it-Ti
The Perplexed Husband.
The Fable of the Temperamental Cockatoo
-MONKEY SHINES.
By WEX JONES.
By KNOCKO. BRAGGO AND RHYMO.
Bt jAmes j. montacue"
r'., Ooprnaht, 190T, or Anxricui-Jonrokl-ExiinliMe. - v .
OwritM, IMC. AMWI
T COOK Mf 1 ,
' 4
j l
Wloe sftocrfd Aae outttdt Meruit, mnd not b treated like ho dagtttO-
riBSOB TBOMAB, Or CBICM10. , '..;". r .:..; '.-'.,.. ..
; ' TF4os sAowId se at homt end Uoten oecationeUy.EXQLlBlt TISIT6R.
WHEN Billy, Binks ww mumi 'twa the , Happiest day I of l fcl'f
t- , He'd persuaded a perfect pippin to become hi loviotl iwfe, , ' C f f '
; And V nid to himself. "You Billy, I nope youU horribly perih .'V .'. " V :
If ever you fail In your duty to feed and clothe and cherish. .y
life 'went by like atory, the future was fuD ot pnmW '..;"'.';.; 4 .
? Till Biflr'yead to a paper the word of Professor Thoinai 5 V ' ? ' V v
, "Don't treat your wife like an image, aha Imf a rtick 6r a toe: ,; "' 'vi, V
Let her have outside , Interest, not live like a eoddled. doft." "' '
So Hi "wife adopted culture and club and charitee, : j
And card and conversation and politic, too,, b " w; ,-' .- ;. '
" She wa m the house but1 seldom, though Billy milesd her ot,'r - "0 j
And aha spieled of woman' minion, which annoyed him a little bit mor..
f iVJfHY.'oh, why did I marry!" cried BID a hi lonely room, , '.
U - W .''Vkta the word of another adviser tent a nay of light through die gloom i
"Wire have too much reedom" thi sterling counsellor aaidi- '.
"A nan shouldn't act like a wetlding, but bat hit spouse on the head.". . t
"Ah. bar aaid Billy, arising, TB be that kind of nun: - . .
Thing can't be worse daa at present. o I'D try the newer plan." '
So when wifsy came home that evening Billy 'l language wa rough and crude:
He slung her into the kitchen in a way that wa almost rudei
He boxed her, ear with vigor and told her to aook a meal.
And bullied her moat tremendoiu till the neighbor heard her squeal.
' D ILLY, he went to the Inland: hit wife got a hundred week:
The magistrate ecored htm teverefy until ha could hardly speak.
"Oh, why did leaver marry T igh the locked up BiOy Binka,
And he never can eolva the problem however he drive hi mink.
I
1 TO COLLECT FROM A FLIDW IllFOR COLLARS AND uffa ANDTRfli
A ' . ft ft tS' ft Aft I I II '' s . . . A . ft-k. . MM ft
ric rrtr-tuc art t txirr uc't zrvr nIvE A.BlU FOTOailR.-lTS NOT ,
nt - enn a. n i i ji a a a. in & , b-i r m at. - ' .
use
Women and "Sport.
When a big "ahoot" take place In the
covert near one of our country houaea, the
occasion la made a sort ol aoclety gather
ing1. The ladles of the bouae party (race
It with their preaeoee, and other ladiee of
the neigtroorhooa ere glad to be allowed
the honor of each company. Tbae a large
' and fanhlonable party aatemble; and while
each beat la In progreaa the glrla and
women try to look en unmoved while a
wounded hare kick and aqueala upon the
ground for tnloute which aeom Intermin
able to the aeoRltlve onlooker, nntll the
beat la over and the doiro are looked to fin
lah off the cripple. And thouvb the hare'a
piteous shrieking make Ita case seem the
' worst, the mere tumbling over and over of
a wounded bird Is a shocking eight to aee
aa the time pauses and no one goes forward
: to release it of it life. London Dally Mall.
4, . ma MutM-Mim i m
Stamps and Children.
A rare philatelic gem will come nnder
'the hammer at Messra. Glendlolng's - gnl-
lerles In Argyll street It la a used copy
of the Pout Office Mauritlna . penny red
stamp, which la aald to be worth anything
from 4,000 to $5,000. London Dally Mall.
. Prosecuted at Sleaford Petty Sessions
for not sending bis child to school. Joslah
Klklngton, laborer, stated that be earned
$3.75 a week, and had "only fourteen chil
dren to keep out of It." The case was
dismissed on payment of co ta. London
Dally Mall. -
Surname Smythe.
A Mlssoiirl girt apella tbe same of her
dog "Phldeau"' If her own name lan't
Mse- or "EUlae" It certainly U "Nellye."'
Cleveland Leader.
. Mixed.
By hie side reposed an empty cup that
had contained tea, an apple and a cou
ple of biscuits. London Bphert.
" Faahion Note.
Small checks are all the styles Atchison
Globe.
Annie Laurie.
William 'Douglas, whose love ' ballad,
"Annie Iaarle," hat become one of the
famous lyrics of the world, wooed, but did
not win, Annie Laurie. The real Annie
Laurie gave "her prom Is trne" to Douglas,
but wedded another, a wealthier aultor,
Perguston, of Cralgdarroch. Donglaa, who
wa ready to "lay me doon and dee." went
to the ware, and when he came back mar
ried also,, and left a goodly crop of belra.
Th tender melody that has won tbe hearts
of people the world over waa set to the
worda many years after by Lady John
Hcott. Annie Laurie waa born December
in, 1082, at the bome of her father,
Stephen Laurie, at Maxwalton. Scotland.
an oid-rasbionea stone mansion fortress
that had once been the castle of tbe earls
of Glencalrn. Kansas City Star.
Costly Necklaces.
The most costly necklace In the world
belongs to tbe Coantess Henckel, a lady
well knOwo lq London and Paris society,
tbe vakie of which Is said to be $250,000.
It la really composed of three necklaces,
each of historic Interest. One was the
property of the ex-Queen of Naples, sis
ter of the late Austrian Empress; the
second was once the property of a Spanish
grandee ; while the third was formerly
owned by the Empress Eugenie. Not long
ago a necklace composed of 412 pearls.
In eight rows, the property of the late
Duchess of Montrose, waa sold for $fl9,100.
The Empress Frederick of Germanv ls
said to have possessed a necklace of th'lrtv
two pearls, worth at leaat $200,000, while
Lady Ilchester'a necklace of black pearls
la vaiueu at aoout siao.ooo. Tit-Bits.
; V.
aw B . .astaasjaajmvM
"t 'i fir Trprrip'- "nnrh Jf
rZ'. " . V jVaHO TRYING, TT J . -jj - "
I if
WAS ftSORRr I TROUBLED TO COME
with The Bill,
BUT HE'DlDNTsocK OP, and I DONT
nlnK Hg WILL '
vepr much.
He GOES AT THE
- " w W awsw -esw v S
NOW I WOOLt
(BOSHj
II
f I'M THE BOT NNHO
COULD GET HIM TO
PAY UP. --OUT I
A Mere Acquaintance.
do you atand at the
White
"How
House t"
"I'm In donbt," replied the new Senator.
"I get Invited to the State banquets, but
I'm never asked to the wrestling func
tions or the jtu-Jltsu affairs. "Kansas
City Journal
RIGMT.BRAGGO PEAR; HERE'S THE
31 IX i GO AND TRX;
ANP BE CAUTIOUS OR. TOU wilu
COht OUT ON THE FLY :
YOU JUST WATCH
ME XOU KNOW
ME.!
j?OOH !
PERHAPS HE'D PAYtOU IF, YOU TOOK
tT in4 '
PER.HAPS YOU . COULD SEPARATB HIM
, FROM HIS TIN !
(GIVE THAT 61 LI. TO ME)
1 1 Lia wet nin o t-wr,
VJMbT CANT FOOL TIE
A TEMPERAMENTAL Cocktoo. who'd written large hit Name'
In wid John Hancock Characters around the Hall of Fame,
Got Jocund with the Fruitful Grape, and Browsed upon the Brew, ; ,
At Divert Tunei. and Dyed the Town an iridecent Hue, V ' J
And on Occasions such as These accounted it a Joke '
To amash in Uptown Window Panes, and Startle Honest Folk. '
To shoot off Guns, emit Strange Cries, and Bat About, till Men .I'-'1
Would Ululate: "Let", Hunt our Holes, for Here He Comes Agalnr I
-' -tvK--;i '
BECAUSE this Jovial Genius was admitted to be There . ! . '
With Brains that Filled his Block clear to the Wellspring of his HaV
Hi wilful. Wanton Waywardness excited no Dissent;
' Folb merely saidi "He suffers from Artistic TemperamenL, ' "
And though he drained three Fairbanxes at one Intensive Gulp, '
And Beat up Cabmen he Disliked unto the utmost Pulp,
He Got Away with what he Did with Fluency and Ease, T
And all his Revels were set down to Eccentricities. "
DLTT when another Cockatoo, to Revelry inclined. ' '
D ' But who possessed unhappily, a Mediocre Mind.
Thought he would be a Genius, too, and Straightway Started Out
With a Repeating Winchester to Shoot the Street .Lights Out,
To Rassle with the Demon Rum, and Swiftly Take on Board
The Burning Fluid that he Thought the Barkeeps Meant to Hoard,
A Gruff Policeman took him by his Forelock and his Feet
And Speedily installed him in a Punitive Retreat
THERY0U
iPEST.'-NOVY
IILL YOU kte?
OUT OF HE1 L
YHICH Aows that One May do Wild Things if he be Haprr Great.
W WhJe w who have no Mental Gifts must live Extremely Straight,
INEBRIATE!
- (jxeoiecftiTy j
UMurviaai
vvk6a
Aetv
Coaasf
VPT jXIJ
.Mixed Pickles,
fidwtn Markham. at a dinner, said of
mixed metaphors t "When I was teaching
la Loa Anaelea I used to read averv week
a little -country paper whose editor's meta
phors were an unfailing Joy to me. Once,
I remember, this editor wrote of a contem
porary: Thus, the black Ue laaulng from
hla baae throat, becomes a boomerang In
fata band, and, hoisting him by hla own pe-'
tard, leavea btm a marked man for life.'
He aald In an article on home life: The
faithful watchdog or hla good wife, stand
ing at the door, welcomes tbe master home
with an honest bark.' In an obituary of a
farmer he wrote: The race waa run at
I last Like a tired ateed, he crossed the
I harbor bar, and, casting aside whip aud
apur, lay down npoo' that bourne from
which no traveller returns.' " Bochester
Hernia.
The Interviewed.
A stranger approached a little girl who
waa somewhat accustomed to Interview
with the usual question, "What's your
name, nine gin r
xne ntue girt, witnont looting np rrom
her send pie. replied : "My name la Edith,
rour. noes mv ii
Mildred and she's two. I don't
little sister; her
and I'm
name'a
want to go with yon and be your little
girl, and I knew yon can't ateal my little
eiater. narpera weeiiy.
Veracity.
Ttl vr I did."
"WW yer swear r
Vn, f' .
Take yer oathr
Tue 1"
Bible oathr
"Tue 1"
"Bet a Dennyf
"Mar I" Independent
Embarrassing.
Some little wille ago a popular writer
visited a jail In order to take note for
a magaslne article on prison life. On re
turning home he described the horror ha
had seen, and hla description made a deep
Impression on the mJod of his little daugh
ter Mary. Tbe writer and his offspring, a
week later, were In a train together, whleh
topped at a atatlon near a gloomy build
ing. A man asked: -.
"What place la thatr
"The eouuty jati," another 'answered
promptly. .
Whereupon Mary embarrassed her father
and aroused the suspicion of the other oc
cupants of tbe carriage by asking, in. at
loud, shrill voice:
t " th'Vtthe JaU wert to- atherr-,
Jodge a Library. . ....
Second Choice. ' ,
There la a Washington lar who. It
would appear, assents to the old proposl- '
tlon that It ia well to have morehan on
atrlng to one'a bow. .' ,
The boy waa being catechised one day
by a well-meaning visitor to th house.
"Well, Harry.- said the lady, "dont
you think yon have a ehanee to b Preal-
aent or tne united States?"
"Oh. I don't know." impui tr..
carelessly. "Marba I'll tr tnr it .,-. 'J .
Ledger ' P,tcher"-bjUadelphIa
The Important Customer.
"Here's a Wall Street nan .eat In franr-
annonnoed th ahop boy.. V
toii wait on him.- - aald th i.tt..
Th.mt K . JS2rS
Nature's Fakes
: By WALTER A. SINCLAIR,
iCIIU. k.av tltsi SWIMsT AfYQUttBtlV f&llixU
iSopwanl Ths sua spouted firs 800,000 mUes in
. - half hour. News Item.).
THE anow was falling upward fast
The aun ahot out a flery blaat
Three hundred thousand mile In height
In thirty mlnotea.. Pretty alght
Whlle fishes flew across the sky
And oysters dined on pumpkin pie.
THE snow fell upward, scalding hot.
A And dried the clouds in daah and dot,
WhUo Tesla grasped the handle-bars
And dashed-and-dotted up to Mara
' A message which he aald that we
Should soon have answered C. O. J.
A NO while the hot anow upward flew
- The aun flame cold and colder grew.
It froxe Into a skating rlnK
Where Teddy bears how- skate, I think.
'The locomotives) burned their ateam.
And Jersey cows gave off Ice cream.
fTpHE snow fell up. The sun shot flame.
And off the rings of Saturn cams.
An elephant climbed up a tree V
And sang a pretty song to me; ; '
And lest your head with doubting aches
Bemember these are yature'a fakes.
y; : A Born Trust King.
Els-yenr-old Harry wanted to buy his sis
ter a little Christmas present Bis heart
; throbbed with Joy at the thought, though
he had la bis pocket only ten cents. Never.
sfceless, he went around the sbos and came
haxir n-ith vprv satisfied look. His
mother asked him what ue baa nougnt
"I got her a cream puny no saiu. .
V VWell, yott know, Harry," aald his
? mother, "that won't last until Christmas."
'That', what I thouaht after t bouaht
'' It.' mother," replied Harry calmly, "and so
I ate It" Uiaies' uome jouruai.
V
A Sad Picture.
. ' The Kolemnlrv of the meeting was some-
what disturbed when the eloquent young
,.i theologian pictured in glowing words the
veinsnnesa or men woo speua meir eve-
'Jngs at the club, leaving their wlvee In
loneliness at home at-this happy season.
: "Thtnlr mv h..r Mill "nf a nnnr
:,;negiectea .wife, ait alone in ine
"jreary house.: yockln the "era ale ol
sieppin onoo witn one loot sua wining
Btnr.'t-
1 ' His' Estimate.
Dpra How loiijr did It take yoa to learn
how to run a motor cart . . ..i. ....
fikorcher Oh i Ave or ais. . - J
' Porn Whnt? Weeks? " -w
orcber--Ko motor cars.-yPlck-Me-TJp.
The fiallroom Boys Turn On the Heat.
GPGEE'BUT U S ) JOT BELIS-OING-DINQ! I'VE AN IDEA' WrCRtF
wvwki, Dl n van Jf int -A-ni-nwsvivtiT-jrr inni 11 1 I OCr
aIV mcUThKci LlT'c. Pi IT TUFRFTrtrrSro oiVftinaftir
: . . 1 ' ivMti i''.rj i-'lM1" wvnMiwrmuiu muvt
C'CQST A LITTLE ftfUT THAT OFF ANnWlPFTHTAR- fe
pi mh ni if 1 1 iv. l - HmK usukii L . .
I InlNn vr t IHtJfT- m-ttft! Wh
Oepyrlaht, I90T, by Ajasrlcsj-Jouriial-Brsintssa,
v.V
th , -. . . n
I l( QJT ? HE MUSTN'T iC APjIINUTtSAQO. LlTEM- HP' r,FTTIWr. Rlicv r - S I I
niii l j i cu rir tu c rnrr r s-r-v in f i w i . . . i i i
i ' " , iwi ii 1 1 r iiiiiail 151
FUNNt.. r- MHHW5i" iwaW V VWAI , I GEE33 1 I Ujl fy . . KHhwRFATlNA ff
i r -ar saw l ix: m i i hp vi mriMi i a ar . " n t m 'sw - .a '. r jbw - - s -v a v a n ii i n . i r a l mm. i
" ' 1 '" "1" !' .-Hi .i , .- . ... . .. , - . .... " ... . '. . . , : : . . ... ....
AFTER THE HOLIDAYS.
-,.Sht love ihcit old oaks. : . k
lone ycto. t
, $ht--Avhtttnut.Iikcl and .Wilta,
THE INTEREST SHE AROUSED,
, "IT'AcH it come to gottipxtg A a-fry
infrrMlino."
. w 4 w .' a M
' va, 1 never aeara ner taw mucn
HAD TRIED THE GOODS
broke into my cellar in the night. r
unttna t rtcnaincit vert txrairgert.
Jof Wttrtf.-FUeiend8 Blatter.
ONE EXPLANATION.
z"l'POTinot Hl(Serifah3 why han't wife
it caiieirntt 'better half :
DQWNTO T FACT8. -T -;
Jfn IVhatricoHld f 011 io if J thonld
ate sf trove your
To-DayfsBesti Story
LAWRENCS MOTT. "uthor'a antomo.
ner la New Tork. l eondemn.- he aald.
!Ta Kln" corch. bnt I don't
demnauon to Wwayg a mistake. " .
"Once, on Canadian railway ,ri
the train for . nZJ!l 1 . ?
raliway ' .
7 T t u n u he An-
Ished I heard him aay bitterly, as h, took
... .7 ' ' nam sandwich!
It's the worst baa, aandwlch I .ver ,tl
No more taato fhn ... .f ml u
you could harilTaTt. " 'mtU
" xeve et yer ticket said the wait.
This here'. ye ham sandwich."
Compensation. :
A Small bo. retnnln' ' .L '
day. inquired o( hla f.th.r ' what peopi
meant when ther annb. ... r v . :
eompenaatloa.- The father, to the course
ot hla explanation,!" cited-th fact that it
one of tue senses i i. . ..
other, receive, wrreapondinir develop,
ment; as, for example. If a maa', sight
became imnalnut Stik.v. -ma . '
. r " roucn or of
hearlnr would become mora scuta. ..4
'Oh. bow I it .1. : . ' . '
i . . . tv mierruptea
tu little fellow. uth ... . .
. " Mm vi iem is
shorter than, it ought to be the other U
.lwayr longer.-ln,rpcr' Weekly,
' PutUng It Mildly.
The floodlnar of V-vn ' .
, - -- -- - .-.Mum biibv aaa . j.
traglq result, and ar,mlner was deputed to
break, the news in
husband had been drowned..
aSWX wan ' . ' . K
uor viinow rfones live buret
o." wa. the Indignant lady', reply. '
."JTou'ra at liar r- he Sald.Tatler.
N "I love a dim. rellxloua UahL ah mn
mured. t
"I was brought no In Tittshnrr. ino.
h sid. Leslie's Weekly. , 1
' Dv. f. -I.."..
-4 tffa-rMust-you go to the cinb-ton!
dear?.
"Ion would it you ked to divido mri:-'UnLtav.m.ioTmueitrtnn
The Tramp Vi v.
"The times are stt!r!8; wtm-..
fered me wrk at '' '";;.'. j
day!" k'Uvzvui t a-t;