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THE OR2GON SUNDAY JOURNAU 'PORTLAND, SUNDAY MOILING, . AUGUST 13, 1CC7.
REL1IU1SCEUCES OF A MATURE FAKER
John Kendrlck Bangs Writes on Hawks and Hawks
j ' "H aVcpa a flvt pounder.1 ' ' V ; . 1-S
Copyright, HOT. by Joseph B. Bowie.
KIND o' think." Bl Wotherspoon
vu saying as I Joined the com
pany at the postoffloe the other
night, "that all Mrda Is highway
robbers whether they be the hu
man kind that we calls jail blrda or Jest
plain crowa like that feller Jim. the
CaptAln was tellln' us about little
while back. They'll all steal If ye five
'em a chance.".
-That all depends on the way ye
look at It, 81." said the Captain. "The
way I measure a thief la whether be
steals Jeet for the fun o" deprivln' some,
body else o' what he's got, or does It
because be needs what he takes In bis
business. A feller like that crow o'
mine that rune off with a lady's powder
puff that ain't nateraly any use to him,
an 'does It out o pure cussedneas Is a
thief. There ain't anything- he can do
vrWti a powder puff, because powder
puffs eln't rood eatln . He don't tase it
era use he thlnka mayDO ne u De aar. o
a bird ball aomewnerea, an wants to
mnke people admire bis beautiful com
plexion. If be stole a blackln' brush ye
might credit him with a desire to keep
his feathers polished up. an' hlsself
lookln' Ilk a first-class self-respectln'
crow, but when he gets down to a
winder an' swipes a bottle o' tooth
wash off the burey ye know ' derned
well that he's not h In' but a low down
ordinary second-story bird without no
conscience, an' filled with a mad de
sire to annex other people's property.'
"WelL now. s'pose ye take 'em plg-
back lot with oats three weeks ago, an'
I hadn't more'n got 'em on the ground
when them derned critters come flop
pin ecroet th' road, an sot flown there,
an' eat up every blamed "oatfd put out
IT ye call that stealln' or jest nateral
enterprise!" , .. ..
Pigeons Fond of Oats.
"It'a enterprise." said . the , Captain.
"Nature has provided them pigeons with
a taste for oats, an' when they see you
sort o settln" the table for 'em to come
over an' have a. anack o lunch,- they
come, an' they take what's set before
'em without grumblln', an' with no more
.Idee In their minds that ther ain't doln'
what you exoected 'em to do than If ye'd
put It on a plate en' took It to em.
: Now If Joe hlsself had come over, an'
swen' Ihnu nuts un Into a, baa, an took
'em to his yard an' fed 'em to his Pig
Ann V. ha' K,an In ktkiiu
Joe knows better, even it be la'a faat'ral
Officeholder." . -- --.
.."I see." bald 81. "but I think ha owes
me a perk of oats lest th' same, an' I
sorry, if them pigeons shows their pesky
bills on my lot agln I'll 1 11 " f
-iou u receipt -em. enr" laughed the
'I'll blow their derned heads
sail 81. with considerable heat.
"That'll be lest right," observed the
poetmaster, quietly. Tvs told them
ngeons to Keep otr your place, an' If
her don t do aa I tell 'em to. shoot 'em
8i. I'll sell ye the gunpowder to do it
"Ton win, anyhow, seems to me," said
81, sulkily. "What ye'd ought to do la
to look after your pigeons yourself, -an'
make 'em stay home."
"That's right' too," said the Imper
turbable postmaster. - "I'd ought to
write to the postmaster-general an' tell
htm that the affairs of the administra
tion in this town '11 have to go to pot
because I've got to spend my time shoo
In' pigeons off your half-acre oat patch.
I tell ye right now they's more money
In keepia' an eye on the American eagle
than there la in lookln' after a few dosen
local squabs. Mr. Silas Wotherspoon.2
"Then I ain't got no redress,'1 aald
"Ten, ye have, an ye get It every day
ye keep hens." retorted the postmaster.
"The oats my pigeons has eat In your
ysrd ain't wuth half the peas an' beans
your rooster chews up in my truck gar
den every morn In' of his life but I'm
wlllln' to call It sqnare. This life ain't
much more 'n a sort o mutual forbear
ance s'clety anyhow." - ,,
They's Hawks and Hawks.
And thus was a truce declared. '
"Birds haa got to live." aald the Cap
tain after good-fellowship had been re
stored In a dlpperful of root beer all
around, "an' while It makes me madder
'n a hornet sometimes th' way they have
of sm'oopln' down e-n a day'a work an
efllln' It, I'm blamed If I ran blame 'em
i he bird ketches the grain, the farmer
W-n-hes the birds, an' the tax assessor
t't'oci the farmer, an' the grand Jury
i. i. hes the tax assessors, an' so it
i hen ye wouldn't shoot a hawk that
nn on took a couple o' your
r,r,g pullets, eh?" said the post-
t' ry's hawks an' hawks.' aald
i -i. "Thevs honest hawks, an'
i . -"t hwks, lust like they's
j i . n' men that s crooked."
I i ik s fw one on me."
iiii'T wild a dubious
kf-i'li one o' them
!.).' ri' Hie ('"intry n' open
i n ) 1 -oas!i.n ta re
mark before," said the Captain calmly,
"if Intelligence waa in demand In run-nin'-th'
affairs o' this nation there'a a
hull lot more plowln' 'd be done by
fourth-clgaa postmasters all - over the
land, an' specially In this here state. But
they a altera one good thing about you
poatofflce fellera. Ye can always be
teached suthln' ye never beard on before,
an' soma real 18 ksrat Information in
regard to hawks Is comln' to ye now."
"Go ahead," said Joe. 'Tm wlllln'- to
learn. I her a thirst for information,"
Swiped Poultry. :
"Anybody could ( tell that by the way
ys read all the postal cards that pasaes
through thla hero postofflce," retorted
the captain." T callate there ain't none
o 'em escapee that eagle eye o yourn.
I've had two different experlencea with
hawks in my day, an' theVve teached
me the truth & what I aays. that they's
honest hawks an' dishonest hawks. The
first one was a feller who used to ply
his trade o' awlpin' poultry up beck o'
Portland when I lived up there. Me an'
mother waa young then, an' we apent
most of our time raisin' ehlrkens. It
was a profitable business in them daye.
The boardln' house keepers along the
Maine coast hadn't discovered then that
ye can make chicken salad out of veaL
an' that chicken aoup good enough for
a Bummer boarder to eat can be got by
eitin a nen set oetween tne sun an a
Dot o bllln' water, so'a hsr shadder will
flavor the ensooin' soup. Folks bought
Chickens enough to make It wuth while
to raise 'em, an' mother 'n mo made a
pretty fair llvln' out of 'em. Well, of
course, like everybody else, we suffered
' V ,-' ' '., ' ... (. - - l ,'. .
some from hawks, ' an ono big feller
p'tlo'larly get-away with a number o'
nice Juicy spring pullets I aet a lot o'
store on. He'd come along Jest before
night, ones a week, most generally on
Thursday afternoon, aa I remember It;
swoop down on the hen yard, seise, the
fattest-lookln' feller he could nad an'
o aoarin' off in the air with mm. Aa
sava I sot nrettr mad about it. an'
beln' young I swore eome. an' finally I
mads ud my mind Mr. Hawk 'd have to
dle Bo I got out my ahotgun an filled
her a-ood an' full with oowder an' nails
I didn't happen to have no shot handy
an' set down an' waited. I waited
a hull week an' then he come along, but,
I gorry. Jest 'a I was drawln' a line on
Mm. he drone a five-pound codfish right
atop o' me, so that when I pulled the
trigger my aim went kind o" wild an'
I didn't hit no thin' but the codfish."
"Where'd he get the codfish T" de
manded 81 Wotherspoon. . ?
Alao Caught Pishes.
"Out o' the sea, of course." said the
Captain. "He was a fish-hawk as well
as a chicken-hawk. It never occurred
to me at the tlffle that the feller had
any other object ,in droppln'. that there
flan on to me than to spile my aim, so
next time he come along I was on the
lookout agin that tries, out tnia time
he awooned rigntnown in rront or tne
kitchen door an' laid a bus tin' big shad
on the door step, aa p'llte aa you please.
ainn t oast lire at nint mere ror rear
hlttln' mother. Of course aha hol
lered en' I run up to the house aa tight
s i couin go an while l waa aoin- mat
Mr. Hawk flies over to the chicken
yard, in', helps hlsself to his dinner.
That night after wed eat the shad for
supper . mother remarked that It -was
sort of Impreaaln' Itself upon her mind
that that there bird wanted to do the
aquare thing by us. on' waa tryln to
pay for the chickens he took In fish,
an betn as 1 waa thlnkln' very much
the same thing myeeif 1 didn't -as no
causa to dlepute It, an' we declded-not
to shoot him the next time he came
round, but Jeat to lie low su' see. Well,
Ir, sure enoush. the next week, near
suudowa Thursday ajgnt, we heard a
packln" at the door an on . openln' It
there on the sill we found Jest about
the slickest lookln Spanish inack'rel y'
ever aot your two eyes on. . He was
a perfect beauty an' so fresh that he
waa still drlppln' water an' floppln' his
tall, showtn' that he'd only Jest been
caught. I'd hardly picked him up from
the doodstep when a terrlflo squakln'
down In the chicken yard showed that
Mrv'Hawk waa goln' keerfully over my
poultry stock like a first-class house
keper doln' her marketing an' blmeby
we so him flyln' off through the air
with another pullet in bis claws.
-went .that way -all summer long.
Every time he took a bird he brought
a fish, an' when tho season was over,
an' mother an' me come to flgger It
out. it wasn't ten cents one way or th'
other whether him or us had the best
o' th' bargain. Aa I remembered It,
he'd took $27.68 wuth o' poultry an' had
left ua 127.75 wuth 0' fish, ao that
really we was seven cents ahead of tho
SXnlt," ; r -y .. .;
Knows On. Honest Hawk. .' ,
1 "Which Of courae yo held In trust for
him agin another year," said tho postmaster.'",.-
I-.-i : -' v.'.
. "Not accordln' t due process o' tho
law,", replied . the "captain. . "I ' never
d rawed up a regular morglgde on my
flacs in his favor for that amount,-but
tell ye right' now. If ho ever comes
back an' aaka for that T cents. I gorry,
I'll give It to htm. But that ain't the
p'lnt. The p'lnt la that they la, or haa
been, one honest hawk In the-world, an'
I gueaa maybe that If they's one like
that they'a a lot mors If ya only have
the luck to find 'em."
"I never knew a chicken hawk to go
near tho water before," said 81 Wother
spoon. t ...
"Mo neither, agreed tho captain. "I
guess maybe - thla feller waa a cross
breed o' chicken an' fish hawk; While
he paid hla bills reglar, an' always in
advance I -never got close enough to
blm to ask him about his father and
"It's a' pity," aald tho postmaster.
Tf ye- could only get an afterdavy
ahowln' that his father an' mother was
& different famiiiea tho story'd have
a better chance when tho president hears
"That experience got me Interested
In hawks," said the captain, "an ex
plains how I come to find tho crooked
est hawk In the business the next sum
mer. Of courae, after meetln' with the
first feller I kind & welcomed 'em when
they come the year after. I didn't want
t shoot to shoot 'em fdr fear o klllln'
a good customer, so for a little while
I gave them a free hand on my place,
an' set sround makln' notes o their
habits. Well, one momln' in June the
followln' year up comes a tremendous
big feller, an' begins to taks the usual
bird's ye view V the chicken yard, and
then. I gorry, he swoops down an grabs
a settln' hen - right off her nest, and
files away with her. I follered -4he cusa
an' discovered where he lived, up on a
big rock back ' Pete Nichols woods,
I was so derned Interested In the species
that it aort o faa'nated mo to watch
him. He eat tip the old mother hen,
and then flew off to the westward eome
place, an' I 'went back home. .' Next
momln" bright an early I waa waked
up by an awful cacklln' goln' on down
there In the chicken yard, an'. I gorry,
what d' ye suppose I found when I got
down there?" , .
This Ont a Pirate. ... .J,-.tj,:
"A check for $4 to pay for then, put
in the postmaster. .
- "No, airreel" ejaculated ' tho captain.
"There wasn't nothln' -so honest about
that second hawk. Ho was a pirate, he
was. He'd' come back for the errs the
old hen had been settln' on, an' by the
time I'd got my elo'es on an' got down
to tho yard he'd got his clawa on ths
nest an' was apeedln' off home with
'em, an' he never spilled an egg. I
follered him again, an' when I got np
to wnere nia nest waa I ciimoeo a tree,
so's I could look down into It an' see
what he was doln. an', by gum, sir, he
was settln' on them egge hlsself. Tee,
sir. Jest like sn old mother hen, an' he
set there till he'd batched thee all out,
an' aa fast aa them baby chickene d pop
out o their shells he'd eat 'em, an' when
he got through with that bunch ho went
back an' tried the game all over again,
but I waa too smart for him. I put
a lot o chlnv errs in the nest neat
an', I tell ye I had a good laff when I
aee him aoarin' away with them."
What become of him finally" asked
81 Wotherspoon. "D ye kill himr
"I didn't need to,'" aald the oaptaln.
"The peeky old cuea died o" starvation
waltln' for them chlny egge to batch.''
At this point tne mall came In and
the postmaster's business caused the
adjournment of ths meeting. i
''Well," he said, as be unlocked the
bag, 'If them stories Is true yo've
proved your p'lnt. They Is hawks an' I
hawks!" - -
"You bet tney oe.- said the captain.
An' like us humsn beln's thev's divided
up between the common people an' the
frensv finance crowd a p'lnt that had
ought to make my discovery a most In
terestln' one to the present honored
lessee o' the shoes o' Washington. JeXIer
on aa' G rover Clovslaad,t
stamp of satisfaction with it not onlv reoreacnt
-"our prices. We count this jjuarantee of absolute satisfaction and confidence it begets as tne basis of our success.
i, in every way, in everything always. There's nothing, however small, which goes from this store but what carrier our ,
np of satisfaction with it not only representing our guarantee for the rightness of goods," but for the uniform fairness of
fii ' :: ::: i I :"- !?
1 I '
'- -; - "
Weathered oak is the wood used. And GadibyV. hiTs complete -
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leather .ae'afi," Sideboards, China,"Cabineta,' Serving '.Tables, Morria . ;
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... 'i 4lln--tpr j.,.-,.--...! .... s .i.
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''rAtn Awan SaA a f Aannftt Sk - tam
SMALLER RUGS IN -PROPORTION.
. . - . . . l- 'b S . SB t TJ ISXHHO, IIIBUV VI IIISJ VCB. UUBT.t(V
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Parlor Suit, 5 pieces, beautifully finished in rich dark mahogany,
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