THE OREGON . SUNDAY JOURNAL, PORTLAND. ! SUNDAY MORNINGS SEPTEMBER i j, 1907.
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' "''"'"'N "
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Ml-EVlMORDS ON , FISHMUNtMG
it iri Falling to Dcaf With shs Lars
Club " T
S
laca" as' ' the first" fioor ' whn "thi last
Nature Fakcf 'Ass
1 I '
,ff,i.,irjr-r;vir. ;,,',', -u. i i " ' i
on Discusses Oversight of President
When Organizing Ananias
By John' Keridrlck Bangs." 7
Kght, ; 1907, by Joseph B. Bowleg.
r,S mighty seldom that the presi
dent misses a p'lnt," aald. the
Postmaster, aa the Nature Fakir
association gathered about the
, . office stove. , ; "And I kind o'
think maybe when he aeema to it's all
; Kaone Intentional. He'a a great believer
i f in amendment, an' ye notice whenever
, he aaya or writes anything, he leaves a
oop.&ol for tackin' on a few footnotes
; In case the other aide gits too perky."
"What's he left undone nowfr asked
, me uaptaln. I ra a putty close observ
? , er, Joe, an' I ain't noticed nothln' under
th' canopy he ain't tackled."
- "You ain't as good a sorootlnlxer as
-you think you be. Cap," returned tho
Postmaster. "If ye was you'd ha' no
ticed that when he skinned them Nature
Fakirs he didn't tetch on the habits
o' the worst offenders o' the lot the
fellers that lies about fish. The woods
Is full -of 'm"
"What, they doln In the woods r
. asked 81 Wotherenoon. with a win if At
"mink you re smart, don t ye, 81 r'
retorted the Postmaster. "Well, ye
. . a it .
twice as - wi aa any waver mat ever
come out o' the sea. Me an' grand
father waa out In the field plowln'
when It come, an' before-we realised
what waa happenln' the water was up
f our necks. Th' old man was a pow
erful old feller for a 92-year-year-old,
an, he turns ' to me an' says, 'Come
along, sonny, git aboard your old
grandfather's neck, an' I'll swim ye
home. It s a letter too swampy to do no
more work today.' So I climbed up his
back an' set astraddle of his shoulders,
an' the old man strucic out for home.
When we got there the water had ris
up as high as the second floor, an' I
tell ye grandma was putty glad when
She See US Cllmbln' In the harirnnm win.
der, npne the worse for our little swim.
Soon he got me landed safe, th' old
man dove In again an swam over to the
hen house, an' towed it back an' faa-
tened it with a rope to the brick chlro
bly, so's we wouldn't lose none o' the
poultry, after which we set down an'
iayea peenuc&ie until . dinner time.
Grandmother d had the sense to movi
the kitchen stove unstalra. an' nnnua-h
klndlln' to keep the fires goin.' an' for
three days we fed on serins- ohicken. I
we-fwtheffffct'I'r eTh day-'whenTTd
Had enough chicken t eat, but on the
beglnnln' o' th fourth day it sort o'
rOD O hat f fnalMt trIMrlaA t.nnt thi
aoor. it waa chock full o fish.
We waa putty nigh onto a week pick
in em up. I guess there must ha'
been too sammon averagin' eight
pounds apiece In the parlor. - The tnel
odion was teemln' with trout, an tha
way the bass an' sturgeon was strewed
all over was a caution. We made
enough out ' 'the haul to repaper the
whole house, an' pay for paintln' . th
outside with the trim In three different
&lil'L2.E& PP leirned'mTneC.7 to cast o
?CdihJ,.Sr!SUntt an she lived d0wUbt" 0n th t0r,e" ' "bO"1
f.kto1ro0.'n2ftio at week I can Tht happens when they're out flshln.
"jR. to,.heroJ!p.ifi bn-d ind frlid I reckon. that If a thing like that has
'JlS l.rA.r The1 didn't ?k? J? ?, "ordinary
...... '.r . t,iu. -mu an' haaa "'.'"" une may nappen to
ain't been invented yet Th' only thing
we mlesed was our pie tor nreaicrast,
an'
doln' without
I tell ye It come hard for awhile
'Itnout It. wnen ye a naa i
all your life,. an' its suaaeniy c
It glu on your nervea a UtUe.".
Diveg For Coffee
"Ptlc'larly coffee." put In Si Wother-
spoon. . "I sh'd think ye'd ha' missed
your correa more n tne pie."
We would have. said the captain.
"But ye see grandfather beln' a first
class swimmer he'd been logger for
60 years Of his life, an' what he couldn't
do in the watter can't be did he dove
downstairs into the kitchen an' swum
to where the coffee waa, grabbed a can
ful off tho dresser, swum through the
thita1Hrwrr . Pwworw t wies urwrtstn' affair th
iide tne nouse jest woods, thev w mmiiv n i...
under the winder where grandmother the kind ye made masts for mi '.honnara
m a v haniwii
"All of which Is very eddtcatin'," ob
served the postmaster. "But I don't
see what it's got to do with th p'lnt
we were dlscussln'. Tou said ye'd gone
eunnin in me woods lor nsn, an' up
tO date We ain't haarri anvthtnv llln u
bullet Whlln' llinMirh Ihi all."
Shoots Fish In Trees.
"That'a because I ain't come to that
part of my story yet," explained the
captain. "You're one of them fellers
that wants to git through before your
finished, which ain't a thurro way o'
doln' business. No, I ain't never
through until I'm done. I was goin' to
say that as soon as we was able to go
out doors on tollable dry land, to look
after the horses an' cattle, we found a
surspts!
i. The;
js, . sr m& --. 1 v.
W"u i mom m a m&Mh s
a - i i Mil t i i i; i 'ruiiii.
of In them days, an' that is now used for
teiegrapn poles an' flasrstaffs. The
water hadn t come up higher 'n half
way to the top of 'em but whenever
they had been under water there was
a couple o' fish of one kind or in-
Other caught on the sham needles of
every branch, too far out to be ketched
bold Of bv anybody cllmbln' tha treaa.
an' too high up to be reached by hand,
or with an ordinary cole, so we had
to shoot 'em to get 'em off. I guess
the old man an' me must ha' bagged
a thousand of em before we cot
mruugn.
It must ha' been a fearful nuisance.
commented SI Wotherspoon. "Seems to
me with all the fish ye had In the
nouse ye dldn t need any more."
"That'a right." said the nantaln. "Wa
naa more 'n we could handle comfort
ably right there to home, but them
reiiers in tne trees would ha been
worse nuisance afore long If we'd left
'em there. We tried lettln' them aloun
ror a couple o weeks, but It didn't
make the atmosphere very pleasant for
breath In' Durooses. so we made a nnrtv
clfaa.Jo)i-.ofiL Jal ahttl-avajy. oua aa.
couia una orr tne trees, ho ye see,
Joe, now that ye've give me time t'
finish the story, that it has somethln',
to uo wim ma pint we was aiscussm.
an that there la cases where when
ye say the woods is full o' fishermen
shootln' for sammon, or trout or some
other Inhabitant of the deep, y ain't so
lar out o' tne way after all."
fiuznpni ejaculated tne Dostmaster
with a shrug of his shoulders. "If I
was a justice o' the peace, an' was
called Upon to give ye time for that
story. Id give ye 20 years, goldurned
If I wouldn't
"D'ye mean to say ye doubt my
word?" demanded the captain.
'No," said Joe, "I don't doubt one o'
your words. Every dod gasted word o'
the bunch Is a good one, an' In common
every day use by reppytable people,
but when ye put m together!"
Here tne postmaster paused and shook
his head dubiously.
"When I nut 'em together, what?"
Insisted the captain.
"Tbejrre a meeace to public moral
ity," said the postmaster, "an' as such
deserve to be Indicted."
HINT IS ILLUSTRATED
"The Old Man and Ma Baagad a Thousand."
ain't. If ye ever had any eddlcatlon to
speak on ye'd know that the woods Is
full on 'em is a flgger o" speech used
by littery fellers t' express tho thought
that they've got all they need anr a
few to spare.
"That's generally speaklnV' said the
Captain. "But In this case 81 Is right.
He's took the very word's I was goin'
to speak out o' my mouth. I was goin'
to ask ye the same question not fer the
sake o' beln' funny an' coverln' a fed'ral
office-holder with ridicule an' contemp,'
but to git Information. I've gone gun
nin' for fish in the woods, not often
peraps. but often enough to make Si's
question a perfectly reasonable thing
to ask."
"Well. I didn't mean it that way,"
said the Postmaster. "I nev r heard of
a feller chasm nsn through tne
primeval forest with a gun. Ye might
an well hunt elephants with a butterfly
net."
Ice For Window Glass.
"Ye've a lot to learn yet. Joe," said
the Captain, with a smile. "Stick by
me an' ye'll be wearln' a lib'ral eddl
catlon before ye git through. Preaps
ye don't remember the freshets In the
early ' sixties when th' Kennebec over
flowed her. banks an' raised old scratch
wltmhe-! art bundmgeoamTyr
"I've hum tell on It," said Joe. "But
I wasn't there when It happened."
"Well I was," said the Captain, "an
I tell ye It waa great sport. I was
workin' on my grandfather's farm up
about 20 miles back o' Sockamackractac.
It had been a putty hard winter, an' It
some on us an on a suaaen. it was so
id that year ye could take a cake o
an saw it up into thin slices an use
winaergiass. We glazed 32 wln-
n a aosen notDea frames with
em an raised vllets an' summer
squash under 'em. too, b'gosh. But
that ain't what I started In to tell ye.
When the spring come, an' the snow an'
Ice up in the mountains begun to get
flirtatlou with the sun, we got a
freshet for fair. I don't like to brag
none, but the flood that come down the
p'nobscot "
'Thought ye said It was the Ken
nebec?' Interrupted the Postmaster.
"You're gettin' very thoughtful' ain't
ye?" retorted the Captain. "Well, this
time you're all right, Joe. I was talkin'
of- the Kennebec. What I was savin,'
however, was that the flood that come
down the P'nobscot, an' the one that
lanched old man Noah an' his family
un me bum o puHieruy, wasn t knee
made me tired to have It brought on th'
table agin' an' I said so. I guess -1
must ha' been one o' them spiled young-
ters, necause as soon as l said that
randfather said he guessed he'd go
oragln' for a little variety."
CO
aers tt.
Sticks to Facts.
"So he took the cat-boat, I s'pose,
that ye kep' In the cornfield, an' went
crusin'T" put In the postmaster sar
castically. "If I was romancln' I might say that
he. did," said the captain calmly. "But
seeln' as I am tellln' ye nothln' but
what" happened I'm goin to stick to
the facts. He took the door o' the
cloe's closet off the hinges, fastened a
couple o' bed-slats an' thole pins Into
was sittin' waltln' for it Of course
we naa to flo without milk an' su
out arter a couple o' trials o pure coffee
we got to iiKe it, an- rrom that day to
this I ain't never used milk an" sugar
In mine, an' as far as I know, neither
has my grandfather an' my grand
mother." "I hope they're verv well an' an.
joyin' gooa health," said
gloomily.
"First rate, thank ye," aald the cap
tain cheerfully.
"Are they still lfvin' on the second
floor?" said SI Wotherspoon.
"Oh no." renlled the cantain. "At
the end of the week the watter sub
sidised, an'' things resumed their nat
eral course, but ye never see such a
Alias Isabel Irving Impresses Point
Forcibly Upon Actor's Mind.
From ;the September Bohemian.
Miss Isabel Irving; the delightful
oomedlenne. was annoyed last season
by a member of her company who per
sisted In occupying the center of the
stage at every conceivable opportunity.
This, as everyone knows, is the inalien
able right of the star. The man, who
in other respects was a most excellent
gentleman, had received hints which
should have been sufficient, but he
seemed unable to grasp them. Miss
Irving finally hit upon a plan and pro
ceeded to put it Into execution.
T V o . AVAnlnv .h. want t IK. n . n
the postmaster and said: "Mr. , I wish you would
i -
" 1
Gas
ires
-,
No sale ever equaled this one for
price reductions and varied assort
ment. Our present building is to
be torn down. In our temporary
quarters space will be valuable, so
we are
Clodng'
Out Our
Stock
of Fixtures
at Half
Regular
Cost
The most beautiful and costly chan
deliers as well as the more ordinary
sorts.
1Ee GAS COMPANY
Fifth and Yamhill Streets
oome to tne theatre tomorrow morning
at 11. I have a bit of business which
I would like to go over with you,"
The next morning Miss Irving and the
stage carpenter, whom she had pressed
into service dv a small gratuity, were
waiting when the actor appeared. Miss
Irving got right down to business.
"Win you sit nere, Mr. . t" sne
IS
asked. When he had done so she took
the carpenter, caught up a lantern and
a hammer and went beneath the stage.
There she tapped and hammered at
every conceivable point of the sta
supports. The process took at least
minutes.
When she returned she said to the
waiting Thespian: "Mr. , I have
tested every one of the supports of the
stage floor and I find that the beams
at the sides and rear "are Just as strong
as those in the center. You will there
fore be in no danger of falling through
If you keep away from the middle."
Wireless Money Lending.
From "The People and the Ponies," by
C. F. Peters In The Bohemian 'for
September.
One of the most Interesting types
tha profes-
on the American track is
sional money lender. Money lending
is aDsoiuteiy rorDiaaen, ana so tne en
tire transaction must be conducted sub
rosa, but if a person who Is "on" goes
broke, and he has some article of jew
elry of value with him. It la easy for
him to realise money on it
The lender Is an irreproachably
dressed person who sits on the grand
stand with the rest of the crowd, and
is known in his true colors only to the
habitues of the track. A man who
wants some capital makes an unobtru
sive sign to him, and twirls a ring he
may be wearing at the time. Shortly
afterward both will proceed to a restau
rant, where, for the benefit of onlook
ers, they will greet each other aa or
dinary acquaintances. The exchange is
then made over the drink they order;
the loan broker has tho ring and the
better his capital. If the latter cashes
in on the next race, ho will return tha
money and the agreed premium- and
: ma i
will receive back
ring.
A Cure for Hay Fever.
From tha Topeka Dally Capital. '
George B. Harrison of Garden Cltjr.j
who has Just begun to harvest his drop
of hay fever, aaya that he has dis
covered a aura cure for it. His remedy
Is simple, but he aays it is none tha
less effectual. It consists in not eat
ing breakfast until about 11 o'clock in
the morning. Mr. Harrison has not
taken out a patent or copyright on tha
remedy, and any on who wishes to use
It is at liberty lo do so.
Metsger A Co.. opticians, 141 Wash,
high to the torrents that flew down the
valley o' the Kennebec that spring. I
never see nothln' like it before or since.
Talk about them tidal waves in South
Americky they wasn't a bucketful o'
milk alongside o' the water that flowed
down tne Kennebec, an' wet it waa
The House Is Full of Flshh."
the side for oars, lanched the door
through the winder an' rowed off to
see what he could find. Blmeby he
came back again and said they wasn'
notnin in signt. an ne gueseed we'
have to stick to chicken until the wat
ters subsidized. The words was hardly
out o' his mouth when we heard a
terrific floppln' goin" on out In the hall
and, Igorry, when we went out to see
what It was. goshed if we didn't see a
bustin' big sammon swlmmln' around
Just over the staircase, an' flghtin' like
the dickens with a couDle of Dlck'rel.
Th' old man bust into a fit o' laughter
when he sees the fish an' turning to
grandmother he Bays, 1 guess ye must
o' left the back door open. Ma,' he says.
The house is full o' fish.' And, I gorry,
it was. I never see. such a lot of 'em,
or so many kinds o' 'em all to oncet.
There was plck'rel, an' sammon. an'
trout, an' bass, an' sturgeon till ye
couldn't count 'em. an' every mother's
son of 'em as mad 's a hornet because
they couldn't get out. Ye see the old
farmhouse had acted Jest like a net. an'
after they'd swum in the back door
through' the' kitchen into the parlor
may vouion c rind tneir way sacK. Tne
Was ketched lest as sure as if thev'i
swum into a net ThSSnly trouble waa
how -we'd ketch 'em ourselves. All our
tacKie was downstairs: but mv arahd.
mother was- a -mighty -inventive, old lady
consrderln'i her t- years, an 'it didn't
take her Ion a- tn fir mattara an'a wa
had all the fish we could eat She cut
open one o th'; nlllara an thnw a half
uuh j earners on war surrace or the
water, so's the fish would .take 'em for
xues. an:. .VDtn thav rla fnr a. anaAlr
wH-wMw-tbi top step an' scoop
.V" i" 1 r?cma lasieneq. vw to
the handle of a war ml n" nan. On too
that a half ' Annan tilna fat mfI.
ridges lookin' for a place to light (lew
in the winder an' dropped exhausted on
tha fOOt O' th had. Wall air T na
wHTn
Book
i!
17J)
"The gratitude of the people is due to the Union .Meat Com
pany for the little book on U. S. Gov't Inspected Meat. The
book should be in every family and carefully read. For my
self, from this out, whatever meat comes on my table, I will
ask, 'Is it Government Inspected,' and I will take no other."
The above is from the sincere letter of a dear old gentle
man who sent for one of the little blue books on "U. S. GOV
ERNMENT INSPECTED MEATS." He read every word
of it he brought us his answer to our query in person and
he expressed the greatest degree of appreciation for the book
and its useful information.
We were glad to meet him; we are pleased to know these
thoughtful, discerning people who seek the facts in this vitally
important matter of pure meats, and who, being convinced, act
on their conviction,
For the benefit of those who failed to secure one of tho
little blue books, we wish to state that' we have Had an extra
edition printed to present to visitors at the PURE FOOD EX
POSITION. All visitors are most cordially invited to stop at
our booth to the right as you enter and secure a copy. Ask '
for them. Or, if you prefer, drop us a card-Suite 14,'Hamil-
ton Bldg., Portland and the book will be mailed to you. '
wmm
f CdDlPMfl
U. S. Government Inspected Meats
. V
v
i
. nt 'swim Yott HomtV
lived so high la ail my Ufa as wa did