12
THE OREGON SUNDAY JOURNAL. PORTLAND. SUNDAY MORNING. AUGUST 25, - 1907.'
REMINISCENCES OF A NATURE FMER
John Kendrlck Bangs Tells a Delightful Story of a Most Wonderful Jackass
-I
AM, in allua bava bean; a flrst-
elaaa Republican,' aald 81 Woth
rspoon, helping- hlmaelf to a
handful of raisins out of the
1 bo on tha anil of the counter,
tnit;l mutt aar that If the next na
- tlonai convention puta a nater faker
plank In tha platform I'll be ort of
VP traa. I 'think th president means
aJl right, but aometlmes he 'pears to
ma to apeak a little bit haaty.
; "O-oaalonally he doea,' aald the cap
tain. '"Not often. preaps, but often
' tnouah to keep thing xln' tome."
, "Now,-In the nnter faker proclama
tion & hie." oontlnued St. "he don't
mention that there stoy o' Balaams aaa.
an' yet It aeeraa to me he tnleht of.
lust aa reasonable aa plokln' a feller up
. for eajrln" thst an enraged rabbit chewed
up th" vermiform appendix of a buffalo
, that had Invaded the sandy of hla
bome."
"Yon don't aem to aee that that
there Balaam's aaa was a miracle, St."
aid tha postmaster, loyally, flying aa
It was one day when he waa"1 down to
Boston when a couple o' steers paaaln'
up Tremont street was cooked all
through before they'd irone two blocks
so that the guests o' tne Parker house
come nut an' got their roast beef on
the Moor. 'No, nays I, 'It wasn t aa hot
ss that. Hut likewise that was a cool
day compared to the one we had here
In August 1892, when we picked baked
apples right off the tree back o' the Ice
house, an1 my ther'momter In th' cellar
m no rasi n piuggea a nole through
the kitchen floor in' went straight on
up through the roof an" perched on the
ciumoiy ror ten minutes before dlsap
pear In' In the clouds.' "
"Whst'd ha say to thatr laughed 81.
"Nothln." aald , the captain. He
looked at me out o' the corner o' his
eyes, an' ambled off up the atreet. an'
disappeared round the turn leadin'
down to the beach."
Talks of Lightning.
"He prob'ly thought you was Ivln'
to btm, an' took offense," suggested
tha postmaster.
"Np, I don't think ao, because he
hull minutes when I said that but hla
frlanHa araan't n'lln'larlv DleSSed an
made off up to the hotel where they
was etablln. Ha sort o' lingered
around a If he hadn l naa qun-
ennugh, an' after awhile he snye:
'Any shootln' around here?"
Well,' says I, 'it all depends upon
what ye calf shootln'." If ye want deer
an' pahtrldge. they ain't as plenty as
they used to be. but If you'd like to
bring down a few shuffers ye can sei
right down nere in my yum n vv
by the doon. 'an' I (Wry,' I says 1 11
lend you my gun f do It with. 'W hat s
shuffers?' nays he. ' Bhuffers Is little
hmaa nwnik !' save I. 'that these here
summer folks on their way from Bos
ton to Bar Harbor hires to run their
ottormobylea 'O.' nays ne. you
moan whow-foors." 'Oh, do Ir I says.
Well, teat vou bag a couple o doaen
wnn my uni uiunuei uua, h j m
I won't quarrel about how to pro
nounce em. . .
'Do you opjeck to the ouermoDyier
he says. "I object to anythin- mat
i .I. 1 1
maaei my Jiower Knrurii amen nj a.
gashouse,' says I. 'runs over my hena
without ao much as a word of sorrer.
an' turns the occasional visit o' tha
WSiy
iil taw a
ttraclive tomes?
It's so easy when vou use Gadsbv's modern credit svstem. which reauires but tt small payment each week or
month only a dollar or two and really before you realize it, and without missing the money, you have comf
pictciy paiu ior a nne ouuit, uur stock emDraces liter any everyinin ior uic nwnc , any graac at any price;
things suitable for a cottage or palace. All are made right and sold right, and you can pay cash or have the
most liberal credit.
, -
" "It Took Ma Between tha Shoulders.'
Into a beautiful an' I
fragrant mem'ry.' II
I Then that jackass begun an' told me Ei
CHAMBER .SETS
RLDUCLD
If you are looking for a good bed
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41 OAA For this substantial
PlO.UU chamber suit, bevel
plate glass, well finished and durable.
Extraordinary Carpet Values
Here is the opportunity you have been waiting for. ' To
morrow morning we will sharpen up our bargain knife and
go through the Carpet Department, making deep cuts in all
prices. Don't fail to take advantage of this otter, come
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perb stock of hieh erade Carpets ia at your mercy. You
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'New Advance Fall Patterns
in Carpets
R7yal Axminsters, yard. $1.60
Wilton Velvets, yard f 1.60
Burlington Velvets, yard. $1.25
Philadelphia Mills Brus'l.f 1.05
Smith's Tapestry Brussels. .90
Arlington Extra Ingrain. $1.00
Penrose 2-ply Ingrain 90
Union Ingrains 55
Granite Ingrains B0a
Cork Carpet fl.tO
Inlaid Linoleum ...$1.80
English Linoleum .TO
Oilcloth, best 50
Japanese Matting 25
Panama Matting 40
Chinese Matting 20
RUGS
Firth Brussels, 9x12, each..$20 Tapestry, 8:3x10:6....
Smyrna, reversible, 9x12... $
Ingrains, All Sizes, at Bottom Prices
...$18
CHIFFONIERS
RLDUCLD
Coma to aee ua for your Chiffonier.
We will ahow you a vaat range of
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carry In atock at all tlmea tha new
eat and moat up-to-date noveltlea in
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here exclusive denlgne. Be aura and
look over our atock before buying.
We offer you a bargain here today.
For thla handaome and
highly finished Chif
fonier, bevel plate glaaa
$15.00
mirror.
. tn doty bound te tha defenee of the
administration. "That fact makes all
the difference they la In the world.
Descendants of Balaam.
Tbat'B rtght too aald 81. "But If
tnlraclea waa allowed In them days.
why ain't miracles allowed in these
here tlmea T I tiiave a aort o' feelln'
' way down In my lnsldeg that If a thing
that ain't possible kin happen once lt'a
just posalble that some otheft things
that ain't possible kin happen 'later on.
Therefore when I near a feller tell
atory that seems to me to bulk up
nretty fat an' thick aa I sometimes
does'' this with a graceful wave of hla
hand toward the captain "I don't set
; Mm down aa a brother of old Annynias,
but aa a lln'al descendant o' Balaam.
Nobody aat him fer afterdavlta provln'
came back the next afternoon about
the aame time," said the captain. "lie
atopped at the gate jest as h did
before, an' stlckln' his nose over th
fence he ast me if we had much light
nin' around here. 'Yes.' savs I. Thn
is, they have a lot o' what thev on
Ughtnln' around here, but It ain't knee
nigh to a Katydid lnnRRlrie o' th
llghtnln they have further no th
coasi. An men i told him about
aireaK mat come nionx one night on
my lathers farm ud back o' Har Hir
bor, an stayed with us for five full
days. Most llghtnin comes like
flash, does what It has to do and dla
appears,' 1 says to him. 'But this hero
streak took a fancy to a sixty aero
the truth o' his atory, an' I don't notice
that anybody in high office here ever
crabbed noic o mm by the collar an
ahook the sawdust out o him as a
natrallat"
"There a a lot in what ye say. SI.
aald the captain, "but ye've chose the
rons: atory to bang the pint on.
There- warn't nothln extryord'nary
about that there story o' Balaam's. If !
ye'd took the atory o' . Daniel In th
.lion's den, or that one about the bedrsM
tnat come out an eat ud the bald-
headed man ''
'They eat tip the children. Can. said
tha postmaster, ''for callln' the old fel
ler bald-headed."
"That a ao ya forgot just now that
said tha captain. " I m renin" a
little rusty In my history they're mak-
ln' ao much that's new these daya.
Anyhow. 81'a p'lnt 'd be stronger if he'd
brought In either o' them tales than It
la with the etory o Balaam a aaa.
Jackass That Talked.
"I don't see why," said the poatmas
ter. "There's lots o' men who haven't
,been eat by hungry Hons, an' plenty o
klda that has been eat by bears, but
hn tuMa Rifnaiti mar hnrj an aaa away on It for five days, at
- A " - I n. V. nk I. V. n 1. . . . 1 1
Hs Brayed for Two Hull Minutes."
an kep workln'
th
make remarks T'
"I have;" -eald the captain.
"You? cried the postmaster.
Where r
"In this here town last summer," aald
'the captain.
"Humph!" ejaculated the postmaster.
.incredulously. "Whafd he talK anoutT"
"Pretty nigh everythln" under the
"WhenT
tract o' woods we had
end. of
down nil
the trees, burnt the timber, trunk,
branch an' stump, an' then plowed up
the field -ao's we was able to sow it
with corn when he'd got the Job fin
ished an' dlsaDDeared.' Kver hen
struck?" says he. 'Yes. sava I. 'doz
ens of times. Last time It hit me was
summer before last. I was settln'
right where I am now talkln' to an
other jackass, when a bolt seven
Inches wide come In the kitchen door,
through the house an' right out here
right behind me. It took me betweon
the shoulders and when It cot
throuah. I found mvself net-
tin' on the deck of a lumber schooner!
seven miles orr York Harbor, makin'
for Boston an' without a scratch, an'
pullln away on my clay pipe, which,
by the way. the llghtnln' had lit. I
havln' only jest filled it when the bolt
come along.' 'That's goln' some," says
he. Td hate to be struck like that my-
seir. xou ain t in no danger," says I
Ughtnln never strikes brass.' "It
killed old Annynias. savs he. Yes.
Bays I. That's one reason why I ain't
afeard of it.' 'Because it never strikes
in the same place twice" says he.
No, says I, because I ain t made o
the same moral material.' says I. 'An1
then he moved on again."
midnight skunk
fragrant mem'ry.'
Then that jackass begun an' told me
what a blessln' them ottermobyles waa
to the farmer. How It brought people
Into our midst, who bought our egs
an' butter, an" patternlzed our road
houses, an' eat our doughnuts. 'May
be so", aays I. 'Maybe so! But I ain't
noticed that I ever ast to have any
people come Into my midst My midst
ain't more 'n mlddlln' strong any ways,"
I saya, 'an' It's got all It can do di
gestln' Its own troubles without bur
denin" Itself with the trials of the
gasolene aristocracy from the cities.
As for the butter'n eggs,' I says, "all
the butter n eggs they consume la the
butter they spread on the country side,
an' the eggs they scramble In the high
way when their chariots o' fire bump
into our waggins groin' around turns at
40 miles an hour. They's profit In that,
an' I ain't sayin' that some o' th' farm
ers up round here don't load their wag
gins an' sort o' lay around wallln' to
be run into for the sake of a oulck sale.
but that sort o' thing don't breed no
permanent prosperity.'"
you was dead right about that." snM
SI Wotlierspoon. "I've tried It mylaslf.
an It don t pay, conslderln' the time
ye lose waltln' for an ottermobyle to
come an' bump ye."
Jackass on Prosperity.
'Tain't good business, anyways," said
the captain. "An' I said as much to
that there jackass, an' then he launched
out Into a long-distance talk on pros
perity in general; how much more real
money they was in clrcylation than
they used to be; what a boon to the
country the trusts was, until finally I
got so gol-derned tired o' th' sound of
his voice that I went to sleep, an'
when I woke up he'd gone."
An' ye mean t' tell us that this waa
real Jackaas!" observed the post
master scornfully.
wen. ye can ludce ror yourself."
said the captain. 7,The last talk I had
with him was on the sublect o' this
here postoffioe. He said it was the
worst run. all-firedest slowest, most ln-
comp'tent, eighteenth-class rural slow
dellverv shootln' match he ever see in
his life. He said the postage stamps
he sold here was stale, an' left a tante
like sour Ippycack In your mouth when
ye licked 'em. He said his newspapei
nine times out o' ten was covered with
m'lasses when they was delivered, an'
that half his letters smelt o' kerosene
oil, an' th' other half o' dried herrln's.
n" he thought It was a disgrace to the
country to have a fed'ral Institution as
important as the costoffice run an a
ide issue to a run-down, tattered nn'
leaky old combination of a arocerv an'
ancy notion store In charae o' some
old moss-back of a farmer that didn't
now the difference between a mall
bag and a keg o' nails."
1 . 4-S'S:-S.;
Dresser Priced Low
We will trust you. It is no longer necessary
for you to wait until you have all the money re
quired to make what purchases you need in the
furniture line, we will trust you. You. can pay
us part down and the balance in easy payments.
In this way you will receive the benefit of the
use of the furniture and at the same time you
will not miss the money so much. By this
method we have helped to furnish a great many
homes. Will you let us help you?
Today we offer you at
Baby Buggies and Go
Cart Values
$16.00
This attractive and highly finished Dresser in
white maple and ash antique.
We desire to call the
attention of those who
are blessed with little
ones to the beautiful
Go-Carts and Car
riages w'e carry in
stock. Babies are like
sprouts, which nature
makes to grow, they
must have plenty of
fresh air and sunshine.
We offer you a chance
to do this at a great
saving.
$11.50
For this adjustable Go
Cart, velour upholstery.
Others as low as $2.75
Brass Beds
We've the largest assortment of Brass Beds in
the city.
Prices from $30 to $100
Iron Beds as low as $3.
OUR
There la noth
ing, however
small, which
goes from this
store but what
carries our
stamp of satis
faction with It
not only rep
resenting our
guarantee for
the Tightness
of the goods,
but for the
uniform fair
ness of our
prices.
We count this
guarantee o f
absolute satis
faction, and the
confidence it
begets, as the
basis of our
success.
Special Sale Cur
tains, Portieres, Ltc.
un- N.
for N
positively
Fine goods for
Wonderful values,
matchable elsewhere,
little money.
fiO pairs Nottingham Lace Curtains,
yards long; regular $1.75; spe
cial at. per pair SI. 25
170 pairs Nottingham Curtains, 8 Via
1H yards; regular $2.60; special at,
P" Pair 1.75
73 pairs Ruffled Net Curtains; fine
heavy net, with handsome lace Inser
tion and edge; regular $4; this week
at, per pair S2.50
100 pairs genuine Irish Point; $6
frade. reduced to, per pair...g4.50
6 pairs Point Arabe; new advance
styles. $12; now at, per palr.ft9.00
60 pairs Calais Curtains; very high
grade; sell regularly at $16. $12 and
$10; choice of line SS.50
26 pairs Ottoman Tapestry Portieres;
handsome, reversible goods, trimmed
with deep fringe; regular $6 goods,
at S3. 75
60 pairs Bordered Tapestry Portieres
the newest stock style, with applique
work; $12 kind, now at S9.UO
75 pairs Two-Tone Tapestry Por
tieres; reversible, fringed In floral
and geometrical designs; $5 kind,
20 paira Odd Tapestry' PoYtlefes'to
close out. regular $8 kind, in steel
blue and pale pink only, cut to.f2.50
Blamed Hot.
canopy." aald the captain. "I think I
must o bad a doen talks with him off
an' on through the summer. The first
thing he apofca about waa the Weather,
j waa settln' out In front o' my house
one afternoon, an' this here jackas
cam browaln" along the road, an'
when 'h see me he atopped in front o'
the gate an' said it waa blamed hot.
YesTaaya I, 'but It ain't a hot aa it
was in he nummer of 1887, when one '
rny hena fell into the well. x an' laid
hurdbolied ree tor mix weeks after
wards.' lie elKtwed that that was putty
Brings Friends to Calt
'He was a pretty clever ass, seems
to me," said the postmaster.
"He thought so himself," aald the
captain. "Anyhow he thought he was
smart enough to come back again a
couple o' days later an' bring; two of
his friends with him. 'Good afternoon.'
says he, with an asslnlne grin an' a
wink at the other two. 'Is it,' says 1
1 ain t noticed the weather ' 'Mv frlenria
an' I have come around to nsk hnv
the lobsters is runnln' this year,' he
says. un. have ye?' says I. Well. I
cant exackly say ye might ask your
friends to give an' exhibition run up
an down the road, an' ye can see for
yi,urlf' 0n,ljp'' l- 'ye'd better not
!7,?.m Svy kltcn ye with 'em.'
K.-t Tom Beevy got to do with it?'
ne asKs. He the town constable,' says
JrfJiS. 2 . bird's eye view o' your
friends I m afraid thev'ra unrior ai.
Tell be fine ISO for hv)n' -m
Jiot, tut t U4tt-jt. think it jvm as lot: uw. pmcsatoaj. braced! Xo tw
Give Undertakers a Show.
"He said that, did he!" aald the post
master, flushing up.
"Them was his exact words," said the
captain. "An' he added that the next
time he was down In Washington he
was goln' f speak to the authorities
and ask 'em if they couldn't change
their historic policy of puttln' postof
fices in groceries an' give th' undertak
ers, an vuiage DarDers a chance at the
treasury.
"All right. Cap," said the postmaster
rising. "Ye've proved your p'lnt. He
was a good all round Jackass, all
right."
"Yes, sir, he waa." said the captain.
"And a derned Intelligent one, too."
"Yea," said the postmaster. "An' I
guess the president's surrounded hv
that kind sown in Washln'ton, too." s.
"I auess ne is,- oDserved the cunt at n
"They have 'em pretty much every
where nowadays."
"An' they're incurable." said the post
masrer. "As long as a jackass has four
legs there's hope for him. but the two
legged kind with a big mouth and a pin
head-r-O, -well, what's the use? They're
too common to be considered extryor-
dinary."
"Yes, . they be," agreed the captain.
"Maybe that's the reason the president
didn't think It was wuth while"" to rake
old Balaam over the coals, Joo. J auess
be knew U bread." ...... .
K Fail, i .' .:.. ,.'TTW
Turkish Leather Up
holstered Rockers
Leader Range
All are guaranteed for 10 years. Leader
Range, with high closet and duplex grate,
spring balanced oven doors. Ihis is a
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made of the best quality cold-rolled steel;
adapted for coal or wood; oven thor
oughly braced and-bolted; asbestos lined
throughout; elaborately nickel trimmed;
section plate top; Gadsby's tijOO AA
special price v)JaUU
SHARPLY
RLDUCLD
Rockers like these
ae the acme of lux
urious ease. These
comfortable chairs can
now be bought at
sharply reduced prices.
$65 Turkish leather Rocker
reduced to S 57.00
$57 Turkish leather Rocker
reduced to 848.00
$50 Turkish leather Rocker
reduced to ...842.50
$47 Turkish leather Rocker
reduced to 839.00
$45 Turkish leather Rocker
reduced to 935.00
$40 Turkish Jeather Rocker
reduced to 832.00
$35 Turkish leather Rocker
reduced to 827.50
f- u
MFFM u
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m&&tfm i
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If , IW j
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Combination Book
case and Desk
Combination Bookcase and
Desk, solid oak
SPECIAL $22.50
Others as low as $16.50
No Rent To Pay, That's Why We Sell for Less"
: . ; .--, 1 - ; -a
, . -