. x ' , ' ". ' , - .'. . CowiUhi 1909. by AmwlcaJournaasUia
Groucho the Honk
Lihle 'Bobbie.
Following
7 -.1
. s
Oace-rUM. iwr. or
Joomal limtnar,
; the Fashion.
' " I I I I i . v
Hi, Writes About the Hamlet Club
Will you u&ten m tvat I A
, THAT SETTU5S IT i I'M ,
J you womenfolk' ' Are aor ALL PAY
(V rng LtMiT' ! ; - ; J ( "Play carps ! .
G0IH5 TO THE - CLUB;. 'WHERE
1 CAN WAVE v A DECENT
pna vvnat Pa Will Do if
HOW MANY; TIME A MUST ! TELL
By C a QUINCY.
. ma joins Jt.
YOU. YESr- SPADES ARe
fl RYAN'S footing ducks in Tern.
GAME OF CARIS
B VILLIAII F. KIRK
i JJ , Potting diem for fair;
Soon hell punch the solar plexus
( , Of a grizzV bear.
ms QAMLKT rr ttb
U all I can think r
, Z, r " ut HamlatClub.
wlea my u a. .
4
S&3
Ma calm hoan a n
AFT will moo le getting busy
Chaiing mountain goats.
Selling precipices dizzy
' With an eye to vote.
mea ara startei aa a J",V"
w r. nrau. at i
ao oatmbars of tb Hamlat dub A .m
our beat at all times to honor tha man.
ary of tha Ualoa Colin n.. m. TT
" a sf i
IlStaa to tha atorla rr. ..7
' V : -'V ' - -v",1 ' 'VO ! '' "? r'1""'"'';' ' ' ""' '
. - 7 Mauitwi a Alia.
U plediad to ma tk ..i. v.w' . ..
; i 1 NOX. along the boundless prairie,
y Bothen leu with law;
Catching wolra in manner airy
v ,"! By the dripping jaw.
FAIRBANKS, wrenching all the
f habits -
' Such a sUtesman hath,
. Bloodily pursueth rabbits
Down his garden path.
: . ,: v . ,.
fTUGHES, regarding with suspicion
The chicken-stealing hawk.
; Appoints a . Public Hunt Commission
To kill tt dead with talk.
sh2
run-
TORTELYOU a stiH4iuzit
Cannon much the same;
. Candidates who don't go gunning
; 'Aren't in the game. .
Resolutions for, New Year, i
By WEX JONES. .
fESOlVED thst during tb comtai
i year I will endeaTor to tot the Amer
Jcaa people dope out a ftw things
. for "themselres They may hare their ln
Itlstlra altogether If I decide oa erery
thing for them, and If I see then going
wrong I can always etep in and et than
Beaolred that I win not one go aroand
the world la 1908, and. further, that I will
Inreat a few policies of my own. WILL
1111 H. TAFT.
Beoolred that I will take additional
ooxing leaaoaa in ww.-juu?i aaXair
'. Williams.
Reeolred that t wfl knot teese toodiea
- Eany moar Iff shea las only A girt
' I wll knot Fit with Jama Jonsun enny
moar X sept IS ho cawla me matt todd.
XOMMT XODa '
Besolred that I " will not appoint any
' BMra commissions is 1908, or not aiora than
three or , four, . anyway. CHABLE8 E.
HDGHES.
. Raaolwd that f harehr na aff rlnri
during 1908 unless they ara good one,
JOSEPH O. CANNON. '
" a m m
thing tha same aa Fe dona erery year.
OBDINABT CITIZEN.
; v.
. Besolred that Fll cut out polities and
try to writa soma mora atorlea. BCDTABO
: EaaolTed that X wlU foUow tha battta
fleet to Its Jonrney'a end. DOVH 01
fEACB. .
. BeaolveA that I'll make tha city apend
snort money for leu retnrna la 1908 thaa
ar,MArOB,, M'CLELLAN.
!: , .'i-r-V ;-U -- ; a a. o -
. Beaolved that when' tommy Kawla uea
A girl 1 Won't Cry.
- mother aet tha re Has baa glrla enny.
way.-TOODLES TODD.
Beaolfad that some ona alae can deny
: thlnga dorug tha nest year ; bat what'
the oe? I made' the aama resolution for
1907, and look at my record. SECRETAfir
LOEB.
. Beaolred that I will try to oe eyea
aaora JoenUr la 1908 thaa la i80T.-AT.
rOENET-GENEEAL BONAPABXE.
. . (Ed. Kota-Impoailbla.)
HMnlvilfl1llf I'll 1 iiMnU Iasa hmim
their own way next year. THOMAS W.
LAW80N. '
a a a
' Beaolred1 that 1908 being a leap year
I'll- keep the bachelors . oa tha Jump.
ANN TEES. .
' . - a a a .. - '
Beaolted-tbat I II taka none but Amer
ican huabands next year. 11788 AMEBI
CAN GIKU
Just for the Fun of It.
i' 8POKE TOO LATE.
Doctor Jf if " dear $ir, your wit t
need some change.
Uuibandl know the does, but,
good heavent, doctor, you took it all!
J RETRIBUTION.
that people are punithtd tight hrZl
earth for their $in$t .
Feckeml certainty 4othat if. ii
marmget ere realty made im Heaven..
- HIS ONE SECRET
Singleton Da you telieve U poettMe
for man to keep eeorete tram hie
AN HOUR LATER-AT THE CLUB f SAY. DON'T; GO TO .SLEEP.' ; (6T0P YOUK - ' i). OM MY. POOR.-" ;
x iYOU PLAY LIKE A LOT I INSULT1NG REMARll IHU&BANp ! .
YOU FELLOWS V0F"SNAL3 ! ' YOU 6 PLAYING " vsljaT .uk i H ..
'g) . r&d
..
T : . : : : . . .... . i
.
i
The Hallroom Boys Meet an Old Friend They'd Like to Meet Him Again.
Caprrltlit 1SOT. by Ai
Joaraal-ExaeahMC
WHY HELLO BlNrS
STILL PftESSAQtNT
FOR inL UrIE I Y ?
M OLD MAN :AM
hfOUFIXUSUP' r
FOR SOMt bEATD
SOr-V NIGHT ?
COURSE YrtTDi
LIKE TO BnlNGi
SURE-ANt NIGHT YOU SAY. HOW
COntONOVtRTO
TVIt CAFE AND
WEIL BLOW tOO
ttCARQ. JUST
THE BOX OFFICE
XCS.mwWELLKNOWri
tEl TOU 5EATp fOrV 30
R-i THEATRES ( I iPk THE Q00O wai . OUH iwtw nnt. K .77
aSin rWAPHi VTV I A ejARr niaii7Ti.AVI ( HOLD WU ) I I I . V.Tvr'eT: at TiO.TUAT-c. ttoe r "r - I II
- - to iMt Mnx riFHfr i n-iJsri wunniNh? l was mil with-v r nil mimhi. j i ii-atTAr.rTHFH.unwirwtHAUi ctaa i i
I aANTfeJfcfcrv I -1 I II ' TAF JOVy U L V H - iftila-TA J T
loOOD EVENING M.jU
) QOTO THE THEATRE luftlfflfSB?' eSSHSTC- yBUTWE ",;TylWfKsl Pfffi
r If I r-s BX J JM I . 'HKJA -C V S ,1 V ' I X 4
A B X V AMI I - . i Uir;.W I " X
I HI III trf ? 'VII ' 'I 7A I I IWWI I - :l ' ' II '1 . I 1
.v. u,, omnar, aad If a. '
Uve out al litery Dope. V
J What did I ermt
0 to HajBlat Pa aa h. .-1 .J"
i vuin wua
MUb A aftarwarda a fM k.
tof '" 1 spaekla,
w lAJ IUn Uf Blsl air ' aolll
-eloaa to tha old flraslda, raadlog my bookl
amoakinj ny'aacgars, that la aa fool-
The tall Bta Bamlaf .A va
Pa. If so, ha sad, Hamlat waan't aa
madder tha I am.rlta aow-Ta at s aot
a o. Pa sad, to go ar aot to so, with
tha akasat on tha teat allUbol. ,
,. Now bars, Ua sad. what bars jau got
sgalast Bamlat or his foaksf
Not TSrr much anlnat EinM w hJ
, Stepfathtr A bis mother, tharf- ara In rvnfhl
, ac. aa xor Hamlet, ha waal
au me in bis Tama..Dot I doent thlak moehl
ar an, fellow, pa aed. that want m uitJ
talking, to goasta ft feeUag af skulls -la
graiTjaras. ,
. na eiab is aot the tbtag, aed Pa. .
that this too too solid club woald malt sJ
fade away, ha aed, leering my deer wife a3
aoam witn me A little Bobble.
Billiards Is Differal, Says Pa.
Bnt you offea go oat altee A play bfl4
iums, Ma sed.
I know, sed Pa, but that la dlfferat, bll-
lUrda Is dlfferat from Hamlat. Billiards la
with three balls, Bam let to a three shell
tame, ia Billiards, Pa sed, you ara play
ing a gala wlch la rary ranch like life It
self. 8am men gits tha balls la the corner.
such as Rockfellow A Carnegie, sum men!
uses a big cue, such aa Ruaerelt, A suns
mea nerrer wins a galm, such aa William!
Lemon Bryan, eta. Also, aed Pa. sum menl
etc.
Klx aa tha Hamlet Club, sed Pa. Stayf
at hoam like a good little wife, so I can!
see yure larlng face whea I git la later
from the Words A Mualck Club.
To-days Best StoryJ
pBABLES B. WILSON, the soperlntesdJ
Vrf cnt of Alfred O. Vanderhllt'a ramarkJ
bl stables, said at Newport of a groom ha
bad discharged: '
Tha maa waa a blnff. Ha pretended Uf
know au about horses,' when In truth he
I could hardly tell a hackney from a cow.
wa soon got oa to him. tua case waa
Ilka tha faka blacksmith's. ,
"There was a chap who thought black
smithing looked simple and easy, ana eoJ
being out of work, he decided to have a
try at It : Ha went to a smith and asked
for a Job.
Well, said the smith, 'yon are a strong,
likely looking young fallow. What expert!
(See hare you hsdr ' " ,
1 'Bleren years,' waa the prompt answer
1 'AU right I'll try you,' said tha black
limlth. 'Shoe that mare while I go home:
to dinner." ".'
The smith on bis , return from dloaea
frowned and said to tha new hand:
What! Harem you got that man
ibod yetf v . .
The bluffer bit his Up, flushed and rej
plied:
"'I can't get her confounded foot In the!
..V
It Happened in Birdland.
Papyrlsht ie0T.hr Amertcaa.
IouniHCraailme.
I fail FOURTCEmS faE 05E fa CHP.STS" tT YOU COULD NT (,U THEm
ouv ; GeoucHTsW 1 qDvouy anyth.nc nicer . (comGTNnuw,M
T-T7 x I roses. toVetv - (uKZBrt) S Y T- Algernon 7 AftE rou
vi ,u EC
- ' ' S :l" ' - .1 I A I I a ' "l II ' I . ' 1 ' .1 II g I J I t
x.In Hard LucL
"I InnVa aa If (hu trnata " aalil Mff
I Sinclair, ""will hare to obey the law, ai
I else their owners win nna tnemeelres af
bsdls sold as the rich Bostonlan wb
bought an estate In Scotland called Olei
Accra. The Boatonlaa bought this astati
I without baring seen It He hollered tha
he could trust the man he bought it from!
And last Summer he went orer to hare
took at .the place. The drlra from to
uearest railway station to Glen Accra wa
. . . . . i it... r.i n
la matter oi iweiro wn. xua suaioui
hired a Highlander to drlre him. . As th
art losged along, tha Bostonlan said:
"i anoooaa rou kaow the country here:
ilbouts pretty well, rnenar . .
I " 'Are. ilka foot o t,' the 8 cot answered:
".ana ao yoo kdow wieu Accrai v
" 'Are. weel.' was the reply.
" 'What sort of a Place la It?
an asked. . ... . . , '
"Toe dcof smiiea grimiy.
the Amertf
k h ..M 'If n aaar ttta Aa'
tethered .oa. It ye'd, iulst ssy, "Poo:
brute:. 'v-ure. : s.- . V-J-'.
eueee so. Anvmi
I reaUg
merer let mg fiife htoio ickat
ikink at ker.
, . THE LATEST. . .
FverAni tree that goung man reaUg
$o hard te mnderitand, mg dcart. '
Lda-Jler4 te underitanit '" Wkg,
V.i goon actually profotei in Etpernnto,
. Strictly Private. .
A colonel, on his tour of Inspection, un
expectedly entered tha drill-room, when ha
came across a couple of soldiers, ons of
them reading a letter aloud while the other
wa Glistening, and at the same time stop
ping np the ears of tha reader. . :
- "What ara you doing there V tha puasled
officer Inquired of tha tatter. '"
"Ton see, colonel, I'm reading to Atkins,
who ean't read himself, a letter which has
Jnet eome from-his sweetheart'' r ; ' .
"And ipu. Atklna, what In all the world
are too dolngT . '
"Pleaae, colonel, I am stopping np Mur
phy's ears with both banda becaaae I
4oa t mind his reading uiy sweetheart's
letter, but 1 don't want him to hear a sin
gle word of what she has wrtttea." u
lustrsted Clta, " ,
A Just Precaution.
Did yon ever notice bow a piper prances
hn and down as he pipes I He nerer sits,
be nerer stands still, but up and down,
round and round, to and fro, he a trots
continually. A little foy listening to the
weird skirl 'of tha bagpipes of a' atreet
performer, once said to 41a father:
"Father, why does the piper keep oa the
mora all the time be plays? '
fl can't say, my boy, tha father . an
swered, "anless It Is to prereat any one
getting tha range wlttr a cobblestone."
Washington Herald.- -
l Its Usual Greeting. , . .
-Tee. money talks; bat Its farorite je-
iasxk a-Teooa o. 1 jaajsnapous star. , ,
" Couldn't Stand ft. "
President Manuel Amador of Panama
tells this little tale of a certain Cuban mil
lionaire: a' . ' f 1
"An unfortunate man once obtained ac
cess to tbla millionaire and started to !ar
before him his ; woes. Ha depicted his
wretcned poverty, in most ymo colors. . In
deed, so graphic was tha man's sad story
that tha millionaire felt himself affected
aa ne osa nerer neon peiore wicn tears
In his eyes he summoned his serrant and,
in a quarerlng roleer said:
" 'Jobn. pat this poor fellow out He la
breaklhg my heart' " Ererybody's. .
. " - ' . Disappointed, i
"Did Louisa get the . aatlaues
wanted?' . -
"Nj. Her boose Is most comfortably
ausoeo. nomas a ooma vompauoa.
aha
A Corking Race.
There was aa Englishman who Imported
a famous -wolfhound from Europe tome
years ago to get rich catching wolres for
tha scalp money offered by tha State of
Texaa-aiO each. Soma genuine Texas
sports were Inrlted to witness the first
chase.. They foil owed many miles through
tha prairie grass, but without getting sight
of either wolf or bound. Finally they cams
to a wooded spot, where a stuttering na-
Ots was Chopping. . "Did yon' sea a ' wolf
and A hound 'pass Just aowf, cried the
Eogllsmaa. "T-e-e-e-s, sir they J-Jus
passed." "How waa tha racers - "P-o-u-rty
hot; 'nip an t-t-t-tuck. T-t-tthe dog wa-
va-was a leetlt ahead." Eochesterflersid.
Four Wishes., '
In reply to a correspondent, the Boston
Pilot explains the ,old English toast "Here's
to the three B's and the H." The three
B's ara bread, beer and bed r the H stands
for hearem t Tha full toast tot t
Bara'a to the thtat.B's and tLa Ht
' Bread when we're hnnarr, , v '
Beer when we're Art, . v
Bed when' we're wtarjr. - .
- And hearea whan we die. '.;
They are said to , be used chiefly la Sua-
a . - . a ,
aex.- Uf-ilieie ijommeruiai. - r. .. ,
' Waiting Orders. ? A -
- Joneswhat are you going to giro year
wife for a Christmas present? t ;
Brown Sha hasa't told me yet Puck. I
Another "King Jake."
vnrM a acowllha brow the irate Taudej
rule arent awaited the next applicant wd
was aot long In coming. A long, lanky In
AiriiinaL' with more hair ; than waa ab
nintai necesssrr and a countenance tna
araa tiAt a hit cheerful came to his deekl
.nti th f iTiMftl tones said, "uooa aay, air.
xnr.it what tia rou want?' waa the on
pr??3 Tioi Just now about s mucj
as anytning ewa,.- bbbwu
son. . ' , , .
"Erer haa any nptprai.
.11 th biff Siara irow ... w. id tI1
AI ..t .hnrtlr. . "That dnaan'i
cut any freesa with ma. WUat's, you
iJ.Trm i a s comedian, was th
! Tal.n.l..r?pA. .h. 4a tanah lmaioJ
I me ageui, -
- - Jolting-the Granddad
a oni nndfatber aad father' ware aa
minnc iue ". - .
" . ii.nrafhaftT . AMlarat . Th.
roungster is a great deal mora lntelllfen
Insulted Parent--Naturally : ha has i
great deal brighter father I Life. . I
, - Less Would Satisfy.
nnnnMi a- dflllr oaDer headline. I ghnni.i
think it would. Soinerf us would be falrii
won anltpd -with conalderablr leaa. Lou