearly $43,000,000.
Do you get that t Ice manufactured ice is
turned out at the rate of 12.500.000 ton a
. , '
year. Lo you wonder I get cold feet occa
sionally?" It was - apparent, by this time, that the
worm had turned. The father who usually -grumbled
ana then gave up was as tight as tho
traditional clam. Evidently the gentle game
of snaring his salary had started too soon after
Christmas.
"Why, father," said Mrs. America, gently,
soothingly, "what are you up to?"
In answer the old gentleman took from his
inside breast pocket . several sheots of paper,
nicely decorated with long rows of figures, at
which he glanced with tremendous satisfaction.
"Figures," he remarked, "won't lie."
"No," said the wife quietly, "but the men
who make them Will."
"Jane!" shouted Mr. America, "so suddenly
and sternly that the boy, startled, knocked over
his water glass and it fell to the floor, splinter
ing into thousands of pieces.
"Another trick like that and you leave -the
table 1", warned the head of the family, turning
his attention exclusively to his son and heir.
"Hereafter, young man, if you want to support
the glass industry, yoirll do it out of the spend
ing money you earn yourself. Not another cent
from me for such carelessness. Do you hear,
sir ? Not another cent."
He took out his nose glasses and adjusted
them carefully, looking over the tops with a
steely glare at' the various members of his
family. Then he glanced at the papers that he
had spread out on the table.
"These are figures, census flnrures '
"All figures are the same to me, census fiar-
ure" .an:er;na? remarked;
mmnnr. iw n au hi i .
them." " v . ' C1l"uu UJ 0i.
v - v Madam, when I am Instructing toy son," "
U7,3WPE0J
BBS
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snapped the old gentleman, "I will take it as
a favor if you will refrain, as much as possible,
from needlessly foolish remarks. As I started
to say, madam, these are census figures. They
are not to be treated with levity."
"Dear me, father," interrupted Miss Amer
ica, coming to her mother's assistance, "there's
been nothing you've said so far that would move
one to hilarity. Census figures aren't usually
very mirthful, are they?"
"I'll attend to your case presently. Just
now I am trying to give my son a lesson in
economy, and I don't propose to allow any one
to divert mo from my purpose." He paused,
placed one finger on a line of figures and looked
severely at his Hopeful. , "Young man, when you
broke that glass you didn't know that you
. helped to create a deficit that calls for the man
ufacture of 516,305,200 piecea of glass table
ware every year, did you ?"
"No, pop," came the cheerful response.
"But what's that got to do with gettin' ma a
sweater an'a pair o' gloves ?"
In answer the father shifted his finger, and
resumed severely:
' "Annual output of. leather gloves; and mit
tens, 40,323,960 pairs, worth $23,631,000, made
by 12,492 people. This output, you impertinent
whelp, includes 11,270,032 pairs of dress gloves
for men, and 8,755,068 pairs for ' women, the
difference, 1 suspect, being made up by im
portations to" satisfy foolish women, whose van-
it,. fa too. bur for tho country the live in."
- .. -.. -.. 7 .
t';??at8 ?at g0V IStn pop 1 1 -P0 1
. Atrain the ominous index' finger, got busy,
V
A
and the old gentleman really seemed to enjoy
the frightful record.
"Wool manufactures, including wrist warm
ers and sweaters, $507,219,000 a year, made by.
208,739 people; hosiery and knit goods, includ
ing undershirts and socks, $200,143,000, made by
136,008 people."
"Say, pop," grinned the youngster, "you
gimme $5 and you can have all the rest of 'cm."
"Madam," growled the outraged parent, "if
you hadn't spoiled that boy, maybe I could do
something with him."
"No, you- couldn't, , father," broke in Miss
America, sweetly. "No one could. He picks
up more devilment on the street in one day
than you could drill out of him in two weeks.
He always takes the wrong time to be annoying,
too. He can't see that you're tired and over
worked tonight. You're a dear old daddie in
spite of your grumpiness, aren't you? I'm sorry
I annoyed you about that music machine. I
really didn't want it very badly. I just began
on it, so when I came down to what I really
did want you'd feel that I'd let you down easy.
All I was going to ask for was a few artificial
flowers to trim an old hat "
"Worse and more of it I" literally groaned
the proprietor of the pocketbook, as he ran his
trusty forefinger down the terrifying figures.
"Let me see yes, here it is artificial flowers,
feathers and plumes, value manufactured in
one year, $23,981,000; made by 11,063 people.
,Now, young woman, do : you realize what the'
women of this' country are wasting; on non .
sense?"' v '' , '., A '. A-'.'-, ''i',;'v'A;'
"Call It nonsense if you -win," complained iV
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71
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the mother, ''but if you knew the struggle I
have to keep those children clean and -decent '
looking"
"Madam, I will try to appreciate yout ,
trouble if you will do me the honor to count the
COST. For soap alone yes, here it is manu
factures for one year, $11,358,000; made by;
18,064 people." ... ,
"I verily believe you begrudge us the
clothes we wear "
"Clothes, clothes, women's clothes here's
the record of your sex, madam value of the
manufactures for one year, $384,752,000, and "
made by a great army of 172,539 people. , That's . .
lhore than twice as many soldiers as Italy has
sent to conquer Tripoli. Don't you think Ifa,
about time I started to preach a few lessons in
economy? What good does my salary do me, '
I'd like to know? I get it and bring it home
and that's tho last I see of it. The' mora I
make the more goes into broken glassware and -floolish
artificial flowers and senseless , furbo",
lows "" .": yyirTT
."Goodness knows, we get few, enough ' o
them, and little enough credit for toiling and i.
slaving at home to give you a comfortable place : :
to live. We women will never get our rights
till we're ablo to vote, like you, can. I'm going -to
join a suffrage society tomorrow and learn
to 6tand up for myself like other women thst
don't stew themselves away in a house till they ,
haven't nerve enough left to speak their own '
minds. What do I care about those nasty old
census figures! Was your old census meant to' '
divide families?'' v.-: A'iAiAA ', f '
"Jane, this' has gone far enough. You're -making
a pretty spectacle of yourself in front 1
of the children, aren't you? I And as for this
suffrage nonsense, you just bottle that up ones' '
'and for all. If you join, any suffrage' socUty
you just tell it to pay your bills. : I won't."
v. ; The mother "Qh, father I" (Tears.) ,1
' ) The daughter "Oh, father " (More tars.J
..A, The son---"Pop, you're a short skate. '
; . i t (CONTINUED ON-INSIDB FAOS)
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